News Of The Weird

I was supposed to post this on Friday, but a family member lost her bout with Cancer and died this weekend.  Her name was Cecil Marie Bennett and she was my aunt.  This is why this did not make it on Friday.  In memory of Marie, I post this, and trust that she is now in a pain free place, and a better all around world than the one she left.  She will be missed.

T.G.I.F. — YOU MADE IT.

Radio girl has been sending back all of these wonderful pictures of her vacation in Mexico, and doing pieces each day on who, what, when, where and why.  If you have not been checking in on them, you are missing out.  I am not in Mexico, and I am not sitting in the sun drinking shooters and wiggling my toes in the sand.  I envy her.

Boxcar doesn’t drink anymore, perhaps imbibing on a “regular basis” would improve my disposition, but in the past I have found it to be more of a detrimental nature than a positive boost.

So now I just pass on the libations, a shot of butter milk in a clean glass is about as risqué as I get.  I no longer go out on Friday nite and “get drunk and be somebody” I just stay home and glean the TV Guide.  If I was perhaps fortunate enough to be in Mexico, this is where you would find me.  LAID BACK IN MEXICO

When I get up in the morning, that is about as good as I am going to feel all day long.  Having being a refugee or survivor from the sixties, it is now my desire, to finish out what is left of my life, sober, sane, and enjoying a pretty mundane lifestyle here in the Heart Land.

In other words, I am a fairly boring person, ask my therapist.

You can reach her by going thru my HMO her name is Isis Santori-Bernstein, she is a psychic and herbal-wrap therapist from Santa Barbara, California, but now lives here in the last vast bastion of good community living left in the United States of America …. Yukon, Oklahoma.

Joe the War Correspondent. Samuel Joseph Wurzelbacher, aka “Joe the Plumber,” is taking on a new job as a war correspondent. He is heading to Israel to cover the war for the conservative site PJTV.com. Wurzelbacher said his 10-day journey will help explain why Israeli forces are mounting attacks against Hamas:  I get to go over there and let their “Average Joes” share their story, what they think, how they feel – especially with, you know, world opinion. Maybe get a real story out there.

Watch it:  Last October, Wurzelbacher claimed that Obama’s victory would mean “death to Israel,” leading Fox News reporter Shep Smith to call him “frightening.” Wurzelbacher also questioned Obama’s loyalty to the U.S., and has justified the invasion and occupation of Iraq by claiming “it’s like someone coming to Jesus and becoming saved.”

Welcome home boys, thank you for your service to the country.

This cannot be true, but it apparently is.  In a change of regulations, the Pentagon began saving money by reducing “combat-injury” benefits for all except those wounded while actually fighting.  This, in examples offered by The Washington Post, Marine Cpl. James Dixon and Army Sgt. Lori Meshell were not entitled to full combat-injury coverage for their Iraq wounds.  Dixon from a roadside IED bomb and a land mine, and Meshell while diving for cover during a mortar attack.

Because neither was “actually fighting” at the time, the Pentagon says that they do not qualify.  Dixon who was denied some $16,000 recently won a reversal on his claim, and Meschell, who is drawing $1200 a month because of the change is still appealing.  And Bush stands at the podium and accepts an award from our armed services and thanks the boys (two weeks ago) and then there is this ….. What a crock.

Lousy week for comments.

I don’t know what it is, but I can leave a comment somewhere, and I suppose they come back and look me over (check the link) and then I do not get posted for some reason?  It could be that they think I am fishing for hits, which is a real hoot, when we consistently average something like 8-10k per day in visitors.

We don’t have to Phish for hits.

This week I have posted at least 8-10 comments and not one of those suckers made it thru.  All of them being totally benign and nothing of a controversial nature.  I am starting to get paranoid about all this.  Most of my posts here on WordPress.com are not being posted where they are sent, and that is hacking me off.  About one in three make it where they are “supposed to go” and that is irritating.  Thanks a lot WordPress.com. and now I have this comments thing going down.

