Dinosaurs and Progressive Liberal Democrats

You know, dinosaurs really bug me.  How do they know what a dinosaur looks like? I see all these pictures of them, and it is nice how they dress them out, with skin color and different pigments.  But here it is in a nutshell … No one ever saw a dinosaur except for maybe God.  So what makes anyone think they know what they looked like?  I am a huge supporter of National Geographic and all that, but puh-leeze, give us a break.

There were no Kodak Moments in our world some millions of years ago, no one took a photo of one, nothing was ever found scratched on a cave wall somewhere.  So how do they really know what they looked like?  From some very old fossilized bones, bleached white, dug up from the soil in North Dakota?

Now I understand that Louisiana is going to actually start teaching kids about dinosaurs and telling them ludicrous things like “they really lived and walked on the face of the earth” this I believe is called “Creationism” or something like that.  What is this world coming to?

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It’s thought engaging material like this, that brings people to this site over and over.  And you get comments too!  “You are so cool! I do not suppose I’ve read something like this before. So great to find somebody with a few original thoughts on this subject. Seriously.. thanks for starting this up. This website is something that is required on the web, someone with a bit of originality!”  

 Then of course, there is reality.  

People do this all of the time, they post “nice comments” on the wrong site, but in this Facebook/Twitter day and age … I will take anything I can get.  Sort of like Tom Cruise, whatever is available, give it to me, I will make it work.

So this morning I am in the kitchen and I am reading this new book that was sent to me by the U.S. Government from their current best seller list.  It is entitled “You and Medicare.”  It is a complete current compendium of everything that an old geezer like myself needs to know about medical procedures and treatments available to me.  

Leafing thru this 140 page document (which is most likely thinner than ANY U.S. Government document thank heavens), I see or note several items that I am sure I have.  So dutifully I turn to page #127 where they say information can be found.  

 Right there I spot my answer … “Please dial 1-800-344-7788 and order your box.”  

It pays to be informed, that is why I am always searching out the answers for the questions that haunt me during the slow periods of Dancing With Stars. er

For instance:  Did you know the five worst mass killings in this country have a common thread.  (Hint #1: they don’t belong to the NRA) 

  1. Ft  Hood … Registered Democrat ~  Muslim
  2. Columbine …Too young to vote;  both families were registered Democrats and progressive liberals
  3. Virginia Tech … Wrote hate mail to President Bush and to his staff ~ Registered Democrat
  4. Colorado Theater …  Registered Democrat; staff worker on the Obama campaign; Occupy Wall  Street participant; progressive liberal
  5. Connecticut School Shooter … Registered Democrat;  hated Christians.

This would lead a person to believe that the common thread is that all of these shooters were progressive liberal Democrats.  Which is “labeling a particular group of people” and should be by all means avoided.  This will get the American Civil Liberties people involved, and we all know where it will go then, don’t we?  

It would be better to say that “all of them shopped at WalMart” or something like that.

Also, of the worst killings in the last several decades, only one was a female, all the rest were boys, barely men, and none of them had a strong male father or role model in the household. Their role models most likely were rappers, action movies, comics and violent video games.   Our problem isn’t weapons, it’s boys without boundaries. Who live in ‘progressive’ households.

So our options are clearly defined here today.  

First we should stop all of this non-sense about the color of the eyes of a Transoraus-Rex, because no one ever saw one, and if you did, that is the least of your worries.  Second, we must remove all Progressive Liberal Democrats from our society along with teenage boys … Then I suppose, we will all be in much better shape, unless you happen to live in Louisiana?

Tomorrow our subject matter will be sperm.  Is it good for you?  Will it help put some shine in your hair, does it really have protein?  This is on the heels of our last far reaching expose on “Pubic Hair … Where did it go?”  And of course a adventure to our favorite porn site which can be found at http://www.youporn.com/watch/Wife shows hubby a good time in the  ….. hey wait a minute, this is the wrong place for that information, that is our other site we run under a fictitious name out of Bosnia …. sorry.  What could I possibly been thinking?

