Between A Rock And A Hard Place

As a small lad I found that Gun Boat Diplomacy, American Doctrine, the Foreign Policy, as it was explained to me just did not make sense.  I remember one day talking to my father about it and his only explanation was this.  “Listen son, as long as there is a rock here, and a rock there, we will have idiots that will fight over them.”

Now I must admit, that at the time, that just did not make a whole lot of sense to me.  Just like, “Eat all your vegetables, there are kids in China that are starving too death.” And I knew damn well, that my father had never in his life, been to China.

Maybe Watonga Oklahoma or Amarillo, Texas, but surely not Beijing.

Yesterday I read where Kentucky and Ohio are conducting a legal battle over a rock.  Yes I said a rock.  “Indian Head Rock” had jutted out of the Kentucky side of the Ohio River until some Ohioans uprooted the iconic 8-ton boulder and moved it to Ohio.  Kentucky sued, and has regained possession until the legal wrangling is resolved.  “We’ll keep it in a safe and secure place,” promised Kentucky officials.

See?  If you wait long enough, your chickens will come home to roost.

Took awhile, but I now understand the rock part of all this, unfortunately Gun Boat Diplomacy and all this Middle East garbage, still doesn’t make sense to me here.  Locked down in the Heartland … Middle America … But the rock, well, it finally happened.  Perhaps I will someday understand the part my Uncle Sam plays in all this, the diplomacy thing and all that, but the jury is still out on that one.

UNCLE SAM

Now that I am older, I more or less feel different
About what my Uncle Sam said, through the use of me
And my brief tenure in the U.S.Government.

Uncle Sam said, “Watch them.” Don’t you bend one inch
They are out to bury you with subtle subversion
and politics.

Uncle Sam said, “I want you to serve” My every wish, shall be your command
So I carried a gun in my early youth working for my Uncle Sam.

I have a duty to my scarred and weary brothers
Who were raped in a land … far, far away
I have a duty and I have something to say.

My voice will ring out loud upon the land … I will stand up, I will be counted
Truly, I will be heard because, in a place called Viet Nam my brothers and I served working for my Uncle Sam

When I was young I carried a gun my Uncle Sam patted my strong back
He told me of the fine job my brothers and I had done, in a strange and foreign land

I know now that I have a duty to teach others of our mistakes
Regardless of what the politicians say
No matter how long it takes to effect a change.

Have a great weekend …

OOO

Absorbing Questions

Sitting here this morning as is my usual practice, sipping on my cup of coffee and contemplating the issues of the day, impotent stuff, stuff I is supposed to know.

Often it is a heavy issue of “soft power” what Mr. Obama plans to use when he affects America’s foreign policy and whether or not Bill Clinton will be an asset or a detriment (You do know, if you get Hillary, you gonna get Bill too.  You do know that dont’cha?)  Often I will think about other important issues too.

Like why do we have eyebrows?

The peradventure word, do we need this word?  The evidence establishes beyond peradventure that the Grinch masterminded a highly organized and intricate plot to steal Christmas. Where does that one missing sock go when you empty the laundry basket, it is NOT in the bottom of the washer.

Important issues early in the morning.

A New York jury has awarded $4.5 million to a city detective who fell off his chair and shot himself in the knee.  He consequently retired on a disability pension because of the accident, he was only 49 years old.  The jury ruled that he deserved extra compensation for his pain and the end of his career and the end of his stint as an “amateur weekend warrior athlete” (don’t ask me, I don’t have a clue either?)  They gave him the money because they said he was “just a poor unfortunate guy who happened to lean back in a defective chair.”  Man, are you kidding me?

No Visible Means Of Support

Atheists are suing Kentucky’s Office of Homeland Security for thanking “almighty God” for protecting the sate from terrorists.  Ten secular Kentuckians charge that a law requires the office to show its gratitude to God is “breathtakingly unconstitutional.”  They say that they have too suffered anxiety form realizing that “their very safety as residents of Kentucky may be in the hands of fanatics, traitors or fools.”  Welcome to the “real world” folks, the rest of us been dealing with these bozo’s a long time before you decided to sue them.

