Close but no cigar
A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He steps into the taxi and the cabbie says, “Perfect timing. You’re just like Frank.” Passenger: “Who?” Cabbie: “Frank Feldman. He’s a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time.” Passenger: “There are always a few clouds over everybody.” Cabbie: “Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.
Passenger: “Sounds like he was something really special.” Cabbie: “There’s more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody’s birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order, and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out, but Frank Feldman, did everything right.”
Passenger: “Wow, some guy then.” Cabbie: “He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid the traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good.
He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman.”
Passenger: “An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?” Cabbie: “Oh, well, I never actually met Frank. But he died, and I married his —-‘ widow.”
Yeahsus! That is sooooooooooooooooo good.
Huh? No good you say?
Well, okay, try this … The Preacher was a preaching, he was magnifying, testifying, he was glorifying! And then he announced to the congregation, “Do you know anyone in your life that is perfect?” and one single hand went up in the back of the church.
The fired up preacher quickly seized upon the moment and inquired of the man, “You! You know someone who was perfect,” is that right? And the man slowly nodded his head up and down in accordance with the preacher’s intense stare. At that point, the Preacher then demanded of the meek little man … “Who was this person, this person who was perfect?” and the little man looked down, pointed at his wife, and said, “Her ex-husband!”
Big gun show at the fairgrounds this weekend I am going out to invest in some brass. Just as soon as I finish some unexpected paper work. My tax return. Yesterday I received my tax return for 2011 which was sent back from the IRS.
It puzzles me.
They are questioning how many dependents I claimed. I guess it was because of my response to the question: “List all dependents?” There seems to be some confusion. They question the section where I replied: “12 million illegal immigrants; 3 million crack heads; 42 million unemployed people on food stamps, 2 million people in over 243 prisons; Half of Mexico; and 535 persons in the U.S. House and Senate.” Evidently, this was NOT an acceptable answer. Next year I am again asking them to take me off their mailing list, and then there is the nagging question:
I KEEP ASKING MYSELF, WHO THE **** DID I MISS?
Please pay your taxes you have people depending on you.
Here is the Email of the week: This is by a daughter of a murdered couple in Raytown , MO , who had a Bible and Bookstore on 63rd street .. She says: When I had to testify at the murder trial of my parents a week ago, I was asked to raise my right hand… The bailiff started out “Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?”
I stood there and waited but she said nothing.
She said “Do you?”
I was so stunned I blurted out “What happened to so help me God’?”
She came back with “Do you?”
I replied yes, but I was perplexed.
Then the judge said “You can say that if you want to.”
I stopped, raised my right hand, and finished with “So help me God!”
I told my son and daughter that when it came time for them to testify, they should do the same. I don’t know what can be done about it, but it’s time for us to step up and DO something. NBC this morning had a poll on this question.. They had the highest number of responses that they have ever had for one of their polls, and the percentage was the same as this: 86% to keep the words, 14% against… That is a pretty ‘commanding’ public response. I was asked to send this on if I agreed… Or delete if I didn’t.
Now it has been stated that 86% of Americans believe in God.
Therefore, I have a very hard time understanding why there is such a mess about having “In God We Trust” on our money and having God in the Pledge of Allegiance.
The final question: Why is America — Our nation — Catering to this 14%?
You don’t like it here … Get out.
Have a great weekend.
What the teeming masses have been reading this week at Creative Endeavors:
A special thanks to Boateral, Diane, Joey our west coast correspondent for contributing. American Progress Online.