Pretend Campers

Deep in the Heart of the Lone-Star state, it is like a whole nother world Y’all.  Waiting on some Hurricane by the name of Bob to roll thru.  You know, life is just chocked full of weather surprises this year.  At first I thought it was “a Mexican Roofers conspiracy, but now I am thinking … That Damn Al Gore … anything to make a point.”

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Afternoon Winds Of Spring

twisterA little late with my hauling today, had a doctor’s appointment this morning and that kind of set the tone for the day.  Another visit to the VA such a depressing place but we will not go there.

Let’s try this instead.

Oklahoma’s fickle weather spirit is again teasing us, kind of nice, trees are blooming, you can walk five feet, before sneezing. But we know that could change in an instant. Once again, Mother Nature is doing her best to lick us into shape. Putting forth her finest effort to make us ready or presentable, much like a mother bear or father bear with new cubs.

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I WANT TO ROAM

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Third day of persistent fog, you would think we are in London or something.  Anywho, I am tired of it.

Lack of sunshine has a tendency to change my outlook on life.  Always has and I suppose it always will.  I could use a little sunshine, a little less Christmas Muzak, and a stiff belt of something.

Another thing is I am not getting outside much, getting so fat, this spring I will be able to sell shade at our annual garage sale.

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Came out here to check on the space heaters, do not want to have to buy a water pump like I had to do a couple of years ago.  I am looking at the old hoopie and it has my juices flowing, I want to get out on the road and fly!

To roam at will … I want to be westbound and down, six on the floor, the other foot out the door, in the smart aleck lane, styling down the boulevard.

Aint gonna happen.

Before gainful employment corrupted my life, I used to delight in long solo drives back to the Midwest to check up on the Rust Belt of America. Now I find that I am relegated to writing letters to the editor, to have them edited for content, brevity and perhaps, temporary insanity.

Reading E-mails from AT&T that state: “Your telephone bill is ready; please check online at” ……. as if I was anxiously expecting that and/or waiting in great anticipation for it.

Or …. “In order to register your new domain name, it will be necessary for YOU to provide US with this, and that, yadda-yadda, blah-blah.  Soon the kids will be here to collect their Christmas lucre and that one kid will say something like:  I love what you’ve done with your hair. How do you get it to come out of the nostrils like that?”  The little prince of scratch n sniff, he is my favorite one of the bunch.

Guess I will slink back in there and watch a little TV. 

When I see ads on TV with smiling, happy housewives using a new cleaning product, the only thing I want to buy are the meds they must be on.  One last thing, “The key to every relationship is honesty. Honesty. Honesty. Honesty. Honesty. … Gonna keep typing this until she stops looking over my shoulder.”

C’mon Sunshine!

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Current Conditions

Oklahoma Dirt Road

“I try my best to understand her current condition, which is quite frankly, often beyond me … “

The wife is stomping around the house and she is not happy.  What is that old expression?  “If Mama aint happy … No one is happy?”  The dog, who has seen all of this before, knows it is a good time to go outside.  She walks to the back of the kitchen, whines and scratches at the door jamb, I let her out.

At least she can go outside, I have to stay right here.

Again my bride makes another quick pass thru the kitchen, she is on a mission, a self-induced tirade of sorts.  Clearly agitated and somewhat bent out of shape, I give her free reign at the refrigerator and allow her to pass.

Not always being the sharpest knife in the drawer I am able to figure out all by myself, that the weather is playing an important part of this scenario.  She keeps muttering something about “30% chance of thunderstorms, I had this to do, I wanted to do that, and now they are telling me a 30% chance of thunderstorms?”

Funny, how something as trivial as the weather, can lead to a life trigger on a somewhat non-de-scrip day in Oklahoma.

I try my best to understand her current condition, which is quite frankly, often beyond me, slowly I approach her (this is always the best route to take, a slow cautious, somewhat careful approach) a technique I learned during the PMS days.  Which if you are a man, stands for “Pack My Suitcase! 

I look at her and say gently …. “Hon, a 30% chance of rain, is also a 70% chance of sunshine.”

This works, she calms down a little, let’s it soak in and then says …. “Yeah, right.”