Hello, welcome to http://www.Ihatebothofmyparentsandmostoftheworldtoo.com.

Please share your thought on issues, after writing your message press the “post comments” button, fill in the super secret random code of letters that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever, hit your refresh browser button, stick your right finger in your left ear, click your heels together three times and make a wish … We will hold your comment in moderation until roughly when Hell Freeze’s over or until the Boston Red Sox or Detroit Lions, win a national championship, whichever comes first.

Sorry, as it is my nature to share, I thought I would give that to you to take with you for the weekend.

Finally men shoppers in Tokyo.  The Wishroom lingerie shop on Japan’s Internet shopping mall Rakuren announced that it had already sold more than 300 of its new bras specially madE for men (yes, you read that right, I said for “men” about $30 each girls, eat your hearts out girls!) since the product was launched earlier this year.  A Wishroom official told a reporter that “We’ve been getting feedback from our customers saying “We have been waiting for this for a long time.”

Warning:  This is not pretty.

Our comment lines are now open and we have operators standing by to take your remarks, all of you whose names start with A thru M are invited to dive in and voice your best.

Have a good weekend.

000

“The cartoon courtesy of Center for American Progress” (online)

Litin’ Up

My website grader says I have too many pictures on my site, it will slow down the process of loading, and therefore, it is not a good idea.  I say “be patient” it is worth the wait, besides, I like the pictures.

It’s that time of year once again: The summer sun has slipped away, brittle leaves waltz, and winter waits to cloak us in its dark, cold hood.  The wind across the American Prairie has picked up and is tearing at the corner of your eye, parts of Amarillo blow into town every other day, and you just know, winter cannot be far away.

The easy days of light and freedom are behind us, and now we gather ’round for a season of more serious celebrations — our yearly time to burrow in, reconnect, contemplate. and of course, lite the heater, man I just love the smell of burnt rust filling the home.

Nothing says change of season better than the smell of burnt rust, and of course, the sound of Christmas Music playing in the local stores.

No Confidence.

Sarah Palin’s Alaskan paper has endorsed Obammer for President, how embarrassing is that? You cannot even muster up enough support in your home state for a vote of confidence. Fact of life, in medieval times, Europeans burned witches at the stake, and the families had to pay for the firewood. Now days we take them to Neiman Marcus in Dallas, spend a couple of hundred grand on them and elect them to office.

Eight more days and then all the serf’s can go down to register their protest and vote in the next king for the kingdom. It has deteriorated so badly we are now electing people who will not furnish proof of citizenship to the highest office in the land.

Don’t Vote For Anyone.

One stronghold of “common sense” has been located over the weekend.  In Wisconsin.  Madison, the state’s largest farm lobby won’t endorse anyone for president. The 42,000-member Wisconsin Farm Bureau Federation’s lobbyist, Paul Zimmerman, said the decision was based on members’ mixed reactions to its endorsement of George W. Bush in 2004 – the first time the group made such a move. Just when you were thoroughly convinced that the voting populace had lost their collective minds, a ray of hope appears on the horizon.

Monkey See Monkey Do.

The popularity of Joe The Plumber has finally been noticed by the Barack Obamma people and now they are going to put their own spin on it with, they are going to feature their own personalities in commercials, Joe The Mobster, Jeremiah The American Hating Preacher.  Watch for it on a station near you.  Fidel Castro has endorsed Obammer for President, afterwards Obammer just shrugged it off and said “that he was just some guy who lived in the neighborhood.” So much for the “Messiah News.” … The Second Return of JC. (Second Return of Jimmy Carter)

Getting Out The Vote.

Washington state sent 24,000 ballots to felons who were not allowed to vote, and apparently sent these same felons, invitations to Obammers inauguration as well.  In a recent poll, McSame leads Obammer some 9% with people who display the American Flag.  But on the same token, Obammer does lead McSame by people who burn the American flag.  A group of lawyers has successfully blocked the release of the movie “Hanoi Hilton” until after the election.  We surely do not want Hollywood trying to influence an election not in this day and age.