Be All You Can Be …  Maybe You Will Live

More cannon fodder for the Emperor of Democracy.  Nothing brings out the best for Army recruiters than a recession, for the first time in recent history, the Army was able to realize recruitment goals and some 80,000 boys & girls signed up to serve.

More employment news.  Nearly 300,000 people have signed up or applied for the approximately 7,000 available jobs in the new Obama administration. That means that one out of every 42,000 applicants will be accepted, hey, that is almost as good as the Lottery.

No Room At The Inn

Hotels in Washington DC are rapidly filling up for the Barack Obama Jan inauguration, area college students have been renting out their dorm rooms for anywhere from $500 a night all the way up to $1500.

Been There … Done That …. Got The T-Shirt

Obama memorabilia continues to set all time records, if it has Obama on it, it will sell. Presidential plates, coins, t-shirts, you name it and it is going fast.  Consumers have already spent an estimated $200 million on Barack Obama merchandise, with another splurge expected around the inauguration.   The items being marketed with Obama’s likeness include mugs, stationary, posters, aprons, coasters, dog jerseys, and mouse pads.  Dog Jerseys?  Ah c’mon.

The Check Isn’t In The Mail

The Donald (Mr. Trump) has missed his interest note payment on a $53 million in bonds this week, throwing the company’s survival into question.  So it appears that all of this is kind of trickling down, even the super rich are now feeling the crunch.  The Donald has done this before, this is not his first rodeo when it comes to bankruptcy.

Happens to all of us sooner or later I guess, all of us power-broker A-Types we have our problems.  Did I ever tell you about the time me and the cable company we went head to head on this  … Oh I did, sorry.

When a preachers car broke down, he walked into a neighborhood bar to use the pay phone in order to call a tow truck.  At the bar, was his friend, Frank, drunk and shabbily dressed.  “What happened to you, Frank?” asked the good reverend.  “You used to be rich.”

Frank then unloaded his sad tale of woe, and told of bad investments in the real estate market, his shares evaporating on the New York Stock Market, his Wall Street losses.  The preacher listened intently to his story and at conclusion said to Frank, “I want you to go home, sober up, open up your Bible and you will find God’s answer there.”

So Frank agreed, and left the bar.  Some time later, the preacher bumped into Frank, who was wearing Gucci Shoes, sporting a new Rolex watch, and had just stepped out of a brand new Mercedes.  “Frank” said the preacher, “I am so glad to see things really turned around for you.”

“Yes preacher, I owe it all to you” said Frank.  “I did as you said, I went home, I sobered up, made some coffee, sat down with my bible.  And just as you said, the answer was there.”

The preacher being curious inquired, “Oh, and how was that.”  His friend replied, “I just sat down, grabbed my bible, and opened it up and there was the answer … Chapter 11.”

So there you go, answers to absorbing questions of the day.

One last thing.  Underneath the eyebrow is a bump, and if it’s hit with something, the eyebrow cushions the blow.  It is believe that early humans actually had thicker eyebrows, which provided more padding.

“This is always handy when you come up with your hand at a rapid rate of speed, and smack yourself on the forehead, and then exclaim …. We can just bail out everybody!  Why didn’t I think of that?”

That … Boys & Girls … is why we have eyebrows and of course, the stock market.

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At A Glance

By The Numbers

In the wake of Barack Obama’s election as president a record number of American’s are optimistic that relations between blacks and whites in America will improve.  67% said racial problems would eventually be worked out, while 30% said race would always be a problem in America, and the remaining 3% in the swamps of the Everglades could not be reached for comment.

By a margin of 55% to 37% most are Americans are not confident that Iraq will be successful in developing a stable and “reasonably democratic” government.  A significant number of Americans, 37% still believe that Iaq was in possession of weapons of mass destruction when the U.S. invaded in 2003.

