Strange Medicine … Have A Spoonful.

image001Find Your Happy Place:  Took my HHR to WalMart to have a tire looked at, it turned out it had a nail in it, and had to be pulled off the car and fixed. 

Usually this is no big deal, pull the tire, patch it, and re-mount it on the car.  I was a little bit hesitant when the person they assigned to work on my car turned out to be some new age tweaker with body piercing and a skunk hair do.  

 But I did not say anything.

They really messed up my car, skunk boy shot the tire and rim off the tire machine about six feet into the air and it came down on the concrete and damaged it severely.  This gets us to the part that I really did not like.  Although it was their employee that ruined my wheel, I spent three hours of my time locating a new rim which they paid to replace.  Here is the rub, the rim was paid for, they did not compensate me for any of MY time and they did not even offer so much as an apology for all that took place.  

If you go to WalMart and they try to assign Skunk Boy to work on your stuff, I don’t care if it is PC or not, tell them you want someone else.  In the future, if they look like, or dress like, or sound like, a crack head, I am going to say something first hand about it.  I am tired of dopers messing up my stuff and wasting my time and corporations who do nothing about it.  In this case, I feel as if I was “lucky in one respect” the entire thing only cost me three hours of my time and about $30 to replace the damaged wheel.

It Might Be The Tube:  Having trouble sleeping at night?  Putting on a few pounds?  Studies have show that watching too much television, computers, TV or cellphone screen messages can put you at risk for depression.  Night time exposure to light glow gadgets has already been shown to contribute to insomnia, cancer, obesity, and diabetes.

A new study shows that screen glow can cause mood related changes in the brain.  So it isn’t David Letterman after all, and it isn’t the Jay Walkers on Channel four.  (It might be Jerry Springer who is the ultimate trigger, we are not sure, we will have to get back to you on that one)

But we do know this.

It is your electronic devices you have surrounded yourself with.  If you think about what it represents, it does make sense.  You take a rat, you keep ‘em in the dark and study them for awhile, notice what rat things, rat’s do.  Then you take the same rats, subject them to huge amounts of light, from something resembling a TV screen or a PC.

First thing you notice is that the rats become lethargic and they ignore their favorite sugary treats, which of course suggests that “they are no longer deriving pleasure out of activities they once enjoyed.” (Being a good rat)  The next thing you know, they are auditioning on American Idol and Keith Urban is upset, and the Dawg is amused … What were we talking about here?  Depression, rats (the non politician type), and behavior modification.

How do I know all of this?  Well, if you must know, I stayed in a Holiday Inn in Amarillo last night.  Can we move on?

Same deal with Pepsi, coke, or diet anything …. serve rats fifty to sixty cans a day of the stuff, and sure as hell, they all get cancer.  Here is something we should look into … What if white rats are genetically linked to cancer to begin with (born with it in their genes) … Isn’t this going to screw up the data?  Leaving you with this consideration we will now conclude today’s science lesson for the criminally insane.  Next time we will discuss the problem developing with bears in our population.

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Bad Start To A New Deal:  Last September Apple stock was trading at $700-$800 per day and now it is down in the mid $400‘s.  Cheerio’s, Post Toasties and Cinnamon Buns are going thru the roof!  No more twinkies.  The year isn’t but one month old, and one Moonshiner has been arrested and The Gold Rush boys in Alaska, are still not finding gold.  Things are so bad in New York, the Mafia has laid off ten judges.  

And people wonder why television has a tendency to depress a person. (It isn’t all about the light depravation or glow, let me tell you)  

Think About This One.  If you worked 40 hours a week, 50 weeks a year, and you lost a million dollars an hour every hour, it would take you almost three years to lose $5.8 billion dollars.  Now the guys on The Street, JP Morgan were able to do it in only a few months.  But if things get really out of hand, they do not worry, because the tax-payers will bail them out.  Pretty neat set up.

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Ahead Of The Curve:  I saved the best for last.  Nothing sweeter than seeing something that you have already covered as a post on your webpage in a national headline or paper.  Yesterday morning I found this article on Feral Cats and as you know, I had written on this very same subject Fluffy Is A Killer on my site prior to this (December).  Pretty cool … Makes me almost want to dance.

Friday, you made it.  I am somewhat surprised that I did too.

One Last Thing In This Brand New Month.  The manager at WalMart just told me via the telephone that they had terminated Skunk Boy because of poor job performance.  If you swing thru McDonalds this weekend and the kid has pimples, jewelry and a Skunk type-do … Hammer down and rush over to Burger King or Taco Bell instead.

