Will You Be My Friend …

images-5One of the best things about life, is friendship.  Good friends are the cornerstone of all relationships.  I still remember and often communicate by telephone, email, my website, with friends that I have had since childhood. 

The younger set have a word for it … BFF … Best Friends Forever. Continue reading

Bad Spellers Of The World Untie!

“I don’t understand how you can figure out all this computer stuff like you do.  You have got all this techno stuff up the wahzoo.”

Hello folks, here is another scathing indictment of the public education system, another post from Mr. Language Person.  Recently I got bagged on a mispelling of a word (potpourri) and I thought it might be a good idea to post the most 25 misspelled words in the English language.  Courtesy, of Bryan A. Garner, here’s a list of 25 of the most commonly misspelled words in the English language.

  • accommodate
  • committee
  • consensus
  • definitely
  • embarrass
  • expedite
  • grammar
  • harass
  • hors d’oeuvre
  • innovate
  • inoculate
  • lieu
  • millennium
  • minuscule
  • misspelling
  • noticeable
  • occurrence
  • pavilion
  • persevere
  • playwright
  • receive
  • restaurateur
  • separate
  • supersede
  • ukulele

Commit these to memory, and should you ever find yourself needing to accommodate a ukulele player who wishes to receive an inoculation from a playwright while persevering at his art in a pavilion, you’ll be spared the embarrassment of making any innovative misspellings, whether minuscule or easily noticeable.

Just yesterday, Billy Ray Littler said to me, “I don’t understand how you can figure out all this computer stuff like you do.  You have got all this techno stuff up the wahzoo.”

Now there is a word for you … Whazoo.

Wonder where that one came from?

As always … Sending our very best is the least we can do.


Top Posts (the past week) on Creative Endeavors.

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Racist Okie

Got into what you might call a “spirited conversation” with one of my neighbors.  He seems to think I am racist because I want people to speak English and I don’t think they should be given a driver’s lic. if they cannot speak English or at the very least, be able to read the language.

Because of this disagreement, he tags me a racist, which I don’t think is fair.

Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to scream ‘racism’ these days.

 So, the customer asked, “In what aisle could I find the Polish sausage?”  The clerk looks at him and says, “Are you Polish?”  The guy (clearly offended) says, “Well, yes I am. But let me ask you something. If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian?

Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican?’  If I asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?”

The clerk says, “Well, no, I probably wouldn’t!”

With deep self-righteous indignation, the guy says, “Well then, 
why did you ask me if I’m Polish because I asked for Polish sausage?”

The clerk replied, “It’s because you’re in Home Depot.”

Guess it is all in the way you look at things?  I wear quite a few hats, I have been tagged more than once for my views, but racist, I am not.  Oh well, no use diggin’ up a dead-horse to see if it smells bad, let us move on.

I note this morning that everyone seems to be working on New Year’s Resolutions, and writing all about it, the self-appointed Guru’s of the Internet, once again, have it all figured it out.  Some of us who have been around for awhile, can almost see it coming.

There is the Christmas thing.  And then The New Year’s Thing.  The Resolution thing and it goes on and on, almost to the point of being unstoppable.  Might ought to assign it a season of the year, we could call it the “Wordpress.com Silly Season.”

Yeah, that might work.

As for right now, or at least the next four or five days, it is pretty well defined and expected when you come online.  It is all about time.  How much you have left is anyone’s guess, how much of it that is used up is another question, what remains is to be seen  … Use it or lose it is what my Daddy used to say.

2012 is rapidly approaching and is on the horizon as 2011 much like a tired old soldier, slowly fades away.

As for myself, I only make one resolution per year, it is the same old thing year after year.

What is it you ask?

It is this:  “Every year at the beginning of each New Year I make one resolution … to NOT make any resolutions.” 

Sure takes off a lot of the pressure … and I am again “at peace with the world.”

Yeah, sure.

Come on by tomorrow and we will talk about being melancholy and sad at Christmas and the loneliest whale in the world.


Cat House Tuesday

This morning while browsing around I stumbled upon this article from overseas. As I often feel it is my public duty, my overwhelming desire to print the news that is fit to print, or causes fits in print, or something like that? I decided to share it with all of you, b’sides it is a slow day on the old goat farm here in El Reno, Oklahoma.

Taiwan’s government plans to allow sex workers to set up small businesses in the latest change to laws that had once forced the huge industry underground, the interior ministry said.