What’s Your Problem.

Best Buy evidently has put out a new logo which will accurately help to improve the company’s surly image.  It is a picture of a teenager rolling his eyes and looking towards the ceiling when a customer asks him …. “Can you tell me where the DVD’s are?”

Cough it up

Panhandlers in an eastern Tennessee city (Chattanooga) pay fines and court costs at a low rate, with about 3% in the last 18 months.  Apparently the street beggars in that city are somewhat reluctant to pay their fines.  The Chattanooga Times Free Press reported Sunday Chattanooga City Court has collected only $279.75 of the $8,958.75 of the fines and court costs levied since the City Council expanded downtown’s no-panhandling zone in May 2007.  The paper reported, there’s essentially nothing the city can do to force the payments or punish non-payers more severely.

Let’s see, your employer laid you off, your 401K vaporized, you lost your home and now you are living on the street, under an overpass, in a comfortable cardboard appliance carton, and all of your belongings are in a shoppin’ cart.  How could they possibly punish you any more?

Dressed in red, white and blue, drag queen Gina Maseratti walked down Southard Street in Key West asking Fantasy Fest revelers for their support: `Vote for Maseratti, your next president.” What’s her platform? ”High heels,” she said. `It’s all about the shoes.”

On a more serious note, Maseratti explained: `I’m a member of the Drag party: Drastic Reform of American Government. I’ll save you on money because I can be president, vice president and First Lady all in one.”

Do You Want A Bong With That? Rocky Mountain High.

A Lakewood couple found a small bag of marijuana in a bag of food picked up at the drive-in of a Del Taco Restaurant.  Twenty-six-year-old Dennis Klermund, who police say waited on the husband who stopped at the restaurant Oct. 16, faces possession of marijuana and drug paraphernalia. Steve Davis on Saturday said the couple called police after discovering the bag with their food order.

An officer said Klermund initially denied any knowledge but when a search dog found the drug in a locker, admitted the baggie was meant for a friend. Restaurant Ulises Montero said Klermund no longer works there. A message left for Klermund was not immediately returned.

The best for last.

Joe Scarborough, a commentator for MSNBC, failed to check his facts when he reported that California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger had advocated destroying the moon. Scarborough quoted Schwarzenegger as saying, “If we get rid of the moon, women … those menstrual cycles are governed by the moon … will not get PMS. They will stop whining.”

Scarborough then chided Schwarzenegger for insensitivity, saying: “I don’t know how it works in Austria, but let me tell you something, friend. Jokes about such matters are not laughing subjects to women in America.”

It turned out however, that the statement was not being made by Schwarzenegger but rather by an impersonator who appeared on the Howard Stern Radio Show. Eleven days later, Scarborough apologized to viewers for “my terrible mistake. Anyone who relies on the Howard Stern show for information is an idiot; you would be better off sticking with Email.

000

Enhanced Average Joe

Thought it was going to be a slow day, but it finally appeared. The first totally ridiculous statement of the morning.

I heard one today I had never heard before, “enhance the male experience” now that has to be a first. I have heard it called a lot of things during the course of my years, but I have to admit.

I have never heard it called that.

“Honey, come on in here, so we can enhance the male experience! Aw C’mon sugar, you have to be here for some of it. Please?”

Best I move on.

Can we build one for you?

The automakers are really starting to cry the blues. Many of them won’t survive what is left of this year. Almost 600 of the 2,000 dealers nationwide are out of business now, and they are losing about two dealers per day to lagging sales. General Motors credit arm GMAC now requires a credit score of 700 or better to finance a new car.  This is what happens to you when you consistently build vannila wafer, cookie cutter, fuel gulping cars … you slowly die.

