Saturday Wowser

I am sitting at the bank, and the banker says to me, “Do you have our new VISA with the photo ID yet?” and I say “No.” So then he says to me, “Why not?” And I reply, “You charge for your VISA and have all these fee’s, I am not into that.”

So then he inquires, “Where is yours located, which was kind of stupid, I mean I am a guy after all?  What kind of question is that?” But we were talking about banking and I missed the point.

So I said, “It is out of Boston or maybe Delaware, I believe, I am not sure, back east.” So he says, “You ought to be doing business in YOUR COMMUNITY and showing some loyalty to the folks who live with you.” So I say, “Okay, they gave me 15.9% annual PCR and no annual fee.” You want 25.5% and $25 per year fee, so why should I do business with you?  You give me the same deal, and I will switch it over.”

Then he smiles and says, “What else can I do for you today Mr. Smith?” and I smile and think “Well for a start you can pucker up and kiss …… Oh well, you know the rest dont’cha?”

By the way, “these folks are on the bail out train too.  My bank is on the list.”

Cover Me I Am Reloading

Awhile back we reported that the Interior Department was fixing to overturn regulation concerning guns in National Parks.  It appears that they have done just that.  Yesterday, the Department of Interior overturned a Reagan-era regulation, permitting loaded firearms at 388 of 391 national park sites. The decision allows guns in parks in “any states with concealed carry laws, not just those that allow guns in their state parks as originally proposed.” While the Department cited safety concerns as a factor, the National Park Conservation Association notes:

According to the FBI’s Uniform Crime Report, there were 1.65 violent crimes per 100,000 national park visitors in 2006-making national parks some of the safest places in the United States. The new regulation could increase the risk for impulse shootings of wildlife, and risk the safety of visitors and rangers.

Despite the potential affect on national park wildlife and resources, the Administration did not conduct an environmental review as required by law. One more just for the fun of it.  The text of the rule notes that earlier, Gov. Sarah Palin (R-AK) wrote to the Interior Dept. supporting the rule change. If you want more, check out ThinkProgress’s updated report on Bush’s 11th hour regulations and rule changes.

Here is some more “bad government for you” we in America don’t have the market cornered on bad politics (although it often seems as if we are the leaders in bad policy) in Britain they have it too.

In Worcester, England, they ordered a man to take down a 3 ft high barbed-wire fence that he had installed to deter the thieves who had broken into his storage building at least three times in the past four months.  According to the Daily Mail, the council said it was feared would be sued by a wounded trespasser.

Which brings up the age old question, “when was it that they changed it where the CRIMINAL has more rights than the VICTIM?”  Please enlighten me if you will?

The terror attacks in India this week certainly were horrible, I sure hope this is not some kind of prophetic new system of religious fanatical attacks and a new wave of terror for the future in our world.  I thought it was especially comforting how the United Nations promptly took charge and blamed Israel for it all.

Count Your Blessings

I know that Thanksgiving is over and all that stuff is behind us now, but if you want a fresh outlook on life, and something to be thankful for, trot over here and read this, it is an eye opener, a good piece of work.

Sign Of The Times

What is this “Office of the President Elect” signage going on?  I sure wish we could get all of this “locked down and in place” it sure looks like someone has a bad case of premature-inauguration to me.”  Barbara Wa-Wa was on last night, and had her top ten people in the entire world you should know show last night on ABC.  Does anyone know if Sarah Palin made the cut?  I was overhauling a ceiling fan and I missed it.

People Unlike Us

OJ got sentenced yesterday, looks like he will be an old codger when he gets out of the slammer, which is okay with most of us.  We tired of him and his act, a long time ago.  Bush is now scheduled on ABC and around the dial to give even more “farewell speeches” in which he denies any culpable knowledge of ever been elected or even visiting Washington DC in the past ten years.

Bush, Cheney and Rumsfield all meet up in Hell.  Cheney looks around and then snarls out of the side of his mouth, “I should have shot two lawyers, this isn’t right.”  Rumsfield said, “I missed the memo on this, I should have paid more attention.”  Bush sulks over in the corner, curled up in a fetal position mumbling …. “It’s not that hot and I am not here, it’s not that hot and I am not here.”

