Don’t You Touch That

“And I always thought it was strange when our kids, wanting a glass of water before going to sleep, would ask for “Kitchen water Dad, I don’t want any bathroom water, okay?” 

Need a loan:  I am watching CMT (Country Music Television) and a group of Indians are offering loans to the public.  They are saying they will put $10,000 in your account by tomorrow.  Freezing the screen and reading the “fine print” the interest on this loan is 80.68% … Man, what a deal.

Then I went over to the WallStreet Journal read some of that, the bus boards, checked my lottery tickets, my email … Not a winner in the entire lot.  80.68% wonder how they get away with that?  Looks like the sins of the white man are catching up with him good now.

Trash of man:  In 1938 a young man accidentally dropped his highs school ring into a toilet at a local butcher shop in Dunsmuir, Calif.  Seventy-three years later, a sewer maintenance worker and fellow alumnus of Dunsmuir High found the ring in a bucket of sewer debris.

He had the ring cleaned, saw the initials engraved on it and tracked down the owner with the help of an old high school yearbook.  The owner said that finding the ring after all these years was a real booster for him, it made him feel like he was a lot younger.

I lost mine in the soap tray in the head of my ship in 1968 when some bozo copped it, doubt if I will ever see it again.

Hands Off In SC:  The ALCU is suing a south Carolina jail because they will not allow access to pornography to inmates.  The attorney figures that they (the inmates) were already given access to Bibles and other religious themed reading materials, so it is only natural they should be allowed books replete with female who-has and other illustrated goodies to read.  Of course the jailers are against it, it leads to other things … the old … Y’know, if you do that you are going to go blind thing.

You are what you eat:  They say that during your lifetime you will eat at least six spiders in your sleep.  They crawl into your mouth while you are asleep, and the natural reflex is to chew.  (Now you can go Ewwwwwwwwwwwwweeeeew)

Well Doctors in Taiwan have removed ants from the ears of a teenager.  It seems she was fond of eating cookies in bed.  While she was doing this, she would pick at her ears while eating the snacks and later go to sleep without brushing away the crumbs.

While she slept, hungry ants would then follow the smell of food into her ear canals where they would stay, “because there was plenty of food there” and it was warm and I suppose the rent was cheap.  (Again …. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwweeeeew)

And I always thought it was strange when our kids, wanting a glass of water before going to sleep, would ask for “Kitchen water Dad, I don’t want any bathroom water, okay?”

Stick ‘em up:  Violent crime in this country is now on the downswing.  Crime in the U.S. has dropped to its lowest level in nearly 40 years.  This of course, defies several long-held theories on the underlying factors for crime.  Despite high unemployment rates and fewer people held in jails, robberies fell by 9.5% last year, and violent crimes dropped by 5.5 percent.

It is no small wonder.  “No one has any spare money anymore to begin with.  No percentage in robbing the unemployed in this country.  And they (the robbers) are all staying at home because of the price of high priced gasoline.  The only people robbing us now are the politicians and the oil companies.”

PSA:  Stop with the negative political emails, it makes absolutely no difference and all you are doing is buggin’ people.  I am asking you nicely.  Continued refusal to behave in a manner that pleases me will result in my unhappiness. This warning applies to people I love, people I have worked with, friends, relatives, strangers who wander through my personal narrative, and folks in faraway lands whose thoughtless actions cause me to become upset when I read the newspaper in the morning.

As of this notice, all behavior will now be required to pass a in-house evaluation of an undocumented nature (“How will this affect Don test?”). Failure to do so will result in me having a bad day. And nobody wants that, right? Thank you for your consideration. You may now return to your regular activities.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot … “Pass this on to everyone in your address book.”  (Don’t you just love Election Years … The Silly Season In America)

It’s A Dogs Life

OOO

Sometimes This Stuff Makes Me Uncomfortable

This morning I am reading a webpage and it is about the loss of a dog.  Now that is sad, losing a pet, don’t get me wrong. The animal had some rare form of blood disease and expired.  Now here is the sick part of it.  The author of the blog said “it hit the blogging community with such force” that it would be nice if everyone reading this would send a comment to the dogs “parents” in their time of need.  (I am not making this up)  I suppose that some day, maybe soon, I will surf over to some website and there it will be ….

