Just My Luck … One Of Those Days

DSC01671Here we go!  Thinking outside the proverbial well wrapped holiday box.  It is cold and rainy outside and I cannot go diving in fountains late at night for loose change, and stealing the wishes of small children.  So today I will stay inside and work on this.

It happens to the best of us every now and then, one of those days, when life just doesn’t seem to gel.

Look at the Snapple Bottles, someone screwed up, and I always wonder “How many of them went thru upside down” before someone figured it was not just right?

But then again, I am a little bit left of center most of the time anyway.

What’s For Supper?  An Australian man lost his savings when he hid $15,000 in cash in the oven, on the mistaken belief that his wife never used it.  The man had just sold his beloved sports car to make a mortgage payment.  But after he put the money in the stove for safe-keeping, his wife turned it on to cook chicken nuggets for their children.  Everything was sort of okay, until the burned bills filled the kitchen with smoke.

The Mouse That Roared.  A Canadian man nearly blew his own head off while trying to kill a mouse with a rifle.  Yes, I said “a mouse with a rifle.”  He tried to crush the scurrying rodent with the butt of his rifle, but when he slammed the weapon on the floor, it discharged.  The bullet grazed his head, but did not badly wound him.  No word on what happened to the mouse.

An elephant and a mouse got married.  The next morning, the little mouse woke up and rolled over only to find his elephant bride had died during the night.  He shrugged his shoulders and sighed, then said, “Just my luck.  One night of married bliss and now I spend the rest of my life digging a grave.”

Yeah I know … Whadya expect for free?

High Price Of Winning.  With the soaring value of gold these days, did you know the average gold medal at the Olympic’s contains only 1.34 percent gold?  At current pricing for the precious metal 100% gold would put the price of the medallion at over $25,000 each.  This would bring the price tab for the games to about $40 million all total.  That is a lot of gold in anyone’s book.

Cover me I am changing lanes.  Florida is now the #1 state in the nation for concealed weapons permits.  80% of those permits are issued to men, and they are predominately middle aged.  Some 15,000 permits per month are being issued in the Sunshine State.

I want the truth!  You can’t stand the truth!  Here it comes … Should any one of you be offended at this, first ask yourself: Can I handle the truth?  Two magazines, Country Living (95.99% white readership) and Ebony-Jet (99.99% black readership) did surveys on “What do people fear the most?”

The results were interesting, to say the least …  Country Living magazine’s top three answers were:

1. Nuclear war/terrorist attack in U.S

2. Child/spouse dying

3. Terminal illness

Ebony-Jet magazine’s top three answers were:

1. Ghosts

2. Dogs

3. Registered mail

No Kidding. Who are these people who do these so-called survey’s and where do they live?

It pays to be grouchy.  It is now possible to lose your job in 29 states for being gay.  Companies can legally fire you according to the Human Rights Campaign, which is a gay, lesbian, and transgender civil rights group.  So it is best to be bitchy, cranky, out of sorts like the rest of your co-workers if you want to make sure you stay viably employed in this day and age.  Just be hateful and mean, gay isn’t going to cut it.

No, wait a minute, I might have that one wrong?

Starbucks Parlors.  A South Carolina funeral home is opening a Starbucks in their lobby and the funeral home owner hopes it will help people in mourning.  To help them get their mind off of what is going on.  Wonder what they will call it?

Time to meet your mocha.

Still above the ground cafe.

Latte for your own funeral.

Oh well, like I said, “there are days like that” … b’sides the word count on the first draft, came to 666, and I just could not allow that to stand.  After all … A positive anything is better than a negative nothing.

See you at the water-cooler.


Here is a sampling of what folks have been reading this week at Creative Endeavors:

Home page / Archives  
Bikinis (The reason men are pigs)  
Off The Wagon  
Clear Blue Sky  
The Worry Tree  
Pavlov’s Dog  
Goin With The Flow  
Change Of Heart  
A Moment In Time  
Mr. Gorsky

Fluffy Is A Killer


Most of the time when I am really curious about something, I would institute a survey on the issue and see what the results might be.  But I have discovered that survey’s usually are ineffective on webpages and most people do not respond.  The last survey we did here, was as follows:  380 views on the page, 88 viewers that day that were new to the site, and only 1 vote cast.

Pretty bad.  This is why we do not do surveys.

