It is not easy to hit a home run all of the time, but you still suit up for the game regardless. Our youngest boy, a Baptist Preacher, doesn’t believe all of this is serious business, nor does he believe it will ever amount to anything.
He refers to it as “how’s your your little blog” or some other demeaning phrase used to describe the effort. But me, I love to drive my kid bonkers, I will look at him with that wry grin that I have and say “I am going to Chicago to talk with Oprah and jump on her couch.”
Man, he hates that.
Recently I read this piece in USA Today about “How do you want to be remembered?” Which I found extremely interesting and captivating. Ask yourself “What do I want to be known for? What makes me different?”
Think about the idea of what makes a simple person (such as myself or yourself) into someone famous and fills a need. But all of this got me to thinking about my life, this New Year, and what I have to do or accomplish in the time left for me in this period of my life.
You see, I don’t care if my kid doesn’t believe this is “serious business” or anyone else for that matter. My neighbor believes that it should be more Christian in nature and should preach the gospel more. A friend of mine says I am too rough on politicians and should lay off Republicans. My Internet provider doesn’t really give a flip as long as I shell out the eighty-one fifty per month.
So what do you do?
On some days, you step back take a long hard look at it and then you think. You know what … I really don’t care. I know in my heart and the core of my being that Creative Endeavors is working, it lifts a spirit every now and then, it helps in maybe the smallest of ways, it does something in this world that is positive and good, and that is fine with me. It is slowly and surely setting records, achieving the goals that I set in the beginning, so I like my “little blog.”
The USA Today article made me stop and think about things. In your or in my next life, what would we do differently, if we had it all to do over what would be different from what I have now. I don’t know. If we could change something what do you suppose it would be?
My legions of terror will have helmets with clear Plexiglas visors, not face-concealing ones. All the ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl thru. My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten dungeon somewhere on level seven.
I have determined in my next life, that just shooting my enemies is really too good for them. That the artifact that is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be instead kept where it is handy, easy to get to in times of crisis, a place like my savings deposit box.
I will not in my next life, gloat over my enemies’ predicament before killing them. When the rebel leader challenges me to fight one-on-one and asks, “Are you afraid without your armies to back you up?” My reply will be, “No — Thank you very much (always the gentleman, I will not be brave, just sensible)
And when I have successfully defeated and captured my adversary and he says to me, “Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?”
I’ll shoot him and then say, “No.”
In my next life, after I kidnap the beautiful princess, with a seductive smile and nice ta-tahs, we will be married immediately at a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.
In my next life I will also never order or include any kind of self-destruct mechanism unless it is absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labeled.— “Danger. Do Not Push.”
I will not order my lieutenants to kill the infant who is destined to overthrow me — I will do it myself. I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum — a small hotel well outside my borders will suffice just fine. I will be at all time secure in my identity and my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show that they pose no threat to evil.
In my next life I will not waste time making my enemies death look like an accident. I am not accountable to anyone and my other enemies would not believe it anyway. I will make it clear that I do know the meaning of the word “mercy.” I simply will not choose to show it to any of them. In the interest of the public, all of my enemies will be cremated not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.
My undercover agents will not have tattoos identifying them as members of my organization. They will not be required to wear military boots or adhere to any other dress code, or don’t ask, don’t tell regime of thought.
The hero is not entitled to a “last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.”
We will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into action will be foiled. We will design all doomsday machines ourselves and if necessary we will hire a mad scientist to assist us, or at least consult with Al Gore beforehand.
These weapons will be known as “WMD” and will be mostly in the background or just plain made up and not real – the Rummsfield Rove Compact implied threat principle.
Much like the current administration in charge right now, I will never employ people as advisers, nor will I occasionally listen to their advice. I will not allow any one commercial by William Shatner or a re-run of the Survivor Series in my new life.
And most importantly, in the future. In my next life … “I will try and finish High School so I can make my little blog even better in the future.” If by perhaps chance or circumstance “something worthwhile or important happens between now and then” I will try to make note of it and write it down.
Before we head out to Chicago, I will let you know, so y’all can set your VCR’s.