Just remember this …

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Now I am off to check and see who has been Fresh Pressed here lately and I just somehow know it will not have been me. *

OOO

*  Cartoons courtesy of American Progress Online.  If you are a Progressive Liberal anything, Muslim, teenager, or a card carrying member of the ACLU who shops at WalMart, don’t send me any emails, the box is full.

Trisha’s Bar & Grill

OPEN ROUND

I saw this thing yesterday on the news where this flight attendant does a “rap boarding” announcement on the plane, and everyone seems to think this is soooooo cool.  Just what I need, shell out $400 for a plane ticket and have to sit through some Jethro singing rap emergency rules to me on the pre-flight.  Here is another thing, they always say “we will now begin the boarding process.”  Not necessary.  Boarding is sufficient.  “We will now begin the boarding.”

Simple.  Tells the story.

People are always adding extra words when they want things to sound more important than they really are.  Like the people who write Creative Endeavors, that would be a good example of it right there.  “Boarding process” sounds important, but it isn’t.  It is just a bunch of knot-heads getting on an airplane.

How about an article on Dick Cheney?

Boo!

Bet I scared you ha-ha.

No Cheney today, new playlist in the machine, have the earphones on, and we will see … we will see.  Read an article on this Pulitzer Winning Author in Florida, who every day, would put on the noise canceling earphones and then go into his Florida Room and write.  Must be nice, to look out the window, see nothing but a windswept panorama of sea and sky, no noise, no distractions.

Must be nice.

In my case I have the headphones and insulation, that always helps, as it blocks out a lot of the noise.  Then there is this tiny minute microphone deep inside the earphones that actually hears the noise that is un-blockable and conveys its frequency and amplitude to the electronics.  They in turn generate a “reverse sound wave” (180 degrees out of phase with the noise) and feed it into the headphone speakers.  This subtracts from the noisy sound wave which is actually a phenomenon called destructive interference.  Which is not to be confused with constructive interference which would be a matching sound wave, which would make it in fact, louder.

So much to today’s science lesson huh?

Great writers have to be motivated I suspect.  Florida it seems, any time of the year, would be a great motivator.  I on the other hand, trapped amongst the trash of man have barking dogs, fire trucks, dirt bikes on the weekends and the ever present police helicopter (Ghetto Bird) overhead most of the time.  Ambiance has a lot to do with it I would assume.

The serenity of the moment adds to the mix.

So we write, those of us with no real lives.  And we convey the idea and thoughts of the day, to the page, and print the page, and share the nugget of truth, as we see it with you.  We show you that life is rarely exactly as we would like it to be, but instead, life is exactly as it is.  We write when we are happy and when we are sad, we write when we are motivated and not so engaged.  We write when we are depressed and when we are twitterpated with utter glee.

Which would be complete and immediate infatuation with someone or something that occurs during the week or the onset of spring (whichever comes first) or another viewing of Pure Country or Walt Disney’s Bambi as you may be inclined or disposed to do on the weekend.

And we stroke you in our ingenuous way, as my friend on the left-coast of America (Kalli-forn-yuh) puts it, give you “the set up.”  We use the set-up to amuse and confuse, and we shape it in a way where if done correctly, you never see it coming.

For instance: The financial crisis explained in simple terms…

Trisha is the proprietor of a bar in Goteebo, Oklahoma. In order to increase sales, she decides to allow her loyal customers – most of whom are unemployed alcoholics – to drink now but pay later. She keeps track of the drinks consumed on a ledger (thereby granting the customers loans).

Word gets around and as a result increasing numbers of customers flood into Trisha’s bar.  Taking advantage of her customers’ freedom from immediate payment constraints, Trisha increases her prices for wine and beer, the most-consumed beverages. Her sales volume increases massively.

A young and dynamic customer service consultant at the local bank recognizes these customer debts as valuable future assets and increases Trisha’s borrowing limit.  He sees no reason for undue concern since he has the debts of the alcoholics as collateral.

At the bank’s corporate headquarters, expert bankers transform these customer assets into DRINKBONDS, ALKBONDS and PUKEBONDS. These securities are then traded on markets worldwide. No one really understands what these abbreviations mean and how the securities are guaranteed. Nevertheless, as their prices continuously climb, the securities become top-selling items.

