Satan The Destroyer

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The Devil made me do it.  Believe it was Flip Wilson who coined the term first.  Satan wanted to destroy the world, so he gave the world drugs.  Shortly thereafter he realized that not all the people in the world were going to do drugs, only the weak, the ineffective, the true losers in life.  The proverbial Monkey Wrench enters the picture, the snag in the master plan has been discovered.   He had to come up with something else.

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Back Of The Lot

kwTruckstop Elegies.

Back of the lot, the quiet part of the place, and I find myself once again swimming in familiar waters, I am at home here, I am at ease.  I used to be a trucker, although this breed here now, is totally different.

Been doing a little reading, some idle time staring out the window, relaxing.  I am finishing up on Management Principles of Attila The Hun and will move onto some other suitable written fare.

I have another waiting in the wings, “Snark:  It’s mean, it’s personal and it’s ruining our conversation.” Simon & Schuster, 122 pgs, about $16  written by David Deny.  It is about the Internet and the Cheap Shot everyone seems to want to take these days, may be pretty good, I will let you know.  Hey it beats the news, nothing good in the news here lately, except for Ol’ Shorty leaving town … He sure is taking a long time to say good-bye.

Nice to just be able to sit back and read a little, get away from the house, the television set, the barking dogs, and the ghetto bird (Police helicopter overhead). Weather is better here, not real cold, like up state in Oklahoma.

I am reminded of a trip about four years ago, some fifteen days in nature, a little over 3,000 miles and we NEVER turned the Television in the RV on one time. We just sit here in our old clunker and minded our own business, both of us into our rituals.  At peace with the world.

Ah peace — nothing quite like it.

Y’know, Attila was a pretty nasty dude, don’t believe I would like to be on his bad side. Nowadays, people don’t get really bad sounding names, it is just not “Politically Correct” or something.

You can no longer have a Alexander The Great, Or Napoleon the Conquer, Ginghus Khan.  We have George Herbert Walker Bush, George W. Bush, Jeb Bush, nothing all that spectacular about any of those.

I wonder how old Shorty will be remembered, he certainly will not come under the heading of “Great.”  That is for sure, most likely “George The Mediocre” or “George The Storyteller” something like that, I think “Scumbag” has been already reserved.

Will history be kind to Bush, will he get his famous moniker?  I suppose it is fitting, super-hero’s get the super names, and feckless politicians get the rest, it seems only right.  If Bro George did achieve the status of a Super Hero (very doubtful) he would be required to wear his underwear on the “outside” of his costume.

I would almost bet the farm on that one.

Any of you remember that episode of Sienfield where George Kastanza double dipped the chip?  In that episode Kastanza double dips this chip into some dip and this other guy observes him do it and then the hostilities begin.  Some amusing stuff.

Turns out that there could be some validation to the stopping of this practice.  Personally I feel as if double dipping your chip into the communal bowl is just not cool.  Preliminary results from an international study indicates that double dipping can transfer up to 10,000 bacteria from a partygoer’s mouth to the salsa or guacamole bowl.

So consider this, “if you are at a party, and you are contemplating taking part in the festivities and the dip bowl, look around the room and ask yourself, would I be willing to kiss everyone here?

I-don’t-think-so.com

Some of my friends are ragging me about “not calling them as much” and they have good reason, I am not using my cellphone all that much anymore.  We don’t have a land line, we have two cellphones, and that is it.  I keep reading all of these articles and studies on the cellphone and when I read that a Pittsburgh Cancer Institute recently warned all of its employee’s to stop the use of the phones or to cut back on their use because of brain tumors.  That was enough for me.  I am still using mine but it is on speaker phone and that is it, no more putting it up to the ear.

Better to be safe than sorry.

Anyone watch Sex In The City, a popular sitcom on television, believe they run it on Bravo Channel.  Then there is real life.  New Yorkers it seems are infected with STD’s and one in four have genital herpes.  Herpe’s is treatable, but once you get it, you are stuck with it, it doesn’t go away.  The virus can lead to bigger health problems.  Genital herpes will create a lot of sores in places that are, let us say are extremely uncomfortable, and it also fosters the spread of HIV.

Here is another new problem for men.  A recent study indicates that men do not perform well with “beautiful women” and contact with these beauties actually can lead to depression.  Looking at photos of models in bikinis in magazines such as Maxim and FHM made men feel unworthy of such beauties, and therefore inadequate and lonely.

Too many issues to deal with for me.

I am going to stay here in the Heartland and mind my own business, no sex in the city or Super Models for me, just the familiar Friday Night whining of “Why won’t you put on the Monkey Mask?  C’mon Honey!

That works for me.

Been getting a lot of email concerning God and religion here lately, evidently everyone seems concerned about my heathenistic attitude and are worried about what is left of my soul.  If you want mail, lot’s of mail, just put up something vaguely mentioning God and/or religion and you will receive your fair share of mail.  And some of it will be good — and some of it will be from the nut jobs.

Be ready.

