Why Do We Buy Into All This …

Old guyJust read a new survey that says “64% of Americans rate the honesty and ethical standards of members of Congress as low or very low.”  Which of course is most likely the lowest rating on record since the ancient times of Rome?  Congress now rates just below telemarketers or whale poop, and we all know that is at the bottom of the ocean. 

If you think this is bogus, consider this:  “Hillary has blond hair” … I rest my case y’honor. Continue reading

TIME IS RUNNING OUT

Open Carry:  If you are going to carry an illegal loaded semiautomatic firearm in New York City, it is probably best to not press your luck by trying to beat a $2 subway fare.  Amazing what people will do and then how much time they have to think about it later on …

How about seven years?   

Droning On:  I noted at the bank today the cover of time magazine had a Military Drone on the front cover.  This past weekend CBS had quite a bit of airtime, devoted to the same subject, it appears that they are hot now.  They are being used not just by the military but police departments, national guard units, you name it.  So far this tool for terrorists has only taken out some 59 known bad guys, but has killed something like 34,000 poor citizens who were listed as “collateral damage.”

Mans’ best doing man’s worst … Fly one over my property and I can assure you “it will not come home.”  If it does it will be full of buckshot from my 12 gauge.

Fifty years of James Bond …  It is kind of slow around here, we are currently being snowed upon which is okay, because we could use the moisture.  So I find this cinema love fest on television, “Fifty Years of James Bond” and I am of course, amazed and amused at the same time.  

Fifty years just doesn’t seem possible and then there is the always engaging Double O Seven loading freshly shot pheasants into the back of a truck on a French Chalet and the tag on the tailgate is there plain to see …. California.

Finally something for us old geezers:  Silicone Valley has introduced the first edition of the new baby boomer computer and keyboard.  Supplies are limited at this time.

ATT00001

Change the Batteries – Set it to Vibrate – or just remove it:  A prisoner in a Shri Lanka prison was found to have stuffed a cellphone up his wah-zoo (chocolate speedway) and two “hands free” packs with it (good idea).  Everything was going just fine until someone he had just called … returned his call … which did not amuse his handlers in the least.

New Religious Experience in Texas:  Do you owe money on a car?  Finance company banging on the door, here is a tip.  Crush it.  At the same time, save yourself the drudgery of doing lawn mowing this summer, throw in a couple of lawnmowers for good measure.  The Church of Later Day Saints is alive and well, crushing lawnmowers and cars south of the Red River.

Time is running out:  Well, well, well … Here it is the 13th of the month, and of course, a lot of you guys have done nothing to improve your marital status or the relationship you share with “your significant other” and you are for the most part, dead in the water.

Having procrastinated for literally weeks, you find yourself adrift in an ocean full of sharks, and you suddenly discover YOU are the chum.  Oh-my-gosh, down to just one more day, a scant 24 hour period with which to redeem yourself.  Someone needs to throw you a life vest.

As I am a generous sort, I will give you a hint.  

Take her to someplace she has never been, to a place where she can relax, enjoy a good meal, get some rest.  

Flowers are nice, chocolate will work with some girls, and there is always the occasional choochie-coupon to be redeemed.  But if you want to make her happy, take her somewhere for the holiday, wine and dine her.

It works.  On Valentines Day, I asked mine one year, “Can I kiss you in a place you have never been kissed?” and she looked up at me with those big brown eyes, eyes so wide that a man could get lost in and then she said … Omaha Nebraska?

Now I have to go, Dr. Phil is coming on …. “His Girlfriend has Robbed him Blind.” …. Rebecca says her sister has betrayed her by sleeping with the important men in her life;  Steve says his girlfriend keeps stealing his money.

New.

I am just a sucker for love I suppose.

OOO

It’s Not Facebook – It’s You.

Buy the world a coke:  Last year the average American drank just under two sodas a day, a drop in per capita of about 16% since its peak in 1998.  Schools have been removing the drinks from vending machines for the past several years.  Even local government agencies are removing them in a fight against public obesity.

No Holidays:  Portugal has scraped four of its fourteen public holidays in order to boost economic activity.  It suspended two Catholic festivals and two other public holidays for five years beginning next year.  You would think just the opposite, a holiday, everyone out and about, spending money.

Brain Dead:  The principal of a New York City school has banned kindergarden students from singing Lee Greenwoood’s God Bless the U.S.A. in their graduation on the grounds that “we don’t want to offend other cultures.”  Her decision angered many parents who freely admit that a lot of people fought to move here to live freely.

