Fly The Friendly Skies …

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Man-man, here it is the first of a brand new month, time for more verbal intercourse with the whore of the Internet.  Another indictment of public education from the Blond headed kid who sat in the back of the room, writing YOUR NAME on his notebook and you never even noticed.

So, what should we discuss this day? Good News – Bad News – Is “Double Jeopardy” really all that noteworthy?  

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TIME IS RUNNING OUT

Open Carry:  If you are going to carry an illegal loaded semiautomatic firearm in New York City, it is probably best to not press your luck by trying to beat a $2 subway fare.  Amazing what people will do and then how much time they have to think about it later on …

How about seven years?   

Droning On:  I noted at the bank today the cover of time magazine had a Military Drone on the front cover.  This past weekend CBS had quite a bit of airtime, devoted to the same subject, it appears that they are hot now.  They are being used not just by the military but police departments, national guard units, you name it.  So far this tool for terrorists has only taken out some 59 known bad guys, but has killed something like 34,000 poor citizens who were listed as “collateral damage.”

Mans’ best doing man’s worst … Fly one over my property and I can assure you “it will not come home.”  If it does it will be full of buckshot from my 12 gauge.

Fifty years of James Bond …  It is kind of slow around here, we are currently being snowed upon which is okay, because we could use the moisture.  So I find this cinema love fest on television, “Fifty Years of James Bond” and I am of course, amazed and amused at the same time.  

Fifty years just doesn’t seem possible and then there is the always engaging Double O Seven loading freshly shot pheasants into the back of a truck on a French Chalet and the tag on the tailgate is there plain to see …. California.

Finally something for us old geezers:  Silicone Valley has introduced the first edition of the new baby boomer computer and keyboard.  Supplies are limited at this time.

ATT00001

Change the Batteries – Set it to Vibrate – or just remove it:  A prisoner in a Shri Lanka prison was found to have stuffed a cellphone up his wah-zoo (chocolate speedway) and two “hands free” packs with it (good idea).  Everything was going just fine until someone he had just called … returned his call … which did not amuse his handlers in the least.

New Religious Experience in Texas:  Do you owe money on a car?  Finance company banging on the door, here is a tip.  Crush it.  At the same time, save yourself the drudgery of doing lawn mowing this summer, throw in a couple of lawnmowers for good measure.  The Church of Later Day Saints is alive and well, crushing lawnmowers and cars south of the Red River.

Time is running out:  Well, well, well … Here it is the 13th of the month, and of course, a lot of you guys have done nothing to improve your marital status or the relationship you share with “your significant other” and you are for the most part, dead in the water.

Having procrastinated for literally weeks, you find yourself adrift in an ocean full of sharks, and you suddenly discover YOU are the chum.  Oh-my-gosh, down to just one more day, a scant 24 hour period with which to redeem yourself.  Someone needs to throw you a life vest.

As I am a generous sort, I will give you a hint.  

Take her to someplace she has never been, to a place where she can relax, enjoy a good meal, get some rest.  

Flowers are nice, chocolate will work with some girls, and there is always the occasional choochie-coupon to be redeemed.  But if you want to make her happy, take her somewhere for the holiday, wine and dine her.

It works.  On Valentines Day, I asked mine one year, “Can I kiss you in a place you have never been kissed?” and she looked up at me with those big brown eyes, eyes so wide that a man could get lost in and then she said … Omaha Nebraska?

Now I have to go, Dr. Phil is coming on …. “His Girlfriend has Robbed him Blind.” …. Rebecca says her sister has betrayed her by sleeping with the important men in her life;  Steve says his girlfriend keeps stealing his money.

New.

I am just a sucker for love I suppose.

OOO

Monday Morning Re-Mix

Nice to get outta town, if only for a few days.  One thing about the weekend, if it had not been available to me before this, I surely would have had to invent it, in order to get by.  It is great to have this all too short period of time to recharge and get going again, don’t you agree?

Sitting here enjoying the first cup of coffee for the day, it is not all that good.  We usually stop at Walmart and purchase bottled water int he jug, distilled water, for our coffee as the water here in the country is loaded with calcium.

Which in turn makes the coffee taste awful by most standards.

Frog water is good don’t get me wrong, but when it is hard water, it isn’t all that great.