One day, although the prices are still climbing, a risk manager (subsequently of course fired due his negativity) of the bank decides that slowly the time has come to demand payment of the debts incurred by the drinkers at Trisha’s bar.

However they cannot pay back the debts.  Trisha cannot fulfill her loan obligations and claims bankruptcy.  DRINKBOND and ALKBOND drop in price by 95%. PUKEBOND performs better, stabilizing in price after dropping by 80%.

The suppliers of Trisha’s bar, having granted her generous payment due dates and having invested in the securities are faced with a new situation. Her wine supplier claims bankruptcy, her beer supplier is taken over by a competitor.

The bank is saved by the Government following dramatic round-the-clock consultations by leaders from the governing political parties.  The funds required for this purpose are obtained by a tax levied on the non-drinkers.

Look!  Dick Cheney!

Boo! Bet I scared you ha-ha.

Have A Great Weekend (We will now begin the boarding process).

OOO

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Boring and unimportant

A man who wrongly spent 19 years in prison for rape is set to receive a $1.4 million settlement of a federal lawsuit.  DNA evidence cleared him and the city which had him prosecuted has cut him a check for $300,000 and owes him $1.1 million more.  This figures out to close to $58,000 per year, so now we all know what twenty-years of your life is worth in Louisiana.

Not much.

More prison news, this is a doozy. Faced with a $1.7 million budget deficit, Des Monies County, Iowa is considering charging prison inmates for toilet paper!  They say that the county hopes to raise $2,300 by charging inmates $1 for toilet paper.  I guess the next question might be, “What about the guy who doesn’t have the buck for the paper?” what does he use.

WANTED:  PERSONNEL ARE DESPERATELY NEEDED IN THE GOVERNMENT SECTOR OF THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION.  GOOD PAY, BENEFITS, AND REASONABLE HOURS.  RESPONDENTS MUST NOT BE CURRENT IN THEIR TAX STATUS AND HAVE AT LEAST ONE PENDING DEBT OF $10,000 OR MORE OWED TO THE IRS.  PLEASE APPLY AT 1200 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE.

Here you go!

Tax Troubles Take Five opened at the White house this week with revelations that another of President Obama’s Cabinet-level nominees has problems with unpaid taxes.  This used to be somewhat amusing, but it is appearing far too much here lately, and has kind of gotten old.

Ron Kirk the cabinet appointee owes more than $10,000 in taxes.  The thing that really makes all this so repugnant is the attitude of the Obama administration itself.  Who called Kirk’s tax troubles “minor” and expressed confidence that the Senate will confirm him.  This liaise faire attitude toward these tax cheats should not be tolerated.

Oil Crisis is evidently over.

Gasoline prices are on the rise and the oil industry is sowing seeds for a sharp run-up at the pump, best be ready, because it is on the way.  Americans battered by the recession have found modest consolation or comfort in low oil prices and gasoline price at the pump.  This is a condition that is more than likely going to last as long as business remains dismal and the recession stays in place.

Evidently we no longer have a petroleum problem in the nation, that is good news, isn’t it.

The oil industry is quietly brewing another consumer toxic stew in gas prices once demand recovers and the economy adjusts and starts moving again.  They are slashing new investment and production far more sharply than analysts projected just a couple of months ago.  This of course could lead to shortages later on, and when something becomes short in supply, well you know what happens dont’cha?

It goes up in price.  Get ready boys and girls, it is on the way. Where is T Boone Pickens when we really need him.

What was it the great poets used to say, Life is a tragedy, or a sad play or something like that?

Jerry Seinfeld is tackling martial woes as the behind the scenes producer of the Marriage Ref. a six-episode reality series due on NBC next season.  Squabbling couples will air their differences to a panel of comedians, sports stars and celebrities (only thing this is missing seems to be OJ, but I hear he is tied up at the present time). Just what we need, a recession and unhappy married couples harping at each other in prime time.

Head games on channel twenty-five.

