Gawd Help Me … I Am Feeling Normal Again.

No One Gives AEvery day I will come onto Social Media and find some 40-60 posts on what is wrong with this country.  Most of them concern politic’s, politicians, so-called low-life’s, scumbags, illegals, people from Persia or the Middle East, religious nut cases.

But this morning, I am throwing in a little wake up call of my own.

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Over-Nighting With A Twist

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Over the years while traveling the Interstate system, I have coveted certain areas that I will pull over and park for the night.  I have a favorite spot to break Denver-OKC or Las Vegas-OKC and so forth.  One such place is a WalMart outside of Albuquerque, New Mexico, just on the east side after you come up the canyon.  This year on the way to Pahrump for the bus meet, we pulled in there to overnight and get some groceries.

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I Am Tired

Have not vented in awhile, so I am going to blow off some steam.  By the way, “this post contains no literary value or socially redeeming information whatsoever.  Any resemblance to anyone living or dead … most likely was on purpose.”  (Lawyers said I might want to put that in there)

Here is what I am tired of:

I am tired of this “what do you want it for?” when I go to buy something.  Why is it the salesperson selling this item feels that he/she “needs to know” what I am going to use it for or where I am going to apply it in my everyday life.  Just sell it to me.  One more (we’re headed for a bonus round Alex) this reply of “No, what you really NEED is this” (instead of what I asked for) … Beam me up Scotty, no intelligent life here, even if it is a “best buy.”

I am tired of needing a couple of these and when I go to the store, or outlet, only to discover there is only “ONE” of them for sale.  What is going on with that?  You need a pair of something and you find only one.  Think about it …  “Who buys only ONE loading ramp?” … Hell’s Angels?

I am tired of having to buy a dozen dry-cell batteries, when the device I use, only requires four.  Why do I have to purchase all the others, that never seem to get used, and when it is time for new ones, these “spares” are now dead and useless.

I am tired of bad Hollywood movies about high-school where all the girls are clearly well-endowed, wearing low-cut, showing a lot of cleavage dresswear and are a bit of a hooker type image in a progressive school and they are the main character.  The only girls I knew in high-school that fit this profile were (A)  Robbing their big brothers sock drawer.  (B)  Using a lot of tissue paper. (C)  The captain of the shot-putt team.

I am tired of sitting waiting on a stop light, when there is nothing coming in either direction, especially at $3.50 per gallon.  Have you noticed that since it got above $3.50 that there is no more talk of:  Offshore drilling, our dependence on other countries for our energy needs, solar power, wind power, the green initiative, shortages or shortfalls?

I am tired of television commercials where the respondents have the I.Q. of say, room temperature.  It is insulting to all of us, and I wish they would stop … because I will never purchase anything that advertises in a stupid fashion (New and Improved dog food?  Don’t squeeze the Charmin.  Bob is really happy!  The government wants to give you free money to name a few).

I am REALLY tired of politicians telling me that they are going to give me the leadership that I not only want … but I deserve.  Which is neither.

I am tired of folks taking multiple cellphone calls in the cafe/restaurant while I am eating lunch and discussing the “size of their blind dates assets” on Saturday night, or what they can legally do about the baby sitter getting into their stash and going thru their clothes closets.

I am tired of teenager’s who walk around the mall in their droopy snoop-dawg underwear, wearing their ball-caps sideways (the bill goes to the front Nimrod) and sing while wearing IPODS … which really sounds bad.  IPODs should have a warning label, much like a pack of cigarettes.  It would read:  “Caution, singing with headphones or earphones on, will not make you sound better to the general public at large.”

I am tired of neighbor’s who take up the entire aisle at WalMart with their shopping carts visiting when I need to get to the Oreos.  People who get in the fast lane (20 items or less) with a cart stuffed tighter than a weight watchers pair of shorts.

I am really tired of the old geezer’s who are happy because they can go fifty miles without stopping for a bathroom break.  And the two romantic bozo’s who sit in the matching bathtubs at the seashore, at sunset, holding hands, and living a richer more productive sex life?  Give me a break.  By the way, did you know the telephone was invented 74 years after the bathtub?  Yeah, no poopy.  You could have soaked for a long time, without the phone ringing, just think about that one for a bit.

I am really tired of medicine that has the following:  Dizziness, dryness of throat, dry cough, sleep disruption, nausea, and explosive diarrhea … Why can’t they put some Imodium ID in this stuff when they are mixing it up to begin with and put a stop to that last one.