Self Inflicted Wounds

Rosie O’Donnell effectively murdered her career this week on NBC but it was okay, and I understand it “there were NO witnesses to the crime.”  I also understand that Paris Hilton and Paul Rubens are all set to star in a new movie to be released in 2009.

What are they going to call this.

Pee Wee gets an infection?

I read in USA Today that “unhappy people watch more television than happy people.”  Which figures, all the Happy People are over here on the Internet reading Creative Endeavors.

Bad Cop … No Donut.

A Beaumont, Texas police officer has been suspended from the force for crossing the line during an undercover prostitution sting (that is, he actually had sex) and defended himself in an August hearing.  He sated, “It was a job, sir.  I did not have any pleasure in doing it.  It was something that I was doing for the City.”

Yeah, like that dog is gonna hunt, I wouldn’t look for any back pay on this one Sparky.

One more and then “I am outta here!” (there you go Bill)  Police in Covington, Kentucky arrested a 19 year old kid during a suspected drug deal at a local market.  Although several people were booked that night, he was the one wearing the T-Shirt that read, “It’s Not Illegal Unless You Get Caught.”

Have A Good Weekend, see you all on Monday.  Don’t miss Monday for sure, “Ladies Underwear” a real under 500 word eye popper …

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Number Six Hundred

Greetings.  If you haven’t been here before and this is your first time, welcome to Creative Endeavors, The Home Of BoxcarOkie.com.  Today is a milestone for us, this is our 600th post this year, in the past 9 months we have posted to this blog-page a plethora of articles, some good, some not so good, a bunch of them were not even worthy of tossing into the fire.

But my, my they were so much fun.

In the past 15 days we have had over 160,000 people come by this site, which I certainly believe establishes it as a “Fast Growing Blog” and in this time span of some nine months, three quarters of a million visitors have come to this site, to stop, read, browse and comment. We might not be the best, but we are in the top 100 consistently and with wordpress, Live Journal or any other social networking site, that is a worthy accomplishment.

Creative Endeavors is one of the fastest growing WordPress.com blogs and we plan to grow even more in the future.  It is our profound hope to see at least one million people stop by and visit this blog by our Anniversary date which is March 12th, 2009 …… tell all your friends, help us out, spread the word!

As always we want you to stop by from time to time and watch us do just that.  Add your two cents into the comments and we will keep a light on in the window for you like the hotel chain advertises.  We always accept and welcome your company … This is and will continue to be …. One of the fastest and best reading blog pages on WordPress.com. and any other social networking site and it is important that you be a part of it.

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We Need to Get the Bloom Back on the Rose

The United States has an economic imperative to develop reliable, affordable,
clean sources of energy and use them more efficiently.

We Have Bubbles, Lot‘s and lot’s of Bubbles

Post Falls Idaho Two new waterfall-style fountains welcoming visitors here are a tempting target for vandals. The city said pranksters most recently filled the fountains with dish soap, forming a wall of foam 10 feet high. A fund raising effort has been launched to pay for a $3,000 lighting upgrade.  Rubber duckies are an option.

Another Honor of Public Service

Raleigh North Carolina Insurance Commissioner Jim Long has bequeathed his title of “oldest rat in the barn” to Secretary of State Elaine Marshall – along with a hunk of cheddar cheese. Long is the longest serving Democrat on the Council of State. He didn’t run for re-election. Marshall, also a Democrat, was the first woman on the panel when she was elected in 1996.

Speaking of Rats

OJ Simpson is scheduled to be sentenced on Friday for his conviction of kidnapping and extortion charges, which could mean life in the slammer for the Heisman Trophy Winner and present holder of low-life of the year award in America.  His attorney’s are hoping for a speedy sentencing so that they might appeal and get the “juice” back on the street while appealing his conviction which could take upwards of a year or more.  No word on what the official line is on him at the Casino’s.

Trouble On Walton’s Mountain

Charleston West Virginia State officials are looking for someone to encourage West Virginia natives to come home. And they’ve decided that no one is better for the role than a real West Virginian. The Department of Commerce is sponsoring an essay contest to find a resident to promote the state to those who have left home. None of the Walton Family could be located, and John Boy hasn’t been seen in years.  Entry forms are at http://www.hometowv.com.