In a statement on its website, the ministry said it would consider brothels of three to five staff away from areas frequented by children. It will put plans to a cabinet committee by the end of the year.

The complete article can be found here.

Nothing out of the ordinary here, unless you look close.  In the first paragraph you will find it, the word “Sex Worker.”  This is what caught my eye while reading the article.  I wondered, “Is this some kind of new on the job training I was hopelessly unaware of?”

It also made me consider how it is that we sanitize everything in our world, to make it neat and circumspect.  How we take or use the language and shift it around, take away from it, make it fit our norm.

Sex worker is a good example, used to be this was referred to as a prostitute, street walker, a hooker, a whore.  Now we have made it legitimate sounding by calling the professional on the job,  a sex worker.

Even the place that the “sex worker” was employed, got changed.  It was first called a brothel, then someone renamed it a “Cat House.”  Which is kind of strange, because I have it on good authority that there are no sandboxes located at these locations.

Same with the word adultery, now it is called an affair, makes it sound almost nice.  Not the ugly thing that destroys families, wrecks marriages and ruins lives.  Frank had an affair and he and Nancy split up …

Gay is the new homosexual, but that really is old hat, it has after all, been that for quite sometime now.  How about abortion, that is now referred to as “Lifestyle change” or ” Life choice.”  It is murder of the unborn, plain and simple, but we choose to modify and change it.

Our language landscape is littered with phrases and expressions that mask the truth, even the military uses them, collateral damage, friendly fire, etc, etc.  And if you are shopping around for creative expressions, you don’t have to look far to find them.  Just type in the word U.S. Government. Com and that should get you started right away.  They are the real pro’s in all this.

It is quite apparent that we try our level best to knock it down to a level that makes it much easier for us to live with.  The atrocities committed against the Jewish people in Europe during World War II were so terrible that there was no word to describe it.  So they invented a new word just for this purpose, it was called Genocide.  Now days, that too has been sanitized, it is now called “Ethic Cleansing.”

Want to add to the mix?  Comments section is below, feel free to give us your take on any or part of all of  it.  Sex Worker?  It is a good thing that this word doesn’t apply to me … I would be unemployed for sure.  Like my Mama was fond of saying when I was a small lad … What will they dream up next?

Has to make you wonder, huh?

Turning Myself Around

The sign read, “Gas $2.21 per gallon” so I thought to myself, “that sure is cheap, I am gonna get some of that.”  Isn’t that sad, I mean, I have reached a point in life, where I conceive $2.21 per gallon as “cheap.”  I don’t know what is wrong with me, like Pavlov’s dogs, I have been conditioned to believe that they are giving me a good deal.

I need to grow a pair, and get back to bitching, I have become too complacent.

Turned on the tube and the weatherman is predicting, how was it he put it?   Oh yeah, “the Metroplex are may be experiencing some mild severe weather today.”  I don’t know what a Metroplex might be, I live in a city, and how do you get “mild severe” weather?  I get a kick out of the media news people and how they pump things up to make them sound so important, when in fact, “they have nothing.”

  • He was shot by an “Uninvited guest” and then rushed to the hospital.
  • Homeless people are “highly depressed” which is what researchers have found.
  • The following is a “live recording” of the facts.
  • Here is Mark with our “authentic reproduction” of what happened.
  • Today a new race of people, who live inside the earth, were discovered, when one of them came to the surface to go to China-Mart to buy a sun lamp.

Mmmmmmm, coffee is good this morning, fresh pot, you should be here, or in the interest of “good mental health” perhaps it would be safer to be somewhere else.

You make the call.

That is another one, you go to my buddy’s house and he will ask you, “want some coffee?”  Which always strikes me as funny, as I have coffee at home, why would he offer me some?  We are a funny bunch aren’t we?  My father used to say to me, “straighten up and fly right or I am going to read you the riot act.”

Being a young man, I was always hoping for something better, like “The Gentleman’s Guide to French Kissing” or something like that, when you are a teenager, you don’t want anyone reading any kind of act to you.

Man, that takes the cake.  Where did that one come from?  Where do you take a cake?  How come it is not “that takes the pie?” which we all know is easier to carry than a cake, which would be a “piece of cake.”


Been a target rich environment for word games this week, here is a mid week ditty for you.  “To go inside yourself, you must empty your mind and clear your head.”  More psycho-babble from Channel Five, I won’t say who, but he is almost completely bald, used to live in Texas, his wife is named after a bird, and he is often full of it.