I am outta here … Have A Great Weekend.

OOO

What folks have been reading at Creative Endeavors this past week:

Home page / Archives  
He’s Alive!  
More Not Fresh Pressed Baloney  
Bikinis (The reason men are pigs)  
Fluffy Is A Killer  
Take Your Pick  
It’s Your Choice – Not Mine.  
The Worry Tree  
Dinosaurs and Progressive Liberal Democrats  
Clear Blue Sky

Armed and Dangerous

I have a friend, Rita she is great, but she is kind of a feminist in her nature.  If you see a woman driving a dump truck for instance (not a common everyday sort of occurrence) and you make casual mention of it, my friend, will launch into this song and dance routine she has … “Anything YOU can do, WE can do better … naner, naner, naner” and so on.

Sometimes spending quality time with an extroverted feminist is not an easy thing to do.

Which brings me to Victoria Cowie who will almost always be the smartest person in the room,  She is an 11 year old from England, who they say was extraordinarily bright from an early age, starting out by reading elementary school books as a toddler.  Recently she shocked everyone when she scored 162 on an IQ test.

This number surpasses such notables such as Albert Einstein, Bill Gates, and Stephen Hawking.

Incidentally, I took a IQ test once, confident I was a lot smarter than I actually was, I quickly found out I wasn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer.  Freely I admit, this set me back a little bit, but I eventually got over it.  (No, I will not give you the number)

Back to Victoria I digress.

She said that it was quite daunting to be compared to great minds, but it feels good also to be thought of as that clever.  She says that she really enjoys science and doing experiments, loves acting and dancing and playing musical instruments.  She does theater workshops and loads of sports, really likes swimming.  She aspires to be a vet when she gets older because of her love of animals and she readily admits that she is not afraid of blood.

All that and she is only 11 years old.  When I was 11 it was a major undertaking by BOTH of my parents just to get me to clean up my room.

What else do I have for all of you this morning?  Oh yeah, I liked this one.  Another winner gone bad.  Bad week for former Survivor winner Richard Hatch who turned himself in to federal marshals this week to begin serving a 9 month prison sentence for failing to pay taxes on the $1 million he won on the reality show.

Hatch, has already spent three years behind bars for tax evasion, and is said to currently owe the IRS some $2 million in back taxes.  Now that would be kind of bad, go to prison as an avowed homosexual and have a name like Dick Hatch.

That is kind of scary.

Right where they want you.  You ever wonder why U.S. Corporations are not hiring?  Actually, many of them are.  They’re just not hiring Americans.  In the two years after the Wall Street meltdown triggered the Great Recession, large American corporations slashed payrolls by a net 500,000.  At the same time, they hired 729,000 workers overseas.  As globalization transforms the world economy, in fact, many U.S. companies are shifting the balance of their workforces overseas.

Ford for example reported in 1992 that 53% of its employees worked in the U.S. and Canada.  By 2009, it North American workforce made up only 37% after expanding to Mexico.  There is no such thing as job security in this country now.  We keep buying their cheap crap made oversea’s and they keep taking our jobs.  The old shooting yourself in the foot strategy is now being applied.  Things are no longer peachy and keen in the Heartland.

On top of all this, when you are replaced, the American company brings in the new foreign new-hires and expects YOU to train them (your replacements) and if you do not, they withhold your severance payments.  Is this a great country or what?  Now tell me again, how it is, that you believe Unions are no longer viable in this country.

Here is why it works.

Moving the jobs oversea’s not only saves on labor costs, which are noticibly down, but it also allows American companies to skirt envioromental issues, safety and health concerns.  When Pablo cracks open a old car battery he dumps it straight on the ground, he doesn’t wear a mask, and gloves are an option, if he can afford them.  Same with the poor sap in Indonesia or Jakarta.  They take it in the shorts, and Wall Street gets richer, meanwhile the rest of you are stuck at home delivering pizza to each other.

(Guess who used to write a Union paper before he did this?)

Who let the dogs out?  Charlie Sheen doesn’t have the market covered when it comes to weird or funny.  An Oregon woman called 911 to report an intruder hiding in her bathroom, just as the intruder was calling 911 to report his concerns that the homeowner might be armed.  On 911 tapes released by police the intruder admits breaking into the home and tells the dispatcher the owner behind the bathroom door might have a gun.

He is also heard to say that the owner told him she had two German shepherds.  Later, the homeowner can be heard warning the intruder that she’s about to call the police, to which the intruder yells back, “I’ve already called them.  They’re on the phone right now!”

Now that is funny … I don’t care where you live.  Often real life is better than the sitcom.  See you on Friday, hang in there, you almost have it made.

