Monday Morning Mega-Meltdown

Six Miles Outside Of Clovis NM

WordPress Junk Files January:  Fresh Pressed 01-04 …. “Snowboarding post, high in the Rocky Mountains where the snowboarder finds himself gasping for air at 10,000 feet above sea level, a place generally reserved for mule deer, mountain goats, and the skeletal remains of the pioneering Donner party.  The ill fated Donner party met their demise in the Sierra Nevada Mountains outside Truckee California not in the Rockies.  So much for “checking for accuracy and source material” before being Fresh Pressed huh?

If I see that J.C. Penny Commercial one more time with the women screaming at the top of their lungs, I am going to go bonkers.  That has to be the worst commercial currently running on television these days.  How they equate screaming with a desire to shop, I will never know.  My girlfriend on Trop 50 has a new one out, and it is a kick in the you-know-what.  You Had Work Done? 

A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa.  ‘The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining.  Chinese food is loaded with MSG.  High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.  However, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it.  Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?’

After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand,

and softly said, “Wedding Cake.”

No good huh.  Well, whadya want for free?

Do you know what a woman’s’ thong and a barbwire fence have in common?

They both restrict access … but they don’t spoil the view.  One thing we can all agree on, “they are not for everyone.

Now here is something to boast about.  I have not watched one episode of the new season of American Idol … Not one minute of it.  I deserve an award.  It is almost as if I am on the twelve step program concerning reality television.  Come to think of it, I never won an award, trophy or prize in my life.

One time when I was about 10 or 11 years old, I ran a race and my father came to watch me.  I didn’t do so well, came in about 8 or 9th as I remember.  On the way home, my father took his watch off, and handed it to me.  Not a new watch, and old watch, but to a ten year old kid, this is a big thing.

Taking it, I put it on my wrist and said to my father, “I didn’t win the race.  Why are you giving me this?” and he said, “Well, I am not giving it to you for winning, I am giving it to you for trying.”

That is better than any old trophy.

Try this one.  Ready?  Two candy bars for two dollars, or one at the regular price.  Better yet, ready?  Two KING-SIZED candy bars for three dollars or one at the regular price.  My old man used to squeal like a stuck pig when I asked him for two bits (a quarter) for a coke AND a candy bar.

I don’t understand.  Girls with tattoos’, what is up with that?  Guys with pierced lips and eyebrows.  I just cannot figure it out to beat the band.

Some more things I do not understand:

Popcorn Chicken … What in the world is that?
Anyone?
Buffalo Wings … Uh huh, sure.
New Sexy Hair (only $13) and I just have to chuckle, no really, I just have to.
New Skin?  Yeah, I know.  Think about it.
Let’s eat out:  “Chase every skillet bite with one of five lip-smacking, fruity fusion favorites.”  Cool, tangy and loaded with “Ah.”
Uh huh, sure.
Maybe it is just me … but I just don’t get it.

Now this, this is really something else.  Try it, it will blow you away.  A super cool optical illusion 

A brand new week on tap, make it or waste it, as always, your choice.

One way or the other … It is all up to you.

OOO


Media Fatigue

Well there it is again. “Oil is cheaper than other liquids. How the price of a barrel of oil, $124.31 compares with a similar amount of other liquids.” I don’t know about you, but did you ever notice they always choose a liquid standard that is mostly useless.

Milk $147.00 per gallon — Tropicana Orange Juice $226.00 per gallon — Bud Lite $302.00 — Louisiana brand hot sauce $520.00 — Jack Daniels Whiskey $3,568.00 — Chanel #5 perfume $102,144.00

Realistically speaking about the only thing up there that you actually “need” would be milk. And that is it.

So it is basically useless information, drinking a gallon a day of beer, you are a hopeless alcoholic and you should not be driving anywhere, anytime. One gallon of Orange Juice has enough sugar, acid, vitamin C in it to put enough hives on you to make you look like the face of the moon.

All of this is misdirection. It is by design, going to make you think of something “other than the high price of fuel” and nothing more.

