Garbled Viewpoint

Scratch N Sniff Bandits Strike Again

DALLAS Texas – A man has proven that you can never have too much underwear when he stole more than 130 pairs of panties from a Victoria’s Secret store.  The Dallas Morning News reported online Tuesday that a man snatched $1,067 worth of underwear from a table at the Dallas store Monday. A police report says a female accomplice held open the door during the theft and both sped away in a green car.  The report did not indicate what styles or sizes were stolen.

Don’t Forget Your Coupons

Coeur d’Alene Idaho – Law enforcement agents are offering $25 grocery gift cards to people who turn in burglary suspects before Thanksgiving. The Kootenai County branch of Crime Stoppers of the Inland Northwest is looking for five suspects in recent burglaries and is offering the grocery cards to sweeten regular cash rewards of up to $1,000.  CATCH A TURKEY – WIN A TURKEY …. What a concept.

Locked Down and Lonesome

Paducah, Kentucky – A state prisoner serving a four-year sentence for theft returned to the McCracken County Regional Jail a few hours after he escaped from a cleanup detail. Authorities said Chad Toy, 21, told them he was influenced by family members who feared for his safety. He returned still wearing his orange jump suit.

What a classy move

The auto exec’s all flew into Washington this week in “private jets” to beg for money and a possible bail out.  Now that is an austerity program for the rich if I ever saw one.  Meanwhile, our beloved Chief Executive has done rather well in this lucrative money-pit of tax payer dollars.  It is estimated that Bush will leave the White House with an estimated net worth of some $21 million, not a bad payday, for a sorry job and a proven underachiever. This is the problem with America, we know the price of everything but not the value of nothing.

Thank You For Sharing That

Brad Pitt on fatherhood in an interview on today’s Oprah Winfrey Show says “I am impervious to poo, snot, urine, and vomit.”  Man that sure helped me get my breakfast burrito down, thanks a lot.  Gee whiz Poppa-Pitt show a little class.  Rosie O’Donnell is coming to NBC for another round of “please tune in and allow me to share my rancid life history with you” check your local listings.  Wonder if Barbara Walters is gonna watch?  Another one of Hugh Heffner’s girlfriends is leaving him to marry a younger guy … I think he is sixty.

He-Said – She-Said

Silverton Oregon has the nation’s first transgender mayor.  His/Her highness wears women’s clothes and has breast implants.  By not hiding his cross-dressing from the public he said “I have blackmail-proofed myself.”  Wonder which bathroom he uses at City Hall … Just thinking outside the box y’all.

Myopia in Texas (Where else?)

The Terrell, Texas, Tribune did not even mention in its Nov. 5th edition that Barack Obama had won the presidential election because it was not local news.  “We covered the local commissioner’s race” said the editor, “We thought that was more important.”  Texas is the only state in the nation that executes the mentally insane and also elects them to the highest office in the land.

Look out below

Now this is something everyone in New Jersey can take pride in.  Councilman Steven Lipsid, who was arrested at a Grateful Dead Concert for urinating off the balcony onto the crowd below.  The 44-year old politician said that he had “resolved not to touch alcohol again.”  See what happens when you get a good deal on cheap seats at a concert?

More Nakid News

Tell me that I don’t know my reader base?  Twelve participants in the Boulder, Colorado annual Naked Pumpkin Run may be forced to register as sex offenders.  As 150 revelers ran naked through the streets of Boulder wearing pumpkins on their heads (I am not making this up – I swear!) the police arrested 12 on charges of indecent exposure.  “I was thinking a minor fine or community service, not thinking of sex offender.” Said one arrested 23 year old.  I believe the key word in that statement would be “not thinking.”  If convicted, I think they ought to have to write and answer the Comments Section at Creative Endeavors for at least ninety-days, that would be good community service.

Back To Law & Order

Former Sen. Fred Thompson is going back to starring on TV after his foray into Republican presidential politics over the last year.  Thompson, best known on TV for his role as a gruff district attorney on NBC’s Law & Order, dropped out of the crowded Republican primaries in January after his much-anticipated presidential campaign failed to gain strong support among conservatives.

Val Kilmer (I think he was that Bat Man guy) is officially weighing a run for Governor of New Mexico approaching it as a worthy, serious matter (that is a delightful change of pace).  The 48 year old actor said he would be “very comfortable” in the position.  Here lately that position is mostly called “bending over’ if you are in politics.

No word on Vanilla Ice, Mr. T or anyone else, but I understand Hasselhoff is staying on America Has Talent. It is also rumored that George Wubya Bush is now considering “acting lessons when they settle down in Dallas” later on this year.

One thing is for sure … They should not have a problem locating a new house or an old one for that matter.

Have A Great Weekend.