OOO

Hard Fast Rule

Hello, did you miss me?

I wasn’t here yesterday with all you needed to know about everything that actually mattered, I took a day off.  One hard fast rule I have is to never write when I am depressed, sad, lonely or out of sorts.  I just feel like it just naturally reflects on what you put up in a negative way.

Yesterday was one of those kind of days, so I just floated one, and did not post anything.

So here we are, sailing along briskly in our sea of anxiety this Friday morning.  Shall we stop to consider that it is just possible that Mr. Obama is just to dog-gone nice to be our President?  That Google can now eye you right down to your cotton-picking front door, that A-Rod did steroids and has confessed.  I mean who gives a rat’s patooie about A-Rod and baseball to begin with?

How about the Populist uprising demanding that CEO compensation be limited to 500K for doing a crummy job on Wall Street.  Auto sales have plunged the past 12 months, home sales, now there is a hooter for ya, nothing good to report there either.  Creationism is OK as long as it’s not taught in schools.  And if you’re trying to sell a $5 cup of coffee, well good luck with that.  Things have gotten so bad I hear that Madonna has cut off two of her entourage and let them go.

Opened up my email this morning and the first thing I see is this.  “See the 87 people that searched for “Don Smith” including:

  • 3 people in OK
  • 46 people aged 56 – 66
  • 51 men
  • 36 women
  • Get alerts when there are NEW searches!”

It appears that I do have charisma, but it is for the same-sex, that was kind of disturbing.  Nothing like coming on line early in the morning and discovering that you are no longer a “Chick Magnet” man, that is a bummer.  These things always amaze me to no end.  Must be that new math or something?  “87 people were looking for me.”

46, 55-66, 51 men, 36 women … which is missing 41 people somewhere.

Wait it gets even better.

I can have all this and more!  All I have to do is cough up $6 per month.  Yeah right.  There is another ten minutes of my life I will not get back, looking at this electronic bullsh** they send out.  It would be nice to think that I could just reach up and check “block sender” and that would be the end of it, but unfortunately, that doesn’t always work.  One pesky woman who gives me problems, came shooting in under the radar this week, and I blocked her a long time ago.  Technology creates a big hole in my life … it sucks.

We Must Be Back In Kansas Toto.

Wichita Kansas – Hispanic parents are appealing a federal judge’s ruling upholding a Catholic school’s policy that students speak only English in school. The appeal was filed by three families who sued the Diocese of Wichita seeking to end the policy at St. Anne’s Catholic School. The judge ruled in August that the policy does not in itself create a hostile learning environment.

Here is a novel idea, you don’t like it here, you don’t want to speak English, then go back to Mexico.  People that speak English in this country make more money, think about that, unless you want to be a wage-slave the rest of your lives.  You walk by a store window and glance down at the sign and it reads:  “EXPERIENCE WATIRESS REQUIERED ENGLISH ESSENTUAL” and if you cannot read that, where is this going to leave you?

This is America …We speak English.

While we are in Kansas?  The Governor of that state announced this week that they are, much like California, going down the tubes and will run out of money.  It seems that everyone is running out of money, except Washington DC, that is.  She says that she will have to dip into an $225 million surplus fund in order to make it.  Must be nice, have a million dollar “surplus stashed away somewhere.”

Meanwhile back here at the ranch, the local cable TV company informs me that switching over to digital television (that only works marginally) was more expensive than they thought it would be and they want an extra $4.50 per month from me.  Hey, why not?  I am made out of money, just like everyone else, right?

Figuring a bail out is in order for me, we have started constructing our own version of the American Hoopie in the backyard tool shed, hope to have the first models off the line soon, thus, qualifying us for some kind of compensation.

carIf that doesn’t pan out, we also have begun the new “Oklahoma Bumper Sticker Project.”  Handy, catchy sayings that you can attach to the back of your car if you live in Oklahoma.

  • I am putting on Makeup.
  • I brake randomly for no reason.
  • I am about to cause a serious accident.
  • Sorry, we are low on turn signal fluid.
  • 40 MPH in the fast lane is fast enuff.
  • I am sort of paying attention.
  • I am like totally out of it.
  • I don’t play baseball and I don’t do steroids.  But I do vote.

Colorado — One of the two men who used “thong underwear” to cover up his face during a robbery was convicted and sentenced to 12 years in the pen this week.  Maybe while he is incarcerated, they might point out to him where the “skinny part of the underwear goes” which is of course, not the part you want to conceal your face with.  Some six to eight months later, and that still makes me chuckle, it makes me smile.