Ahead of the curve

Once again, I pick up the paper and there it is “after” we have already run something on it.  Now they are saying that American’s are purchasing firewood and alternate forms of heating equipment in record numbers.  Shipments of wood stoves and fireplace inserts which can more efficiently burn firewood are up 54% in the first six months of this year over last year.  Some folks spent as much as $750 a month to heat their homes last winter, and there were even reports of desperate people in New England burning household furniture to stay warm.  As the price of motor fuel and groceries, other household staples continue to rise, Americans are seeking out alternative measures to insure they stay warm this winter.

A New Bail Out

Hillary Clinton is now in debt $7.5 million to consultants and vendors at the end of October according to election reports.  Her campaign committee sent an e-mail to supporters Tuesday inviting them to congratulate the New York senator on her nomination as Secretary of State and to also while they were at it, drop a buck or two in the envelope for the cause.  Why doesn’t she just declare herself a bank and get the way the rest of ’em are getting it, seems to be working pretty good for everyone else.

More High Numbers For The Slap Happy Xpress

Mr. Obama continues to get high numbers on his performance so far from the American public.  A Gallup Poll finds, even at a time the public is down about the economy, they are up on his performance.  More than three of four Americans, including a majority of Republicans (who generally do not like anyone period) approve of the job Mr. Obama had done so far.  He needs this kind of broad based support for the job ahead of him.

Meanwhile at the White House, Shorty was spotted off in the corner, muttering something about the difference between a chimichanga, and enchilada, and a quesadilla.  He is after all, headed back to Texas.

It’s an attitude thang Y’all … Doubt if you would understand.

#600 another one in the bag!  Stick around, we are just getting warmed up.

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“The cartoon courtesy of Center for American Progress” (online)


Juggling Reality

Excuse me, would it be alright if we ….

Dover Delaware – A lawyer representing a condemned ax murderer told the state Supreme Court that prison officials violated state law by adopting a new lethal-injection protocol without allowing for public review or comment. An attorney for the Department of Correction argued that its policies and procedures are confidential and not routinely subject to disclosure. This is a new wrinkle in the fabric of society, getting pre-authorized permission and approval in order to execute an “AX Killer?”  Give me a break.

Could not happen to a nicer guy.

OJ Simpson is suffering through agonizing drug withdrawal behind bars says the National Enquirer. Simpson, recently convicted of armed robbery for trying to steal some of his old sports memorabilia suffers from severe arthritis because of old football injuries and was taking large doses of painkillers. Prison doctors have cut back on those medications, leavening Simpson hobbling and angry. “Sometimes he screams at his jailers, demanding pills,” a source tells the newspaper, “but his cries are being ignored.”  Welcome to your own personal hell OJ, enjoy your stay.

Trouble in Paradise.

There is now valid proof as to why Hawaii is the most expensive place in the U.S. to live. Honolulu – More Hawaii homeowners than ever are falling behind on mortgage payments; 594 home foreclosures were logged in September. The figure from Realty-Trac is more than three times the number for September 2007. A spokesman said the increase pushes Hawaii from 34th in the nation for foreclosures to 20th.

Gettin Tight In Suburbia

Coeur d’Alene, Idaho – Sales of booze are up at state-run stores in northern Idaho. State Liquor Dispensary Superintendent Dyke Nally said people are avoiding costlier bar and restaurant tabs and doing more parties at home to save money. Personally, I am all for people staying home to imbibe and make a fool of themselves. And please remember, “Friends do not let friends drive drunk.” If they insist, then you should shave their eyebrows and put them on a bus to Chicago. It is a public service, and actually quite entertaining at the same time.  Speaking of buses? (Nice blend huh) Check this out.

Someone needs to remove her head from her you know what or head back home … We don’t need MORE twisted science.

