Back In The Saddle

Yes Martha, we are back.  Just been hiding out is all.  My stats indicate that I have not been around lately, and I can assure you, that is right.  The last time I posted anything, was about a week ago.  I have been working hard around the old Goat Farm, and trying to learn some new tricks on WordPress.Com (By the way … Do you like the new look?). 

Continue reading

Will You Be My Friend …

images-5One of the best things about life, is friendship.  Good friends are the cornerstone of all relationships.  I still remember and often communicate by telephone, email, my website, with friends that I have had since childhood. 

The younger set have a word for it … BFF … Best Friends Forever. Continue reading

I Am Tired

Have not vented in awhile, so I am going to blow off some steam.  By the way, “this post contains no literary value or socially redeeming information whatsoever.  Any resemblance to anyone living or dead … most likely was on purpose.”  (Lawyers said I might want to put that in there)

Here is what I am tired of:

I am tired of this “what do you want it for?” when I go to buy something.  Why is it the salesperson selling this item feels that he/she “needs to know” what I am going to use it for or where I am going to apply it in my everyday life.  Just sell it to me.  One more (we’re headed for a bonus round Alex) this reply of “No, what you really NEED is this” (instead of what I asked for) … Beam me up Scotty, no intelligent life here, even if it is a “best buy.”

I am tired of needing a couple of these and when I go to the store, or outlet, only to discover there is only “ONE” of them for sale.  What is going on with that?  You need a pair of something and you find only one.  Think about it …  “Who buys only ONE loading ramp?” … Hell’s Angels?

I am tired of having to buy a dozen dry-cell batteries, when the device I use, only requires four.  Why do I have to purchase all the others, that never seem to get used, and when it is time for new ones, these “spares” are now dead and useless.

I am tired of bad Hollywood movies about high-school where all the girls are clearly well-endowed, wearing low-cut, showing a lot of cleavage dresswear and are a bit of a hooker type image in a progressive school and they are the main character.  The only girls I knew in high-school that fit this profile were (A)  Robbing their big brothers sock drawer.  (B)  Using a lot of tissue paper. (C)  The captain of the shot-putt team.

I am tired of sitting waiting on a stop light, when there is nothing coming in either direction, especially at $3.50 per gallon.  Have you noticed that since it got above $3.50 that there is no more talk of:  Offshore drilling, our dependence on other countries for our energy needs, solar power, wind power, the green initiative, shortages or shortfalls?

I am tired of television commercials where the respondents have the I.Q. of say, room temperature.  It is insulting to all of us, and I wish they would stop … because I will never purchase anything that advertises in a stupid fashion (New and Improved dog food?  Don’t squeeze the Charmin.  Bob is really happy!  The government wants to give you free money to name a few).

I am REALLY tired of politicians telling me that they are going to give me the leadership that I not only want … but I deserve.  Which is neither.

I am tired of folks taking multiple cellphone calls in the cafe/restaurant while I am eating lunch and discussing the “size of their blind dates assets” on Saturday night, or what they can legally do about the baby sitter getting into their stash and going thru their clothes closets.

I am tired of teenager’s who walk around the mall in their droopy snoop-dawg underwear, wearing their ball-caps sideways (the bill goes to the front Nimrod) and sing while wearing IPODS … which really sounds bad.  IPODs should have a warning label, much like a pack of cigarettes.  It would read:  “Caution, singing with headphones or earphones on, will not make you sound better to the general public at large.”

I am tired of neighbor’s who take up the entire aisle at WalMart with their shopping carts visiting when I need to get to the Oreos.  People who get in the fast lane (20 items or less) with a cart stuffed tighter than a weight watchers pair of shorts.

I am really tired of the old geezer’s who are happy because they can go fifty miles without stopping for a bathroom break.  And the two romantic bozo’s who sit in the matching bathtubs at the seashore, at sunset, holding hands, and living a richer more productive sex life?  Give me a break.  By the way, did you know the telephone was invented 74 years after the bathtub?  Yeah, no poopy.  You could have soaked for a long time, without the phone ringing, just think about that one for a bit.