Aiken South Carolina – Prosecutors said two 10-year-old boys who tried to trade marijuana to their classmates for bubble gum or desserts won’t face drug charges. Authorities said 3 grams were found on two fourth-graders after their classmates told teachers. Authorities said they don’t know where the students found the marijuana, and are not sure the students knew what they were doing was wrong.

If this doesn’t work, there is always George Bush and David Letterman.  Ganked this from CrackerBoy this week, check it out.


If none of this cheered you up I am truly sorry, I gave it my best shot. True it wasn’t much, but it was the best I got. Try and have a good weekend and remember, “Fighting over stupid things means you’re sweating the small stuff … Big time.”

OOO

“The cartoon courtesy of Center for American Progress” (online)

It’s Not Easy Being Rich

The trouble with life is there just isn’t any background music.  Monday’s are always especially difficult, come in, sit down with a cup of Joe and then face an empty screen.  I am so envious of all those talented people who sit down and make this look like child’s play, make it appear simple.

So what do we talk about?

The up’s and down’s of oil, no one cares right now.  Politics’, I am sick of politics and my unguarded opinion is the political Gene-pool in this country, could stand a dose of Chlorine.

Last I heard they were holding a symposium on the Heartlands’ problems in some place like Chugwater, Wyoming.  Cheney was spitting euphemisms out of the side of his mouth about, I like this guy and that guy, and you should too (If you know what is good for you).

Another group meeting at which there are several speeches, often a group discussion, a collection of opinions on a subject, a short discussion.  Nothing is really resolved, and when the finger food disappears, they sneak outside for a quick smoke, fire up the bus and drive off.

I will bet you even money that the candidates are now glad to be looking at the end of all this.  Think about it … In just a few short hours, it will be over with and they can go back to “telling us the truth.”

So for a refreshing change of pace, no doom and gloom, none of this the earth is rotting like a bad cantaloupe left outside in the mid-day sun, covered in flies. Today we will talk about something different.  Let us take on the plight of those poor, often overlooked unfortunates in America these days that are experiencing hard times.

Let us talk about the rich.

You know who I am talking about here, the poor $435 lunch ticket, share the wealth bunch.  They (the rich) are not doing all that well here lately.  Did you know because of the current financial meltdown, the rich are being forced to cut back just like the rest of us?  It has gotten so dire; that I hear they have temporarily gone back to regular mustard instead of that Gray Poupon stuff.

Yes, it is true.

Affluent brides to be, in Manhattan are swapping out the $1,000 centerpiece of peonies from New Zealand for $300 Netherlands hydrangeas.  The Gordon Gekko’s types of Wall Street are now forced to purchase one $4,000 suit instead of five; things have suddenly gotten austere in the Big Apple.  Women of a certain age, who used to have the option of a complete face lift have now had to resort to Botox Injections instead, which are much, much cheaper.  Cosmetic surgery in this country is now estimated to be down as much as 50%.

America the land of opportunity, I have a degree in Liberal Arts, do you want fries with that?  We have discovered to our dismay that our “Great Spenders are also very Bad Lenders.”  Seemingly over night our philosophy has changed.  Yesterday is a cancelled check.  Today is cash on the line.  Tomorrow is a promissory note which may or may not get paidl.

Pity the poor, poor rich.

The rich have to make choices now, should I continue the lease on the Christmas Villa in the south, or just find a suitable hotel?  Will I be able to afford the subscription to Elite Traveler Magazine for the table on the Lear Jet or the Yacht this year.  Can we still afford a crew of eighteen to have at our beck and call?

They have to make untold sacrifices just like the rest of us, why they cannot even afford the full band anymore, they are resorting to DJ’s (Sorry Radio Girl) at the weddings and bar mistfah’s (sp).  Miniature cupcakes on Lucite tiers instead of the massive wedding cake.

A greatly pared down guest list, dollar pinching is everywhere!  As hard as this is to believe, “some of us might not get invited to attend at all” it has gotten that bad.

Arab and European clients are still buying $25 million yachts, but the share of sales to Americans has dropped from 80% to 50%.  Relegated to searching the boat yards for a good used 60’/80′ skiff is simply not American. The power shoppers are in the Arab Emirates, the Abdul Dubai Malls in the golden sand of the Persian Gulf.  Neiman Marcus is a bargain store in this new age of less money.  No more whole wardrobes, it is a $500 dress and make it last for the corporate executive’s wife in Houston.