If you were however to do a survey on pets, I would guess that the majority of website owners or Internet habitants have a cat for a pet, versus a dog or some other animal.  I see them (cats) mentioned all the time in their respective posts and/or photo’s.  Having no real data to support this, I would venture an opinion that the cat is most likely, the number one pet in America.  But I do not know for sure.

Recently I read a survey on the felines.  Some the things it presented were surprising to say the least.  When let outside the typical house cat turns into a killing machine.  I would wager that most cat owners were unaware of that fact.  University of Georgia researchers made this discovery when they strapped a camera onto the collars of some 60 domestic cats.  During a period of a week or so, they intently observed what the feline’s were doing while outside.

They found that 44% of the cats when released from the home, immediately went hunting, but they only brought home about a quarter of their prey.  This incidentally was broken down into lizards, snakes, frogs, rabbits, chipmunks, and birds.  This survey is interesting in the fact that it presents us with a totally different look at our pets, and what they do when outside.

It suggests that previous estimates of damage that America’s 74 million house cats will do to wildlife in general (this does not take into account wild cats, feral cats which live wild).  It appears that previous estimates on the damage the cats were capable of was underestimated.

Remember the survey’s before did not include the animals the cats killed, ate or left behind.  All of this is important because why?  The American Bird Conservancy says that cat predation is one reason why one in three American bird species is in serious decline.

The camera footage also gives us a good glimpse into what it is that kitty does when it is outside and on the roam.  It also proves the old adage:  “Curiosity killed the cat.”

Surprisingly, cats are a danger to themselves.  The video shows them engaged in potentially life-threatening behaviors’ like crossing roads, eating and drinking unknown substances, and exploring tight spaces.

And here is the kicker in all this.  

Several of the cats in the survey, unbeknown to their owners, also routinely visited a second family for extra treats and petting.  Next time you finally succumb to the constant whining and persistent mind numbing meowing of Fluffy to get outside, when you open the door and let him/she out, think about what the damage to the environment you are doing this day.

Fluffy it seems is a natural hunter and killer, despite his purring demeanor and charm.


What folks have been reading this week at Creative Endeavors:

Home page / Archives  
Bikinis (The reason men are pigs)  
Looking Back On It All … 2012  
Missed Opportunities  
Christmas Last Year 2012  
Fluffy Is A Killer  
Lock N Load  
Mr. Gorsky  
The Worry Tree

Monday Morning Pick Me Up



Monday morning, I have those get up, wake up, eat your eggs and oatmeal, rush to work blues!

It may be that I have completely lost my mind, but I added a new feature to the website this weekend.  You can now “rate the post” if you wish to do so (and as always, leave a comment if you so desire).

This may or may not be a good thing, I am not all that sure, only time will tell.  Please try and be kind … and by the way there is no this “Really Sucks” button … Sorry.

Just this week someone commented, “I like your posts, they are informative and humorous.”  Did you know that the U.S. Declaration of Independence has a total of 1,337 words?  Words that launched a nation.  The Bible, the Word of God, has about 773,000 words, so I am told.  And the U.S. Tax Code has approximately 7,000,000 and it is still growing.  Now that is incredible to me.

Okay, quick quiz.

What was the name of John Wayne’s horse? Anyone, anyone …. “Duke.”
We all knew Trigger, Roy’s trusty steed, what about Dale’s horse …. Anyone, anyone? …. “Butter Milk.” Don’t forget Pat, the jeep?  C’mon now … “Nelly Belle.” Gotta go, Sky King and Penny are coming on and I haven’t had my cholesterol lowering cereal this morning.

Best remember these little ditties; you never know when you might be called upon to come up with something witty and interesting on the Cocktail Circuit.  You remember that old saying?  “A mind is a terrible thing, and it must be stopped before it kills someone!” … “Have you seen the new bear cub’s at the zoo?”…. And my favorite, without a doubt …. “A watched pot never boils.  But it does get paranoid.”

So, what has been happening?  Earlier in the week while we were on the road, I got this email from a person and it said, “This sounds like the kind of joke you would tell.”  The email went on to explain the joke to me, which I will spare all of you the misery and will NOT pass it on.  The thing that bugs me about the situation, this was an off-color joke, and I don’t tell off color jokes.

I guess what is buggin’ me is this ….What type of image is it that I project to folks that would make them think I enjoy garbage like that?  Well, having said that, I will move on.  It is not often easy being me.  But I cannot be anyone else, you see, “everyone else has been taken, I have to be me.”