Just when you thought it could not get any worse. In an election that has been fought on an astoundingly low cultural and intellectual level, with both candidates pretending that tax cuts can go like peaches and cream with the staggering new levels of federal deficit, and paltry charges being traded in petty ways, and with Joe the Plumber becoming the emblematic stupidity of the campaign, it didn’t seem possible that things could go any lower or get any dumber. But they did last Friday, when, at a speech in Pittsburgh, Gov. Sarah Palin denounced wasteful expenditure on fruit-fly research, adding for good xenophobic and anti-elitist measure that some of this research took place “in Paris, France” and winding up with a folksy “I kid you not.” […] More >>>

LOOKS LIKE THE SAME OLD CIRCUS TO ME

Turning Off The Juice

Concord New Hampshire . The state plans to turn off more than half of the 621 highway lights along Interstate 95 in the Portsmouth area and along Interstate 93 in Hooksett and Manchester. It said flipping the switches will save energy and about $250,000 a year. We did that last year, we turned the heat down, shut off the lights, we sat in the dark, my cup cake and I, froze our hinny’s off, and we saved twelve bucks.

Check The Garage

Fayetteville Arkansas – Police have arrested an armored car driver who had reported that the truck he drove was stolen by men who took him hostage. Police recovered nearly $500,000 from the residence of Brandon Whitehouse, 21, after he told investigators he acted alone. Whitehouse is charged with theft and filing a false police report. Kind of like the guy who got caught with fifteen pounds of smoke and claimed the C.I.A. planted it on him … that one didn’t fly either.

Better Living Thru Chemistry

San Francisco – An organic chemistry student at the University of California, Santa Cruz, pleaded no contest to heroin possession after police found drug-laced beer in his garage. Chaz Renzelman, 28, said he created the concoction by adding a handful of poppy pods to his homemade beer to improve the flavor. Renzelman was sentenced to a drug diversion program.

A Rude Awakening

A Pennsylvania woman was asleep in her bed last week when a large chunk of ice exploded thru the ceiling and hit her on the forehead. Mary Ann Foster, 66, was left with a large lump, and said that she could easily have been killed if the projectile hadn’t broken into pieces as it passed through the roof of her house. Authorities say the ice, which Foster saved most likely fell from a passing plane, but Foster isn’t so sure. “There is a little fish smell to it,” she says. “Which is weird.” And now this Tuesday, I have a totally new definition of the word “weird.”

Hard Times In Texas

Things are so bad of the seven gift shops in Crawford, Texas, that once sold George W. Bush souvenirs, three have gone broke and only one still maintains regular hours. Meanwhile the White House press corps released a national policy statement on the economy just yesterday. It read: “Save a little money each month and the end of the year, you will be surprised at how little you have.”

If you are not all that crazy about this (pardon the pun) then check out what this guy in LA says the “New America” is going to be like, little eye opener here for sure. Seven more days until the Obammer Rapture.

And finally … Melt Down In The Heart Land

Psychiatric hospitals nationwide are reporting that admissions have more than doubled due to people suffering extreme stress about home foreclosures, job losses, and plunging stock prices. It appears that the appropriate response to our current reality in America, is to simply just go insane.

Have to go!  I am late for group …

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“The cartoon courtesy of Center for American Progress” (online), Sarah Palin article Slate Online.

Highlighting History

Here lately, a great many of our political hopefuls, presidential wanna-be’s and vice presidential what-evers have been running fast and loose with not only the facts, but our recent and past history. So I figured, what is good for the goose, is good for the gander and I have taken time today to correlate some history for all our readers.

The staff of Creative Endeavors and I got together over a period of several minutes, perhaps twenty-five or thirty, and came up with some interesting facts and history about our country for you in the spirit of the 2008 electorate.

On August 3rd,l 1492, Christopher Columbus set sail from Palos, Spain, on a voyage that took him to the present day America’s. Sailing on the Nina, the Pinta, and the Juilo Englasis, he arrived just before noon on a Friday. America at this time was basically a developing nation, a few Burger Kings, one or two Wal-Marts, but they were not Super Centers. There was visible evidence of many brush fires and incredible amounts of devastation everywhere. There was plenty of oil because cars had not been invented and we had no Congress.

In 1914, Germany declared war on France. France in retaliation, sent to Germany Rene Monette Anton Bush to convince local German governments to build replica’s of the Eiffel Tower and to give up this insane idea of war instead. To not service their women, tear down the French language, and to encourage them to drink more wine. This was quickly brushed aside for obvious reasons. She was promptly deported back to France as an illegal alien, and a undocumented speaker. Germany at that time, appropriated funds to build a fence to keep Frenchmen from entering their country.

