Taxing Issues …

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Monte the bartender, was a big man, the reason was, he diligently worked out everyday at the local gym.  He worked as a bartender in the evening hours, and during the day, he kept fit doing his rep’s and eating right. 

Monte was a big dude indeed, kind of like a California Redwood, you had to look a long ways up there, to finally spot a limb. Continue reading

Grandpa’s Winning Ticket

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Twice a week, for literally years, Grandpa Vern would dress up, grab his hat and head on down the road to the local Root N Scoot for a cold “Soadie Pop” as he called them and at that time he always bought two lottery tickets.

Just a short walk, in the open air, and even tho’ age had slowed him down, and he had what he called “a terrible hitch in his giddy-up” he would faithfully make the pilgrimage down the road for the exercise and the dream of winning the lottery. Continue reading

The Golden Years

For most Americans, the Lottery is their only real solution to a retirement life of luxury.  The American Dream fell beside the way a long, long time ago.  Our elected officials they promise us change, but unfortunately, our life savings amount to a small coffee can on top of the refrigerator and that is about it.

 Allow me to tell you about the Mexican Fisherman.

A boat docked in a tiny Mexican village. An American tourist complimented the Mexican fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took him to catch them.   “Not very long,” answered the Mexican.

“But then, why didn’t you stay out longer and catch more?” asked the American.

The Mexican explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs and those of his family.

The American asked, “But what do you do with the rest of your time?”

“I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, and take a siesta with my wife. In the evenings, I go into the village to see my friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar, and sing a few songs … I have a full life.”

The American interrupted, “I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help you.”

“You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat. With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers.”

“Instead of selling your fish to a middleman, you can negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City, Los Angeles, or even New York City! From there you can direct your huge enterprise.”

“How long would that take?” asked the Mexican.

“Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years,” replied the American.

“And after that?”

“Afterwards? That’s when it gets really interesting,” answered the American, laughing. “When your business gets really big, you can start selling stocks and make millions!”

“Millions? Really? And after that?”

“After that you’ll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take a siesta, and spend your evenings drinking and enjoying your friends!”

Now if you are like most folks you have more month than you have money here lately.  I know that is true in my case, all of the time.  If you have found yourself a little bit short of coin, or outta scrilla as the youngsters say, this might explain it in more detail.

It is an eye opener for sure.

OOO

Hangin In The Wind

“In San Francisco they are really starting to get peeved at everyone “letting it all hang out” in certain area’s of the city.”

This is the time of the year, when you go out to the garage and grab a six pack of Snapple for the refrigerator, and it is already room temperature.  The cold water faucet is actually putting out cold water, and it is no longer just tepid.  When you spy a huge pile of leaves on the driveway and not a wisp of wind to move them out of the way.

This is also the time of the year, when I start making a list, and no, it is not all those folks who are naughty and nice, it is a list of commercials that I do not like.  One blessing this year, is they seem to be plentiful.  For example:  The Santa Claus commercial where he is down in the back, so we are to leave little packets of Alieve for him around the house.

Give me a break.

If you show me a commercial, make it a Dodge Truck commercial, the special effects are out of this world, and come to think of it, most of what you see could be possible if you live in California.  It could be too much Aleve or something, but it is getting weird in Frisco again.

In San Francisco they are really starting to get peeved at everyone “letting it all hang out” in certain area’s of the city.  Instead of putting all of their Christmas gifts in a sock, they are wanting someone to put a sock over “it” and stop displaying “it” in public.

Supervisor Scott Wiener’s proposal would make it illegal for a person over the age of 5 to “expose his or her genitals, perineum or anal region on any public street, sidewalk, street median, parklet or plaza” or while using public transit.

Eeeeee-Uwe.  Civilized people just do not do that.

I am really glad I live in Oklahoma, the only thing that even comes remotely close to that around here is hanging a pair of simulated bulls testicles from the rear bumper of your Dodge truck (by the way, they are wanting to make “it” illegal here too).

T’is the time to be jolly, especially if you work for the U.S. Government.

Nice big fat paydays working for Uncle Sam.  I just read an interesting piece of information on what some of these people are pulling down for yearly salaries and it is an eye-opener.  If you want to see the details, remember, they say “it is always in the details.”  Here is the link:    If this doesn’t get you in a “Holiday Sprit” I don’t know what will.

After you read it, take two Aleve and then call me on Friday.

OOO

Take It To The Bank

Not long ago, my bank deposited into my account, $546.00 cash money.  