I am tired of “Did you find everything you were looking for?” and when you reply, “No.  Where are the ______ ?” and then they say something like … “Okay.”

I am tired of standing in line at the bank waiting on a teller, when there are ten windows, but only TWO girls working the counter.  I am tired of viewing a commercial and the the NEXT commercial is the SAME commercial … I got it the first time.

I am tired of the right lane being shut-down in 1,500 feet for no apparent reason.

And lastly … before I lift off and head for my own planet

I am tired of cheap phones that do not work, and then being required to sign a two year agreement in order to get another cheap phone that does not work, when I have been a good, loyal, valid and documented always paying on time customer, for over ten years.

I guess that would just about cover it … Unless of course …. Something else pop’s up, we will keep you advised.  I am headed out to watch some Charlie’s Angels … Hang loose.

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Strange Medicine … Have A Spoonful.

image001Find Your Happy Place:  Took my HHR to WalMart to have a tire looked at, it turned out it had a nail in it, and had to be pulled off the car and fixed. 

Usually this is no big deal, pull the tire, patch it, and re-mount it on the car.  I was a little bit hesitant when the person they assigned to work on my car turned out to be some new age tweaker with body piercing and a skunk hair do.  

 But I did not say anything.

They really messed up my car, skunk boy shot the tire and rim off the tire machine about six feet into the air and it came down on the concrete and damaged it severely.  This gets us to the part that I really did not like.  Although it was their employee that ruined my wheel, I spent three hours of my time locating a new rim which they paid to replace.  Here is the rub, the rim was paid for, they did not compensate me for any of MY time and they did not even offer so much as an apology for all that took place.  

If you go to WalMart and they try to assign Skunk Boy to work on your stuff, I don’t care if it is PC or not, tell them you want someone else.  In the future, if they look like, or dress like, or sound like, a crack head, I am going to say something first hand about it.  I am tired of dopers messing up my stuff and wasting my time and corporations who do nothing about it.  In this case, I feel as if I was “lucky in one respect” the entire thing only cost me three hours of my time and about $30 to replace the damaged wheel.

It Might Be The Tube:  Having trouble sleeping at night?  Putting on a few pounds?  Studies have show that watching too much television, computers, TV or cellphone screen messages can put you at risk for depression.  Night time exposure to light glow gadgets has already been shown to contribute to insomnia, cancer, obesity, and diabetes.

A new study shows that screen glow can cause mood related changes in the brain.  So it isn’t David Letterman after all, and it isn’t the Jay Walkers on Channel four.  (It might be Jerry Springer who is the ultimate trigger, we are not sure, we will have to get back to you on that one)

But we do know this.

It is your electronic devices you have surrounded yourself with.  If you think about what it represents, it does make sense.  You take a rat, you keep ‘em in the dark and study them for awhile, notice what rat things, rat’s do.  Then you take the same rats, subject them to huge amounts of light, from something resembling a TV screen or a PC.

First thing you notice is that the rats become lethargic and they ignore their favorite sugary treats, which of course suggests that “they are no longer deriving pleasure out of activities they once enjoyed.” (Being a good rat)  The next thing you know, they are auditioning on American Idol and Keith Urban is upset, and the Dawg is amused … What were we talking about here?  Depression, rats (the non politician type), and behavior modification.

How do I know all of this?  Well, if you must know, I stayed in a Holiday Inn in Amarillo last night.  Can we move on?

Same deal with Pepsi, coke, or diet anything …. serve rats fifty to sixty cans a day of the stuff, and sure as hell, they all get cancer.  Here is something we should look into … What if white rats are genetically linked to cancer to begin with (born with it in their genes) … Isn’t this going to screw up the data?  Leaving you with this consideration we will now conclude today’s science lesson for the criminally insane.  Next time we will discuss the problem developing with bears in our population.

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Bad Start To A New Deal:  Last September Apple stock was trading at $700-$800 per day and now it is down in the mid $400‘s.  Cheerio’s, Post Toasties and Cinnamon Buns are going thru the roof!  No more twinkies.  The year isn’t but one month old, and one Moonshiner has been arrested and The Gold Rush boys in Alaska, are still not finding gold.  Things are so bad in New York, the Mafia has laid off ten judges.  