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Do You want fries with that.

Now here is a novel concept, your order on time, and it is right.  If your next fast-food order at the drive-through has the right food in the right bag, you may have  something surprising to thank: the bad economy.  In the past six months, Carl’s Jr.’s 478 locations in Southern California in particular have been able to recruit crew members more fluent in English, and thus are able to process drive-through orders more accurately.

“It’s a no-brainer.  Hiring people who are fluent in English has always been something we’ve wanted to do.  Now we can.”  That’s because, with layoffs on the rise – particularly in hard-hit Southern California – the chain can be more selective in hiring.

The unemployment rate in California hit 7.7% in August vs. the national rate of 6.1% – the most recent month from the Bureau of Labor Statistics. “When times are tough, people are willing to take jobs for which they’re over-qualified.”

Pay Attention Mr. Bush, you might learn something here.

Mexico agreed Monday to deport Cubans who sneak illegally through Mexican territory to reach the U.S., a step toward cutting off an increasingly violent and heavily used human trafficking route.  The agreement, signed by Cuban Foreign Minister Felipe Perez Roque and Mexican Foreign Secretary Patricia Espinosa, takes effect in one month. It also criticizes U.S. policy that generally allows Cubans who reach U.S. territory to stay, while turning back most caught at sea.

Cuban migrants in recent years have increasingly headed for Mexico – often to the coast near Cancun – then overland to Texas because it has become so hard to dodge the U.S. Coast Guard and reach Florida to qualify for U.S. residency.  The U.S. Border Patrol is reporting that some 42 incursions into U.S. territory since last October by THE MEXICAN ARMY.  Evidently a lot of drug cartels are experiencing problems getting their merchandise over the border, so they get their Mexican buddies in the Army to make probes into U.S. soil, thus pulling the Border Patrol away from the smuggling entry points.

Next Time Take The Train

Phoenix – The price of an all-day bus or light rail pass in the city could go from $2.50 to $4.50 under a proposal being considered by transit officials. The regional transit board, struggling with falling tax revenue and rising fuel prices, will consider the hike early next year.  That is a pretty hefty hike right there wouldn’t you say?  You ever notice they never say, “uh, how about giving us a quarter extra and if that don’t work out, we will be back?”

Nah, just go for the big bucks and get it over with.

I note that a lot of travel agencies are now offering fares around the world to wonderful, exotic locations and the post the price of the trip.  And then they add, Plus Taxes and Fuel Charges.  Which kind of irritates me, how were these people planning on us getting there in the first place?  You have to use some kind of fuel to transport folks.  Why isn’t that just included in the price of the trip.

Bad news coming out of Anchorage, Alaska.  No check in the mail.

The state’s oil wealth savings account lost nearly $10 billion in a year. Most of the state’s residents receive an annual check from this fund, based on its net income averaged over five years. The fund peaked at $40.4 billion last October and now is about $30 billion.  Looks like the governor will have to go back to shopping at Target.

Even More Alaska news, and no, this is not concerning Caribou Barbie so check your hormones at the door boys.

stevensSen. Ted Stevens, R-Alaska, left, leaves court on Tuesday after his corruption conviction with his lawyer, Brendan Sullivan. Stevens is now calling for a probe into the federal lawyers who prosecuted him.

I guess this comes under the “You did it to me, so I am gonna do it to you, fairness doctrine in the 49th state.”

Wait … It gets better.

A juror who vanished during Alaska Senators’ corruption trial told the judge Monday she lied about her father dying and flew to California to see horse races.

U.S. District Judge Emmet Sullivan ordered Marian Hinnant, identified as juror No. 4, to return to court to explain why she disappeared during jury deliberations. Hinnant brought a stack of handwritten notes with her to the court Monday along with public defender A.J. Kramer, and told the judge that her father hadn’t died and she was at the Breeders’ Cup in Arcadia, Calif.

She apologized for lying, and then started a long rambling story about horses, which included references to horse breeding, the Breeders’ Cup, drugs, President Ford’s son Steven and her condo in Florida being bugged.  At that point, the judge said, “I am thoroughly convinced you would not have been able to continue to deliberate,” Sullivan interrupted.

“Can I have a case of my own?” Hinnant asked. Sullivan referred her to Kramer and the federal public defender’s office, and excused her from his courtroom.

Outside the courthouse, Hinnant refused to answer questions about whether she was on medication or had been hospitalized. When asked what she thought about Stevens’ case, she said: “He didn’t do anything any of the other congressmen and senators did, so they’re all guilty.”

She then loaded up in her Ford Fiesta that she claims is powered by Oatmeal, and headed south to her home in the lower 48 that has tree’s that hum, and all the children glow in the dark.