Sign Here and Trust Me

Hong Kong – Asia’s richest woman allegedly gave away her multi-billion-US-dollar fortune to a Hong Kong feng shui master in return for a promise of eternal life.  Nina Wang, who died of cancer last year at age 69, signed over her vast fortune to previously unknown feng shui master as a result of the promise, a lawyer quoted by the South China Morning Post said.

The claim was made by a barrister for the late billionaire’s charitable foundation in a preliminary hearing Monday to challenge the will.  Well, I hope so, geeeze.

Phylis used to do that but they laid her off last year.

(Any resemblance to anyone living or dead named Phylis is purely coincidental.  Lawyer boys said for me to put that in there … Hah!)

Phoenix Arizona – Arizonans who have lost their jobs will have to wait nearly a month to get their first unemployment benefits. Normal wait time is 10 days. The delays are because of a surge in applicants and a lack of workers processing claims. Last week, the state received more than 9,100 first-time unemployment claims, more than double in the same week a year ago.

Get Out And Pick Up Your Trash

Louisville, Kentucky – James Gissendaner, 47, said he gathered nearly 1,000 campaign signs that were incorrectly placed in state rights of way – such as the area between sidewalks and roads, or the medians separating traffic lanes.

The final batch of more than 300 signs, from Republican and Democratic candidates, went to a city facility that will hold them for 30 days then offer them back to the candidates.  Also trash related, the Federal government reports that they pick up “nine times the national average in trash alongside Oklahoma Interstate highways” what does that tell you about the people that live in Oklahoma.  Here is a clue …. “Oink-Oink.”

Three Years For Your Thoughts

Santa Fe, New Mexico – A jury found a Japanese man guilty but mentally ill in the stabbing of an English biologist who was speaking on “thought transference” during an international conference. The verdict requires the state to treat Kazuki Hirano, 34, if he is incarcerated. Hirano accused the victim of controlling his thoughts. Hirano faces up to three years behind bars.

No Happy Trails In Utah

Logan Utah – People aren’t the only ones to suffer in this lousy economy.  Cache County has a growing population of abandoned horses because of tough economic times and the loss of horse processing facilities, according to equine experts. Utah State University veterinarian Kerry Rood said some owners mistakenly think an abandoned horse will adapt, but most horses are unable to find enough food.

New Math In The Sunshine State

Naples, Florida – The Collier County school district has replaced zero with 50 as the lowest score an elementary school student can get on an assignment. Officials said zeros are punitive and rarely reflect a student’s overall abilities. The union that represents most of the district’s teachers said the new scoring system undermines teachers’ credibility.

The last time Cup Cake and I had problems with “zero’s” was when that plumber came by, looked at the work to be done, and then whispered to the idiot kid assistant with him …. “Go out to the truck and fetch me some zero’s for this estimate.”

(Any resemblance to anyone living or dead who is or has been described as an idiot is purely coincidental)

Hide it in there somewhere … They won’t notice at all.

In case you missed this story in Creative Endeavors the other day, USA Today writes “Airlines last week eliminated or significantly lowered fuel surcharges for tens of thousands of domestic fares, but consumers are not paying less for most tickets.  We have seen a tectonic shift in domestic airfares, but it’s not great news for consumers, because the major airlines have, for the most part, simply shifted the surcharge amount into the base airfare,”  I swear it is almost as if they are reading my mind.  Check out the full story online.

Bad Taste

Now I am not a big fan of Sarah Palin, but writing articles on “her children s underwear?”  C’mon, give me a break.  That is just lame, downright lame.  That isn’t news.  What a crock that is.  Link is here. Be sure to look at comment #2 it is a hoot.  Today’s big story on the CNN Political line is how the Bush people sent out a Christmas card to a bunch of Jewish folks with a Christmas tree on it.  (Which in some circles would be considered offensive)  This is news?

Give us a break, find some news or just be quiet.  How about an article on the ghosts that live in the White House, the fundead of Washington DC.  Corpses who walk around at night with lampshades on their heads.  Yeah that would be news.

Bad Roads … Even Badder News.