Packin’ Heat In Oklahoma.

Gun advocates in Oklahoma want laws to allow carrying guns in plain sight. In Oklahoma residents can get permits to carry concealed weapons but cannot display guns openly. A signature drive is trying to change that. I suppose this means we will not be allowed to bring them to church?

A man ran for the office of sheriff in a small Oklahoma town. The day after the election he was spotted walking down the street, with a firearm strapped to his right hip. His neighbor said to him, “Carl, how come you are a packing that pistol, you lost that election for sheriff yesterday.” And he just smiled and replied, “A man with as many friends as I have in this town, ought to be wearing a gun.”

Listen up! Do we have a deal for you!

Campaign seeks next “Joe The Plumber.” Are you the Joe the plumber type? A regular American who doesn’t want Barack Obama to be president? If so, Republican nominee John McCain’s campaign wants to hear your story, in the form of a 30 second video that might be used as one of their television ads.

Now I can hear you giggling and snickering in the background and you are not buying a word of it. But it is true (Have you ever known me to lie to you? Don’t answer that question.) McCains team announced an “I’m Joe The Plumber” contest. Go to johnmccain.com for details.

You could be the next average Joe to be chewed up and spit out by the Political Machine! Is this truly the land of opportunity or what?

We are all about labeling in this country, they are looking for “Average American’s” by their own admission but refer to them as Plumber Joe’s. Why is it we do this crap. Why is it that no one ever questions the use of thoroughly unnecessary terms such as “African American, Asian American, Hispanic American, to name a few.”

We are all Americans and we are not all plumbers.

Take me for instance, how come no one is looking for “Average-Angry-White-Taxpaying-Guy” because that is what I am … don’t know a thing about plumbing and that is a fact. A nation of people who cannot agree to speak the same language, make up modifiers to describe their brothers and sisters.

It’s easy take a shot at it: Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.  See, nothin to it.

How Do They Keep Their Shirts On With That Big Heart

Akron Ohio … “Who says big biz and the government don’t have a heart? Mortgage giant Fannie Mac this week said it would forgive the debt of a 90-year old woman who shot herself in the chest to avoid being evicted. She shot herself after deputies came to evict her from the home in which she had lived for some 40 years.

Book ’em Dano … Murder One.

Los Angeles California City police officers are more likely to stop and search black and Hispanic residents than they are whites, even though whites are more often found carrying guns and contraband, according to a report released by the American Civil Liberties Union of Southern California.

Only in California.

This is the same state that in 1989 had two school districts ban the book Little Red Riding Hood by the Brothers Grim. Was it because the Big Bad Wolf’s consumption of people seemed too violent? Nope. School officials thought the story might encourage children to drink because it depicts a bottle of wine in the basket Red takes to her grandmother.

You buy your tickets … Take Your Chances

Richmond Virginia. A technical problem with a new Virginia Lottery game may have led hundreds of players to believe they won bigger prizes than they did. Lottery officials caught the mistake in its Fast Play Super 7’s game after more than 2,300 tickets were sold. Officials blamed a software problem for the misprinted tickets and asked the Attorney General’s Office whether they must pay the expected prizes.

And finally, Green River Wyoming.

Sweetwater County is considering an ordinance that would spell out where sex shops could operate. The proposal also would prohibit sexually oriented businesses from advertising on signs placed on vehicles. Outrage over a sex shop sign posted on an abandoned school bus prompted the proposed changes. A sex shop is where you go to buy products that artificially enhance the male experience or fulfill your rubber fetish, whichever comes first.

Now if Y’all will excuse me, I need to go clean my gun (the one that does not require any kind of enhancement that is).

000

Parting shot: “It is useless to hold a person to anything he says while he’s in love, drunk, or running for public office.”


Poor Joe The Plumber

Must have been a great outside weather weekend, I note that we did not receive that many visitors to the site over the past couple of days. The news has been nothing short of terrible here lately, perhaps everyone just kicked back and got drunk, I dunno.