In order to maintain martial harmony in my home, I am often forced to watch insidious mind-numbing shows like Dancin’ With The Stars or American Idol.  Now here is the deal, all these so-called contestants are NOT supposed to know they are being cut or chosen to move on, right?  So last night when they called this little teenage-chickie down to tell her she is moving on in the competition how come they already had her miked?

The other contestants were not wearing mikes … I smell a rat.

supermanAction Comics #1 the book that introduced Superman is going on the auction block.  This is considered a highly collectible item, or considered the Holy Grail of comic books.

Previous to this, another marvel comic book fetched over $350,000 at an auction in 2002.  I used to have a stack of comic books in my closet that was around 4 ft high, when I came home from the service I discovered that my mother had tossed all of them.

So much for my chance at being a millionaire before age twenty-five.


It may be news to foreign policy Pundits in Islamabad as well as to the majority of readers that Superman, the highly coveted American film hero, is an expression and a creation of fascist minds rooted in a political culture that epitomizes power and the use of force.  Muslims do not like Superman and they are not too fond of us.

While we are at it.  The big news on the news today is the local Muslim’s do not want their picture on the drivers lic. and are suing the state.  Here is a novel idea.  YOU DON’T LIKE IT HERE AND DO NOT WANT TO ABIDE BY THE RULES … FORFEIT YOUR CITIZENSHIP AND MOVE TO AN ISLAMIC COUNTRY OR COMMUNITY. Most of us are tired of your act by this time.

Been a somewhat interesting week, I read where a guy tried to rob a finger-licking-chicken joint in Dallas with a stick!  Yes, I said a stick.  Now this is a guy who is going to need Denny Crane or Allan Shore for representation for sure.

Another guy in Oregon was in the process of robbing a car wash when his gun disintegrated and fell to the floor in several pieces.  The employee of the car wash grabbed the first thing handy, a 2,000 ft/lb per square inch hose and let the guy have it!

And in Washington DC this dude came home to find a van parked in his driveway, walking to the windows, he spies three people inside his house, unhooking his flat screen television.  So noticing the van is idling and the keys are in it, he gets inside and drives off with their van to call the cops.

So far, this has to be the absolute winner of them all.  It is short and sweet.


There you go, all you need to know about everything that matters.

Thanks for stopping by, come back soon (and of course, please bring your own paper).

OOO

Water Woes

All day I face, the barren waste, without the taste of water, cool, clear water. Old Dan and I, with throats burned dry, souls that cry for water, cool, clear water.” Did you know that “Dan” in that song was a donkey?

Yup, true.

The last time I ventured into these familiar waters (pardon the pun) I was called an “Eco Freak” by some knot-head that wanted to go round and round with me on the subject. Personally I prefer the term “Tree Hugger” it just seems to me, more personal and friendly.

The city is raising the rates on my water again. Not because I am using a lot of it, but because they are a city, and they KNOW that they can always milk the consumer for the life blood that he needs, and he will pay it.  You see, “You need water, and if you live in a city, you are going to pay for it.”

Some big challenges facing this country in the future, providing we make it thru this Wall Street debacle. One of them is going to be water. Fresh water is running out on a grand scale worldwide. The world is running out of potable water, which unfortunately, is a key ingredient to life as we know it. The last time I checked, the current numbers reflected less than 5% of the worlds water is now drinkable (potable) and that number is shrinking.

The latest data suggests we might be in big trouble, when it comes to water.

North America: The United States and Canada are the largest per capita consumers of freshwater, double that of our neighbors to the south in Mexico. Though supply has been abundant in the past, that may change. The High Plains Aquifer in the central United States that Mr. Pickens wants to deplete is expected to “decline dramatically.” Pollution, invasive species and under-priced water add to the stress of the region. In Canada, the demands put on water to harvest oil-sand petroleum is ruining the Frazier River Basin at an alarming rate.

South America: Due to fast population growth, the region’s major environmental problem of the next decade is expected to be a shortage of potable water.