Don’t you just hate clicking on an email, and when it opens up you see something like this.  “Dear Mr. Smith, my name is Franklin J. Fenstamacher, I am an Agent with the U.S. Copyright Infringement Division here in Washington D.C.  It has come to our attention that … Now those types of email I read them all the way to the end.  Man!  I hate emails like those; don’t you guys hate emails like that?

You guys get them too, right.

Last week was a pretty good week, all in all.  Most of it was pleasant and positive in nature, and that always helps.  Did get some pretty negative stuff over a couple days about mid-week, but it wasn’t anything that could not be handled.  Especially if you are a kind, generous, and the wonderfully sensitive guy like I is …  A few detractors, I call them “non-fans” but that is no big deal either.  If you chum the waters, you have to expect to find some sharks showing up from time to time.

Just another week, some of it good and some of it, not so good.

On the downside (there is always a downside), I hate receiving negative emails, they drive me up the proverbial wall.  Two in particular really have been weighing heavily on my mind. They addressed the loss of a long time friend, and another was a spouse, these are the types of emails I just cannot bear to read.  Personally I don’t see how some of those folks that are putting a “Memorial Site” together do it.  I am not geared for something like that.

Interesting week … Like they say … Life is not measured by the numbers of breath we take … but rather … By the moments that take our breath away.  I guess it would all be rather boring, slow and mundane, if everything went the way WE wanted it to.

It would be nice to receive something uplifting and positive in nature every now and then, something like:  No two snowflakes are exactly alike.  All snowflakes start out the same: as a hexagonal crystal formed on a single particle of dust.

As it falls through a cloud, the flake begins to change shape dramatically from the cold and moisture inside the cloud, building on itself in a complex pattern.  The only way you could have two identical snowflakes would be if they followed the exact same pattern as they fell through the sky … which they don’t.  It is the same with people.

No two people are exactly the same.  You are totally unique and different from all those folks who surround you each day.  What makes you special is: “When I am around you, I feel more intellectually challenged.  Thank you for that.  When I am around you I come alive, feel inspired, and have fun.  You have that uncanny characteristic that just naturally seems to bring about the best in people; those who you come in contact with definitely are rewarded by your presence.  Thanks for having such a great impact on me.”

Next time you get a “downer email” send something positive and uplifting back …. Something simple and to the point …  Just tell ‘em …. “Thank You for being so dog-gone special” …..  Yeah that would be okay, that would be just fine.

Life …. What happens when you are not looking.


Outside the box


Two-Thousand and Nine

I never thought I would live this long, yet alone, be here to see it happen. It came like a thief in the night, and because I am an old geezer, I slept right thru it. So I now have my disposal, a completely new year (which is better than last year, all I got last year was less than nine months) to devote to the ever-evolving bastardization of the written and spoken language and cultural idolization of celebrities and politicians in America.

Yes, it is a tough job, but someone has to do it.

A totally New Year … I am as always over joyed. I can now make fun of people who use expressions such as “Aw, snap, son. Check ou the fine-ass sho-tee rockin’ all dat ice.” Which translates to: “Hello, my good sir. Take a gander at the beautiful woman wearing the expensive jewels.”

I can continue to cover the political scene as it unravels the fabric of American Society with such wonderful quotes as: “It’s time to put on the brakes and move ahead.” Iowa Democratic primary gubernatorial hopeful Michael Blouin, during a debate. Dan Quayle may be gone, but the fields are still ripe and the glean is good.

Believe it or not, you are currently reading one of the “fastest growing wordpress.com blogs” there are. And by the grace of Father Time and a paid up subscription to WordPress.com/Internet providers, we have been allowed 12 more months for our particular brand of insanity. Who says there isn’t a God? Now we can continue the practice of giving you all the latest statistic’s on the not so important things in life.

Stuff like: “According to a survey, 85% of men admit they surf the Internet wearing nothing but their underwear. 63% percent state that is how they lost their last job.” Or comments such as “Thanks to the Internet, I had my identity stolen a few months back, but I didn’t notify anyone about it, as the Cyber Criminals were spending less on my Credit Cards than my wife.

12 more months of giving you an alternative to the news. “Here are ten more things that are really going to upset you and p*** you off … film at eleven!” Live, Local, Late Breaking …. And it is not going to be good. The news in 2008 was so downright bad, it made me so paranoid, I actually installed a rear-view-blind-spot- mirror on my stationary bike.

If it were not for the comments section of Margaret & Helen I would have most likely went completely bonkers.

