Grandpa’s Winning Ticket

200170608-001

Twice a week, for literally years, Grandpa Vern would dress up, grab his hat and head on down the road to the local Root N Scoot for a cold “Soadie Pop” as he called them and at that time he always bought two lottery tickets.

Just a short walk, in the open air, and even tho’ age had slowed him down, and he had what he called “a terrible hitch in his giddy-up” he would faithfully make the pilgrimage down the road for the exercise and the dream of winning the lottery. Continue reading

The Resurrection

The old preacher pulls up a chair on the pulpit and then invites all the youngsters in the congregation “that are in Big Church” to come up and sit with him. The little dinkers settle down at his feet, in a small circle around the preacher, and he says to them:

Does any one know what The Resurrection is?”  Continue reading

It’s Not Easy Being A Hero

mime-attachment BRIDGING THE GAP:  On  January 9th, a group of Pekin, Illinois bikers were riding west on I-74 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Murray Baker Bridge, so they stopped.

George,  their leader, a big burly man of 53, got off his Harley, walked through a group of gawkers, past the state trooper, and said, “What are you  doing?” She replied, “I’m going to commit suicide.”

While he didn’t want to  appear “sensitive,” he didn’t want to miss a be-a-legend opportunity either, so he asked, “Well, before you jump, why don’t you give me a  kiss?”

So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that. It was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another one.

After they finished, George got approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the state trooper, and said, “Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had Honey!  That’s a real talent you’re wasting Sugar Shorts! You could be famous if  you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?”

“My parents don’t like me dressing up like a girl.”

(It’s still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed)

SOME FOLKS HAVE ALL THE LUCK:  Funny thing about luck, if you are dependent on it and really need a strong dose of it, chances are that it is not likely that will happen in your life.  On the other hand, if you don’t need it, and are just kind of going thru life spinning your wheels, and everything is just fine, it will more than likely hit you like a thunderbolt.  Take these folks in Georgia for instance, they have done it several times.  

GOD’S REPRESENTATIVE SAYS YOUR ARE OVERPAID:  Recently I read where a server at AppleBee’s Restaurants was canned for posting a receipt on the Internet of a cheap female pastor.  I am a strong believer in leaving a tip for a waiter or waitress as the case may be for good service.  If you want a real kick start on your week, leave your waitress a generous tip or pick up the tab on someone else’s meal.  

Clearly (as I see it) there is something inherently wrong about this.  I am also a strong believer or of the opinion that the Bible doesn’t stipulate anywhere that women should be pastors.  But that is just my take on it.  Anywho, (which is a word I am fond of that I also just made up) here is the case in point, you be the judge.  

AH TO BE NINETEEN AGAIN:  On some mornings, when I am sitting at the table, trying to gather it all up and get it together.  I will watch this video, I just love her enthusiasm and her verve, she gets the job done too.  Michelle Jenneke at the olympics.  

Wouldn’t it be great if we could take every hurdle in life, and make small change of it as this girl does, and at the end turn around display a huge smile and give life a hug.  That is what it is all about.

As I have been somewhat verbose this morning (another bad habit I should try to break), I will leave you with one parting thought.  

 “The greatest thing about getting older is that you don’t lose all the other ages you have been.”

Please stop by and visit us again, and puh-leeze …. tell all your friends.

OOO

Look At It Like Dis …..

Clay Bennett editorial cartoonClose but no cigar

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He steps into the taxi and the cabbie says, “Perfect timing.  You’re just like Frank.”  Passenger: “Who?”  Cabbie: “Frank Feldman. He’s a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time.” Passenger: “There are always a few clouds over everybody.”  Cabbie: “Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.

Passenger: “Sounds like he was something really special.” Cabbie: “There’s more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody’s birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order, and which fork to eat them with.  He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out, but Frank Feldman, did everything right.”

Passenger: “Wow, some guy then.”  Cabbie: “He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid the traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good.

He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too.  He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman.”

Passenger: “An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?”  Cabbie: “Oh, well, I never actually met Frank. But he died, and I married his —-‘ widow.”

Yeahsus!  That is sooooooooooooooooo good.  

 Huh?  No good you say?  

Well, okay, try this …  The Preacher was a preaching, he was magnifying, testifying, he was glorifying!  And then he announced to the congregation, “Do you know anyone in your life that is perfect?” and one single hand went up in the back of the church.