And people wonder why television has a tendency to depress a person. (It isn’t all about the light depravation or glow, let me tell you)  

Think About This One.  If you worked 40 hours a week, 50 weeks a year, and you lost a million dollars an hour every hour, it would take you almost three years to lose $5.8 billion dollars.  Now the guys on The Street, JP Morgan were able to do it in only a few months.  But if things get really out of hand, they do not worry, because the tax-payers will bail them out.  Pretty neat set up.

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Ahead Of The Curve:  I saved the best for last.  Nothing sweeter than seeing something that you have already covered as a post on your webpage in a national headline or paper.  Yesterday morning I found this article on Feral Cats and as you know, I had written on this very same subject Fluffy Is A Killer on my site prior to this (December).  Pretty cool … Makes me almost want to dance.

Friday, you made it.  I am somewhat surprised that I did too.

One Last Thing In This Brand New Month.  The manager at WalMart just told me via the telephone that they had terminated Skunk Boy because of poor job performance.  If you swing thru McDonalds this weekend and the kid has pimples, jewelry and a Skunk type-do … Hammer down and rush over to Burger King or Taco Bell instead.

I am outta here … Have A Great Weekend.

OOO

What folks have been reading at Creative Endeavors this past week:

Home page / Archives  
He’s Alive!  
More Not Fresh Pressed Baloney  
Bikinis (The reason men are pigs)  
Fluffy Is A Killer  
Take Your Pick  
It’s Your Choice – Not Mine.  
The Worry Tree  
Dinosaurs and Progressive Liberal Democrats  
Clear Blue Sky

Wounded Warriors

This weekend while out and about we had to make a trip to WalMart.  At the entrance to the store stood a young kid dressed in utilities, a Marine, with a donation box for Wounded Warriors.

We stopped and I spoke to him briefly and made a donation to the cause.  Young kid, had already been to Iraq and Afghanistan and it just didn’t seem possible to me, but it was.

I put some money in his box and then we went inside the store.

Later on I got to thinking about how sad this is.  We can spend all this money building bridges and roads in countries where they ride a ****ing donkey to town, but we have our returning soldiers at home begging for money.  Support they need for their families here at home, that have somehow been forgotten.

Something is not right with this picture.

These guys deserve our very best it is the least we can do.  Here is another site that is worthy of your attention, you can find numerous ways to help out a vet. the Internet is full of them.  These two in particular I found noteworthy, so I am passing them on.

Check out this one and cut them a check today.

The Serving Project.

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Inside the store, I go to the Men’s section, I need some new levi’s that do not have paint stains or grease spilled on them.  I look around for the changing room and to my surprise, there isn’t one.  Looking over in another section of the store I see that the women have a changing room, but nothing for the men.  So anywho, I need to know what the size of my pants are, so I go into the women’s changing room and lock the door.

I am in there about five minutes, figured out what I needed to know, and then I exit.

This sales lady (I think they call them WalMart Associates) looks at me rather startled and inquires, “Is everything alright?”  She cannot figure out what it is that I (A man!) is about coming out of HER fitting room.  I smile my best toothy smile and then I reply, “Well no, not actually.  There is something terribly wrong in there.”  And she says, “What might that be sir?” and I say, “The mirrors, all of them.  They make me look fat.”  I then walked off leaving a throughly confused looking WalMart Associate behind me.

At that time I went back to the men’s section for my new pants.

I bought four.

Now it is time to locate the wife.  She is of course, nowhere to be found and I instantly think of my cellphone which is lying on the counter in the kitchen some eight miles away.  Ah, the mobility of your own personal telephone.

Not being able to locate her, I notice an empty stool close to the registers.  So I sit down.

 

It is now important that you understand that this is the empty stool where sometimes the WalMart Greeter sits.  But he/she is not there, I am tired, I sit down.  Afterwords I discover that WalMart is now phasing out the Greeter altogether and will no longer use them, you can read about that here if you are so inclined.

Sitting in the empty chair and American phenomenon begins.  People immediately start saying things like:  “Are you on guard duty?” … “Can you tell me where I can find Dog-food?” … “I need some coconut water.” (now that was a toughie let me tell you)

So I answer them, “No I am not on Guard Duty, have you seen my wife?” and “It’s on the right down there about half way down.”  He says, “What aisle is it on, what is the number?” and I say, “I don’t know the number, half-way down, on the right.” so he says, “You don’t know nuthin.” and I reply, “Yeah?  I KNOW where the dog food is, whadya you know?” and the last one, “Can you tell me where the Coconut water can be found?”