SEATTLE, Washington – Expect a bumpier drive. An asphalt shortage is delaying road maintenance projects in communities nationwide. Asphalt is becoming scarce as U.S. refiners overhaul their equipment to maximize output of highly profitable fuels such as diesel and gasoline, using inexpensive — and hard to process — crude oil.

Meanwhile rumors are circulating that Exxon has sent representatives nationwide to seek out old drive in theaters because the understand a lot of there was a lot of ass felt there in the eighties ….. Wait that is not right.

(Any resemblance to anyone living or dead who ever went to a drive in and in the backseat had their … Oh never mind!)

There you go … All the news that is fit to be in print, or causes fits in print.

You be the judge, I am now going to retire to the TV Room and wait on a “settlement” of my bird and my stuffing

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Garbled Viewpoint

Scratch N Sniff Bandits Strike Again

DALLAS Texas – A man has proven that you can never have too much underwear when he stole more than 130 pairs of panties from a Victoria’s Secret store.  The Dallas Morning News reported online Tuesday that a man snatched $1,067 worth of underwear from a table at the Dallas store Monday. A police report says a female accomplice held open the door during the theft and both sped away in a green car.  The report did not indicate what styles or sizes were stolen.

Don’t Forget Your Coupons

Coeur d’Alene Idaho – Law enforcement agents are offering $25 grocery gift cards to people who turn in burglary suspects before Thanksgiving. The Kootenai County branch of Crime Stoppers of the Inland Northwest is looking for five suspects in recent burglaries and is offering the grocery cards to sweeten regular cash rewards of up to $1,000.  CATCH A TURKEY – WIN A TURKEY …. What a concept.

Locked Down and Lonesome

Paducah, Kentucky – A state prisoner serving a four-year sentence for theft returned to the McCracken County Regional Jail a few hours after he escaped from a cleanup detail. Authorities said Chad Toy, 21, told them he was influenced by family members who feared for his safety. He returned still wearing his orange jump suit.

What a classy move

The auto exec’s all flew into Washington this week in “private jets” to beg for money and a possible bail out.  Now that is an austerity program for the rich if I ever saw one.  Meanwhile, our beloved Chief Executive has done rather well in this lucrative money-pit of tax payer dollars.  It is estimated that Bush will leave the White House with an estimated net worth of some $21 million, not a bad payday, for a sorry job and a proven underachiever. This is the problem with America, we know the price of everything but not the value of nothing.

Thank You For Sharing That

Brad Pitt on fatherhood in an interview on today’s Oprah Winfrey Show says “I am impervious to poo, snot, urine, and vomit.”  Man that sure helped me get my breakfast burrito down, thanks a lot.  Gee whiz Poppa-Pitt show a little class.  Rosie O’Donnell is coming to NBC for another round of “please tune in and allow me to share my rancid life history with you” check your local listings.  Wonder if Barbara Walters is gonna watch?  Another one of Hugh Heffner’s girlfriends is leaving him to marry a younger guy … I think he is sixty.

He-Said – She-Said

Silverton Oregon has the nation’s first transgender mayor.  His/Her highness wears women’s clothes and has breast implants.  By not hiding his cross-dressing from the public he said “I have blackmail-proofed myself.”  Wonder which bathroom he uses at City Hall … Just thinking outside the box y’all.

Myopia in Texas (Where else?)

The Terrell, Texas, Tribune did not even mention in its Nov. 5th edition that Barack Obama had won the presidential election because it was not local news.  “We covered the local commissioner’s race” said the editor, “We thought that was more important.”  Texas is the only state in the nation that executes the mentally insane and also elects them to the highest office in the land.

Look out below

Now this is something everyone in New Jersey can take pride in.  Councilman Steven Lipsid, who was arrested at a Grateful Dead Concert for urinating off the balcony onto the crowd below.  The 44-year old politician said that he had “resolved not to touch alcohol again.”  See what happens when you get a good deal on cheap seats at a concert?