Things have gotten so bad, they are more than likely switching over to the cheap Chardonnay, and I imagine we will at some time see these folks somewhere down the line, but for right now things on the other side of the coin will remain the same for us.  All of us good, honorable soldiers in the legions of the less entitled.

We will still be drinking the yucky-green-stuff, sneezy, why-in-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning NyQuil for a cheap buzz purchased at the Dollar General Store on sale.  Doing our level best to get a handle on life, with one broken handle, driving a beat up run-down fourteen year old Hoopie with a half-tank of fuel.

Now altogether …. Let’s hear it one time for the Rich In America …. Ready?

(One big collective sigh)

Now I know I feel better, I can face but one more Monday.  Which is considerably less painful than licking my fingers and searching out an electrical outlet.  I can now focus my energies on the important questions of life.  Such as:  “Is our planet the insane asylum for the Universe?”  That would be a good start for a Monday right there.

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Highlighting History

Here lately, a great many of our political hopefuls, presidential wanna-be’s and vice presidential what-evers have been running fast and loose with not only the facts, but our recent and past history. So I figured, what is good for the goose, is good for the gander and I have taken time today to correlate some history for all our readers.

The staff of Creative Endeavors and I got together over a period of several minutes, perhaps twenty-five or thirty, and came up with some interesting facts and history about our country for you in the spirit of the 2008 electorate.

On August 3rd,l 1492, Christopher Columbus set sail from Palos, Spain, on a voyage that took him to the present day America’s. Sailing on the Nina, the Pinta, and the Juilo Englasis, he arrived just before noon on a Friday. America at this time was basically a developing nation, a few Burger Kings, one or two Wal-Marts, but they were not Super Centers. There was visible evidence of many brush fires and incredible amounts of devastation everywhere. There was plenty of oil because cars had not been invented and we had no Congress.

In 1914, Germany declared war on France. France in retaliation, sent to Germany Rene Monette Anton Bush to convince local German governments to build replica’s of the Eiffel Tower and to give up this insane idea of war instead. To not service their women, tear down the French language, and to encourage them to drink more wine. This was quickly brushed aside for obvious reasons. She was promptly deported back to France as an illegal alien, and a undocumented speaker. Germany at that time, appropriated funds to build a fence to keep Frenchmen from entering their country.

In 1923, Calvin Coolidge was sworn in as the 30th President of the United States, following the defeat of Warren G. Harding. On this day Billy Raye Bushwhacker Sr. was defeated in the World College Bowl when he selected “History” for $100 and incorrectly answered the question …. “What Was WWII?” … with the answer …… some fish? NBC ran a story on if you yelled for 8 years and 7 months, some six days, you would produce enough energy to heat one cup of coffee. General Motors announced a new model of Chevy that got zero miles per gallon … but had lot’s of chrome.

In 1936, the State Department urged Americans in Spain to leave because of that country’s civil war. Oklahoma City started abandoning buildings in what is now called Brick Town because of rapid expansion to the suburbs. An Oklahoma court, on a suggestion of a local celebrity, granted custody of a ten year old Boy Scout to a 14 year old girl. This was promptly overturned by the local chapter of the ACLU.

In 1949, the National Basketball Association was formed despite the protests of the not yet formed NFL. The Oklahoma Representative in Congress announced that “for twenty five thousand dollars each, any lobbyist in the building (excluding Petroleum related industries) would be allowed to kiss him fully on the lips.” The University of Oklahoma announces that if you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, you would produce enough gas to create the energy of an atomic bomb. Which was quickly debunked by the Department of Defense. 1949 was a slow year, America did not attack anyone in the name of Democracy.

In 1958, the nuclear-powered submarine Nautilus became the first vessel to cross the North Pole underwater. A non candidate for any office, Billy Raye Bushwhacker Sr., meets with the heads of the state of England, France, Norway, Sweden and Germany at a family picnic in his backyard in Pecos Texas. He refuses to run on the “conservative” ticket, claiming that a race for Governor would negate his chances of being King or even God, someday in the near future.

Dick Clark turns sixteen years old …. Again.

In 1980, closing ceremonies were held in Moscow for the 1980 Summer Olympic Games, which had been boycotted by dozens of countries, including the United States. Ronald Reagan cannot remember if he approved the sale of arms to that place east of New Jersey. In a historic decision the Republican packed U.S. Supreme court rules that six apples in one sack is to be considered one item, this was a five to three vote. A new Republican protege comes on the scene, Billy Raye Bushwhacker Jr. enters Yale for his first year of c- studies.