I am really tired of medicine that has the following:  Dizziness, dryness of throat, dry cough, sleep disruption, nausea, and explosive diarrhea … Why can’t they put some Imodium ID in this stuff when they are mixing it up to begin with and put a stop to that last one.

I am tired of “Did you find everything you were looking for?” and when you reply, “No.  Where are the ______ ?” and then they say something like … “Okay.”

I am tired of standing in line at the bank waiting on a teller, when there are ten windows, but only TWO girls working the counter.  I am tired of viewing a commercial and the the NEXT commercial is the SAME commercial … I got it the first time.

I am tired of the right lane being shut-down in 1,500 feet for no apparent reason.

And lastly … before I lift off and head for my own planet

I am tired of cheap phones that do not work, and then being required to sign a two year agreement in order to get another cheap phone that does not work, when I have been a good, loyal, valid and documented always paying on time customer, for over ten years.

I guess that would just about cover it … Unless of course …. Something else pop’s up, we will keep you advised.  I am headed out to watch some Charlie’s Angels … Hang loose.

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Dear Self

Coffee is strong this morning (I robbed the pot before it was actually done) it has that rich hearty flavor as they say on the commercials, robust and fine.  I must be insane or something, do they actually believe that I am supposed to accept the statement “that I search the world over, for the ingredients to make the PERFECT DORRITO CHIP?” and while I am at it, might as well set the mood for the piece right?

IF I EVER SEE ANOTHER STUPID FREECREDITSCORE.COM COMMERCIAL AGAIN IN MY LIFE … IT WILL BE TOO SOON.

NOW REALLY …  A Florida man shot his girlfriend because he mistook her for a hog.  I am not making this up.  You can read about it here.  Come to think of it, I had a blind date like that once.  Come on … Give Us A Break.

LIFE IS TOUGH DEPARTMENT …  A fugitive who took a Kansas couple hostage in their home is suing them for $235K.  He claims they accepted his knifepoint offer of money to hide in their house.  But they later breached the oral contract by escaping as he slept.  He then says, “this resulted in my being shot in the back by authorities.”  And therefore the lawsuit.  Stop the world y’honor, I want off.

BRAIN TEASERS …  I will never understand this at all.  A guy locks himself out of the house, so in order to save money (by not calling a locksmith) he crawls down the chimney of his house and gets lodged and has to be rescued.  Now here is the rub, “what makes someone believe they are going to get by the damper?”  I mean it is just plain stooopid.

Here is another one.  All you people who pick your nose at the stoplight while sitting in your car?  Do you actually believe you are invisible to the rest of us?

C’mon!

DEAR SELF … If you were asked to write yourself a letter when you were sixteen years old, what would you write to yourself?  Now that is an interesting subject to tackle this morning, how would you formulate a response to this question …

What would you say to your 16 year old self?

Would you have warned yourself to steer clear of mind altering substances (drugs) and not to date all those trashy women who did not appreciate you.  How about the no load guys who were too lazy to get a job, and wanted to sponge off not only your good looks but also your generosity.

What would you have written in this letter?

My Dearest Teenage Don, I had a urinary tract infection … again. 



That sentence appeared in my head as I thought about this premise (idea), just as you see it above. I have no idea what it means, other than the obvious. Regardless, I thought it’d be interesting to begin a letter to my teenage self with it and just see where it goes. 



Teenage Don, I had a urinary tract infection … again.

I had to go to the family clinic.  Mom’s doctor liked to abbreviate the condition to UTI. He said that my only option non-specific-uretharitis was in this case was cranberry juice and abstinence. Thankfully, my mother, was always very understanding. How she knew about these kind of things, I will never know. 

When I asked Dad he just said, “go ask your mother.” 

Just remember this:  Life is tough when you are sixteen, and things just kind of gravitate towards that goal for the remainder of your life, and of course, stamps will cost a LOT more when YOU write yourself a letter when you are sixty and I am dead. 