More Nakid News

Tell me that I don’t know my reader base?  Twelve participants in the Boulder, Colorado annual Naked Pumpkin Run may be forced to register as sex offenders.  As 150 revelers ran naked through the streets of Boulder wearing pumpkins on their heads (I am not making this up – I swear!) the police arrested 12 on charges of indecent exposure.  “I was thinking a minor fine or community service, not thinking of sex offender.” Said one arrested 23 year old.  I believe the key word in that statement would be “not thinking.”  If convicted, I think they ought to have to write and answer the Comments Section at Creative Endeavors for at least ninety-days, that would be good community service.

Back To Law & Order

Former Sen. Fred Thompson is going back to starring on TV after his foray into Republican presidential politics over the last year.  Thompson, best known on TV for his role as a gruff district attorney on NBC’s Law & Order, dropped out of the crowded Republican primaries in January after his much-anticipated presidential campaign failed to gain strong support among conservatives.

Val Kilmer (I think he was that Bat Man guy) is officially weighing a run for Governor of New Mexico approaching it as a worthy, serious matter (that is a delightful change of pace).  The 48 year old actor said he would be “very comfortable” in the position.  Here lately that position is mostly called “bending over’ if you are in politics.

No word on Vanilla Ice, Mr. T or anyone else, but I understand Hasselhoff is staying on America Has Talent. It is also rumored that George Wubya Bush is now considering “acting lessons when they settle down in Dallas” later on this year.

One thing is for sure … They should not have a problem locating a new house or an old one for that matter.

Have A Great Weekend.

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Above all that

Alaska, somewhere north of the fortieth parallel …. Guilty as charged.

Alaskan Senator, Ted Stevens recently convicted on all seven counts by a jury in Alaska, vowed to “fight this with every ounce of energy I have.”  Which is kind of ironic, as it was his close personal relationship with an ENERGY CEO that got him in all this hot water to begin with.  Why is it that politicians seem to think that they are bound over by a different set of rules and guidelines than the rest of us.  What is it that makes them believe they are above the law?

Kind of like all these people who sit at stoplights at busy intersections, and pick their nose while waiting for the light, do they really believe they are invisible and the rest of us cannot see them?

Kailua-Kona Hawaii

The best bargain at the Salvation Army thrift store was a Richard Simmons videotape. But Mikela Mercier, 11, passed on buying it for a few coins after she found $1,000 in $100 bills inside. Mikela immediately told her mother they needed to turn the tape in. Store manager Jimmy Thennes praised Mikela for her honesty.  No word from Richard Simmons at this time.

DeWitt Nebraska

The Vise-Grips plant there will close permanently after Friday, ending about 70 years of operations and costing 330 jobs. Irwin Industrial Tools, which operates the plant, is moving operations to China to lower costs. William Petersen, a Danish immigrant, invented the tool nearly 90 years ago in DeWitt.  They ought to take a pair of ’em, and slap them on the crotch of the guy who thought up the idea of shipping American jobs overseas ….. and then sqeeeeeeeeeeze.

In other related Nebraska news, the state is now saying it is going to re-work its safe haven law.  People have been driving across state lines to drop off unwanted children, two dozen of them recently, one as old as 17 years of age.  The law, which took effect in July, prohibits guardians from being prosecuted for leaving a child at a hospital.

When Snow White dropped by last Tuesday and left five of the dwarfs, the governor declared that he had enough.  This law must be re-written to protect the original intent he declared.

Final Spin Cycle

Whirlpool is laying off 5,000 workers and DreamWorks isn’t making any movies …. We seem to be still hemorrhaging around the edges, has anyone noticed.  When will Washington figure out we cannot all deliver pizza’s to each other, some of us need jobs.

Here is the new official – unofficial policy …. We got the money ….. Now screw you.

There seems to be this “new attitude” by lenders and lending associations around the country.  Even though your credit is perfect, it certainly could be better, and now they are demanding just that.  Home loans are no longer a sure thing.  This is the new, dynamic landscape of mortgage lending today a new world in which even those with good credit are having trouble getting mortgages or the loan terms that they want.

All this at a time when politicians and economists are wanting to reduce bloated inventories in most cities, that are prone to fail.  Compliments of our good friends, the bankers, the only people in the world who can understand the concept of eleven windows …. And three tellers.