I just finished reading another email missive on the banking crisis and once again the news is dismal, very dire, and I find myself perplexed, and anxious.

New Year or not. I just wish it would all go away, I feel as if I am being sucked into it, I did not create this mess, I am not responsible for it, and I should not have to cope with it on a daily basis. That is how I feel about it.

A New Year to talk about the current state of things in the economy which always has me deeply concerned. I used to laugh and make fun of old age, saying things such as “Be kind to your kids, they are the one’s that pick out your Rest Home” and making light of it all. But it has gotten so damn bad in this country, now it is looking like “Hey, let’s drive Grandpa down the Interstate a ways, and leave him in the rest area.”

Not very encouraging any more y’know it.

It would be much better for me, my life in general that is, if I could just come in here early in the morning, sit down with my fresh cup of coffee and my little pile of banana chips, and write about having a nice day. But the well-known “Have A Nice Day” has just died off, it has been replaced with “Hope You Have A Good One?” — “Ýou don’t like the price. Go somewhere else.” – “You owe me two more pennies.” — or something like that.

Just like finding a good Home Depot or Star Bucks that is still open — There aren’t many nice days around anymore, face it.

Happy New Years … Here we go, 1 million hits by March 12th, 2009 … Tell all your friends, I have already told mine, all three of ’em.


Nobody’s Watching


Shoppin for the holidays

It is late in the day, you are loaded down with bags of recent purchases, in tow are three little dinkers, it is cold and the wind has a bite to it.  They are cold and they are cranky.  And to make matters worse, you cannot for the life of you figure out where it was exactly that you have parked the family car.

You walk a ways, stop, lean down and admonish everyone to just “shush, so Mommie can find the car” and then slowly the right arm goes up, at the end of the arm in her hand, the keys to the automobile and the remote control.  She pushes it several times and changes the angle and direction, again she clicks it and nothing.

Then she says, “Okay we will have to walk some more.”  Life in America.  Christmas time at the mall.

Actually I did that once.  Well, I had a similar experience you might say.  It was at the State Fair, we walked out into this vast lot and down the row, at the end of the row I stopped in front of what was a vacant spot.  The wife looked at me and said, “Where is the car?  Where did you park the car?” and I pointed to the vacant spot and said, “right there.”

She then in a very understanding manner blurted out ……. “Don’t screw around I am cold.”  But that is where I parked it, and then later on, someone came by and stole it.  I sure hope Mommie finds the car this day, I know exactly how she feels.

You Want Fries With That?

Americans now weigh on average, six pounds more than they did some seven years ago.  Nearly 60% of American’s say they would like to lose weight, while 34% want to maintain their weight, 6% were busy eating and would not talk with their mouth full.  Here are some other numbers for you.  59% of all Americans say they favor a labor union compared with 31% who hold an unfavorable opinion of unions.

Good News For Our Border Buddies.

The dollar in recent weeks has made a small comeback, and has actually risen against the Mexican Peso spurring a new flood of Mexican immigration.  The favorable exchange rate enables Mexicans in the U.S., to send even more money home.

Just one very apparent snag, all of the jobs for immigrants in the U.S. have dried up with this dog economy that Bush has left us with.  A year ago $1,000 bought about 10,000 peso’s.  Today the same sum buys 13,400 peso’s.  But it is the same old sad story … those who need it most, don’t have it.

Sticky Fingers

Winona Ryder maybe in a little hot water, it seems some $125,000 worth of jewelry she had on loan, has disappeared.  She claims that she left it with the desk clerk in the hotel after the party and that they had them for “safe keeping.”  The actress, who was convicted of shoplifting in 2001 swears that she doesn’t know what happened to them, and the hotel has no video tape evidence of her ever turning the items over to the desk clerk.  Hmmm?

T’is the season to be generous

Fort Myers Florida.   For the third year in a row, a gold coin worth about $1,000 has shown up in a Salvation Army kettle in Lee County. The Liberty Eagle coin was left with a message on its case: “In Memory of Mimi.” Salvation Army Maj. Art Penhale said the money will help 3,200 families.

I didn’t see nuthin’

Washington DC.  An independent review of the city tax office said manager Harriette Walters was able to embezzle more than $48 million largely because of a “culture of apathy and silence” in the office. The conclusion is part of a report by law firm WilmerHale, hired by the City Council.

Now let us pause to stop and reflect, shall we?