I started to guess … Indonesia?  No I really did.  But then I just smiled, stood up and vacated the seat and smiled and replied, “Lady, I am sorry I don’t have a clue.”

Word of caution here.  Never, ever, if you are smart, sit in the Greeters Chair at Wally-World and by all means, keep track of your wife!

Saturday was a good day, I gladly would love to do it over again.

Semper Fi Mac!

OOO

Tailgates And Malware Monday

Keep it up chumps.  Thanks to Ed, we now know for sure that running with the tailgate down does not lead to better fuel mileage.  This is what is known in some circles as a “modern myth.”  Having made the statement, Ed backed it up with a quote from Myth Busters.  Here is another one, always attributed to or linked to a popular writer, Emra Bombeck.  The grass always grows greener over the septic tank.”

Not exactly, here is a picture of my septic tank.

You here or are you headed to get it checked.  Today is that magical day when all the little geeks of the world, show everyone how smart they are, by shutting everyone down.  At 11 a.m. the internet and your machine, all of it could shut down for a considerable amount of people who are unfortunate enough to have a Malware problem.  We checked our machines and they are registered “green” so that basically means we are okay (Open the POD doors Hal … nothing can go wrong … Open the POD doors Hal … Nothing can go wrong) and will be here to fight another day.

Hope you make it thru unscathed.

Attention WalMart shoppers.  A Shreveport, La official has introduced a bill to ban the wearing of pajama’s in public.  Parish Commissioner says he recently saw youths wearing pajama bottoms at a local WalMart and that line must be drawn somewhere.  Today it’s pajamas, tomorrow its underwear” he said, “where does it stop?”  Evidently he has not been to the mall and seen Jr. in his Snoop-Dawg underwear showing the entire world his personality.  Yeah, I know, “that was a nasty crack.”  (What can I say?)

Aw shucks, its just normal people just trying to stay cool in this heat.

What cracks me up is this:  “Today the temperature at the airport was 109*” ….. well of course it was you Nimrod, there are 47 acres of concrete and runways at the airport, what did you expect it to be?

Caveat emptor (Buyer Beware) 10 people purchased sealed iPad2’s at a Canadian store and found that the boxes contained only rectangular slabs of clay.  Thieves had made the switch.  Meanwhile in Silicone Valley Kalifornia, Apple has trashed ideas for the kids iPad until they can come up with a suitable name.

The proposed name, ITouch Kids, was found to be unsuitable.

Running Amuck.  The family of a man who died with a faucet running in his bathroom has been hit with a massive water bill.  The man who died of natural causes, laid in his house for some three weeks with the faucet running before his body was found.  The town in which he lived in, is refusing to waive the resulting water bill of $600.  Once again, good government at work for you the citizen.

Keep the change.  Passengers left behind a total of $409,085.56 in change when they passed thru U.S. Customs and airport security checks for the year.  The unclaimed money goes into the coffers of the Transportation Security Administration, that is, until some congressman finds out about it, and then we know what will happen at that time, don’t we?  You can kiss that money goodbye.

If the elections were held today, 46% of voters say they’d back President Obama.  While 45% say they’d vote for Mitt Romney.  The other 9% said …. “Si, we no understand the question senor’.”

One thing I have learned in all of this personally … Hope is easier to embrace than reality.

Every now and then we are all reminded of the power of words, even small innocuous words.  Here for you today are eight words with two meanings.

Eight Words with two Meanings

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n..  Female … Any part under a car’s hood.  Male … The strap fastener on a woman’s bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.  Female … Fully opening up one’s self emotionally to another.  Male … Playing football without a cup.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n .  Female … The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one’s partner.  Male … Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys..

4. COMMITMENT (ko- mit-ment) n.  Female … A desire to get married and raise a family.  Male … Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.  Female … A good movie, concert, play or book.  Male …. Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.  Female … An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.  Male …. A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.

7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.  Female … The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.  Male … Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.

8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.  Female  … A device for changing from one TV channel to another.  Male … A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.

Once again, you stay a little bit ahead of the curve, compliments of Mr. Language Person.

Thanks for stoppin by our watering hole today, we hope you have a great week and find a way to keep the lights on and stay cool.

OOO

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Cartoons courtesy of American Progress. Org