The fired up preacher quickly seized upon the moment and inquired of the man, “You!  You know someone who was perfect,” is that right?  And the man slowly nodded his head up and down in accordance with the preacher’s intense stare. At that point, the Preacher then demanded of the meek little man … “Who was this person, this person who was perfect?” and the little man looked down, pointed at his wife, and said, “Her ex-husband!”

Big gun show at the fairgrounds this weekend I am going out to invest in some brass.  Just as soon as I finish some unexpected paper work.  My tax return.   Yesterday I received my tax return for 2011 which was sent back from the IRS.

It puzzles me. 

They are questioning how many dependents I claimed.  I guess it was because of my response to the question: “List all dependents?”  There seems to be some confusion. They question the section where I replied: “12 million illegal immigrants; 3 million crack heads; 42 million unemployed people on food stamps, 2 million people in over 243 prisons; Half of Mexico; and 535 persons in the U.S. House and Senate.”  Evidently, this was NOT an acceptable answer.  Next year I am again asking them to take me off their mailing list, and then there is the nagging question:

I KEEP ASKING MYSELF, WHO THE **** DID I MISS?

mexicans2

Please pay your taxes you have people depending on you.

Here is the Email of the week:  This is by a daughter of a murdered couple in Raytown , MO , who had a Bible and Bookstore on 63rd street .. She says: When I had to testify at the murder trial of my parents a week ago, I was asked to raise my right hand… The bailiff started out “Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?” 

I stood there and waited but she said nothing.

She said “Do you?”

I was so stunned I blurted out “What happened to so help me God’?” 

She came back with “Do you?”

I replied yes, but I was perplexed. 

Then the judge said  “You can say that if you want to.” 

I stopped, raised my right hand, and finished with “So help me God!” 

I told my son and daughter that when it came time for them to testify, they should do the same.   I don’t know what can be done about it, but it’s time for us to step up and DO something. NBC this morning had a poll on this question.. They had the highest number of responses that they have ever had for one of their polls, and the percentage was the same as this: 86% to keep the words, 14% against… That is a pretty ‘commanding’ public response. I was asked to send this on if I agreed… Or delete if I didn’t. 

 Now it has been stated that 86% of Americans believe in God.

Therefore, I have a very hard time understanding why there is such a mess about having “In God We Trust” on our money and having God in the Pledge of Allegiance.

 The final question:  Why is America — Our nation — Catering to this 14%?  

You don’t like it here … Get out.

ATT00015

Have a great weekend.

OOO

What the teeming masses have been reading this week at Creative Endeavors:

Home page / Archives  
Bikinis (The reason men are pigs)  
Tweaking Your Reality  
Goin With The Flow  
Clear Blue Sky  
Eagle Bus Project Files  
Wood Ice Chest  
Pink Hat Ladies  
A Moment In Time  
You Don’t Smell Like Flowers (audio)  
Skinny Dipping With Grandpa

A special thanks to Boateral, Diane, Joey our west coast correspondent for contributing.  American Progress Online.

Chump Change

“I love the Canadians, they are so much more fun that those people down south.”

Chump Change is the title of this piece, it is not to be confused with that guy who has the goofy hair do.  Last night on the news they were talking about a local business owner who had been bilked out of some $15,000 by a major credit card company and some nefarious people down in Florida.  This entire thing, simple in most respects, took a little over six years to produce the amount of money that the business man lost.  As I watched all of this unfold, two things went through my mind.

  1. This isn’t right, he proves he was taken, and the credit card company only refunds to him $500. 
  2. He must have not been a very astute business man to get bilked out of $15K over a period of “six years.”  Surely someone sent him a statement?

The thing that is really scary about all this to me personally is this, “I just opened an account with these very same people.”  There is one little plastic card that is now headed for the lock box and total obscurity.

When Josh Ferrin and his family moved into their first house, in Bountiful, Utah, he discovered more than $45,000 in cash hidden in eight boxes stored in the attic.  After counting it all out, Ferrin contacted the oldest son of the late previous owners and gave him the money.  The son told him that “from time to time, his father would bundle $100 dollar bills with twine, climb up into the attic and put it in a box to save.”

Which reminds me of the story of a widow woman who’s husband did the same thing.  One day her and the preacher were talking about it.  She told him, “he would take a ladder, open up the crawl space in the attic, remove this box, put all this cash in it.”  And the preacher said, “What else did he do?” and she said, “he would tell me that he was going to grab it on the way to heaven.”