So the song should be sung with a whole lot of pride.

This is so stupid on two points, it is not even funny.  First, this is America, not a satellite of some other down-trodden third world country.  Secondly, graduation ceremonies for kindergartners is just dumb.

Bottom line:  Among the companies listed on the Fortune 500 in 2010, 204 were founded by immigrants or the children of immigrants.  Someone might point that out to this dumb*** myopic principal in New York.

Early to bed and early to rise:  A new study out suggests that people that get up early in the morning are happier, healthier, and generally more satisfied with life than night owls.  So the old expression from your mother was right, “Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise.”  You would think you could hit at least one of the three wouldn’t ya.

What’s for lunch:  An anonymous bidder paid a record $3.46 million to have a steak lunch with legendary investor Warren Buffett, who auctions off a meal for charity each year.

Last year’s winning bidder, investment adviser Ted Weschier, was hired by Buffett several months after he paid $2.6 million to dine with the Oracle of Omaha.  Which is a lot better than me, I usually share my lunch with some desperate crack head taking his lunch break from working the corner of the intersection down the street.

Go do something to yourself:  Police in Middleborough, Mass. are now allowed to issue you a ticket for $20 if they hear you using the F-bomb in public.  The fabric of American Life changing before your very eyes.

Nothing it seems is right anymore.  Now I understand that some folks are suggesting that Pat Sajak and Vanna White were actually admitting to doing the Wheel Of Fortune while they were plastered?  Word is that he and Vanna would spend the two-and-one-half hour lunch periods at a Mexican restaurant sucking down some terrific Margarita’s.  It isn’t any wonder they were buying all of those vowels, they were most likely so tanked they could not recite the alphabet.

Depressed?  It could be you and not Facebook:  A new study has found that too much time on the social networking site is not producing depression among students.  The students were surveyed with 43 text-message questionnaires at random intervals over a seven-day period between February and December of 2011.

Students were asked if they were currently online, how many minutes they had been online and what they were doing on the Internet.  Survey participants were on Facebook for over half of the total time online. When evaluated by researchers, the data, including depression-screening results, they found no significant associations between social-media use and the probability of depression.  So it must be your deodorant or something else.  You can read more here  Facebook-obssesive/compulsive link study

To Do List for the Upcoming Weekend:  Re-calibrate the line between fiction and reality.  Meditate using new mantra, “Everything if fine in the private sector … Everything if fine in the private sector … your current balance is …”

Go to Al-Anon meeting, locate a new interesting friend with benefits (someone who shaves her armpits and isn’t a smoker).

Stand in front of a mirror and practice saying “no comment”  … Stand in front of a mirror and practice saying “as far as I know everything’s terrific” … Stand in front of a mirror and repeat over and over, “Baby, you aint much, but you’re all you got.” (I don’t shave my armpits but I do not smoke, dip or chew).

Quit this WordPress.com business and teach creative writing at Cal State Bakersfield just a few miles south of Fresno.  Lose some weight or bite the hand that feeds you, because you’ve had more than enough to eat.  That should keep me going until at least 6:45 p.m. Sunday night.

Haven’t posted a video in awhile, check this one out, it is pretty cool.  It is entitled “Fight Back” and is quite interesting.  Man-man, I just love creative and talented people, they make the world such an interesting place.

OOO

Monday Morning Re-Mix

Nice to get outta town, if only for a few days.  One thing about the weekend, if it had not been available to me before this, I surely would have had to invent it, in order to get by.  It is great to have this all too short period of time to recharge and get going again, don’t you agree?

Sitting here enjoying the first cup of coffee for the day, it is not all that good.  We usually stop at Walmart and purchase bottled water int he jug, distilled water, for our coffee as the water here in the country is loaded with calcium.

Which in turn makes the coffee taste awful by most standards.

Frog water is good don’t get me wrong, but when it is hard water, it isn’t all that great.

Kind of difficult to type this morning also, having not sat a a keyboard in about a week, it feels a little strange or unrecognized.  I am surfing around catching up on “the news.”  Which of course isn’t all that great, some of it is amusing.  A teenager decided to have a teen-party so she posts it on Facebook, but neglects to put a filter or something on it and 1,500 people show up!  Article says she “flees the area to avoid all of the guests who showed up.” I even ran across this little ditty where some teenager decided to sell a kidney in order to get an Ipod.  I mean what is the world coming to?