The back doors of the Mt. Olive Baptist Church exploded, and the room filled with excitement almost instantly.  One lady stood up and shrieked at the top of her lungs, “It is Satan, the Devil is here!” And people got up and started running for the nearest exits, the windows, over the pews, crawling over little children in their haste to evacuate the building.

Down at the front of the church, in the second pew, sat one lonely soul.

All alone in the empty building now, he didn’t seem all that concerned about it at all.  The Devil walked down the aisle, stood next to him, peered down and said, “Do you know who I am?”

The little man looked up, and said, “I sure do.  You are Satan, the Devil, that is who you are.” So then Satan says to him, “Why didn’t your run with the rest of those cowards?”

The little man looked up and said, “Hey man, I been married to your sister, for forty-three years.”

Later, me and the duck are gonna go for a walk now.

000

Related: Hammer Down

Sign Of The Times

Yesterday I was entering a convenience store and on the door they had posted a sign that read “Remove all masks before entering store.” I had never personally seen this type of sign before, I assume it was posted there in anticipation of weekend crowds that are on the way to Halloween Parties and as an added protection against crime.

So I walked in, picked up my copy of the Sunday paper (for the television guide) and approached the counter and the lady said, “You were supposed to have removed your mask before entering the store.” And I replied, “Yeah, very funny. You ought to be on Jay Leno. Give me my change.”

I was NOT wearing any kind of mask at the time.

Maybe she was having a bad hair day, broken up because of stress, perhaps just wanted to be plain ugly for something to do. Such has been my week. But that is another post altogether.

Some call it Halloween some call it “Devil Worship.” This time of the year isn’t my time of the year, every movie on television is filled with blood & gore, too much violence and ugliness in the world anyway, I surely do not feel like dressing up and celebrating all the evil in the world.

If I wanted to do that, I would run for public office.

Never really stopping to think about it, but I do not believe we have a “National Halloween Song” in this country either, someone ought to work on that. Barry Manilow comes readily to mind, but that is just a suggestion on my part, I am sure anyone could do it. We need something catchy, like those Christmas songs, that get in your head, and stay with you for like five weeks AFTER Christmas.

Wreck the halls and fences jolly, isn’t a Halloween a folly? Ring the doorbells, slash the tires, you don’t get any candy, beat them with a wire! Falla-lalla, lah, lah-lah laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

So what do you plan on being this Devils’ Day? What is your costume or character of choice this year. A rock Star, you could dress in any fashion that you wish, enlist all your friends to be your entourage and make them serve you, that has a certain appeal, don’t you think? When you get too tight from imbibing, you could let one flop out to tease everyone and call it wardrobe malfunction. Amuse your guests shock your husband.  Perfectly acceptable in this day and age.

A time period costume would work, all you have to do is rummage thru your closet and find something from the 70’s,80’s or pre Ronald Reagan, that should do it. How about cross dresser, nice, but kind of dangerous in Oklahoma, some people here do not encourage or respect your new found perspective. I understand that in California the Governator calls them “Girly Boys.”

I always found the girls who came to the party as a “Hooker” were my cup of tea. Dolled up with a mini skirt, slinky top, fishnet stockings, pumps, tacky makeup, and you are ready for trick or treat. If you are lucky at the end of the night it is “treat.” (Insert old tired joke here for effect.)

Yeah I know kind of pathetic, what can I say. Might try something out of the news, Washington DC surely has been inspiring here lately. You could be a “Northern-Exposure-Moose-Gooser” or a … oh well, never mind.

Most likely you are like me (heaven forbid) you think you are too cool to dress up and play the fool. You’re not. So what are you trying to hide? Get out, and be somebody! You don’t have to go thru life as a boring, weak-kneed cretin with a lousy disposition; this is the one weekend of the month to shine.

Remember this is the time of the year … This is your time for you to rise from the spirit of the dead. Get off your lazy potato chip eating butt and get out there and find your inner ghoul!

If by chance, you cannot afford to rent a suitable costume because of the present economic crisis that is no problem. Just do as I do, go as your own evil twin …

Most likely no one will notice anyway.

000

“The cartoon courtesy of Center for American Progress” (online)

Another Crap Sandwich

Bad Diet.

We are being fed one crap sandwich after another, and unfortunately, it appears that from here on out, it is crap sandwiches as far as the eye can see. Secretary of the Treasury Paulson says the U.S. Economy is not out of the woods, and in for some more tough sledding. This naturally occurs when you a hire a fox to watch the chicken house as they say in rural America.  Things are so bad, Mexico is considering building their own fence to keep out Wall Street Brokers, financial advisory personnel and stock brokerage workers.

Naked Gnomes of Finance.

With the titan’s of finance standing humbled and broken amongst us, no hero’s on the horizon to turn to. Having invested lavishly in financial instruments neither they, nor virtually anyone else truly understood, the entire house of cards came tumbling down in a matter of weeks. When we looked for all those people “that ran on a platform of LEADERSHIP all we found were a bunch of bickering, fighting children” talking ideologies and hurling blame and hurt feelings, but offering little in the way of solutions. That right there, is enough to throw water on any good ol boy’s parade. To feed ‘em their own words … That is Priceless.