In Memoriam
With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week.  Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote “The Hokey Pokey”, died peacefully at age 93.   The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin.  They put his left leg in.  And then the trouble started.

Send your condolences to the parents of the dead-dawg?  I guess it is official now, the world (or the internet) has gone completely bonkers.

As some of you already know, I am a big fan of The Big Bang Theory and I always wondered what an astrophysicist did in his spare time?  I have been relieved of that burden, they figure out neat ways to load an airplane.  They do this by computer modeling and live tests, from what I understand.  One of them has figured out a better way to load an airplane.

Instead of loading the aircraft from back to front, as many airlines do, they have discovered that this is the slowest possible way to do it.  Now instead, they say seat the families first, fill the window seats on both sides of the aircraft first, starting at the back on one side and work their way forward by even and odd rows.  This is much, much faster.

That is the good news, now here is the bad.

So far, none of the airlines are biting on the idea and he has not received one telephone call on the subject.  They seem to be wanting to keep it the way it is, crowded, cramped, never even close to on-time and leave it be.

Now if someone could just figure out how to fly my luggage to where I am (and not to Phoenix instead) and keep the kid behind me from kicking the back of my seat for four hours, I would be a happy camper indeed.

We now know what an astrophysicist does, how about an engineer?

Try this one:  There is a new way to get to school on time.  NASCAR mechanic Paul Stender reached a top speed of 320 MPH in a school bus he built with a Jet powered, 42,0000-horsepower engine.  Stender will demonstrate the bus at schools, to get students interested in engineering.

DUCK AND COVER — LOCK N LOAD

After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the store. The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the counter. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol. 

The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and several customers also drew their guns and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds.  Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt.

Need a job?

Seven of the world’s ten biggest employers are run by governments.  Want to take a guess who is #1?  (Yeah I know, not fair)  The U.S. Defense Department leads the pack, with 3.2 million employees.  Next is the Chinese Army, with 2.3 million.

It doesn’t get any better.  Our uneducated chickens are coming home to roost.

The highest segment of the unemployed in this country are the young, ages 16 to 19, hovering around 25% unemployed. The harsh reality is that even when jobs are available, many of these job applicants aren’t ready for them.

We seem to have raised a large group of almost illiterate dysfunctional high-school graduates.  This is the group who sadly are more into video gaming and jello shots, than hard work and getting ahead.

They aren’t getting hired because they often aren’t worth hiring.  Nobody wants to talk about this now because it sounds like blaming the victim,  But it is also important to not ignore this factor just because confronting it is painful.

I hear this is why Obama is running for a second term, “he doesn’t want to be out in a sorry economy such as this is and have to be looking for a job.”

CASHIN IN

Lottery sales in the United States in the last year have surged in a good luck Tsunami wave of players intending to be the lucky surfer on the million dollar wave.  Seventeen states have including Arizona, Iowa, and Pennsylvania sold record numbers of tickets in the last fiscal year.  Most of it is being laid off on the bad economy, people are just getting desperate.

One thing I have noticed here of late, is no one pays for the morning coffee or the snack with paper money any more.  Lot of folks counting out small change to pay for the items, robbed from the life savings, an old Folgers Coffee can on top of the refrigerator in the kitchen.

The lottery is a suckers bet, another tax on taxpayers who are really bad at math.  You cannot spend your way out of debt as Obama has found out and the rest of America is finding you can not win your way to riches … Neither work

Which reminds me of Karl.  Each and every day, almost religiously, Karl would look up at the sky and he would pine, “Oh Lord, just give me five numbers on the lottery.”  Day after day, each day a new prayer and a new request … “Just six good numbers Lord … Five and a bonus Lord … please, if you give me this, I will make sure that I tithe on the money Lord.”

And then one day it happened to Karl, just like he wished it would.  Immediately after his prayer, he heard a voice boom from the heaven’s above and it said …. “Karl, give me a break, buy a ticket.”

The first number is twenty seven, the second number is forty-eight, #3 is 16, and here is one more you do not have …. #2.

Tah-Tah, tootle-loo, I will see you.

OOO

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