On a sad note, a man drowned in California while his tax paid rescuers did nothing but stand on the sand and watch.  What has this country come to?  This all happened in Alameda, a city in Northern California, that ought to be waking up this morning thoroughly ashamed of itself.  Two Long Island teens were killed after falling into a cesspool after becoming overcome by fumes (NY Daily News – Local News).  A beauty queen Katya Koren stoned to death by Muslims for being in pageant, it was a pretty nasty weekend for some.  They even came across a homeless person pushing a shopping cart loaded with “body parts” down in Los Angeles this weekend.

Makes you kind of glad you stayed home eh?

Now I also got some pretty interesting Emails during this time period or absence, here is one that I found especially touching.

Dear God, please send clothes for all those poor ladies on grandpa’s computer.
Amen

Not much going on today, have to get back into the swing of things, the property requires attention, the grass did not take a week off and it will be requiring some tender-loving-care (TLC).  Temperature is supposed to hit the century mark today (100*) and it would be a good idea to get R done early.  This is the time of the year, when it heats up and we have to do things early in the morning in order go beat the heat.  The time of the year when it gets so incredibly hot that if you come across a dog chasing a cat … there is the good chance that both of them are gonna be walking.

And finally, as is my habit, I have saved the best for last.

An Arizona Department of Safety Officer pulled over a pick-up truck owner for a faulty taillight. When the officer approached the driver, the man behind the wheel handed the officer his driver’s license, insurance card and a concealed weapon carry permit.

The officer took all the documents, looked them over and said. “Mr. Smith, I see you have a CCP. Do you have any weapons with you?”

The driver replied, ” Yes sir, I have a 357 handgun in a hip holster, a .45 in the glove box and a .22 derringer in my boot.”

The officer looked at the driver and asked, “Anything else?”

“Yes sir, I have a Mossberg 500 12 gauge and an AR-15 behind the seat.”

The officer asked if the man was driving to or from a shooting range and the man said he wasn’t, so the officer bent over and looked into the driver’s face and said “Mr. Smith, you’re carrying quite a few guns.  May I ask what you are afraid of? Mr. Smith locked eyes with the officer and calmly answered,  “Not a ____ thing!”

Have a great week and try and stay cool if it is humanely possible.

OOO

A special thanks to Chopper Scott and Art for todays post input.

Corn Fed Unlead

Ethanol ... America's Latest Witches Brew

Gas is on the move again, inching towards some unseen pinnacle of avarice.  Bob in Massena, New York who is stuck in the slow lane, is having gas pains, he is concerned about the price of motor fuel, and for good reason I must admit.

Hard to figure, demand is flat, supplies are ample, the American Highway for the most part is empty, but the price of motor fuel continues to rise.  Bob erroneously (in my opinion) believes  that OPEC is the main culprit in this high-octane-scenario, but the main players are here at home, big oil and the government.

It wasn’t all that long ago that we were being touted with Ethanol as the magic elixir to solve all of our energy problems, if not eliminating them, then surely it was going to make a dent in the overall oil import problem. Now a fair piece down the road we discover that it is all smoke and mirrors.

Once again, our government who has time after time promised swift action to alleviate this problem, has served us another crap sandwich and it still tastes the same.

Ethanol is a scam nothing more than a $7 billion dollar federal subsidy to farmers to grow corn. It is for all intents and purposes a second rate fuel, designed to reduce imports, that has failed miserably. Now there is growing concern that it also adds to our environmental problems to boot. It creates MORE air pollution than regular gasoline, and it delivers in the end, less miles per gallon.

Ethanol eats up rubber seals in your engine, it works hard to produce nitrogen oxides and other key pollutants by about 7% over gasoline. It is corrosive to fuel lines in older cars, lawnmowers and other non-road engines. So why is it being shoved down our throats.

Mr. Obamma has just mandated the increase of 10% per gallon to 15% by executive order. Good news for the Ethanol industry who has over-built their factories and money in the bank for the American farmer.

You on the other hand … well … You take it in the shorts again … Same old deal.

But there is hope for Bob in Massena, New York, and the rest of you. It comes in the form of the Ford Fiesta, a spiffy little car that is gets downright stingy with a gallon of gasoline.

2011 Ford Fiesta

It’s miserly fuel consumption estimated at 30 mpg in town and 40 mpg on the road is going to be a big draw when gasoline hits the three dollar plus mark. This little car may be one of the reasons Ford Motor Company just posted a $1 billion dollar profit.  Ford incidentally is the “only company that didn’t line up at the Federal trough for free taxpayer bailout money.”