Which reminds me.  That is like the expression, “the guy was completely beside himself.”  How do you get “beside” yo’self, and they thought Ebonics was weird?

Time to go, remember the only thing which isn’t up for grabs is no change, and I think it is fair to say, it is all to play for, except for no change.  And finally, in closing, remember that you are never ever completely alone; whether you are inside or beside yourself.  When it gets down to the nitty gritty, in the end, you will always have yourself.

Got that?

So goes Wednesday 6-24-09, Hump Day for a five day a week, minimum wage slave in Oklahoma, hang in there, you almost have it made.  If none of this is working for you, I guess you will just have to get inside yo’self, and clear your head.  I have done all I truthfully feel I can do this day …

Like the folks over at RosettaStone say …. “One day, his son would speak to the world, and he wanted them to understand.” Alas …. Parting is such sweet sorrow, but it is time for me to slink off and “grow a pair” or find some other constructive avenue of thought to while away my day.


Television for the Insane

A little of this and a Little of that

An item on The View or The Ladies Channel, I forget, on how Kirstie Alley lost 75 pounds, it was incorrectly stated that she “ate … twenty six, seven, eight thousand calories a day.” The correct figures are six, seven eight thousand calories a day.  I have personally lost 13 lbs in recent weeks, but it was because I was sick, not because I was dieting.  My doctor now informs me that I am my perfect weight for a person who is seven feet tall.

So I switch over to the “sports channel” which is a total waste of programming if you want my opinion, and I would bet the majority of you never expected to hear a man say that.  On there I find this “The most important thing about batting is getting the bat to hit the ball.”

Yeah right, for this moderators or commentators are paid millions per year?

I just love surfing the dial where you pick up all those little gems that help you make it thru the day contributed by sports personalities.  Such as:  “Chemistry is a class you take in high school or college where you figure out 2+2=10 or something.” Which was recently coughed up by Dennis Rodman basketball player.

How about this great political geopolitical insight from Donald Trump:  “You know, the one thing I sorta liked was what they were saying about Iran.  I believe you have to go in and strike Iran … not with soldiers.  You know, it’s not a world of soldiers anymore.  It’s a world of air.  It’s a world of different kinds of, you know, we’ve changed.”

Uh huh, wonder why we have “soldiers” in roughly 147 countries around the world?  You’re fired.  Where is Paula Abdul when you really need her?

Mr. Obama just appointed a new Supreme Court justice, let us hope that she is better than Justice Clarence Thomas, at a lecture to Holy Cross College in 2002 he said:  “I really don’t want to be a judge.  I don’t want to be judged.  I don’t like judging other people.” In the words of Judge Judy of television fame … “You sir!  Are an idiot.”

(no reflection on any judge living or dead, lawyers said to put that in there, so I did)

Another note on the ladies of government.  “She’s either Puerto Rican, or the same thing as Cuban, I mean they are all very hot.  The have the, you know, part of the black blood in them and part of the Latino blood in them that together makes it.” California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, on California assemblywoman Bonnie Garcia, the lone Latino Republican in the legislature.

Tuesday’s suck.

There I said it and I feel better because of it.  Sign of the week, which is ironic, because we are only two days into the week, oh well …. Never fails me how people take the English Language and mix it up to a point where to most people it is just about inane.  I wonder if they do this in other countries?  “You are invite to visit our restaurant where you can eat the Middle East Foods in a European ambulance.”

Mmmmmm, sounds yummy.

Sinuous:  Adjective of a serpentine or wavy form:  winding, marked by strong lithe movements, intricate or complex.  The hikers followed a sinuous path that curved around a lake and between two small hills.  If you are from the deep south it is “Hey honey can you get me another beer sinuous was going that way?”

Then there is the MTV channel where even the language in itself doesn’t make sense at all.

Take the word “Yo.

When followed by an apostrophe (yo’) a contraction of “you” or “your.”  How’s yo’ momma?  An informal address or title to one whose name is not known’ can be used as an interrogative address.  Hey, you!  What up, yo?  A declarative or imperative exclamation, whether alone within a sentence.

Yo!  What the hell do you think you are doing?  It’s Tuesday, nothing happen’ here, yo, do your job.  So ends today’s language lesson from Mr. English Person, tune into our page tomorrow where we will delve deep into modifiers, perhaps take a shot at popular euphemisms of modern day society.