No one in their right mind, not even a gator wrestlin’ country bumpkin from the deep south, would drink a gallon of hot sauce, Jack Daniels the same (but on the other hand if you are inclined to wrestle gators on the weekend, a little Jack Daniels might be a good idea), and anyone that uses a gallon of perfume, should not even be out in public. If she does, she is probably a “Workin’ Gal” and that is another post altogether.

The point being, this is ludicrous, unrealistic, and just plain dumb.

Might as well be a gallon of Bat Guano from Carlsbad, New Mexico, a gallon of goats milk from Afghanistan, hot peppers from Central America, moonshine from the piney-woods outside Ft. Smith Arkansas, or Foo-Foo water from Cannes, France.

It would make about as much sense as that does.

Driving by the 7-11 today I notice the price of the stuff (gas) is UP again (big surprise there, no?) and although the numbers show a definite decrease and a positive change in the driving habits of American’s nationwide, we continue to be raped by Big Oil.

General Motors must have sold a bunch of Hummers this week, that is the only thing I could see that would be driving it up in price. Americans are not expecting any relief at the gas pump. Indeed, 86% say they expect it to exceed $4 a gallon and to eventually top out at over $5 that is up too, only 26% of them thought that last year. Americans are paying $1.6 billion a day for gasoline, that is three times what they paid for it 2002.

As I am in a generous mood this day, have not been attacked or mauled lately, my mailbox is no longer smoking. I will pass on to you, two things you can do to beat this.

First, you can make your own fuel at home, start up capital is a little steep, about $10 grand, but you can make your own ethanol.

Or solution #2 … You can buy a fuel efficient automobile made by the Japanese. Honda unveiled its latest big MPG product this week in Los Angeles. A hybrid that gets an estimated 74 mpg and runs on Hydrogen. Only one drawback … in all of California there are just a handful of hydrogen fuel stations, they have been slow to catch on in the Golden State.

No small wonder … Hydrogen is a byproduct of “water” and we all know there isn’t any PROFIT in that, don’t we.

Iceland, a small country at the top of the world, runs all of their cars, trucks and buses on hydrogen. The only oil that they import or use is for lubrication purposes (grease etc) and that is it. But I don’t suppose anyone in Washington, DC every noted this fact. You can write Mr. Bush about it, but I understand he isn’t all that big on reading, might put it inside a copy of the latest video game, better chance of him finding it there, something like Grand Theft Auto II or something like that.

Might as well run this one up the flagpole and see if I can find someone to salute it. And then I am outta here.

One thing I have noticed here of late is the word “Jihad” casually being tossed around by our elected morons. Correct me if I am wrong, but we are “supposed to be at war with Al Qaeda and other Islamic fanatics,” and we are constantly showering them with compliments?

When you refer to an Islamist extremist as a jihadi” or “Jihadist.” You are commenting on them in a positive fashion, you are portraying them in a positive light, not the terrorists thugs, bloody cowards that they are.

As I understand this, in Arabic, the word jihad has only positive connotations; it refers to either a quest to find one’s fate or an external fight for justice. So when we refer to Islamic suicide bombers as jihads, we essentially are calling our enemies “holy warriors.”

Someone needs to fix this or at least point it out to our resident MBA C average dudes.

The people who seem devoted to using this phrase in the wrong fashion are the very same people who told us that “mushroom clouds” over American Cities were a reality, that certain knowledge was indicative to this nuke-uleer holocaust on our shores. That was just before some 4,000 Americans were sent overseas to die, along with some 85,000 Iraqis, not to be confused as resident Jihads or political candidates.

I guess the bumper stickers were right after all.

Language is a funny thing, for example, “The president of Mexico, refers to “illegals” as National Hero’s. Certainly wrong, but that is the way it goes ….. First your money and then your clothes … Or … as Bo Diddley used to say, “Don’t trust anyone but your mama, and look at her real good.”

So that is it in a nutshell. The air in America isn’t the only thing that seems to be polluted these days, lot of television broadcasting is the same.

Now if you excuse me, I have a number three washtub of Craw Daddies and a gallon of Louisiana Hot Sauce to work thru … Should take me most of the weekend.

000