In 1923, Calvin Coolidge was sworn in as the 30th President of the United States, following the defeat of Warren G. Harding. On this day Billy Raye Bushwhacker Sr. was defeated in the World College Bowl when he selected “History” for $100 and incorrectly answered the question …. “What Was WWII?” … with the answer …… some fish? NBC ran a story on if you yelled for 8 years and 7 months, some six days, you would produce enough energy to heat one cup of coffee. General Motors announced a new model of Chevy that got zero miles per gallon … but had lot’s of chrome.

In 1936, the State Department urged Americans in Spain to leave because of that country’s civil war. Oklahoma City started abandoning buildings in what is now called Brick Town because of rapid expansion to the suburbs. An Oklahoma court, on a suggestion of a local celebrity, granted custody of a ten year old Boy Scout to a 14 year old girl. This was promptly overturned by the local chapter of the ACLU.

In 1949, the National Basketball Association was formed despite the protests of the not yet formed NFL. The Oklahoma Representative in Congress announced that “for twenty five thousand dollars each, any lobbyist in the building (excluding Petroleum related industries) would be allowed to kiss him fully on the lips.” The University of Oklahoma announces that if you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, you would produce enough gas to create the energy of an atomic bomb. Which was quickly debunked by the Department of Defense. 1949 was a slow year, America did not attack anyone in the name of Democracy.

In 1958, the nuclear-powered submarine Nautilus became the first vessel to cross the North Pole underwater. A non candidate for any office, Billy Raye Bushwhacker Sr., meets with the heads of the state of England, France, Norway, Sweden and Germany at a family picnic in his backyard in Pecos Texas. He refuses to run on the “conservative” ticket, claiming that a race for Governor would negate his chances of being King or even God, someday in the near future.

Dick Clark turns sixteen years old …. Again.

In 1980, closing ceremonies were held in Moscow for the 1980 Summer Olympic Games, which had been boycotted by dozens of countries, including the United States. Ronald Reagan cannot remember if he approved the sale of arms to that place east of New Jersey. In a historic decision the Republican packed U.S. Supreme court rules that six apples in one sack is to be considered one item, this was a five to three vote. A new Republican protege comes on the scene, Billy Raye Bushwhacker Jr. enters Yale for his first year of c- studies.

In 1981, U.S. Air Traffic controller go on strike, despite a warning from President Reagan they would be fired. President Reagan then announces that at that time, the price of his souvenir beer mug has been reduced to on $3.99 and one building in Brick Town is being given consideration as a possible comedy club. No building permits or business licenses are issued after the Governor intervenes and declares “Living in Oklahoma is not funny.” Oklahoma University announces that a cat’s urine glows under a black light.  The practice of bathing in Swan Fat and Donkey Milk is declared illegal in 62 counties in Oklahoma and one U.S. protectorate south of Guam.

In 1988, the Soviet Union released Mathias Rust, the young West German pilot who had landed a light plane in Moscow’s Red Square in May 1987. Billy Raye Bushwhacker Jr. announces that for $500 a month, he will have breakfast with any registered Republican in the North Eastern Corridor of the United States. IBM announces that they have purchased space on the side of the Russian Station Miers for advertising and at a bargain price of only $18 million dollars. General Motors re-introduces the zero mileage car with lot’s of chrome.

In 1993, the Senate voted 96-3 to confirm Supreme Court nominee Ruth Bader Ginsburg. The national basketball association announces a new team in Florida to be known as the Incredibly Huge Bloodsucking Insects and will be home courted in Orlando. Bill Gates buys Guatemala and most of Honduras in a sweeping takeover bid. Judge Bork receives the “worst looking beard in the world award” by cast members of The View in 4 to 4 decision. He is subsequently is rejected from the court for oblivious reasons and in a related decision it is announced that it is no longer illegal to pray at Cock Fights, but you can still “make a wish, as long as you do not offend anyone else.”