  • Security in our society is everywhere.
  • There are camera’s at the mall, cameras in the convenience stores, at the stop lights.
  • There are cameras at the bank, guards at the bank, and cameras at the ATM Machines
  • We are for the most part … Constantly watched …
  • Yet this gal walks off with $48 million and some banker toad in New York fleeces investors out of over $50 Billion.

Things have surely gotten better in this country.  When they dug the Erie Canal, they paid $1 and a quart of whiskey per day … Now people are walking off with an ocean of money and no one sees them do it.

Do The Math

My friend Bill in Florida, he will love this one.  Now here is something interesting.  31% of Americans say that the recession has forced them to cut back on necessities such as food and medicine.  While 38% say they have cut their heating and electric bills.  And additional 67% say they plan to spend less on Christmas and Hanukkah gifts this year, this according to a CNN/Opinion Research.

Did you catch it?

That is 136% and this shows you why you can never believe statistic’s for their face value and of course, watch CNN for anything other than simple entertainment or time wasting.

Pull Up Yo’ Droppy Drawers … It’s about time.

Beaufort South Carolina.   The Jasper County Council passed an ordinance prohibiting sagging pants in public – defined as more than 3 inches below the hips and exposing skin or underwear. The vote was 2-1, with two council members absent. The ordinance carries fines between $25 and $500. It also bars parents from allowing minors’ pants to sag. Dissenting Councilwoman Gladys Jones said sagging pants indicate a negative self-image, but the government should not dictate to parents.

So much for another Thursday gang, tomorrow we will talk about Mr. Bush and his farewell tour, “glad you are here, this is my version of 9-11 and how I did not start a pointless war, dismantle your Constitution or superciliously delete your rights, and would you please put your shoes back on, it is really stinking up the hall.

Now even Condolesa is confessing “that in reality, nothing really bad ever happened, and it has been one big happy mistake.”  Seems that if you lie down with a dog, you do get up smelling like one.  Bush is leaving office with what might be a possible all time unfavorable record for a departing president.

Something like 18% of all American’s now say that they will definitely not miss him.

One thing for sure, the response “you are” is no longer acceptable as a response for the question “What’s Happening?”  Now you can pack up and head for Texas, where you can sit in your new million dollar home furiously pressing the “refresh button” on your computer, trying to find someone to give you a speaking engagement to “replenish the old coffers” as you put it.

Good luck.


“The cartoon courtesy of Center for American Progress” (online)

What Were You Thinkin


Dr. Phil’s test, here you go, try this!  Dr. Phil scored 55, he did this test on Oprah and she got a 38. Some folks pay a lot of money to find this stuff out!

Read on, this is very interesting!  Don’t be overly sensitive!  The following is pretty accurate and it only takes a few minutes. Take this test for yourself and send it on to your friends. Print it out and place it under the Christmas Tree, makes a nifty place-mat setting for the Holidays ….

Don’t peek, but begin the test as you scroll down and answer. Answers are for who you are now and not who you were in the past. Have pen or pencil and paper ready. This is a real test given by the Human Relations Dept. at many of the major corporations today.

This simple little test helps them get better insight concerning their employees and in their prospective employees.  It is instrumental in our trying times to inquire of whom you are hiring.  The mind is a terrible thing, and it must be stopped before it kills somebody!  That kind of thing.

It’s only 10 Simple questions, so grab a pencil and paper, keeping track of your20 letter answers to each question.  Ready? Begin.

1. When do you feel your best…

A) in the morning
B) during the afternoon and early evening
C) late at night

2. You usually walk…

A) fairly fast, with long steps
B) fairly fast, with little steps
C) less fast head up, looking the world in the face
D) less fast, head down
E) very slowly

3. When talking to people you…

A) stand with your arms folded
B) have your hands clasped
C) have one or both your hands on your hips
D) touch or push the person to whom you are talking
E) play with your ear, touch your chin, or smooth your hair

4. When relaxing, you sit with…

A) your knees bent with your legs neatly side by side
B) your legs crossed
C) your legs stretched out or straight
D) one leg curled under you

5. When something really amuses you, you react with…

A) big appreciated laugh
B) a laugh, but not a loud one
C) a quiet chuckle
D) a sheepish smile

6. When you go to a party or social gathering you…

A) make a loud entrance so everyone notices you
B) make a quiet entrance, looking around for someone you know
C) make the quietest entrance, trying to stay unnoticed

7. You’re working very hard, concentrating hard, and you’re interrupted…

A) welcome the break
B) feel extremely irritated
C) vary between these two extremes

8. Which of the following colors do you like most…

A) Red or orange
B) black
C) yellow or light blue
D) green
E) dark blue or purple
F) white
G) brown or gray

9.. When you are in bed at night, in those last few moments before going to sleep you are…

A) stretched out on your back
B) stretched out face down on your stomach
C)on your side, slightly curled
D)with your head on one arm
E) with your head under the covers.