Professionals at work.

See how Congress has modified the Paulson Plan.  Originally 2 pages, now 451+ pages.  This excerpt shows an important addition (perhaps omitted due to an oversight by Secretary Paulson), that illustrates an important aspect of our political regime.  All the hogs rushed to the trough and this is what they added.

Change The Logo

It is fairly easy to be a Politically Correct Liberal in America, especially when you live in a gated community. The Republican Party should change their national emblem from an elephant to a prophylactic, because it stands for inflation, halts production, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives a false sense of security when one is being screwed. Assuming that either the left win or the right wing gains control of the country, it will probably just fly around in circles and of course, passing out worthless checks.

Backyard gardening, now you can grow your own.

Health food stores are experiencing a rush in Italy as researchers isolated an erection inducing plant compound in a widely sold Chinese Herb know as “Horny Goat Weed” (No, I am not making this up) the compound icarin, may be as effective as Viagra, they are saying. We have “medical marijuana” why not grow something useful right next to it, if you find yourself watering for more than four hours, call a physician.

Times are really getting bad now.

Playboy is laying off bunnies, but there is a bright side, think of all the money Hugh Hefner will save on batteries! And the world economy continues to take more casualties.  This morning I read where one of my overseas friends is getting down and it takes one more casualty.

Take care … Things will get better … I hope.

Don’t be a victim Jen, be a cheer leader!

Like my sainted Grandmother used to say ….. Look for the Rainbow Donnie … There is always a good side. As Michael Beaudet of Key West, Florida said after being rescued from his disabled sail boat after being adrift for some six days: “First the rum ran out, the cigarettes ran out, then the food ran out, and then the water was gone. Thank God for the rain!”

Sign of the times

Highway authorities throughout the country are being bedeviled by thieves who keep stealing highway markers bearing the numbers “666” or “66.6.” In New Jersey at least four such signs have been swiped, either by religious zealots who are upset with the numbers’ biblical association with the devil, or by young people who think it is cool to have a 666 sign in their bedrooms. Officials are countering with changing the route to 665.

Pass me the Salsa and some of them chips.

Within a decade, Mexico will catch up to the U.S. to become one of the worlds fattest nations, the Mexican government announced this week. Already, half of Mexicans are overweight and obesity among children is rising steadily. New cases of high blood pressure and diabetes have increased more than 25% over the past five years.

Low class act.

Adran Ghalib, the paparazzo who dated Britney Spears during her long downward spiral is peddling a two-hour sex tape of the singer, in which she performs wearing nothing by a pink wig. He said he is “open to the best offer” but … get this … Is too much of a gentleman to reveal any embarrassing information about his ex. I am not interested in selling out any other details about Britney. Talk about a bottom-feeder this has to be him.

Isolate the problem.

During Gov. Sarah Palin’s (R-AK) speech in Florida this morning, campaign staffers kept the press locked out of the park and away from supporters attending the speech. Constantly under the watchful eyes of security, the media wasn’t permitted to wander around inside Coachman Park to talk to Sarah Palin supporters. When reporters tried to leave the designated press area and head toward the bleachers where the crowd was seated, an escort would dart out of nowhere and confront him or her and say, “Can I help you?” and turn the person around.

When one reporter asked an escort, who would not give her name, why the press wasn’t allowed to mingle, she said that in the past, negative things had been written. The campaign wanted to avoid that possibility Monday. Palin has still yet to give a single press conference since being tapped as Sen. John McCain’s running mate on August 29.

Where the **** are we?

Speaking at a San Francisco fundraiser on Sunday, Gov. Sarah Palin (R-AK) “fumbled” while praising U.S. soldiers in the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, referring to Afghanistan as a “neighboring country”: “They are also building schools for the Afghan children so that there is hope and opportunity in our neighboring country of Afghanistan,” she told several hundred supporters at a fund raising event in San Francisco. Afghanistan borders neither the United States nor Iraq.

Asian geography appears equally difficult for Sen. John McCain (R-AZ), who has discussed an imaginary Iraq-Pakistan border. Perhaps they took Geography 101 at the Michael Jackson School located in Never-Never-land-California (an ideal or imaginary place).

Here is a real eye opener.

If you want to read something really interesting on McSame here is the link. It is rather long, but well worth the read, it is supposed to be published in Rolling Stone next month. You can find all 11,000 words of it here. Make Believe Maverick It might change your mind and it might not.

Middle of the week for a five-day wage slave in Oklahoma.

We now we see that money will buy you a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail. Lately I find it hard to be happy, upbeat, truly amusing. Early in the morning and I am fresh out of aphorisms to describe the pain I feel. I don’t have a short, pointed sentence to express a wise observation or a general truth, I just have this.

So, as the bantering and bickering continue, one fact remains constant, from a political standpoint, we are not getting much better than what we have had, geographically speaking they really seem to be lost as a goose.  It looks like four more years of the same.

And if that is the case, Lord help us!

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