I’ma now send you cryin’ to yo’ mama after I mess you up.

Word life!

What up with dat yo?


Call It What It Is

pigVentured out yesterday for some stamps at the Post Office, did not see anyone wearing a mask over their face, so I assume the swine flu pandemic scare is officially over.

Which is a good thing, especially for me, because I love BLT’s (bacon, lettuce, and tomato) sandwiches.  I would absolutely hate to see anything conflict with that part of my life.  No more trips to the Cracker Barrel for me, and that would create a hole in my world you could drive a bus through.

So today, this morning, let us develop a healthy curiosity in the world of pigs, swine creatures of media fame here of late.

Drive through the Oklahoma Panhandle and you will see it dotted with shiny tin roofs, new hog barns, there is a huge profit in the raising and caring for of hogs.  But there are also drawbacks.  Hogs are nasty, they produce about 8 times the waste of a human each day, they take an ocean of water to clean them up and all hog farms have huge water retention ponds to collect their waste.  Potential breeding grounds for all the little ugly things that attack us and make us sick.

Eventually all this nasty bio-waste makes it thru the food chain to you.

Here’s the connection: if a commercial flight is a prime breeding ground for airborne infectious disease, consider the digs of modern hogs. Concentrated Animal Feeding Operations (CAFOs), also known as factory farms, bring together tens of thousands of animals in quarters that make a sold-out 747 look spacious. Keeping a cap on disease in such conditions has risen to a sort of macabre art form involving the use of antibiotics (including the “non-therapeutic” use, which means that they feed the animals antibiotics as a preventative measure) to ward off the infectious diseases you might expect to thrive in such a place.

This practice has been linked to the spread of drug-resistant MRSA bacteria, but is not likely the cause of the influenza outbreak. Manure lagoons, the gigantic receptors for the millions of gallons of excrement expelled by the thousands of animals, may be the more likely culprit.

All of this beside being an obvious health nightmare presents a public relations nightmare for the hog farmer.  I suppose hog farmers and pork producers would prefer we call it something else, other than swine flu.  Perhaps it would be better to use the scientific name, A(H1N1) 2009 but that just seems so benign, no ring in that, where is the snap, where is the crackle and pop?

We seem to gravitate towards the outrageous, the completely insane in this country when it comes to descriptive metaphors.  Calling this Swine Flu just doesn’t seem appropriate.

Look at the auto companies and the banks for instance.  We use terms such as financial meltdown, bailout, huge losses, bankruptcy and other insidious terms that reek of socialism, “nationalism” comes readily to mind here.  All of them basically negative in nature.

So we change it up, we refresh the negative and we call it something else.  We say “unexpected profit inversion” or “asset augmentation” or “new and unique profit-partner partnerships between the private sector and the government.”

Like our now long gone moose gooser from Alaska would say … “We continue to put lipstick on the pig” and call it everything other than what it really might be.  There is an old expression that goes something like this:  “You can try and teach a pig to sing, but it will not work, and all you do is irritate the pig.”  Call it what it is, and stop renaming all of this stuff.

We are good at this, we have after all, have been transferring blame and changing the language for years.  Adultery … An affair.  Abortion … Lifestyle choice.  Genocide … Ethnic Cleansing.  We do it all the time; a housewife is no longer a housewife, she is a domestic engineer.  Used Car Salesman … Finance Specialist and the list goes on and on infinitum.  A four door hoopie from Ford or General Motors is now a “sports sedan” … Television evolved to wireless cable …. which is pretty stupid really and then there is … Mercy Killing.

That one I do not understand at all.  But I am usually a little slow on the uptake anyway.

Sadly one rule of life is …. “What you practice the most, is what you will become.”  As long as we continue “to shade the truth” and not face it, we will have problems in this country.

The worst of it all, was not here nor was it in Israel, where they steadfast refused to call it swine flu for religious reasons, but in Afghanistan where they moved the only pig in the Kabul Zoo into a locked room out of fear of swine flu.  Now that was some progressive thinking there, that saved a lot of lives no doubt.

Have to go now, I am off to check out this latest email rumor I received yesterday.  It concerns a woman who left her two-year old son at a day care center yesterday morning in Seattle, and when she returned to pick him up in the afternoon he was completely grown!

Day care officials are crediting the Obama hot lunch program.

Me?  I am not buying it.