We’re Back – Gobble Gobble

It is our hope that all of you enjoyed the Holiday and that you traveled to and fro, safely, without a hitch.  We have just ended a trip into the Heartland, put some down some miles, burned some fossil fuels, and took in a little cranberry sauce and a little of the dark meat.

If I hear one more soundbite on Black Friday I think I am gonna lose it. 

Being a man I am not a big shopper, nor do I understand America’s preoccupation with the practice.  What is the big rush to acquire all of this stuff, that no one needs, no one is impressed with, and certainly no one can pay cash for?  The thing that really scares me about these throngs of unruly shoppers, is the mere fact that a lot of them are packing roscoe’s in their purse.

And now they are armed.  Oklahoma recently passed the “right to carry law” which means if you have a permit, you can openly carry a firearm in this state.  86 people have been gunned down in Oklahoma City this year, the latest was some poor guy vacuuming out his car at a car wash over the weekend.  Do we really need all of these people walking around packing heat?  

I fully expect to turn on the television some night and hear:  “Light to moderate gunfire with occasional shower of automatic weapons on the south-side, weather is perfect for intermittent gun sale activity at the fairgrounds, with scattered drive by shootings in the late afternoon.”

Cover me honey, I am changing lanes.

Quick!  To the bat pole!  A New Jersey man claims police overreacted when they arrested him for being dressed like a superhero.  He admits he was wearing a bulletproof vest, mask, cape, and hand cuffs, but says he wore his superhero getup “to inspire hope.”  His lawyer says there is no law that “would prohibit anyone from dressing how they want to dress.”  Yeah, these people never met my mother.  Kind of ironic, at a time when America is fresh out of hero’s, here we find one, and they are cuffing him and carting him away.

Couch Potato’s.  A global study has found that the United States ranked among the most physically lazy countries in the world (big surprise there huh?), with some forty percent of Americans engaging in little or no physical activity.  Greece was found to be the most active country in the Western World, with just fifteen percent of their citizenry inactive.

Grand theft auto:  I just love stooopid criminals.  A man in Louisiana tried to carjack an unmarked police car at a traffic light.  Inside were a state police detective and two U.S. Marshals.  “He evidently was not one of the smarter criminals in the area.”

Good deal on a car.  While we are on the subject of cars, a guy in Nebraska is selling off is huge fleet of antique cars so he can free up enough time to find a wife.  The 74 year old man says he spent so much time and energy acquiring and restoring his 90 classic cars that he “never had time for a date.”  His plan is to sell the cars and look for a wife, and he said “I don’t care if she has a half dozen kids.” 

Which to me says, “You have spent far too much time in the garage.”  He then went on to say … “The cars took up all of my time, and I had nothing left over for anything else.”  I got news for you sport, you hook up with some gal and six kids, you aint gonna have time for anything.

One more.  A Chinese woman upset about speeding cars roaring by her home purchased a sex doll, dressed in a sexy red lingerie and positioned it in her garden in view of passing motorists.  Most of who now hit the brakes to get a better look.  No word on what the local police think about this tactic.  I do just faintly remember a red nightgown in my past.  One night my wife met me at the front door.  She was wearing a sexy red negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.

See you in the funny papers.


Friday Mile Marker

Today we should celebrate 1 million visitors to this site, in a little over ten months time.  What an accomplishment guys, thanks for your support.  I don’t think there is a blog out there that can lay claim to something like that.  It is simply incredible, and you guys helped make it happen.

Thanks a lot.

Friday already, where did the week go?  Just seems like it was the other day and it was Monday and now here I find myself, end of the week.  So what do we talk about?  Lottery sales in the USA are up, as the economy progressively erodes and times get bad, it appears that people are turning to the lottery as the possible solution to their problems.

Bad move.

Taking what precious few dollars they have left over and playing the lottery in the hope of winning instant deliverance from their economic woes isn’t going to cut it.

42 states are now reporting that lottery sales are on the increase and several states are considering another method of collecting revenue by starting up their own lottery games.  The lottery is nothing but a tax on people who are very bad at math.  Records are being set nationwide, a bad indicator of our dire predicament.  Take a moment here to day dream — What would you do with all that money?

Yeah I know, I will get some mail on that one.

I am reading where the government is going to try and buy back my old hoopie and that the cost is going to be roughly $5 billion per year for this program.  It is called the Old Clunker Program.  What amazes me is how we routinely look at “billions of dollars” as commonplace numbers.

Remember the old days, when it was just “millions?”  I can recall when that would be considered a WHOLE LOT OF MONEY but when you put it up against all this other crap, it just appears to be insignificant pocket change now.

Here is some more good news, talk about biting the hand that feeds you?

Detroit is now coming back for another pound of flesh, they want to raise the gasoline taxes in order to get the price of fuel up, to force you to buy one of their dinky marginally effective fuel stingy cars.  Nothing like spiking artificial demand for your product.  You can read more about it here.

Mesa Arizona – The city utilities department hired goats to clear weeds and brush from the slopes at its water treatment and reclamation plant. The 80 animals are under a six-month contract. Using machines is difficult at the site, and the goats are expected to do a better job in a more environmentally responsible way.  Finally someone with some sense emerges from the dust and chaos of 2008.

This is government that is progressive and a step in the right direction.

Another piece of news out of Phoenix – A group of lawmakers want to ban the use of speed enforcement cameras on state highways. The main sponsor, Republican Rep. Sam Crump, said the cameras are unfair and intrusive. Passage of the proposed law would shut down a program under which a contractor has already installed 69 of 100 planned cameras.  Personally I am all for this, you see, I got bagged by an airplane and a camera and it cost me about $175.