So here is my advice to you this day. 

Try desperately to get young supple ladies to wrap their legs around your 27 inch waist, learn to juggle, play frisbee, always use Zig-Zag rolling papers, drink Sweet Bitch wine from Chile, that has been cooled in the surf of the Pacific Ocean by means of a long string and a beach of fine white sand.  Always avoid window-pane acid (I mean, who would want to watch their face melt in a mirror without suffering a full-blown psychotic break?) and by all means, as you age and mature, stay away from politics in any way, shape, form or manner. 

You should be okay (maybe).

Ok, there is mine, what is yours, what would you say to your sixteen year old self, if you had the chance?

See you at the water cooler

OOO

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Early Morning Musings From A Red State.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:  “Anybody who wants the presidency so much that he’ll spend two years organizing and campaigning for it is not to be trusted with the office.”

So Obammer chooses Joe Biden, where is the change in that?  A career politician, 36 years and still going, who gives long winded speeches, using his or other people’s thoughts and words?

The new “Obamma America.”

This week I received an email from Ireland to the brethren in the States…a point to ponder despite your political affiliation:  ‘We, in Ireland, can’t figure out why people are even bothering to hold an election in the United States this year.

On one side, you have a pants wearing woman lawyer, married to a lawyer who can’t keep his pants on, who just lost a long and heated primary that they still  haven’t paid for yet, against a lawyer who states he is ‘black’ when it is  documented that he is only 12% ‘black’, who goes to the wrong church, who has  stated that he wants his countrymen to learn to speak Spanish rather than English, who refuses to put his hand over his heart and say the pledge of allegiance or wear the flag of the country he wants to run, who can’t remember if there are 50 or 57 states in his own country, who is married to yet another lawyer who doesn’t even like the country her husband wants to run.

Now…On the other side, you have a nice old war hero whose name starts with the appropriate ‘Mc’ terminology married to a good looking younger woman who owns a beer distributorship.  What in Lord’s name are ye lads thinking over there?

Unfortunately, it is not that easy nor is it all that cut and dried … Politics is not the art of the possible.  It consists in choosing between the disastrous and the unpalatable.  Put these two in charge of the Sahara Desert it will eventually run out of sand.

Amtrak train bound for San Diego ran out of fuel over the weekend.  It was the little engine that couldn’t. A quick train trip down the coast turned into a long haul for dozens of stranded Amtrak passengers when their train from Los Angeles to San Diego ran out of fuel over the weekend.  The train sat for about two hours in the Sorrento Valley neighborhood in northern San Diego before another engine came along to push it to its final destination.

It arrived early Monday morning. The Local Trainmaster said a train running out of fuel is “an unusual occurrence” and Amtrak officials will be looking into how it happened later Monday.  AMTRAK is a “government run entity” in case you didn’t know.

I used to work on a railroad and often my duties were to ride or work the Santa Fe Chief Passenger train that ran from Chicago to Dallas.  On one particular day a brakeman got into a bit of predicament with a lady passenger and her baby.  During the course of the conversation he had mentioned that “her baby was the ugliest baby that he had ever seen” aboard a train.

Which of course did not sit well with the passenger and she went to the conductor of the train and in no uncertain terms, told him what she thought of this thoughtless and uncaring employee of the railroad.

The conductor understanding her concern and trying his level best to make do of a bad situation told the woman that he would have a long talk with the brakeman and he would get him straightened out.

He also told her that “it was not the policy of the railroad to hurt, injure or inflame the passengers that rode their trains, that he would as a way of correcting this obvious situation offer the lady a free meal in the diner car located towards the rear of the train.”

He said to the upset patron, “Please go towards the rear of the train, to the dining car, and tell the people there, that I am issuing you a free meal” and they are to bill me personally for it.

The woman smiled a big smile and replied, “Thank you so very much.”

To which the conductor added, “No thanks necessary, it is the least I could do.  And while you are there, make sure they give you a banana for your monkey.”

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