Europe: Western Europe is pricing water at levels that allow for reinvestment and management of an adequate water supply. Easter Europe and the former Soviet Union, on the other hand, are still using more water per capita than Western Europe. In Eastern Europe, a business-as-usual scenario estimates water use will nearly double. Overall, water issues have more to do with quality and ecosystems than with quantity, which appears for the time being, sufficient.

But then again, Global Warming enters into the picture. A lot of people in Europe live below quickly melting glaciers, their primary water supply, when the glaciers have receded and are gone, then what?

Africa: More than half the population has no access to safe water, fewer today than in 1990. Almost half the population of the areas suffer from water-related diseases. In southern Africa, a business-as-usual scenario estimates water use will rise by half in just a few short years.

Asia: Nearly a third of the region has no access to safe water. Central Asia is already using 85% of available water, and South Asia nearly half that. Per capita availability of water has dropped by 70% in Central and Southern Asia since roughly 1950. In China the same applies, another business-as-usual scenario sees water consumption doubling in that country by 2025. Recently China has had to import huge quantities of rice, because acid rain has ruined the water in the surround country side and they are now growing crops in sterile soil.

Australia: Water usage increased by 25% in the mid ‘90’s, compared with the mid 80’s. At the same time, the water supply has been degraded, particularly in the Murray-Darling Basin in the southeast. A prolonged drought hasn’t helped matters at all.

You pick up any newspaper in this country and each day there is an item in there about the shortage of water or the possible contamination of an Aquifer that is used for public consumption. Water who most of believe is just plentiful and everywhere, is in fact, a precious resource (mostly non-renewable) and is being squandered.

Monroe Louisiana – Sixteen parishes in northern Louisiana depend on the Sparta Aquifer for drinking water, but one expert said the water is slowly deteriorating in quality because of drawdown. Ben McGee, a supervisory hydrologist with the U.S. Geological Survey, said the aquifer is tapped into at a rate of 70 million gallons a day by users from paper mills to residential homes.

Shapleigh MAINE – Voters in Shapleigh, in a setback for bottler Poland Spring, imposed a six-month moratorium on the testing or large-scale extraction of water. Residents voted 204-38 to adopt the moratorium, intended to give the town time to work on a regulatory ordinance.

Rockingham, North Carolina – Residents in three counties are concerned that pesticides used by peach farmers decades ago may be polluting well water. The Charlotte Observer reports that tests by health officials found 117 tainted wells in Montgomery, Richmond and Moore counties. For now, state officials are delivering drinking water weekly to affected homes.

Lubbock Texas – Billionaire T. Boone Pickens put plans on hold for a pipeline to send water from a Panhandle aquifer to cities downstate. A Pickens spokesman said the suspension of the Mesa Water pipeline has nothing to do with a Justice Department ruling in August that blocked changes to Texas law that helped create a water supply district. The district was dominated by employees of Pickens. He is all set to drain this aquifer (Ogallala) to supply Dallas with drinking water. He has however one big snag, “no one has asked him to provide them with water at this time.” Meanwhile, on the western fringe area’s of this water system they are starting to suck sand.

Slowly people are starting to realize that we have to do something to conserve this resource or we will perish. This week in Tucson Arizona, a dry and arid portion of the United States legislation was passed to conserve or re-use water. Homes built there after 2009 will be required to have wastewater systems that use drainage from sinks, showers and tubs to irrigate landscaping.

The ordinance adopted by the City Council requires new homes to have “gray-water” plumbing systems separate from piping that takes toilet waste to sewers. The new systems will cost about $500 per house.

It isn’t much, but at least it is a start.

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Into The Mix

A wealthy Manhattan mother posted a Craiglist ad for a nanny that began, “My kids are a pain in the a**,” and went onto describe in 1,000 words, why the job would make most people miserable. Fifteen people applied, and a 25-year old woman accepted the job without ever meeting the children.

I am staying put!  36 year old Hattie Callan of New Orleans decided to be among the few residents who stayed in town to ride out Hurricane Gustav. “I have liquor, cash, food, ammo and weed” Callan explained.

Who needs reality.