10.You often dream that you are…
B) fighting or struggling.
C) Searching for something or somebody
D) flying or floating

E) you usually have dreamless sleep
F) your dreams are always pleasant

Answers Here


I Got Nuthin …


No, that cannot be right. Okay I am checking out this Bigfoot picture of the week or the day, and I am thinking perhaps one of the world’s mysteries has been solved? Have we really found the legendary Bigfoot?

There are just too many stories in the news about Bigfoot for him not to exist. Sooner or later, one of them would have to die, especially if they lived in Georgia. Have you ever been to Georgia in the summertime?

I rest my case.

It’s been a long time coming. I believe it is about time we saw some concrete evidence like this. I expect to hear a few apologies from my inner circle of “reasonably sane” friends for making a fool of me all of these years. Snickering and giggling at me, and at the same time, hogging all the quality time with the bong.

Or it could be that possibly a couple more Budweiser swilling loons who want to be in the news made this entire thing up. They did say that they were “Bigfoot hunters” and claimed that other Bigfoot specie’s stalked them while they were removing the body from the woods.

With DNA testing advanced to the point that it is, I kind of think that would be foolhardy at best if it is a hoax.

Perhaps they have really found the corpse of Sequatchie, the Sonics Mascot, who simply had a massive coronary while reacting to the thought of having to come to Oklahoma? Never did mention if it was a male Big footer or a female Big footer …. I am sure the National Enquirer or the London Post will be running something on it soon. I am curious, do the women Bigfoot outlive the men Bigfoot, like it is here in America. (Now don’t send me any letters, I am not implying that American women have big feet here).  Could it be this legendary creature of the forests of America and Canada has been discovered?

I mean after John Edwards, anything is possible… right?

Now it is time for me to insert my bigfoot in my mouth, as I am prone to do, and wade into dangerous waters.  I just love living on the edge.  Danger is my middle name … Yeah sure.

Did you know that a “sex life” is important? 77% of mothers responding to a recent online survey said it was. But while 56% say they want to have more sex, 54% say they’re the ones who reject it. Did you catch that? 56+54=110% …. Hmmmmm?

Of 2,528 respondents to a Momlogic.com “sexless Marriages” survey, 36% are romantic one to three times a week, almost half of the girls report that the hubby is the one who initiates the amorous adventures. 38% say both equally initiate it, about a quarter say they would rather take a bubble bath or read a book.

But nearly half (49%) say that if they have sex, it is “because they want it.” The other 51% I suppose would rather go to a dentist and have an impacted wisdom tooth removed without Novocain or something like that.

Why isn’t there a survey for men?

I always see all of these surveys for women, but seldom see one for the guys. Why is up with that? Here is a question, “When you play prisoner of war, do you remember who it is that gets tied up?” ….. Yeah, that would be a cool question for sure “When you are ready to re-charge your bedroom antics, do you still remember where to hook up the cables?”

Now here is the proverbial other side of the coin … Love is in the air … Or how a Washington man found out how to say “Yes Dear” … Fast!

POULSBO, Wash. (AP) — A Poulsbo woman was jailed after being accused of beating up her fiancé at their prenuptial party. Kitsap County sheriff’s deputies said the woman’s 12-year-old son told her he saw her fiancé kissing one of her women friends early Thursday morning.

Deputies said the woman, 31, gave her friends the boot, told her fiancé to leave, too, and then started hitting him in the face. When he left the house, they say, she tackled him football-style, punched him some more, threw his watch into the bushes and broke his glasses.

Responding to a 911 call from her son, deputies arrested the woman for investigation of fourth-degree assault. Sheriff’s Lt. Kathy Collings said the woman was released from jail later Thursday. There’s no word on whether the marriage took place.

And everyone wonders why it is that women outlive men and we die off early?

Well, I will just tell you, right now, we will set the record straight on this one … “I am the King of my Castle, this old dog wags his tail just as hard downtown as he does at home.” And I have my wife’s permission to say that.

Like I said … I Got Nuthin’ … And if “the little woman” reads this, my prospects for the future aren’t looking too rosy either.