Gonna go way out on the limb folks and say that Obammer walks away with the election today.  I could be wrong, but I just don’t feel like I am.  Why don’t war heroes win elections anymore?  Excepting George Bush Sr. it has been 48 years since a war hero won the presidency.  And it isn’t like there has been a big shortage or wars and conflicts the past 48 years, so that cannot be the reason.

So what is the problem?

Again, so many questions and so little time.  Oh well, time to gear up for 2012, I am thinking Rosie O’Donnell or Elizabeth Hassleback from The View … whadya think?

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Wake Up America …

Hurricane Ike is barreling down on the Texas coast, should be coming ashore there sometime today or possibly tomorrow, and I suppose we will be in for some rain.  Yesterday I was somewhat amused when they reported that “the hurricane is now passing over the western edge of Cuba and residents were being encouraged to evacuate.”

Evacuate?  To where?

(It is after all an ISLAND in the middle of the Caribbean dummies.)

NBC is reporting the dictator of Korea (Is that right?) hasn’t been seen in awhile, and there is speculation that he is ill.  The web is abuzz too.  Amid swirling rumors that North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il suffered a recent stroke, sources close to the diminutive madman revealed that his collapse occurred shortly after he learned of GOP presidential nominee John McCain’s selection of a running mate.  Kim’s Stroke Related to McCain Choice

Our Reno, Nevada, correspondent sent me this yesterday:

“No matter how this comes out people are going to get what they deserve, nobody seems to understand that this is just bullsh**, a sideshow, and a poor one at that. I have no vote for either of these puppets.”

Art 

He also included:  LEBANON, Va. – What’s the difference between the presidential campaign before and after the national political conventions? Lipstick. The colorful cosmetic has become a political buzzword, thanks to Republican vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin’s joke in her acceptance speech that lipstick is the only thing that separates a hockey mom like her from a pit bull.

Democratic presidential nominee Barack Obama told an audience Tuesday that GOP presidential nominee John McCain says he’ll change Washington, but he’s just like President Bush.  “You can put lipstick on a pig,” he said to an outbreak of laughter, shouts and raucous applause from his audience, clearly drawing a connection to Palin’s joke even if it’s not what Obama meant. “It’s still a pig. You can wrap an old fish in a piece of paper called change. It’s still going to stink after eight years.”

We seem to have forgotten that individual acts have moral consequences.  If they don’t, then we lose our human dignity, which precisely is our capacity and obligation to make moral judgments.  This is why current opinion seems to think we must vindicate our values and our dignity by washing our laundry in public every now and then. From a personal standpoint, this has been one of the most undignified campaigns in American Political History, on either side of the fence.

Face it, this garbage is national fare almost every night on any of the channels.

Such are the times.

Much like my friend Art, I often find all of this interesting, sometimes repulsive, ugly, and just plain unbelievable.  It is no small wonder why when I inquire of someone with this simple question

“Who Are You Gonna Vote For?” …

I most often get …

Nobody, I am sick of this **** .


What we ought to do is come up with a totally new process, that will determine the character of a presidential nominee and see if he has what it takes.  All this constant lame blather about experience, who has what for the job, who can do this with that, is tiring and redundant.  It appears that we can no longer accept that a horse is dead in this country, we have to keep diggin’ it up day after day, to just insure it still smells bad.

Now we are being fed a diet of “old lame jokes or catch phases.”

If I read one more sappy interview about Palin or opinion on this McSame choice, Obammer …  One more side bar on who has no experience, I am going to lose my lunch.  With the current state of the world, economy, colonization of this country by foreign nationals, we surely have bigger fish to fry.

Wake Up And Smell The Coffee.

We don’t need to hear about mixed up, confused Soccer Moms, who kill and grill their own grub.  Catchy notes on Designer Eyeglasses and smart dressers.  More soundbites on misdirected virtually unknown politicians that are passionate individuals, considered poor choices made by seasoned veterans of the process, or that perhaps the choice was not a good choice by the lobbyists who run Karl Roves’, uh, McSame’s campaign.

I propose a new test for the Office of President.  Let us give them the quintessence of political hot-bed experience.  This elusive thing that they all seem to thirst for.

Put him-her (as the case may be)  in a Volksagen with bumper stickers that read, “Fight Terrorism with Love … National Pride … Rosanne Barr for Vice Pres … Same Sex Marriages … I love the ACLU .. Gun Control Now … Bring me your Daughters … Jesse Jackson for President … Free OJ … Bill O’Riely’s my cousin … Rush Is Wrong … Hug A Californian Today” and then have him-her drive from one end of Alabama or Mississippi, to the other side and give the Highway Patrol in both states the day off.

If they (he or she as the case may be) makes it through either of the states … Then I say, they have the right stuff to be our Prez.

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Related: Wake Up America