In 1981, U.S. Air Traffic controller go on strike, despite a warning from President Reagan they would be fired. President Reagan then announces that at that time, the price of his souvenir beer mug has been reduced to on $3.99 and one building in Brick Town is being given consideration as a possible comedy club. No building permits or business licenses are issued after the Governor intervenes and declares “Living in Oklahoma is not funny.” Oklahoma University announces that a cat’s urine glows under a black light.  The practice of bathing in Swan Fat and Donkey Milk is declared illegal in 62 counties in Oklahoma and one U.S. protectorate south of Guam.

In 1988, the Soviet Union released Mathias Rust, the young West German pilot who had landed a light plane in Moscow’s Red Square in May 1987. Billy Raye Bushwhacker Jr. announces that for $500 a month, he will have breakfast with any registered Republican in the North Eastern Corridor of the United States. IBM announces that they have purchased space on the side of the Russian Station Miers for advertising and at a bargain price of only $18 million dollars. General Motors re-introduces the zero mileage car with lot’s of chrome.

In 1993, the Senate voted 96-3 to confirm Supreme Court nominee Ruth Bader Ginsburg. The national basketball association announces a new team in Florida to be known as the Incredibly Huge Bloodsucking Insects and will be home courted in Orlando. Bill Gates buys Guatemala and most of Honduras in a sweeping takeover bid. Judge Bork receives the “worst looking beard in the world award” by cast members of The View in 4 to 4 decision. He is subsequently is rejected from the court for oblivious reasons and in a related decision it is announced that it is no longer illegal to pray at Cock Fights, but you can still “make a wish, as long as you do not offend anyone else.”

In 1994, one day after Iraq invaded Kuwait, thousands of Iraqi soldiers pushed to within a few miles of the border with Saudi Arabia, heightening world concerns that the invasion could spread. A place called Chad dukes it out with some place called Libya and the arms race in America escalates. Stock in gunpowder and small arms increases exponentially and business is good on the NASDAC. People living north of the United States in Canada, tiring of their tree’s humming and glowing in the dark, demand that we do something about our acid rain. 1,200 dead people were discovered at a Neil Diamond concert in Michigan over the weekend.

Five years ago: OJ Simpson is hot on the trail of his wife killers, searching out every golf course in America. A 19 year old kid flies a Cessna airplane into Red Square and the Soviets are livid, Dick Cheney orders 6,000 Cessna airplanes for the U.S. Air Force. The Senate Transportation Committee recommends that all speed limits be increased nationwide to 80 MPH to help out the Saudi’s and it is increased, everywhere, except Oklahoma where all the roads are in disrepair or being patched. Judge Judy makes a definitive socially defining historic ruling on wrinkle creams being sold across the counter, that do not go deep enough to control crows feet in middle aged women.

One year ago: Congressional Republicans, shrugging off a presidential veto threat, nailed down the details of an agreement for a 10-year, $792 billion tax cut. Arbitrators ruled the government had to pay the heirs of Dallas dress maker Abraham Zapruder $16 million for his movie film that captured the assassination of President Kennedy. The first issue of Talk Magazine hit the newsstands and to celebrate this Congress passed a whopping pay raise (unanimously) in both houses.

Dick Clark turns …. Sixteen …. Again.

Which brings us to today: The Republican National Committee announces that so far, things have been pretty dull, so the handlers of Sara Palin have decided to allow her to speak. DVD sales in the United States reach record numbers. Joe the Plumber announces that he is depressed and constipated in Cleveland. Dick Cheney was to speak, but at his last public appearance he was interrupted 32 times by applause and two times by mild heart attacks. The Democrats have been declared legally brain dead in all but the swing states where the majority of the voters are still “not sure” and Joe Biden is strangely quiet.  Our second term soon to be gone President comes on television to announce that “the sap of a tree is a good conductor of rain and that is how you get electrocuted” while giving a press conference in the rose-garden in the rain.

And finally …. In an effort to clarify the new bailout proposal to the American people the political hopefuls came on PBS last night and laid out the proposal in a manner that was understandable by most of the population. In the spirit of Hillary and Good Time Bill it was patiently explained:

Once upon a time a man appeared in a village and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each. The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them. The man bought thousands at $10 and, as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He next announced that he would now buy monkeys at $20 each. The villagers renewed their efforts and started catching monkeys again.

Soon the supply diminished even further and people went back to their farms. The offer increased to $25 each and the supply of monkeys became so scarce it was an effort to even find a monkey, let alone catch it! The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50 each! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would buy on his behalf.

During the man’s absence, the assistant told the villagers “Look at all the monkeys in this big cage that the man has already collected. I will sell them to you at $35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell them to him for $50 each.”