But alas, don’t give up, hope is on the horizon!

I see where President Bush has announced that he is going to “host an economic summit in the United States” to inform the other countries around the world on the present economic situation. Which is kind of tantamount to sending a fox into the chicken coop to watch the chickens if you ask me. When they announced this on TV this weekend, the first thought that ran thru my mind was Robert Oppeinhimer (sp), The Father Of The Atomic Bomb. When watching the first detonation of the weapon he commented, “I am death, the conqueror of worlds.”

Which is what Bush is to anything remotely connected to economics.

Our president, is the Dr. Kevorkian of economics’ (Dr. Kevorkian is what is known in this country as the Suicide Doctor, he assists people who wish to die). Which brings me to my next thought, “If Mr. Bush is the Dr. Kevorkian of economics’ and he assists you and your economy still thrives despite his well intentioned efforts …. Can you sue him for malpractice?”

If you have not been living in a cave somewhere or off the planet recently then you are aware of our Poor Plumber Joe.

I appears that “Plumber Joe” kind of stepped in it. He mistakenly assumed that because he was attending a political rally, and he was here in this country, that he could ask a question of a candidate at a public function. He instead found out that it is another totally different world than the one he lived in.

This is what happens when you try and cross over from your realm (reality, life, taxes) into their world (Politics’, elite, chosen and privileged) you can find yourself being ground up fairly quickly by the machine. Joe figured he “had the right” to step up at a political meeting and ask a question of his leadership, this was of course, wrong.

This is an arena that if you are not a player is very dangerous. Plumber Joe found out rapidly as things started to disintegrate in his world that in politics, you either suck your way in or you are invited, but you do not, just cross over. This is their world, and they are very protective of it. Now his life is being dissected much like a frog in biology class, one item at a time, and he is being fed into the media grinder.

Not a good weekend for Plumber Joe.  Or as Dr. Phil would say … “What were you thinkin?”

It was announced that he really doesn’t have a plumber’s lic. which is bad, because it is required where he lives (he said he is studying for it), and that he owed $1,298.00 in back taxes to the I.R.S. And that he was a half-cousin to …… oh well, you get the picture, don’tcha? The media jumped on this guy faster than a pit bull at a mailman convention, poor Joe.

Three men were on there way to a political meeting when their automobile broke down. One was a butcher, a plumber and a politician. They went to a farmer’s home and asked if he could put them up for the night. The farmer agreed, but stipulated that one of them would have to sleep in the barn, as he only had room for two in the house. The butcher said, that is not a problem, I will sleep in the barn.

So he went off to sleep in the barn, and the other two men stayed in the house.

After a short while, there was a knock on the door. The farmer opened the door and there stood the butcher. He said, “Y’know I have smelled a lot of rank things in my life, bad meat, rotten food, stuff like that. But I cannot stand the smell in that barn.”

So the plumber told the farmer, “That is okay, I will go out there.” This was okay for about 45 minutes, and then again, there was a knock on the door. The farmer opened the door and there stood the plumber and he said, “I have smelled a lot of nasty things in my career, septic tanks, clogged sewers, you name it. But I cannot stand that smell.”

So the politician volunteered to go out to the barn. Same deal, about thirty minutes later, a knock on the door, and the farmer opened it up and there were ALL THE ANIMALS FROM THE BARN standing at his door.

It now appears that the much ballyhoo’ed era of change has arrived sooner than expected in America.

Now it seems very likely that we are no longer allowed to even ask a question of our political wanna-be’s. Bush effectively squelched the “free speech issue” by banning protests within five miles of anywhere he speaks, and now we have this.

Which is for lack of a better word … just downright sad.

Kind of like the guy who stood up to Premier Putin recently at the Russian Assembly and said, “Sir, my name is comrade Dobacheq, and I would like to know how come I have no heat in my Moscow apartment?” and Putin replied, “We will tell you next year.” So the following year, Dobacheq stood up and said, “Premier Putin, I would like to know, why there are no groceries in my local store?” and Putin replied, “we will tell you next year.”