So the preacher asked her, “do you think it is still there?” and the old lady said, “I dunno.”  Fetching a ladder, the preacher carefully climbed up to the hole, slid the door aside and looked inside.  The old woman said, “Do you see anything?” and the preacher reached inside the hole, grabbed a box full of money, and handed it to the widow and said, “Yep, looks like he went the other way.”

Residents in Newport Beach, California are up in arms after discovering that many city lifeguards make more than $100K per year, and one, over $200K.  The lifeguard union president says the salaries reflect the extra challenges of patrolling a surfing mecca.  Lifeguarding there is different than any other place in the world was the quote I believe.  Uh yeah?  Sure.  Pass me the sunblock.

I always like someone with a wild sense of humor.

The Centers for Disease Control posted an emergency guide for how to respond to an attack by flesh-eating zombies.  the page, posted to draw traffic to the CDC became so popular that the server went down.  Good news, it is November, and television just might get back to what would be in most cases “considered normal.”  I hate the month of October and all the ghoulish fun they want to shove down our throats.

I love the Canadians, they are so much more fun that those people down south.  A Canadian couple is keeping their newborn child’s gender a secret in order to make the world ‘a more progressive place.”  they say that their 4-month old, named Storm, will reveal his or her gender only when “Storm decides he/she would like to share.”

They feel it is obnoxious to identify a child’s gender on the basis of their genitalia.  “If you really want to get to know someone, you don’t ask what is between their legs.”  Wow, I mean how incredible is that?  Wake up one Friday morning and discover that you have been doing it all wrong for over 50+ years and did not even know it.

Have a great weekend, if you go out on Saturday Night and happen upon a shapely, somewhat attractive he/she, well, just take a guess at it.

It will all work out later on I suppose.

OOO

Here is what folks have been reading at Creative Endeavors this week:

Home page / Archives  
Bikinis (The reason men are pigs)  
Eagle Bus Project Files  
Clear Blue Sky  
The Worry Tree  
Sprinkle Some Kindness Here And There  
Nuthin Ever Stays The Same  
A Moment In Time  
Mr. Gorsky  
Trailer Project I

Last Words

Up early this morning, as is my habit, and I am reading where the state of Ohio has limited the amount of time a prisoner facing execution can have for his “last words.”  I have to admit, I am beginning to wonder if the entire country hasn’t gone loopy?

Loopy is by the way, an age old expression (that I just made up) to imply that your elevator is not running to the top floor.  Which this piece certainly will qualify.

The good folks in Ohio have imposed a time limit on the last words of condemned prisoners.  The new rule authorizes wardens to set what they call “reasonable restrictions” on the content and length of an inmate’s last remarks.  They got a little miffed recently because a convicted murderer apologized and recited the “Hail Mary” for 17 minutes.  I guess the warden was somewhat irritated, him missing the IHOP-BOGO (Buy One Get One Free Senior Citizen Discount Meal) opportunity at 3:30 P.M. or something.

We seem to be majoring in minor things here lately … Aren’t there more important issues concerning this country or the State of Ohio?  Excuse me, but do we really need this?


Not long ago, out in the Panhandle of Oklahoma, ranchers started to notice that a lot of cattle were missing.  It being fairly evident that a rustler was working the area, the local sheriff got up a posse and they started searching the hog backs and small canyons for the lawbreaker.

It did not take long, and he was found, along with several head of cattle that did not belong to him.

At that time it was decided by those in charge, that a little prairie justice would be served on this rustler.  So they sat out and located a suitable tree, a stately cottonwood that had stood in that spot for many a year.  Immediately after throwing a rope over the first limb, the sheriff looked at the poor little rustler and said, “Son, do you have any last words, before we string you up?”

The rustler looked the sheriff in the eye, and said, “No sir.  Go ahead.”

About that time, a preacher who was standing in the mob yelled out to the sheriff, “Sheriff if that boy don’t want them last words, I will take them.”  Well, this had never before happened, the sheriff taken back a little, looked at the rustler and said to him, “Son, do you have a problem with that preacher taking your last words?”

Again the rustler looked at the sheriff and said, “No.  Just one thing.  Hang me first, I have heard him preach before.”

OOO