In 1994, one day after Iraq invaded Kuwait, thousands of Iraqi soldiers pushed to within a few miles of the border with Saudi Arabia, heightening world concerns that the invasion could spread. A place called Chad dukes it out with some place called Libya and the arms race in America escalates. Stock in gunpowder and small arms increases exponentially and business is good on the NASDAC. People living north of the United States in Canada, tiring of their tree’s humming and glowing in the dark, demand that we do something about our acid rain. 1,200 dead people were discovered at a Neil Diamond concert in Michigan over the weekend.

Five years ago: OJ Simpson is hot on the trail of his wife killers, searching out every golf course in America. A 19 year old kid flies a Cessna airplane into Red Square and the Soviets are livid, Dick Cheney orders 6,000 Cessna airplanes for the U.S. Air Force. The Senate Transportation Committee recommends that all speed limits be increased nationwide to 80 MPH to help out the Saudi’s and it is increased, everywhere, except Oklahoma where all the roads are in disrepair or being patched. Judge Judy makes a definitive socially defining historic ruling on wrinkle creams being sold across the counter, that do not go deep enough to control crows feet in middle aged women.

One year ago: Congressional Republicans, shrugging off a presidential veto threat, nailed down the details of an agreement for a 10-year, $792 billion tax cut. Arbitrators ruled the government had to pay the heirs of Dallas dress maker Abraham Zapruder $16 million for his movie film that captured the assassination of President Kennedy. The first issue of Talk Magazine hit the newsstands and to celebrate this Congress passed a whopping pay raise (unanimously) in both houses.

Dick Clark turns …. Sixteen …. Again.

Which brings us to today: The Republican National Committee announces that so far, things have been pretty dull, so the handlers of Sara Palin have decided to allow her to speak. DVD sales in the United States reach record numbers. Joe the Plumber announces that he is depressed and constipated in Cleveland. Dick Cheney was to speak, but at his last public appearance he was interrupted 32 times by applause and two times by mild heart attacks. The Democrats have been declared legally brain dead in all but the swing states where the majority of the voters are still “not sure” and Joe Biden is strangely quiet.  Our second term soon to be gone President comes on television to announce that “the sap of a tree is a good conductor of rain and that is how you get electrocuted” while giving a press conference in the rose-garden in the rain.

And finally …. In an effort to clarify the new bailout proposal to the American people the political hopefuls came on PBS last night and laid out the proposal in a manner that was understandable by most of the population. In the spirit of Hillary and Good Time Bill it was patiently explained:

Once upon a time a man appeared in a village and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each. The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them. The man bought thousands at $10 and, as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He next announced that he would now buy monkeys at $20 each. The villagers renewed their efforts and started catching monkeys again.

Soon the supply diminished even further and people went back to their farms. The offer increased to $25 each and the supply of monkeys became so scarce it was an effort to even find a monkey, let alone catch it! The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50 each! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would buy on his behalf.

During the man’s absence, the assistant told the villagers “Look at all the monkeys in this big cage that the man has already collected. I will sell them to you at $35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell them to him for $50 each.”

The villagers rounded up all their savings and bought all the monkeys for 850 billion dollars. They never saw the man or his assistant again, only lots and lots of monkeys. Now you have a better understanding of how the WALL STREET BAILOUT PLAN WILL WORK!

History in a nutshell ……When Columbus started out for the New World, he didn’t know where he was going; when he would get there, when he got there, he didn’t know where it was he was; and when got back he didn’t know where had been.

Kind of points out what we all knew to begin with ….. History has an awful bad habit of repeating itself.

000

Thanx Jim in WA.


Chummin The Waters

Down Girl … Down!

With his electoral prospects fading by the day, Senator John McCain has fallen out with his vice-presidential running mate about the direction of his White House campaign. McCain has become alarmed about the fury unleashed by Sarah Palin, the moose-hunting “pitbull in lipstick”, against Senator Barack Obama. Cries of “terrorist” and “kill him” have accompanied the tirades by the governor of Alaska against the Democratic nominee at Republican rallies.

Mark Salter, McCain’s long-serving chief of staff, is understood to have told campaign insiders that he would prefer his boss, a former Vietnam prisoner of war, to suffer an “honorable defeat” rather than conduct a campaign that would be out of character – and likely to lose him the election.