It is a small car, which on the inside, looks a lot more expensive than it truly is ($15,675 U.S.) and with it’s impressive fuel numbers should be a big hit in the coming months as gasoline continues its upward spiral. The other thing I found interesting was the reviewers comment at the end. He said: “the fact that the car is oozing-molasses slow. 30mpg in town and 40mpg on the road.  A big draw is its impressive gas mileage. But will people find the Fiesta interesting enough to buy when gas is cheap?

Cheap gas?

I don’t know what this guy is smoking, but I would like some for the weekend.

OOO

Possibly related:

TANKS A LOT

GIVE UP … SURRENDER.

GREED TO GO

Summertime Weenies

Do good and they will screw you around anyway.

An Ohio man has been arrested and charged with disorderly conduct for mowing the grass in a neglected public park.  The man admitted he continued mowing the foot high grass in the park after park officials asked him to stop, but says that since budget cuts forced the city to scale back mowing operations, the park had become an eyesore.  “I was only trying to save the city some money” lamented the do-gooder now facing charges.

Religious Lip Service

A bad week for Rev. Alberto Cutie, the hunky Miami Beach celebrity priest was recently spotted on a beach smooching it up with a well-rounded, good looking, parishioner.  The Catholic Church however took a rather dim view of this and he was told he had to quit the church.  So with his girlfriend at his side, Alberto announced that he was quitting the church and becoming a Episcopalian, who will let him canoodle all he likes.  Where there is a will … there is a family squabble, no wait, that isn’t right.

Heating Up

global

Beginning to get hot here in the Heartland, summer it seems is in full swing, soon to be, triple digit heat and I suppose numerous news related articles on the heat and melt down of the polar ice caps.  Which adds to the mix because there doesn’t seem to be a lot of anything going on around here lately.  Oklahoma is like that, not a whole lot of anything “going down” is normal procedure or protocol, oh sure, every now and then a report of someone seeing Elvis sneaking into a port-a-potty with suitcase full of cheese burrito’s or something like that, but most of the time it is just quiet.

TOP SECRET

Now the federal government is different, always some “news” about the govt.  Recently they mistakenly posted on the Internet a “highly confidential” 266-page report on the nations nuclear plants, weapons labs, and nuclear-storage sites, with specific locations and details on what can be found there.  Nothing like making it easy for those folks who are not so fond of us, to find what it is they need to put us away.

Find your Happy Place.

Remember all those old wacky episodes of Cheer’s when Frazier Crane would take all the nut jobs up in an airliner and help them with their respective phobias about flying?  And he would admonish them to “Find your happy place, get in your happy place,” turns out there are real issues here.

A man in New York recently began a month long odyssey in which he’ll take up to 12 airline flights per day to conquer is fear of flying.  He will be criss-crossing the country getting off only to switch flights, while following advice to “breathe, shut your eyes, and think tranquil thoughts.”  Takes all kinds to make a world I guess.

One more?  Okay I gnanked this one from True Blue Texan.

To Houston, in fact, where an unaccompanied 8-year-old girl was placed on the wrong Continental Airlines flight by staff. Meaning to go to Charlotte, she instead ended up in Fayetteville. And apparently the only way to fix the problem was to send her back to Houston and then on to Charlotte.

To make matters worse, Continental had a two fer that weekend on losing children. In Boston, a 10-year-old headed from Boston to Cleveland ended up in Newark, NJ. Maybe next time, the parents should write a big tag that gives the destination and flight number and pin it on their kiddo. Maybe this way more “miscommunication” will be avoided.  Read the entire story here.

While we are on the subject of New York?

The FBI just released a new crime statistic and they say that New York “is the lowest of the 25 cities in the country that they checked.”  They ranked New York City at 246 on a list of 261 with cities having more than 100,000 citizens.  Just barely beating out Oakland California, a city that is so dog-gone bad, so crime ridden and miserable that McDonalds is now selling a “Happy To Be Alive Meal.”

Multi-tasking on the run.

This has to be the loser of the week.  Mr. James Coleman of Bristol, U.K., who became a national laughing stock when he cracked his skull on a low lying branch while simultaneously jogging to work and tweeting on this BlackBerry.

“Hurts” Coleman tweeted when he got up off the ground.

“Forget how tall I am.”

Have A Great Weekend, we will see you on Monday.

