The Home Show

imgres-22010 … Ah yes, as if it was only yesterday.   It slices, it dices, it is three kitchen tools in one, easy clean up!  You can make your own Pico De Gallo or fresh Salsa at home, no more trips to Taco Bell in the middle of the night, think of it!  Only $39.99, she bought two.

2012 now you can, with this device, roll your own rice rolls, you can have your own sushi rolls, all kinds of neat stuff, only $50.00!  To this day I have never dipped one chip or handled a roll … Vacuum cleaners, hip resizesrs, bird houses, roofing, exercisers, sewing machines for $12,000 and sleep beds for only $4,000, garden tractors, critter feeders, where can you find all of these things ….. at the Home Show.  (Don’t laugh … What the hell, beats walking old peeple laps at the Mall early in the morning)

Over the weekend, we attended the Home Show in Oklahoma City.  This is combined with the Gun Show and it is usually packed to the gills, so we went on the first day, in hopes of beating the rush.  As it turned out, this was a good move, although crowded, it was not as packed as in years before.


As I like to study people it was a target rich environment for me the entire day.  Most of the people we saw were grayed out baby-boomers, the youngsters have to work on Friday.  Old geezers, we can just do whatever it is that we want, so that was the underlying theme, old is in and young is out. One thing I happened to notice was most of the men are coloring their hair and the women are not.  That is a totally new wrinkle. 

The home show is sort of a microcosm of all the things in life that you want, but are unable to afford.  In our neck of the woods, the big sellers were storm shelters, above ground, below ground, steel fabricated, all concrete.  A profound testimony to the often violent weather world we live in here on the plaines.


Most of everything we observed, we had seen in shows of years before.  Not a whole lot of new entrants into the home show arena I am afraid.  One thing that was new, a bottle of water had jumped to $3 and I told the Channel Nine booth television celebrities about it, but I seriously doubt if they will do an expose’ on rippin off the elderly … Just aint gonna happen. imgres-1

Parking at these events is always a problem. 

Most of the vendors get there early in the morning, to set up and get ready.  Therefore all the prime parking space (except for the handicapped) is taken early.  The show itself doesn’t open up until after 11 A.M. so by the time we got there, most of the close in spaces were taken.  So I started orbiting around and soon came across a space between an SUV and a late model Corvette.

As I still know how to parallel park, it was easy for me to just slide into this space, and driving a small Chevy Truck (HHR) and still allow ample room in front and rear of my vehicle for the other space holders.  We then went to the show and walked around for some four hours and hit all five buildings.  Sometime in the late afternoon we decided to call it a day.

Walking up to the truck I noted the SUV in front of me was still there, but the Corvette had long since disappeared.  In its place was some soccer mom van and it was neatly tucked up right on top of my truck.  In other words, no room to back up at all, possibly some three to five inches max. and that was it.

Behind the soccer mom van was a good 3 to 3.5 feet of space to the next car.

This of course as Clint Eastwood would say … “Really Made My Day.”  This a sore spot with me, bad parkers, people who are so inconsiderate of other people, who block you in, or present you with exit problems.  Having spent some 2 hours waiting on someone to move a car at the State Fair one year, they have managed to carve out a special place in my heart over the years because of  their ignorance. (In the state fair incident, I finally called a cop and a wrecker and it was towed, the people never did show up)

Friday afternoon it took me the better part of fifteen minutes, jerking the wheel around, pulling up on top of the SUV and then backing up 6 to 8 inches, jerking the wheel backing up 6 to … well you get the picture, don’tcha?  I cursed the very ground that this person walked on, even implied at one time, that it was possible that she/he was spawned from unmarried hill folk of Missouri or something to that effect.

Finally after a considerable amount of trouble, and a much elevated blood pressure,  I managed to extract the truck from this nightmare of inconsideration and pulled in the front of the SUV.  It was there where I sat in the front seat and wrote the note …. Listen, learn how to park or stay home!  You really jacked me around today by parking right on top of me.  This is why it took me 15 minutes to get my truck out of the box you made for me and why you are changing your !@#$#! flat tire.  Next time leave some room.”   I put the note under the windshield wipers, took off the valve cover cap on her/his left rear tire, placed a small pebble in the cavity and loosely put the cap back on.  Then I walked away to the sweet sound of air escaping from the valve stem and we went to lunch.

So ended our trip to the Home Show … A little bit more exciting than it usually is, but then again, that is what it is like in Oklahoma City these days.  It is often not easy being a cranky old geezer, a tough job, but someone has to do it.

Next year I am staying home.


A special thanks to my favorite home builder for the complimentary tickets to attend.

Have A Nice Day

Chinese food for lunch today, I am looking forward to it.  Asian women seem to catch my eye, I am into them.  When you eat Chinese food, one of the benefits of this, is of course, a high concentration of Asian women.  You know Chinese wait staff girls are certainly attractive, I noticed that recently.

Asian women are beautiful. Asian guys, well, they are relegated to “tech support.”

Over at the Super-Center the other day and saw this girl, all decked out to the nines, clearly a professional woman.  She was looking so good, and she had two small boys with her, dressed in Soccer Attire.  I thought to myself, “here is a girl who has put in a long day at work, now she is shopping’ for the family, taking it home, cooking it up and taking care of the brood.”

My hat is off to her.  Women work too hard, for too little in this day and age, and they surely have their hands full.  They clearly deserve more credit for what they do in the home …

We went to the Mall yesterday and I started it again.  The younger generation, whatever they are calling them this week, they tend to really bug me.  “I just want to grab ‘em, every one of ‘em, and say ….. Listen, the bill of the cap goes on the front of your face, tie your damn shoes, and pull up them baggy pants, yo’ underwear is showing!’ But Cup Cake reined me in and told me to cool it.  Now don’t get me wrong, I love My Wife!  I am always somewhat amazed by my Cup Cake.

She will frequently ask me, “Has anyone offered to pick up your stuff, or any money?”  Bless her heart.  She is under the mistaken impression that writing on the Internet or bloggin, whichever one you prefer, will automatically lead to “untold riches, that you will be discovered and people will line up to make you offers on Book Publishing Deals.”   More than likely a product of too many afternoons watching Oprah or something, I dunno.

I just smile and say ….. “No, not lately.”  So Friday I took in the front page of the USA Today section into our media room and proudly displayed it for her perusal.  “Lookie here baby, they’re looking for me, jus’ like you said!”

(What will it be?)
She was of course … Not amused.

Like the rest of you, I am sure I could stand a little prosperity.  I don’t know how this is going to happen in my case, but it sure would be nice.  I understand that this past weekend it rained money in Indonesia.  An Indonesian businessman was reported ready to throw 100 million rupiah (about $10,600) out of an airplane over the capital this Sunday as a publicity stunt to promote his new book.  This will prove to be popular in a country that is dirt poor.

“I want to create a rain of money in Jakarta,” author and motivational speaker Tung Desem Waringin said. “It’s a little bit crazy, but it’s marketing.”

This may prove to be a novel approach to publishing.  We have it here, Mr. Obama and Company. have been throwing money at us for months now … Trying to get us to buy into the dream.

When it starts raining “gasoline” I will be the first one there with a bucket or a can, you can take that one to the bank.