Callan, that is Irish isn’t it? Here is an Irish joke for ya ….Mrs. Donovan was walking down O’Connell Street in Dublin when she met up with Father Flaherty. The Father said, ‘Top O’ the mornin’ to ye! Aren’t ye Mrs. Donovan and didn’t I marry ye and yer hoosband two years ago?’

She replied, ‘Aye, that ye did, Father.’ The Father asked, ‘And be there any wee little ones yet?’ She replied, ‘No, not yet, Father.’ The Father said, ‘Well now, I’m going to Rome next week and I’ll light a candle for ye and yer hoosband.’

She replied, ‘Oh, thank ye, Father.’ They then parted ways.

Some years later they meet again.  The Father asked, ‘Well now, Mrs. Donovan, how are ye these days?’ She replied, ‘Oh, very well, Father!’ The Father asked, ‘And tell me, have ye any wee ones yet?’ She replied, ‘Oh yes, Father!  Three sets of twins and four singles, ten in all!’

The Father said, ‘That’s wonderful!  How is yer lovin’ hoosband doin’?’ She replied, ‘E’s gone to Rome to blow out yer dam’ candle.’

No good huh … Well, whadya expect for free?

Deep Poo-poo.  A man in Tampa Florida who locked himself into a construction site’s portable toilet while allegedly fleeing the scene of a crime. Two angry burglary victims tipped over the potty, and when police arrived, the found the man covered in its contents.

No! I don’t have any recent photo’s of America’s favorite new political neophyte who one day might find herself the new leader of the Free Western World. And I am not selling photo’s of Sarah Palin in the bikini with the automatic weapon … Try U-Tube. (Please feel free to use the private Email feature for more details)

Must be tough file.

Sean “Diddy” Combs the music mogul announced on YouTube that he is grounding his private jet, which was costing him something in the neighborhood of $200,000 per trip for aviation fuel and is now flying commercial. (Wait until he hears what they are charging for the peanuts!)

The word most often uttered by speakers during the Democratic Convention in Denver was “change.” It was used an average of 89 times per day, followed by “McCain” which came in at 78. Energy followed at 49. In 2004 the most common used words were “healthcare” (49), “Jobs” (42) and the word change was only invoked 11 times.

The most popular word in the Bush administration used about “one-thousand-million-billion times” was “Evil Doers” which had the Scotch-Whiskey Distillery people really nervous for a long time.

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Parting Shot: “A man is not a man, unless he can find his way to Sears’ blind-folded and the tool department makes his nipples rock hard.” (Tim Allen, Tool Time)

Change in the air

Stepping outside you can almost feel the change in the air, fall is just around the corner.  There seems to be an “air about it” if you will pardon the pun.  My old bones are starting to creak in the wind, they do that every fall season, nothing much you can do about it.  Still have not seen the southerly parade of Dragon Flies and the Cicada’s have not started singing in the trees, but there definitely is change in the air.

The cool down is nice, even if it is a bit premature and is at best, hurricane residue from Ike, our latest storm.

Now I don’t want to sound callous, cruel or un-carrying about this, but I find hurricane victims kind of hard to understand.  (1)  A hurricane is coming, they are warned in advance to evacuate, get out, while you have time.  (2)  They stay, against all sane advice and warnings, they virtually ignore all up-to-date information, choose to stay put and weather out the storm.  (3)  They do not leave and after wards when they are in terrible shape, call out for public assistance.

This morning there are some 2,000 people in Galveston, Texas that are crying for water and relief from the Red Cross and other similar relief providers.  It seems to me, that if they had heeded the advice like all the others, they would not be in this dire predicament.  What is it about the human psyche that demands that “the government take care of you” after you do something decidedly stupid, like refuse to evacuate?

As soon as the wind dies down, up from the rubble and chaos, they pop up like misplaced prairie dogs and call for water!  Ice!  Help us .. Help us!  If they had left with all the other sane people, they could be sitting down to breakfast at The International House Of Pancakes like everyone else in Texarkana, Texas, safe and sound.

Sorry but I don’t get it.