OOO

“The cartoon courtesy of Center for American Progress” (online)

Still Puttin Out

It’s Okay, we are all different … Remember that.

Today is my second day of being a “Media Whore” and I seem to be fine with it.  I do note this morning that an Australian tourist board is searching for someone to blog about living on an island in the Great Barrier Reef.  Applicants must be willing to live in an oceanfront villa, swim in the pool, snorkel the reef, and lie on the beach.  How much does it pay you ask?  The six month position pays $100,000.00 u.s.  Sign me up!  It sounds like a tough job, but someone is going to do it, might as well be me.

You Have To Be Kidding Me.

So here I sit, reading USA Today, page 2B, Thursday January 23rd, and there it is.  “HOW TO MAKE MILLIONS BUYING BAD LOANS” from your kitchen table (of all places) and now here comes the really good part … without spending a penny of your own money! And I am sorry, but I had to think to myself … Isn’t that how we got into the mess to begin with? The ad goes on to tell you about some kind of financial superman who made billions “after going broke” during the financial mess, and he can show you how to do the same. Pass.

Oh that?  You found about that did you?

You might find this amusing and you might not.  Treasury Secretary designate Timothy Geithner’s confirmation hit a snag this week, when they announced he was some $34K short in paying his income taxes plus interest.  Now let’s see, “you can not operate Turbo Tax and you are going to be put in charge of the U.S. Treasury.”  What is wrong with this picture?

Friday in the Big City.

Nothing out of the ordinary coming my way that I know of, and I seem to be holding up rather well.  The government is reporting that they have found “bird parts” on the USA flight that went down in the Hudson River, and divers have located the missing engine.  I don’t know a whole lot about most of this, but I know that if I am ever on a plane that goes down, I want Chesley B. “Sully” Sullenberger to be the pilot.

Man!  What a take charge guy that pilot seemed to be.  And low and behold, I have heard it for years, and it turns out to be true.  “In case of a water landing your seat will serve as a floatation device.”  In this case, it was the entire airplane.  Homeland Security has solved the crash and has released pictures of the culprits and you can view them here.

To be or not to be … that is the question — Opps, sorry about that.

A loaded gun was accidentally used during a rehearsal of a Florida play at a Senior Citizen Center and the bullet grazed the ear of another actor.  He was reportedly doing fine after being checked at a local hospital.

Give it back!  Dog-gone it Martha, give it back!

A New York man is suing his ex-wife for a kidney.  In 2001 when she was desperate for a kidney, he donated one of his to her, and now that they are divorcing he is demanding it back or she can buy it from him for a palsy $1.5 million dollars.  Good luck on that one.

Here is another victim of the bad economy for you.  It is now being reported that “lawyers” are having a tough go of it, as more and more Americans decide to stick together and ride it out. When you are fighting a case and have the facts on your side, hammer away at the facts.  If you have the law on your side, hammer away with the law.  If you live in Oklahoma and you are representing yourself, take the Okie defense — hammer away on the table.  No good huh?

Okay, wait, wait.

What if you are a lawyer and you go to the restaurant and you don’t like what they offer — Do you ask for a change of menu?

Yeah, I know, move on.

Things are getting pretty bad, Burger King offered a free Whopper to anyone who would un-friend 10 people from their Facebook accounts.  Some 200,000 people suddenly found themselves friendless in America.  And I stood there dumbfounded wondering why the line was so long.

Spit it out Pedro.

Zapatos after Mexico City launched a campaign urging citizens to swallow their gum rather than spit it on the street.  Officials there say the average square yard of sidewalk in the city has 70 globs of discarded gum.

Slow and steady … Slow and steady.

A friend of mine handed me a Rubik’s cube one night and showed me how it worked.  He then mixed it all up and said, “See if you can figure that one out?” and left me with it.  As I am a pilgrim of very little patience, about 72 hours later, I dropped it in the trash compactor and hit the button.  One very dead Rubik’s cube, much to the dismay of my friend.

A British man has finally solved the Rubik’s Cube after 26 years of trying.

Construction worker Graham Parker, now 45, first picked up the puzzle in 1983 at the peak of its global popularity, and though it stymied him, he kept at it obsessively after the world moved on.  “I have had wrist and back problems form spending hours on it” said Parker, “but it was all worth it.  When I clicked the last bit into place and each face was a solid color, I wept.”

You think that is bad, you ought to be a Media Whore in America and cannot locate your pimp.  Now that is rough.

What am I supposed to do for the rest of the day?

000

Care For Another? Loose Change.