Chicken to go

Paris Kentucky — When a Chicken Ranch restaurant employee found her boss lying in an apparent pool of blood, she ran out screaming and called police. But the scenario was a Halloween prank by Joe Watkins, police said. The worker may have the last laugh; police charged Watkins with making a false report to lure her to the scene.

Chillin In Cheyenne

Cheyenne Wyoming — Natural gas prices were so high this summer that regulators warned heating prices in January 2009 could be as much as 79% higher than in January 2008.  But Darrell Zlomke, assistant state Public Service Commission administrator, says now that falling natural-gas wholesale prices suggest the increase is more likely to be about 33%.  That is the bad news, now here is the good.  The used furniture for firewood program seems to be holding on low prices in the area.

Now will everyone who got a 33% raise in wages this year, please raise your hand ….  Thought so.

The warming effects of Global Warming are affecting flowers, animals in Yellowstone and they are starting to disappear.  Studies are now showing that the warming of the Earth’s atmosphere over the past few decades has caused a loss of many the flower that Henry David Thoreau reordered in his book Walden and also has contributed to a decline in several species’ of native animals once common in Yellowstone.

Two headed fish in the Frazier River in Canada, frogs disappearing in the United States and around the world, species that have been actively protected for most of our lives, are going into severe decline.

Now tell me about “Clean Coal” again … I am confused.

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Liberal Tree Huggers

Now the Obammer Camp says that they are packing it in on the “Not So Official Seal,” which seems to be the talk of the town here lately. The seal, with its blue background and an eagle in the center clutching arrows and an olive branch, evoked the official presidential version, but had been altered with a new Latin phrase.

Instead of the original “E pluribus unum,” which means, “Out of many, one.” Obama’s campaign changed the phrase to “Vero possumus,” which can be roughly translated to his “Yes, we can” slogan.

Now here at Creative Endeavors we are mainly into English, not all this other uppity crap, but we will give it a shot. Illegitimi non carborundum (Don’t let the bastards grind you down).

Doesn’t anyone in this country speak English anymore?

Mixed in all this garbage I keep hearing the words “Liberal and Tree Hugger” tossed about in a disparaging manner, and personally, I am getting tired of it. If it were not for liberals we might still be mired in a far away place called Viet Nam, and a host of other benefits, created by free thinking individuals.

As I reside in a state that has been raped, polluted, and ravaged by Big Oil, I can attest to their callous disregard for the country and the land. In our state, we have a company, the Oklahoma Energy Resources Board (I believe that is the name of it). This company has one job, it has only one main reason for existing, and that mission is to go out and clean up abandoned well sites and old oil facilities that the oil companies walked away from in years past.

We need Tree Huggers, and I am kind of glad they are around myself.

Pitcher Oklahoma is one of the largest major Super Fund Clean Up Sites in America, it wasn’t big oil there, it was mining companies who pillaged the area and turned it basically into a lethal cesspool of just about every chemical known to man.

Let’s face it, If it were not for all these radical liberals and tree huggers, there wouldn’t be a green tree or flower within fifty miles of this place.

Right now scientists are studying a “dead zone” in the Gulf Of Mexico that is huge, all caused by man made pollution flowing down the Mississippi River. Can you imagine what type of lethal witches’ brew of chemicals, fertilizers, animal waste, gas, oil that is floating downriver right now headed for the Gulf Of Mexico because of the recent flooding in the Midwest.

This summer swing by West Virginia, Tennessee, some parts of Kentucky and observe how the coal companies have taken off the tops of entire mountains to get to the coal underneath.  Look at the dead creeks polluted with coal slurry from ponds that were not maintained.

Stop and consider the ramifications of the recent floods in the midwest.  How many years is it going to take to get the soil back to being even half-way productive in the Corn Belt of America after this recent flooding.  It boggles the mind.

Personally I am glad we have Tree Huggers, I am not a liberal in any way shape, form or manner, but I still believe they are somewhat necessary.  We have a lot of good things brought to us by the actions of Liberal’s .

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