Short – Shorts

Often in life, it just doesn’t add up.  In my case it NEVER adds up.  Been a slow day here at the goat farm, need some sunshine, I am so far in the dark now, they will have to pump it into me when they do find some.  Okay, here is today’s trivia lesson, odds and ends for the cocktail circuit, take them … share them …. be the life of the party!

A full 25% of all Americans believe Sherlock Holmes is a real person, he is not.  Ernest Wrights 1939 novella Gadsby does not contain the letter “e.”  In how many Agatha Christie novels did the butler do it?  None.  Charles Dickens wrote A Christmas Carol in only six weeks.  The average grizzly bear will eat up to ten full grown salmon before being satisfied, that is the equivalent of 40 hamburgers.

Don’t you just hate reading a sign three hours into your scenic hike enjoying the wonders of the outdoors that reads:  “In the unlikely even that a Grizzly Bear attacks, use everything available — including your bare hands — to fight back.  Do not play dead.”

I like that last one … now that is a hoot …. You have this monstrous bear having YOU for lunch and they expect you to be calm?   I-don’

George Washington did not have wooden teeth.  The German crowd witnessing John F. Kennedy‘s speech in Berlin in 1963 did not mistake Ich bin ein Berliner to mean “I am a jelly doughnut.”  Al Gore never said he invented the Internet, though he did state that “During my service in the United States Congress, I took the initiative in creating the Internet”.

Entrapment law in the United States does not forbid police officers from going undercover, or from denying that they are police. It is a common misconception among persons engaged in low-level crime that if an undercover police officer is asked, “Are you a cop?” that they must reveal themselves to avoid entrapment.

You do not have the “right” to a telephone call.   Sorry.  If you get arrested, you’re entitled to make one phone call.  There is no law however, anywhere, that guarantees this.  It is just a courtesy or privilege offered, not a legal right.  Some places, if you are not surly or rude, will actually give you a second call.

Before approving benefits, the Oregon Department of Human Services requires all welfare applicants to take an informational workshop on saving money.  As part of the program, attendees in 2001 received a list of 17 suggested money-saving techniques, one of which was to scavenge for usable items in “residential or business dumpsters.”

When a meteor lands on Earth (after which it is termed a meteorite), it is not usually hot.  In fact, many are found with frost on them. Seasons are not caused by Earth being closer to the sun in summer than in winter. Rather, they are caused by Earth’s tilted axis.  Hair and fingernails do not continue to grow after a person dies.  Rather, the skin dries and shrinks away from the bases of hairs and nails, giving the appearance of growth.

An earthworm does not become two worms when cut in half. An earthworm can survive being bisected, but only the front half of the worm (where the mouth is located) can survive, while the other half dries out or starves to death.  The common cold is not caused by being cold or wet. It is caused by a virus of the rhinovirus family. Being cold or wet may weaken your immune system, making it easier to succumb to the virus.

Not wearing a hat on a cold day will lead to a cold because of heat loss, false, any area of the body that is uncovered will lead to heat loss.  But take it from me … It is better to grab the ballcap.

Name this well known object described in this poetic riddle:

  • My love when I gaze upon thy beautiful face,
  • Careering along, yet always in place
  • The thought has often come into my mind
  • If I ever shall see thy glorious behind.

The Moon

(What were you thinking?)

And finally … The Mathematical formula doesn’t always add up. E=MC2 — A nice looking error if you ask me. (Quick!  Hit the screen saver I think the boss is coming.)


Weight of a soul …

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: “Life is the garment we continually alter, but which never seems to fit.”

This month is rapidly running its appointed course, it all seems to be running together for me, I find that I can no longer keep track of it. Most of the time I do not know “C’mere from Sick ‘em” and that often bothers me. This morning I could not remember what day of the week it was, just got all jammed up, and then I remembered that yesterday I had purchased a newspaper, so I went over to check on that.

Big help that was ….it didn’t help me out at all, it was yesterday’s paper.

Perhaps you caught a glimpse of it, it had an article about me on the front page, it said “Seniors Aging Like Fine Wine.” No picture tho’ … And the usual crap about Obammer and McSame. I don’t know if Obammer is the coming Messiah for America or not. But when you stop to consider the person he will replace as President of the United States next January, he is certainly the second coming of King George.

I apparently have picked up or someone seems to have given me, a nasty little Trojan Horse program that is a little difficult to get rid of. So if you sent it to me or I picked it up at your site, you can have it back, I have tired of it. Spent the first 90 minutes of my morning this morning, trying my level best to kill this little irritant that was probably dreamed up by some little geeky pimple faced adolescent and is giving me fits. This virus is not only tough to get rid of, I am beginning to suspect that it actually is capable of holding a grudge or something.

Nasty little bug.

No longer can I truthfully complain about not going anywhere. I have been in places inside this computer that I literally did not know existed trying to eradicate this thing. Yesterday I was fairly confident that it had taken care of, but there it was, bright and early this morning, and I had to deal with it again. The really bad thing about computers is they are like dogs … they can smell fear.

Wrote out some bills and discovered that I owe the cable company $163.00 (two months service) and I haven’t a clue as to how that happened either. Don’t remember seeing the bill for it around here anywhere, and I suppose now they will be calling me and demanding that I surrender my first born male child, which they will hold for sufficient collateral, until I pay the bill.

I am giving them David … He never mowed the lawn when I told him to and I will save Johnny (his little brother) for later.

Radio Girl left me a note and said it was permissible for me to gnank some pictures of her vegetables. Man, that sounds like some kind of fetish to me … P’sst, hey buddy, c’mere and look at my pictures of these artichokes! (Which is basically generic to Californians, most everyone else in this country has never heard of an artichoke, yet alone, even knows how to cook one). I am passing on the veggie shots girl, I am sticking with the mountains, the clear water streams, the nice greenery of nature. You certainly take some interesting shots and I enjoy them.

As I have been rather verbose here of late, I am making a concentrated effort this day, to shorten the piece. So nothing poignant or profound today. No “half the day, staring at the window, lost, searching for the answer to one simple question, one intimate valuable item concerning the soul of man.”

Only thing that I could come up with was the ultimate weight of a man’s soul.

It weighs twenty pounds. How do I know this? (Glad you asked) That is “exactly” how much weight I lost after my divorce in ’79, twenty pounds that is what a man’s soul weighs.

See you Monday, if I don’t skip it or completely forget it, that is.