It is not often easy being the keeper of the community sanity in my neck of the woods, it is a tough job, but someone has to do it.  Attack the problem, with a take no prisoners attitude often works quite well too.  And then, there is always the old drop to the floor and play dead routine.  But that seldom works, she is wise to that one after some thirty-years of marriage.

I walk over to the cabinet, fetch me a empty cup and head for the coffee maker.  Much like the dog, I know it is best to get outside, fresh cup of Joe in my hand, I head for my shop.  Checking the sky, there isn’t a cloud in sight … It is going to be a good, good day.

OOO

Photo Credit:  Tau Zero  Good Stuff Check It Out.

A Note From Joey

Email of the Week: 

Don’t understand the “jamokes” that write and/or add stuff to our “daily rag” here in Stockton, but this’n caught my eye this a.m. regarding your “fly-over” state.

Seems that ol’ Texas had been bragging that THEY had the hottest temperatures here recently, but NOTSOFAST says the bubble headed blonde weather person in Oklahoma !  It seems that y’all beat ’em out by afew degrees, and alas, our daily rag failed to add the numbers into the article!!!

Joey

We were hotter than Texas if anyone cares.

In case you are interested here is the link.

Heat really isn’t news around here, happens every year, in August it will get so hot that the asphalt will start to melt and that is no exaggeration.  They are predicting that this year will be a banner year as far as the heat is concerned.  So it appears that we are in for another one.

All of the Purple Martins showed up late this year, they mated, taught the youngsters how to hunt and fly, and have now departed.  Last year they were here until the 13th of July, this year, they are all gone by the first of June.  Once again, Mother Nature is telling us something, all you have to do is “tune in” and it is right there in front of your face.

Really do not know what to write about this morning.

I could briefly touch on this guy, where was it, South Florida?  Anywho, he killed this guy and then ate him!  Whooooie, scratch off South Florida off that vacation getaway list quickie pronto.  Wonder if McDonalds is serving a “Happy To Be Alive Meal” there?

It is really anyone’s guess in this country any more, things are getting so bad in Detroit for instance that they are even killing the fish.  They have no suspects, and those in charge are saying that “it is a naturally occurring process in nature.”  Never mind the sixty top floaters in the one tank, the empty gallon bottle of Clorox and the crystal clear water.

How about the young mummy who put her five week old baby on the roof of the car in a baby seat and then drove off with the tot on her roof.  Clearly this was not the sharpest knife in the drawer.  “Honey have you seen our baby?”

This is week #2 since I made a abrupt exit from another website where they want it one way but demand that it be just the opposite.  It literally amazes me the length and breadth that some people on the Internet will go to in order to enforce their version of the truth in order to win.  It is times such as this, that the internet, trolls, websites with over-active moderators really suck.

The other thing that amazes me is the fact that they are doing battle over basically nothing, trivial unimportant matters and ideals.  Hard fought battles for ownership of typically infertile ground  … Where is the winner in that?

What seems to get me is somehow it is always a twisted version of so-called truth that is served up for me to eat, and I always find it somewhat unsavory or appealing.

Like Nicholson says in the movie … “A Few Good Men” … The truth?  You can’t stand the truth, you don’t want the truth!”

So, like the gentleman that I am, gave them a piece of my mind, and then I just packed up and walked away.  Put a filter on their spam notices and looking back on it all, it has been a quiet, good two weeks, I should have done this a long time ago.

Just checked Saturday’s lotto tickets, no winners, hell, not even close.  It would be nice to just “be close” one time, but no such luck.  Looks like y’all (Okie talk) are stuck with me for a few more weeks I am afraid.  I am surely not complaining, don’t get me wrong, it could get a lot worse.

So Joey, that is the news from the Fly Over State, Oklahoma … Home of the OU Sooners, bad roads, and really big women!

Here is the news from your side of the country.

Ugly-ass coyote pups have been born in Golden Gate Park, this increases the total animal population to what, 13?  The local homeless on the other hand, are not happy, and are demanding protection, and of course barbecue sauce.  Here is the link pard, I am outta here.  Once again, thanks for your comments, you write good comments.

See you at the water cooler …..

OOO

Cartoon courtesy of AmericanProgress.org

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