“Some will say, jeez Sarah, it’s getting negative. No it’s not negativity. It’s truthfulness.” The crowd bellowed its appreciation with chants of “Nobama” and “Go Sarah Go!” Meanwhile back at the cabin, ninety miles from Russia …. Look kids … Mommies’ on TV!

All Juiced out

OJ Simpson is still locked down in Sin City, Las Vegas, after recently losing his court battle, some say he should have played the “race card” and he said that he would have, but the Obammer crowd was already using it.  The New Jersey Hall Of Fame is open now, some of the exhibits are Jack Nicholson, Bon Jovi, and some dude named Vinny.

Thanks … But No Thanks

Laxatives at dinner, drinking vinegar and electric shock treatment… Welcome to extreme spa detox. Anna Pasternak spends a week extreme detoxing. Here she reveals the results As a spoiled spa junkie, I’ve pretty much covered the whole global gamut: ayurvedic abhyanga (oily massage) in the Alps, Chi Nei Tsang (deep and delicate abdominal delving) in Thailand and shamanic stuff in the States.

Man, you have to be kidding me. I think I would rather be fat and lonely than do this. This is worse than my last job at Weight Watchers. Yeah, no joke. I got $8.40 an hour just to stand in the corner, and the instructor would point at me and yell …. If you keep eating Twinkies girls … THIS is what you will look like! Read the entire story here.

Keeping Track

Last week’s papers were full of Hazel Wheeler, and her amazing life story. In 1941, aged 14, Wheeler found a blank diary in her parents’ attic. She then went on to post an entry every day, without exception, for the next 67 years. Now that is what you call discipline, eh?

The main joy for the press has been that, in the past 67 years, there has been no global event – however cataclysmic – that didn’t take second place to Wheeler’s reports on her knitting, baking, or domestic arrangements.

Actual entry: “President Kennedy was assassinated as he drove through Dallas today. Shot through the head. Baked macaroons and scones. Did knitting”

Now who says “Politics’ are important in America?”

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Related:  Baracks House

Reality Checque

Oh what is we gonna do? We done invested all our money in a pumpkin farm and the government done called off Halloween

The Weekend is over … The government goes back to work early this morning … You have something else to worry about b’sides the quarter of a tank needle on your gas tank.

  • Your company might not be able to meet payroll and you might not get a paycheck this week.
  • If you need to buy a home, you might not be able to get a mortgage.
  • You might not be able to get a home equity loan to repair a leaking roof.
  • If you build or repair homes, you could lose your job.
  • You might not be able to buy your winter home heating oil on credit.
  • If you need to buy a car, you might not be able to get a loan.
  • If you sell or make cars, you could lose your job.
  • You might not be able to use your credit cards to pay for an unexpected auto repair or hospital bill.
  • You might not be able to get a student loan for your next year of college.
  • If you own a grocery store, you might not be able to put food on the shelves.
  • If you own a gas station, you might not be able to fill up your tanks.
  • If you own a small business, you could go out of business.
  • If you sell coffee or lunch to people who build homes and sell cars or work in a grocery store or gas station, you could lose your job too.
  • If you don’t have a job, it might be harder to find one.

California has announced that they are broke and like the rest of us, need a loan, 600 car dealerships are closing per month in America, #1 status credit buyers (perfect credit scores) do not get a loan, six out of every ten cars in America are sold on credit (loans). Sixty Minutes last night on CBS reports that this entire banking crisis thing was the direct result of incompetent greedy bankers and now YOU pick up the tab. Bank of America pulls a $125 million dollar credit line from a west coast home builder who they have been doing business with for almost two decades, has never been late on one single payment and was current at the time the credit was withheld.

By the way, last Tuesday, Mr. Bush signed off on a bill to give the automobile companies $25 billion in loans, you know about that? Now let’s review: $85 billion for A.I.G., $800 billion plus for the Wall Street Hole In The Head Gang, $25 billion for the GM boys.

First thing you know, we are gonna be talking some REAL MONEY here.

Business as usual, the jets are flying this morning in some restricted zone far from here in some distant land, and the smart bombs are falling like spring rain on some poor sap just trying to get by like you and me. The lunch counter will be abuzz with new ideas and theories on how to eliminate these Robber Barons on The Street and find new ways to pay off the lobbyists goons that are sapping the lifeblood of our treasury (currently empty right now).