It was in Colorado and the cop when he asked me to sign the ticket said, “Doesn’t this bother you, this is pretty expensive.” I just smiled and said, “Nah, you ought to see what I got away with!”

(Why whine and cry about it, you are caught, right?)

In order to keep the peace and tranquility of my marriage I am often required to watch television that I do not support or agree with.  Such is the case of American Idol, twice this week I have been asked to sit and watch this spectacle of absurdity on Channel 25.  A lot of it sounds like a Basset Hound standing on his own ears and howling in the backyard to me.  I got nailed for two episodes of it this week.

And I thought Dancing With The Stars was bad?

One last note and then I will leave you to your day.  Austin Texas – The company that owns the TV show American Idol sued in federal court to stop a weekly Stripper Idol
contest at Palazio Men’s Club here. FremantleMedia North America also wants to seize Palazio’s profits from the event for amateurs. Palazio managers said they don’t plan to end the stripping contest because it bears no resemblance to the TV show.  Now being a man (as we all know who are basically pigs), I would gladly show up for a few episodes of this.

Sign me up!

I am now off to the doctors office.  It is that time again.  Same old routine.  The nurse starts with the basics.  “How much do you weigh?'” she asks. “200+,” I say.  The nurse puts me on the scale. It turns out my weight is 201.

The nurse asks, “Your height?”“5 foot 9”, I say. The nurse checks and sees that I only measures 5′ 8″.

She then takes my blood pressure and tells me it is very high.

“Of course it’s high!” I scream, “I have been forced to watch two episodes of American Idol this week and when I came in here I was tall and slender! Now I’m short and fat!

She put me on Prozac.


Pumping It To Me

Nothing like biting the hand that feeds you is what I say.  After a dismal showing at the Detroit Auto Show the automotive companies announced that they would like to see a “higher gasoline tax as an incentive to buy their fuel-efficient cars.”

Personally, I don’t know about you, but I am getting a little tired of their act at this point in the game.  Here is a novel idea, build something worth a —- and the American public will rush to buy it, this business ethic or economic model has been proven over and over.

The automotive industry is espousing this idea of higher taxes on gasoline to force buyers to keep considering fuel-efficient and small cars.  They have shifted over production dramatically to reflect this trend, no longer having the bread and butter truck sales they have enjoyed in the past.  They saw how fast consumers with the lemming mentality or herd characteristic rushed out to buy small cars during the last round of fuel pricing in this country.

Now they are saying without this tax and higher prices on fuel, consumers will turn back to larger vehicles, crossovers and trucks, which they are producing fewer numbers of.  That they “need” this to stay competitive in today’s market.  Bull.

We help them out, and now they want to push prices on motor fuel upwards into the $6 per gallon range and force us to buy their products.  Correct me if I am wrong, but doesn’t this come under the heading of extortion?

Here is where the extra gas money goes, when the prices are down, the American consumer has more money to spend in other areas of life, such as:

  • Groceries 48%
  • Savings 42%
  • Credit Card debt 30%
  • Entertainment 10%
  • Home Improvement 9%

(survey of 3,013 consumers margin of error = +/-2%)

So now we are being told it is time for — Cash for clunkers — This one is really rich boys n girls, you are going to love this.  Sixty percent of the 21 million barrels of oil we consume daily in the United States is used by the nation’s 250,000,000 cars and light trucks. Our continued reliance on oil to drive the transportation sector is deepening our economic crisis, hurting consumers at the pump, and sending more than $500 billion in U.S. capital out of the country to oil-rich regimes.

The culprit?  Your old “paid for” car or truck.  Nothing is being said about the legions of trucks running up and down the Interstates of America, half loaded, sucking down diesel fuel to the tune of 4mpg.  It is YOU and your OLD CAR this is where the problem lies.  In the end, when it comes to government, it is always going to be “you.”

Cars which are 13 years or older account for only 25 percent of the miles driven, but they produce 75 percent of all pollution from automobiles. As the economies around the world improve, so will the demand for crude, and thus the cycle begins anew, prices will climb steadily upwards again.  What we have now is just a temporary fix to a bad problem.

This new Cash for Clunkers program would target Americans who own older, inefficient vehicles, often those of more limited means who would benefit most from upgrading to a more economical model. It is also touted as being streamlined for the consumer.  Cash for Clunkers could be up and running quickly and immediately and it would generate simulative benefits for the economy without requiring a major new government bureaucracy.

Yeah?  I will believe that one when I see it.

The vehicles would be sold to salvage yards, with the proceeds of reclaimed steel and used auto parts being returned to the U.S. Treasury. The U.S. Environmental Protection Agency, which already administers rebate programs focused on domestic appliances, is well positioned to oversee such a program.

With an average premium per car of $2,500, including handling fees for dealers, the program would require an annual outlay of approximately $5 billion dollars to scrap 2 million gas guzzlers each year. The total cost of the program would be offset substantially by the high salvage value of steel and auto parts, which is on the rise.

Wait a minute:  This is bogus information, scrap metal, aluminum, brass all of it is actually on the decline, not on the rise.  Don’t believe everything you read.

Cash for Clunkers would provide much-needed infusion of market demand to the troubled automobile industry, which has seen sales plummet amidst the faltering economy. The program has the potential to take millions of the oldest, most inefficient vehicles off the road and shift the entire market toward newer, more economical models, increasing demand and creating jobs.

Then when they (the automakers) get in a better position, and with an infusion of new free money, find themselves fit and healthy, they come around and bite you in the rear or stab you in the back, which ever works out the best for them.  One more government parasite to suck the lifeblood out of you.

“Be ye not the first to try the latest, or the last to cast the old aside.”

It is time, as my daddy used to say, “To fish or cut bait” boys.  Either get with the program, build a better mousetrap or go under.  But stop sticking it to me, I am tired of it.