Kind of difficult to type this morning also, having not sat a a keyboard in about a week, it feels a little strange or unrecognized.  I am surfing around catching up on “the news.”  Which of course isn’t all that great, some of it is amusing.  A teenager decided to have a teen-party so she posts it on Facebook, but neglects to put a filter or something on it and 1,500 people show up!  Article says she “flees the area to avoid all of the guests who showed up.” I even ran across this little ditty where some teenager decided to sell a kidney in order to get an Ipod.  I mean what is the world coming to?

On a sad note, a man drowned in California while his tax paid rescuers did nothing but stand on the sand and watch.  What has this country come to?  This all happened in Alameda, a city in Northern California, that ought to be waking up this morning thoroughly ashamed of itself.  Two Long Island teens were killed after falling into a cesspool after becoming overcome by fumes (NY Daily News – Local News).  A beauty queen Katya Koren stoned to death by Muslims for being in pageant, it was a pretty nasty weekend for some.  They even came across a homeless person pushing a shopping cart loaded with “body parts” down in Los Angeles this weekend.

Makes you kind of glad you stayed home eh?

Now I also got some pretty interesting Emails during this time period or absence, here is one that I found especially touching.

Dear God, please send clothes for all those poor ladies on grandpa’s computer.
Amen

Not much going on today, have to get back into the swing of things, the property requires attention, the grass did not take a week off and it will be requiring some tender-loving-care (TLC).  Temperature is supposed to hit the century mark today (100*) and it would be a good idea to get R done early.  This is the time of the year, when it heats up and we have to do things early in the morning in order go beat the heat.  The time of the year when it gets so incredibly hot that if you come across a dog chasing a cat … there is the good chance that both of them are gonna be walking.

And finally, as is my habit, I have saved the best for last.

An Arizona Department of Safety Officer pulled over a pick-up truck owner for a faulty taillight. When the officer approached the driver, the man behind the wheel handed the officer his driver’s license, insurance card and a concealed weapon carry permit.

The officer took all the documents, looked them over and said. “Mr. Smith, I see you have a CCP. Do you have any weapons with you?”

The driver replied, ” Yes sir, I have a 357 handgun in a hip holster, a .45 in the glove box and a .22 derringer in my boot.”

The officer looked at the driver and asked, “Anything else?”

“Yes sir, I have a Mossberg 500 12 gauge and an AR-15 behind the seat.”

The officer asked if the man was driving to or from a shooting range and the man said he wasn’t, so the officer bent over and looked into the driver’s face and said “Mr. Smith, you’re carrying quite a few guns.  May I ask what you are afraid of? Mr. Smith locked eyes with the officer and calmly answered,  “Not a ____ thing!”

Have a great week and try and stay cool if it is humanely possible.

OOO

A special thanks to Chopper Scott and Art for todays post input.

Alam’s Road Trip

Kind of tired the other night, but I wanted to see the end of the NASCAR race, so I set the VCR to record the rest of the race and I went to bed.  I am after all, in my golden years, and I do need my rest, the race was no big thing.  Let technology take care of it, it is touted to “improve our lives and make life much better for the majority of us” so often to dreamland I went.  Next day, I bring it up and start to watch it, everything goes swimmingly until the last ten laps, they break for a commercial and that is that.

No more race, no last ten laps, and I am here to testify … Technology sucks.

Tristin Saghn little sister who is two years old (he is 9) fell into the family pool in Mesa, Arizona this week.  After she was pulled from he water, Tristin started to perform chest compressions and mouth-to-mouth on the little girl while his mother rushed into the house and called 911 for help.  Tristin who said that he learned the lifesaving technique while watching television, said that “he knew what it was that he was doing it right.”  Evidently so, little sister started breathing again, and doctors says that she is going to be just fine due to the smart reaction of her big brother.

“She is really beautiful, and I love her very much.”  Tristin said.

Yesterday we had an outbreak of tornado’s here in the heartland and this morning a lot of folks waking up here in Central Oklahoma to just about nothing.  One of the things that I did before the approaching storm was to check the safe room in the garage (steel enclosure bolted to the floor with 21 – 18” bolts into the concrete) for snakes.  We have found snakes in there, they kind of gravitate to the coolness and darkness of the room.  No snakes incidentally, but finding one during a tornado, would not be the optimum safety plan it seems to me.

A lady in Florida might be considering removing the pet door on her house, it allowed a small alligator access to her home this week.  She walked into the back bedroom of her house and there the alligator was.  Might be time to get rid of the swinging door in the kitchen and start letting Fluffy in and out the old fashioned way.