The villagers rounded up all their savings and bought all the monkeys for 850 billion dollars. They never saw the man or his assistant again, only lots and lots of monkeys. Now you have a better understanding of how the WALL STREET BAILOUT PLAN WILL WORK!

History in a nutshell ……When Columbus started out for the New World, he didn’t know where he was going; when he would get there, when he got there, he didn’t know where it was he was; and when got back he didn’t know where had been.

Kind of points out what we all knew to begin with ….. History has an awful bad habit of repeating itself.

000

Thanx Jim in WA.


Cheep Fills

So here I am boarding a plane for Seattle, and I was feeling a touch nervous because that morning a plane was forced to make an emergency landing at this very airport after a window blew out at 14,000 ft above sea level and this incredibly huge Wall Street Banking Investment Counselor was sucked right out the window headfirst!

Okay, you caught me, I am lying. What are you gonna do, sue me? It is a pleasant thought tho.

Being as I love to toss mostly unpopular ideas your way, and the thought of writing about warning decals on the side of my garbage truck being written in Spanish doesn’t seem to appeal to me this morning, I decided I am going to write about something important to us all. Male pattern baldness, no wait, Incontinence, which fork to use in a really good restaurant.

No, that was not it, what was it? Oh yeah, gasoline, the price at the pump.

Now no one wants to talk about gasoline, gas after all is old news, with all these crooked bankers cleaning up, the political candidates “rewriting history” as they go along, and I suppose the recent announcement that Britney Spears Mom and Dad have established a curfew for their “twenty-five year old daughter.”

I mean face it … Who wants to talk about gasoline?

I suppose my email will again heat up because of this unpopular subject. Your overriding concern for my well being is touching, don’t get me wrong. A few people here lately have actually inquired about my mental health, sobriety and or prospects for a continued life in this galaxy. And taking it one step further, some would actually like to run over me with a bus.

Such is life.

Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful to those of you who send me messaged laced with such kindness such as “You are a real Okie Squat, y’know that?” or “I hope you sit under a sick horse” or “Your parents were not married” something like that.

So in the spirit of gentle discourse, here goes: Please forward any and all complaints to the appropriate system coordinator at WordPress.com, whoever that is this week. Now that was funny, no? Here it comes, git reedy (As Toby Keith would say) … Gasoline is a great deal! Even if the price goes back up and we have to pay even more.

So in case you missed it, here it is again … Gas is a good deal.

Give me a freshly paved two-lane and a couple of gallons, throw in a good tail-wind for good measure, and I am happier than a wildcatter at a down-hole convention in Lubbock. (Try and make sense out of that one … I dare ya.) Being your typical American red-blooded truck lovin consumer, I would drive to hell and back if I thought I could make it in a weekend.

Unfortunately, I like you, have realized that a $20 bill won’t fill up my old Chevy-resale-red-hoopie any more, on most days in doesn’t even come close, in some parts of Utah, three times that ($60) won’t cut it either. But I am not complaining.

The fact is that gasoline remains relatively cheap right now (wait until the election is over boys & girls, this will go out the window, quickie pronto!) and I know that I have been a fortunate pilgrim up to this point. You see, we have had decades of cheap priced fuel. But those days are over, like an early morning mist, they have evaporated and no longer are to be found.

Back in the day, I could fill up my ‘47 model Plymouth for about $8, then later on, oil embargo prices arrived and the long lines formed. Our local gas station converted to the metric system so it could sell gasoline at more than $1 a gallon without saying so; 33 cents a liter sounds better. (Its no small wonder a gallon of fuel is over $9 in the U.K., look what they use for a standard of measure). Most countries around the world look at us, and consider us foolish (if not fuelish) and think we are crazy.

They KNOW what fuel costs, unlike us.

We know the price of everything but the value of nothing.

Two decades ago, during the Persian Gulf War, gasoline prices were about 32% lower than they are today, and adjusted for inflation it should be about $6 per gallon or more. We have celebrated low oil prices by buying fleets of gas guzzlers, military-size vehicles that boast of fuel efficiency of 10/15 mpg, have the aerodynamics of say, a brick. Our society has been spoiled by all the reduced energy costs over the past three decades, so much that we cannot even fathom that we have a good deal.

Cheap fuel after all, makes us feel better about our world.

So there, I said it, I feel better already.

Please forward your complaints to the appropriate system coordinator at Conoco-Phillips 66, Exxon, BP, or your nearest Arco Station. Now I am sneaking over across the street to siphon some gas, while it is still dark, I need to mow the lawns.

