Cheaper Than A Mistress …

 When was the last time you zoned out at the counter and just had what your Mama used to call a Happy Dream … Much, much too long I would venture.  Today for your reading pleasure, Cheaper Than A Mistress, Creative Endeavors, the home of Boxcarokie.com

10408735_412882202206970_841882527564928980_n

Suddenly I find myself craving a fresh bowl of gravy and a hairball, so I go over to the local beanery.  The local beanery is American slang.

In some circles it is also known as a Choke & Puke, but we are not about being gross this day, so we will call it a beanery.

Hunger my driving concern forced me out of the shop, those pesky slack adjusters can wait, it is time for food and another adventure into the public arena.  I need nourishment, someone radar me something to eat and make it fast!

Sliding into a booth at Denny’s the world seems circumspect almost peaceful and serene.  And then suddenly, as if by magic, he finds himself lost in a world of his own.  In his mind’s eye he envisions himself walking around the bus meet parking lot, where he stumbles across Mona.  

She was interesting, her old 4104 looked tired and run down.  She said that she had just drove straight thru from the World Famous Darrel Waltrip Truck-stop in Franklin, Kentucky, and only used five quarts of oil.  

The bus looked pretty tired, but Mona, now she was a little different.

10422042_1043626645652848_2658008715987840218_n 

She had the mystery of Garbo or Monroe, the allure of Lauren Bacall, the torso of Bridgett Bardo (which is really dating this guy, he should be using Jay Lo or Britney Speers someone like that).  Feeling lucky he invites her back to his 89 Prevo, with the polished slack adjusters and freshly painted underbody.  Opening the door he invited her in and she looked at him and smiled.  “I like what you have done with the floors.”

The perfect entrance to a man’s heart.  Sweat Equity and Power Tools.  

A very intelligent smart girl.

He looked at her, lost in his passion, with awe and ecstasy (It has been a long time, no?).  “He pulled her mouth to his and kissed her so hard she moaned.”  His mind is now racing, “she is so beautiful and she already knows how to dump!  I must be in heaven he thought to himself.”

Yeahsus!

This is much, much better. 

A grim smile played across his lips (almost a sneer) then they made passionate love on the back bedroom regular sized bed with the convenient storage underneath (yeah I am sure, in your dreams lover boy). Her trim, brown skinned body was bare, save for a wet sweat filled bikini (89 Prevo’s apparently are not all that cool this time of the year). 

He ran his hand along her back to the string that fastened her bikini top.  Tan lines traced her beautiful torso all the way to her triangle of her — And then the plate hit the counter with a resounding ring!

“You the Grand Slam, the side of ham and the hash browns?”

Back to reality.  

Wake up its early, eat your eggs they’re ready, you have things to do.  Well, that is the way it goes.  One of these days, I hope it is soon, I am gonna get me a life. The wife said I cannot keep living vicariously thru these lousy bus-boards.*

<><><>

*Any resemblance to anyone owning, driving, or selling a 4104 or full-timing or traveling in a 89 Prevo is purely co-incidental and should not be taken as factual.  No reprints of this article are allowed unless you have written permission from the NFL or America Has Got Talent.  Please no phone calls, all of our off-shore operators are busy.

Continue reading

Jus Sayin 1210

imgresNot long ago, a cute little honey from my neighborhood friended me on Facebook and push came to shove, a couple of enticing selfies reflecting off the bathroom mirror, a few lies sprinkled here and there and y’know, we just naturally set up a meet. 

She sent me a message that said “Come on over.  There is no one home.” 

So I jumped in my pickup and raced over there.

Sure enuff, there wasn’t anyone there.

FaceBook is so cruel.

Jus Sayin

Lady Eye Candy

   

I am sorry, but that video just cracks me up.

An Early Christmas Story to get everyone in the mood.  A couple was Christmas shopping at the mall on Christmas Eve and the mall was packed.  As the wife walked through the mall she was surprised to look up and see her husband was nowhere around.  She was quite upset because they had a lot to do. Because she was so worried, she called him on her mobile phone to ask him where he was.

In a calm voice, the husband said, “Honey, you remember the jewelry store we went into about five years ago where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we could not afford and I told you that I would get it for you one day?” 

The wife choked up and started to cry and said, “Yes, I remember that jewelry store.” 

He said, “Well, I’m in the bar right next to it.” 

Have to run to town to pick up my duds (clothing) at the cleaners want to look sharp, feel sharp, present a successful outward appearance to the relatives over the holidays.  Yeah sure.

One good thing about a trip to town and that is.  Chinese food for lunch today, I am looking forward to it.  Asian women seem to catch my eye, I am into them.  When you eat Chinese food, one of the benefits of this, is of course, a high concentration of Asian women.  You know Chinese wait staff girls are certainly attractive, I noticed that recently.  We have several good looking Asian girls that read this every day.

Asian women are beautiful. Asian guys, well, they are relegated to “tech support.”

Over at the Super-Center the other day and saw this girl, all decked out to the nines, clearly a professional woman.  She was looking so good, and she had two small boys with her, dressed in Soccer Attire.  I thought to myself, “here is a girl who has put in a long day at work, now she is shopping’ for the family, taking it home, cooking it up and taking care of the brood.”

My hat is off to her.  Women work too hard, for too little in this day and age, and they surely have their hands full.  They clearly deserve more credit for what they do in the home …

What can I say, I appreciate the female form, the smell of their neck, the mystery of their being … I am a big fan of girls.  Now there is clearly no reason for concern, most of you will never meet me, and if you did, you would quickly ascertain that I am basically harmless.

Flirting old dude

Listen, have a great holiday with your family and we will catch you all later on in the week.  We are going to go out of town for a few days, stuff some groceries down our neck, and generally speaking just over do it on most of it.  Isn’t that what Thanksgiving is all about?  We will see all of you on our return.

Enjoy the Holiday.

OOO

AUTUMN BREEZE

Your beauty haunts me
standing there in front of the Christmas tree
such a portrait of loveliness
in your own special way.

In your endeavors
Will you allow me the pleasure
The moment to savor
To treasure.

All the wonderful things you must be.

Permit me to reach down
And wipe the tears from your eyes
To lay your beautiful body
Warmly against my side

Allow me the pleasure
to experience your grace, beauty and charm
If only to treasure
The memory of all the good times
We could have shared together

I guess on certain fall days
Chilled by the winds of time
A man’s heart just naturally strays
As it is lifted up and carried away
To lighter
More pleasant things.

What does it matter how many lovers you have if none of them gives you the universe?
Jacques Lacan

OOO