Japan is now creating suicide hot lines and sending mental-health counselors into the regions affected by the tsunami and nuclear crisis out of fear there will be a surge of self-inflicted deaths in that country.  The Japanese, whose culture romanticizes suicide, already have a suicide rate more than double that of the United States and it is the leading cause of death there among men ages 20 to 44 and women ages 15 to 34.

Now I understand that if you call the Suicide hot line in Pakistan and tell them you are depressed and you can drive a truck, they get all excited.

Yesterday I overheard some guy complaining during lunch that a beer in the Dallas Stadium in Texas costs $12.50.  Who in their right mind would pay $12.50 for a beer, I don’t care how cold it is, that is just too much.  American’s are spending something like $1.2 trillion dollars on nonessential goods and services annually, according to the Commerce Department.  See, we do have government agency that you can actually benefit from, we are paying a LOT of people to keep numbers on what it is that we are buying, your tax dollars at work.

Consumer spending on discretionary luxury items, including jewelry, yachts, sports cars, alcoholic beverages, and candy, has risen to 11.2% of total consumer spending, even in hard times, that is up from 4% in 1959.  Which is kind of stupid, because 1959 was what, 52 years ago?

Give me a break.

Our consumer spending here at our house constitutes mainly of groceries and gasoline.  55% of American drivers say they are changing their driving habits as a result of high gas prices.  Except maybe Kyle Busch, he was recently stopped in North Carolina for driving 128 miles per hour on a public highway.

Everyone has a dream.
A tomorrow.
A Someday …  New York City cabdriver Mohammed Alam got the fare of a lifetime:  $5,0000 to drive two New Jersey residents  from New York to Los Angeles.  The six-day journey was one man’s idea or spur of the moment urge for a birthday adventure.

Alam for his part, was able to live his childhood dream of seeing Universal Studios.  Nothing is impossible in this world,” said Alam.  “We can do everything, whatever we want” and it is quite possible the cabbie might have enjoyed the trip even more than the fare paying passengers.

Make a wish … Now blow out all the candles on your cake!

(Next stop Dollywood)

OOO

The Verdict Is In … You Lose Again.

The U.S. Supreme Court just ruled that it’s unconstitutional for Louisiana to impose the death penalty on prisoners who have been convicted of raping children. What is this all about? I guess this is the last domino in the chain to fall; now even children are not held in high regards by the courts in this country.

Which might be why I don’t personally hold judges of any type in high regard either.

Just this week in Los Angeles, California, a porn case was dismissed because the presiding judge was found to have porn on his personal website. Tucked away in a folder, accessible to the public, containing images of masturbation, public sex, and other graphic sexual acts. The judge said that he thought the folder was shielded from public view by a password.

It was …. “Don’t touch my Pee-pee … Vote For Me”

It appears that those “who sit in judgment on us, are basically just as nasty as the rest of us.” Which in some legal circles can be translated to: “I just read it for the articles.” Where is Denny Crane when you really need him?

Washington, D.C. — A report by U.S. intelligence agencies warns about the national security implications of global warming. The report says climate change is likely to increase illegal immigration, create humanitarian disasters and destabilize precarious governments in political hot spots, all of which could affect U.S. national security.

Now it might pay to remember that this report was generated by these very same people that said that there were WMD’s in Iraq. Those people who I now understand are now working as 7-11 clerks deep in Southern Texas.

Today Oil reached a peak of $5,500 a barrel, and our current president, a three-year old mixed-breed German Shepherd announced that cats will now be allowed to vote …… See how easy it is, anyone can do it.

The United Nations is now saying that “because of U.S. Corn production being converted over to Ethanol production that we are now responsible for the world food shortage and high food prices.” Not exactly true. Production was shifted in 2007, but it only amounted to 20% of the total corn crop and the U.S. Government paid out subsidies to farmers in the amount of some $3 billion dollars.

If you took every morsel, every kernel, each and every ear of corn produced in this country and devoted it specifically to ethanol production it would only meet 11% of the energy needs of this country. I am getting tired of everyone taking a cheap shot at this country.

America is like a big dog in a small room, every time the dog turns around, it is knocking over a table or some piece of furniture. We are dammed if we do and dammed if we don’t.

And when we do help out, those countries on the receiving end walk on the tab, no one ever pays us back, no one ever has a nice thing to say about us. When some inventive American comes up with a genuine plan or scientific process to distillate gasoline from weeds, we will be attacked for pulling all the weeds in the world.

There is so much good in the worst of us

And so much bad in the best of us

That it hardly becomes any of us

To talk about the rest of us

The United Nations ought to go back to minding its own business, which is essentially, doing nothing.

And the beat goes on …

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