An open apology to CrackerBoy … On September 4th, I wrote a post on WordPress.com Global Dashboard Fastest Rising Blogs and what a crock of …  Well  …. you spread it on your flowers and it makes them grow better … a crock of that.

Cracker Bill at that time suggested in the comments section that it is a “Strange combination of circumstances. It’s all done by the system. No human hands.” And I summarily dismissed that.  It appears that I now know differently (You can teach an old dawg new tricks!) and that Bill is right.  Over the weekend they again posted another bogus fastest growing blog, because:

(A)  They are stupid.

(B)  They don’t know better

(C)  It was generated by a machine.

Proudly displayed in spot #6 this weekend as a “fastest growing blog” was a site who has posted “7” posts in …… get this … you will love this.  They had posted 7 times in 11 months. From October 2007 to date the entire site consisted of seven posts.  How fast growing and noteworthy is this?  Not very.

I owe you an apology Bill ….. You my friend were right.

Watching the television and they are running this commercial for one of the sagging and slowly dying American car companies.  In this commercial they are showing the latest new wrinkle a television screen built into the dash.  Now do we really need this?  Haven’t we enough problems with cell phones, pagers, DVD players, text messaging, and now a TV in the dash?

Man what a trip that would be, humming down the old boulevard watching a salute to Rock N Roll hosted by Michael Jackson and Dick Clark, doing about 75 mph in the fast lane.  Which I suppose would be like a preview of people on the first boat load headed for hell.  Thank heavens for the mute button!  As I am not all that interested in becoming a rap singer, and my driving skills are not what they used to be, I am going to pass.

B’sides, I don’t own a lot of jewelry and I am extremely uncomfortable grabbing my crotch in public.

If my memory serves me correctly (here lately it is a 50/50 deal) Jerry Lewis had a movie out about 40 years ago, where a guy believed everything that his television told him.  He dashed out to shop every time a commercial told him exactly what to buy.  Then he would sit in front of the set, dying his hair and smoking cigars, awaiting further instructions.  Which is mainly what it was that I did this past weekend, sat in front of the set and awaited my instructions but they never came.  Has anyone heard from the Mother Ship?

I think my link is down.

Sunday’s paper had an article in it where it said that a meteorite roughly the size of France missed the earth by about half the distance to the moon (in space terms that would be close, almost a near miss according to the Bush administration).  So I am reading this and I am thinking to myself, “Is this some kind of twisted math exam?”  Sure glad it missed, isn’t NORAD or someone supposed to be tracking stuff like this, so Morgan Freeman can make a statement to the American people about it?

We ought to rename this piece … Earth … Wind … Fire.

Next it will be sunspots, have not heard anything on them for awhile, there has definitely been a sunspot deficit going on here lately.  Sunspots often cause weird side effects.  For example:  In the movie “Frequency” a New York cop operating a ham radio during an aurora borealis in 1999 is mysteriously able to communicate with actor Dennis Quaid in 1969.

Bear with me … I am almost done.

Normally, this would be dangerous, since tampering with the past can disrupt the present (Doc, in Back To The Future II 1986).  But in the movie, everything ends happily.  The cop saves Quaid’s life, helps him find a serial killer and in a major break through persuades him not to make Jaws 3 in 3-D! in the early eighties.

Along the way, there are thrilling plot twists.

In one scene, the cop’s ham radio inadvertently contacts RANDY QUAID in his 1989 role as Cousin Eddie in National Lampoons Christmas Vacation.  Apparently the metal plate in Cousin Eddie’s head picks up radio messages?  This causes everyone else in the movie to incorrectly assume that Chevy Chase is the murderer.

Now it is time for me to get back to my book that is so utterly fascinating, I could hardly put it down.  Definitely one for the coffee table set, (I wonder if Oprah has heard about it?).  I found it in the specialty aisle of Barnes & Nobles this past weekend, in the Society of Toxicology section.

Compelling, interesting, spell binding reading.  Comparison of Pulmonary and Pleural responses of rats and hamsters to inhaled refractory ceramic fibers.

I suppose if you are not much of a reader, you will just have to wait for the movie to come out.

000