This was not my money, it was not my lucky day.  At the very beginning I noted this mistake, but I sat back and did nothing about it.  I just thought of “all those wonderful moments that I shared inside their lobby, and the friendly folks who provided them” and decided to let the _____ find it for themselves.

It took them roughly ten working days to find the error and they have since written me five times explaining why they retrieved the errant deposit to my account. For all the readers who have been frustrated with Bank of America recently, here’s something that will make you laugh: The banking giant just accidentally gave a Detroit man $1.5 million. It doesn’t look like the bank will be recovering the funds anytime soon, either.  Not like myself (who just let it sit there) he took out just about all of it and then went to the local casino.  You can read more here.

One more banking comment.

Now this one would really hack you off, have you seen the Ally Bank Commercial?

So here I am, lying in my favorite position, in my favorite spot in the entire universe, under my Made In China fan, watching my Made In China television, and my Made in China wife (Taiwan R.O.C.) says to me …. “Are you going to lay there all summer and do nothing?” to which I replied, “Leave me alone, I am practicing for the elections in November.”

Holy Cow! Humble Texas, go get ’em Laura.

Can you live without it?

Have you ever considered just shutting down the computer and walking away from it for awhile, say a year?  I have often thought about it, but to this day, cannot seem to pull myself away from it for more than a couple of days.  Now here is a guy who is vowing to stay off the Internet for an entire year. He hasn’t clicked a link, sent an email, checked Twitter, sent a text message, Googled, or used a web browser since May 1, 2012. At 12:01 a.m. on that day he unplugged the cord from his desktop. And he doesn’t plan to plug it back in or go back online until May 1, 2013.

Good luck on that.

If I was to unplug and walk away like that, May 1st, 2013 would be the day they would release me from the State Mental Hospital with a brand new prescription.

See you at the water cooler.

OOO

We Are Giving You Ten Million Dollars

“Sit back and eat your Twinkies or Ding Dong’s and stop worrying … It is a win-win, no brainer.“

Vroooooooooooooom!  So I am watching this Mercedes-Benz commercial for a new car.  The car is giving the driver a testosterone boost by skidding side-ways thru an empty city street at a high rate of speed.  Dust and leaves are scattering in every direction as the driver maintains artful control of this object which is clearly on the brink of crashing at any second.  It is to say the very least … A rush.

Now here is my question, well, actually there are two questions.  

#1 Why are the city streets always empty and where are the cops?  

#2  Why is their dust everywhere and leaves blowing, when there are clearly no tree’s in sight?

I suppose the Madison Avenue Ad types just think we are stoooopid and of course, have deep pockets for a new luxury car to use and abuse in an abandoned city somewhere in America (Detroit Mich or Gary Indiana quickly come to mind).  I like the Japanese commercials better at least they have women, scantly clad women, in their commercials, they show Mom & Pop hauling around a boat load of kids.

Give me the Subaru, and keep the Benz.

What kind of bumper sticker would you plaster on a $85,000 luxury sedan?  That could be a real dilemma.  “I Am The One Percent.” … “Get Your Ugly Motorcycle Gang Away From My Car.” … “My Young Trophy Wife Can Whip Your” ….

Oh well, you get the drift, dontcha?

It’s all about the Muny …  When I was young, I used to think that money was the most important thing in life.  Now that I am older, I know it is.”  Here is a modest proposal.  You will like it, because you are going to get a $10 million dollar loan in the process.

First before you write this off, this is a good thing, not a bad deal.

With this huge loan to the populace, we will also establish some badly needed income equality in this country, all this whining and posturing about those who have and those who do not, will immediately cease.

In this plan, you will be lent $10 million by the Federal Reserve at zero interest.

Yes, I said “Zero Interest.”

That is basically the deal of the Fed has been offering to big banks and hedge funds all along.  Who have in turn invested this “cheap money” and turned it into huge profits by putting it in such things as high-yield securities.

Wait it gets better.

Here is how it will work.  The Fed’s will just print MORE money and we the recipients of this largesse will “promise” to pay it back (of course we will not do this, they do not, so we do not), and no one will ever have to work again.

We just put the money out at say 2% and pocket a nice $200,000 a year in interest to live on … sit back and eat Ding Dong’s and stop worrying … It is a win-win, no brainer.

If none of the above rows your boat, then try this:

If you can start the day without caffeine or pep pills,

If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,

If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,

If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,

If you can understand when loved ones are too busy to give you time,

If you can overlook when people take things out on you when, through no fault of yours, something goes wrong,

If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,

If you can face the world without lies and deceit,

If you can conquer tension without medical help,

If you can relax without liquor,

If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,

If you can do all these things,

Then you are probably the family dog.

OOO

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