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For Your Information:  Is Ethanol Really A Good Idea

Talkin’ The Talk

"Yeah no joke, it was there one minute and then whoosh it was gone!"

“Yeah no joke, it was there one minute, and then whoosh, it was all gone!”

Turned on the television and there was my favorite Texas Waddie explaining to the American people the current economic mess we seem to find ourselves immersed in. “We currently have a shortage of some $2.5 trillion dollars in the Wall Street Market, and gosh, uh gee whill-ickers, we just don’t know where it went?”

It is not easy being the President of Ameri-kuh. Once again … Proof positive, you can take the boy out of the country, but you cannot take the country out of the boy.

Where he gets this stuff is anyone’s guess. It reminds me of the story where the old man and woman are sitting in the kitchen and the kid comes home from college for the holidays. The old man looks at the boy and says, “Son, give me and your mama some of the benefits of that there Kollege edumaycayshun you been getting.”

So the boy thinks a little bit and then replies, “Eisenstein is quoted as saying pi is square.” The old man looks at the woman and says, “See, I told you it was a waste of time sending him to kollege, corn bread are square … pie is round!”

Education has taken a backseat to a lot of things in this country. It doesn’t seem all that important, and this will come back to haunt us, it is a tragic mistake.

Not long ago, someone sponsored a bill to make English the national language in this country, but it didn’t make it thru Congress. Recently in Oklahoma and several other states similar legislation was attempted and failed, trying to accomplish the very same goal.

Then later on, someone in Oakland, California suggested that “Ebonics” might be good for grade school children, which was a street based version of slang communication. It is currently being used quite a bit on Rap CD’s, Hip-Hop music and has enjoyed wide circulation on MTV.

Me?

I just butcher it up to the best of my abilities and keep right on trucking most of the time. English, I confess, has not always been my strongest suite. Communication is my strongest attribute, I am a pretty good story teller and I use any and all forms to do this in an effective manner.

And then you come across the people who just flat out, do not know how to put it (the language) to good use and effectively communicate in our culture. Here is a prime example that I found this morning surfing the net:

“What is your education for, anyway?” blogging on this site is wreched ok so i have tried to post like 2 time already(that would make this my third attempt) and i’m just going to throw this out there i don’t get blogging. like it doesn’t make sence why cant we all get together and have a conversation, or atleast chat over scype…i understand that this has the advantage of anyone being able to chime in at an time but i can never rember to come on and then when i do it like never gets posted!!!! AHHH

This (the text above) was lifted in its entirety and has not been corrected. I like the header … “What is your education for, anyway?”Uh … Better living thru chemistry?

It is also pretty frightening when you stop to consider it was written (according to the blog author) on a college students’ site. Unfortunately, he is not the exception to the rule, but more so, the norm in this country.

It is no wonder that this country is slowly going to hell in a hand basket.

Seven out of ten sixth-graders believe Pearl Harbor was some woman who used to sing country music tunes. They know who “Beavis & Butt-head” are, but cannot identify the Vice President of the United States, tell you the capitol of Kansas, really don’t know ho to make change for a twenty, other than from your hand to theirs and that is about it.

Recently I read a survey that said 63% of high school seniors move their lips when they read and this I suppose the survey doesn’t even include the ones who cannot read a lick to begin with. Our kids are in the fast lane to Moronville because there is not enough discipline in the classrooms.

Remember those late, great school house days of yesteryear, when hard-a** teachers would slap the fire out of a kid just for the fun of it. Some would say that is what we need more of today. I am not all that big on discipline, having received my fair share of it as a child. But we do need one thing for sure:

What we need is compulsory learning AND discipline.

When all those bleeding-heart liberals banned paddles from the classroom, we might as well have locked the school house doors. When you can get 75 days in the county jail for spanking your own kid for skipping school, then you might as well hang it up. Maybe we need to get back to the “Old Days” for a brief period, and make a necessary course correction for our country.

This why we end up with college students who write:

“Who needs school? Why reads a book, when you can see the movie, stay in an plays Nintendo. Why graduate, when you can sell crack and ride in’s a limo?”

And a sitting Lame Duck U.S. President that says:

Reading is the basics for all learning. Put food on your family. The senator cannot have it both ways. He can’t take the high horse and then claim the low road. Never squat down with your spurs on.”

Not being an expert in language like I said, I don’t believe the above is exactly correct, politically speaking or otherwise.

Two Point Five Trillion dollars  … That is a lot of bucks, wonder where it went?  C’mon Dubyah, give us some good news, tell us something we don’t know.

000

Related: The Old Days

Parting shot: “It is important for parents to live the same things they teach.”