America is really an amazing place. We can send an eighteen year old to a distant far away place to die, but we cannot prosecute these malfeasance bankers who sit high up in the ivory towers, immune to the problems of the rest of the world.

Modern Day Untouchables and worse, with taxpayer bonuses.

We spend billions to search the globe for the last bed a terrorist slept in, and allow our own children to go to bed at night hungry. Our old and aged, sick and ignored, rot away in rest homes for lack of medical attention.  It’s so bad even the Mexicans went home, and they were living here for free.

About the only good news I can see here is that sack of garbage O.J. Simpson was found guilty and will be sentenced in December to a possible life in prison … Which is about 13 years too late if you ask me. Just like Elvis, when he joined the Army, we will lose on revenue on this too.

I find it ironic that he is being held in “security isolation” from the general prison population for his own safety. He seems to like knife fights, let him out in the yard with the rest of his peers.

Time to get back to work, we still have to rescue some twenty border-line bankrupt airlines, we are not done yet.


000

Chocolate Bars and Happy Dreams

A British Canoeist was arrested, jailed and had his DNA sample taken for the crime of paddling down a river. Hmmm, no beating from the cops that might have bruised the hippy’s organic granola bars, but apart from that, it seems tough but fair. Apparently in Britain some people actually believe in ownership of a stretch of river and require you to pay for a sail on it.

And you thought airline travel was bad in this country. An Air India flight soared past its Mumbai destination on June 4 as its pilots allegedly dozed off in the cockpit, The Times of India reported this week. The napping pilots flew 359 miles past the airport and were still at cruising altitude when nervous air traffic controllers woke them up.

Air India officials vehemently denied the report, saying the plane lost radio contact with air traffic control for some time, and only flew 14 miles off course. “We emphatically deny the report. No such incident took place. We’ve checked our records,” Some pilots and air traffic controllers argue Air India is trying to cover up for the pilots’ mistake.

Jeeze, do you think so?

Harnessing the power of a volcano yeah this is gonna be a barn burner for sure. They are talking about drilling into active volcano’s in Alaska as a source of geothermal power … This sounds like modern science to me, take something that is very powerful, awfully hot, really unpredictable, and drill a hole it and pi** it off even more.

Man, this one isn’t going to end well at all; the handwriting is on the wall for this fiasco for sure.

Honk if you love Hispanics, this one is lame. A Hispanic-tag proposal is being reviewed by Florida highway officials. It proudly proclaims that “Hispanics Discovered Florida.”  It also has the support of state Sen. Gary Siplin a Democrat in a district with many Hispanic residents. The favorite television show in his district is called, “The Little House On The Chevy.”

We have a new novelty tag this year too. It reads: Where In The World Is Oklahoma? That was for all my friends over at the retirement home in Arkansas.

Your tax dollars at work. IBM is working with candy maker Mars Inc. and the U.S. government to study the genetic code of cocoa trees to safeguard the world’s chocolate supply. Closely held Mars, the maker of M&M candies and Snickers bars, and the U.S. Agriculture Department will sequence the entire cocoa genome, deciphering the plant’s biological map. IBM will analyze the results using Blue Gene, the world’s second- fastest supercomputer, the company said today in a statement.

Political unrest and plant diseases in Africa, home to two- thirds of cocoa production, have driven up prices more than 50 percent in the past year. Cocoa trees in Africa and Asia have become increasingly stunted from fungus, insects and drought, triggering supply shortfalls.

“Mars is trying to improve the reliability of the cocoa supply and IBM is looking for new ways to market its Blue Gene supercomputer power,” said Lora Cecere, an analyst for AMR Research in Boston. IBM can apply the same tools to other food staples falling short of demand, such as corn, she said

After that, who knows?  Maybe what causes zits on a 14 year old, or why they have “Happy Dreams” at night? When it comes to U.S. Government grant money … The sky is the limit these days.

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POST:  I added a “contact – Email form” on the top of the page.  If you don’t want to make a public comment, you can use this, it will give you direct feed to me via emai.  Try to keep it civil.