The following year, another comrade stood up and he said, “Premier Putin, my name is comrade Mannski and I would like to know where comorade Dobacheq is?”

Now all you political neophytes who dream of “change.” Go back to your cheap seat, sit down and shut up.

This is America for cryin’ out loud.

000

Highlighting History

Here lately, a great many of our political hopefuls, presidential wanna-be’s and vice presidential what-evers have been running fast and loose with not only the facts, but our recent and past history. So I figured, what is good for the goose, is good for the gander and I have taken time today to correlate some history for all our readers.

The staff of Creative Endeavors and I got together over a period of several minutes, perhaps twenty-five or thirty, and came up with some interesting facts and history about our country for you in the spirit of the 2008 electorate.

On August 3rd,l 1492, Christopher Columbus set sail from Palos, Spain, on a voyage that took him to the present day America’s. Sailing on the Nina, the Pinta, and the Juilo Englasis, he arrived just before noon on a Friday. America at this time was basically a developing nation, a few Burger Kings, one or two Wal-Marts, but they were not Super Centers. There was visible evidence of many brush fires and incredible amounts of devastation everywhere. There was plenty of oil because cars had not been invented and we had no Congress.

In 1914, Germany declared war on France. France in retaliation, sent to Germany Rene Monette Anton Bush to convince local German governments to build replica’s of the Eiffel Tower and to give up this insane idea of war instead. To not service their women, tear down the French language, and to encourage them to drink more wine. This was quickly brushed aside for obvious reasons. She was promptly deported back to France as an illegal alien, and a undocumented speaker. Germany at that time, appropriated funds to build a fence to keep Frenchmen from entering their country.

In 1923, Calvin Coolidge was sworn in as the 30th President of the United States, following the defeat of Warren G. Harding. On this day Billy Raye Bushwhacker Sr. was defeated in the World College Bowl when he selected “History” for $100 and incorrectly answered the question …. “What Was WWII?” … with the answer …… some fish? NBC ran a story on if you yelled for 8 years and 7 months, some six days, you would produce enough energy to heat one cup of coffee. General Motors announced a new model of Chevy that got zero miles per gallon … but had lot’s of chrome.

In 1936, the State Department urged Americans in Spain to leave because of that country’s civil war. Oklahoma City started abandoning buildings in what is now called Brick Town because of rapid expansion to the suburbs. An Oklahoma court, on a suggestion of a local celebrity, granted custody of a ten year old Boy Scout to a 14 year old girl. This was promptly overturned by the local chapter of the ACLU.

In 1949, the National Basketball Association was formed despite the protests of the not yet formed NFL. The Oklahoma Representative in Congress announced that “for twenty five thousand dollars each, any lobbyist in the building (excluding Petroleum related industries) would be allowed to kiss him fully on the lips.” The University of Oklahoma announces that if you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, you would produce enough gas to create the energy of an atomic bomb. Which was quickly debunked by the Department of Defense. 1949 was a slow year, America did not attack anyone in the name of Democracy.

In 1958, the nuclear-powered submarine Nautilus became the first vessel to cross the North Pole underwater. A non candidate for any office, Billy Raye Bushwhacker Sr., meets with the heads of the state of England, France, Norway, Sweden and Germany at a family picnic in his backyard in Pecos Texas. He refuses to run on the “conservative” ticket, claiming that a race for Governor would negate his chances of being King or even God, someday in the near future.

Dick Clark turns sixteen years old …. Again.

In 1980, closing ceremonies were held in Moscow for the 1980 Summer Olympic Games, which had been boycotted by dozens of countries, including the United States. Ronald Reagan cannot remember if he approved the sale of arms to that place east of New Jersey. In a historic decision the Republican packed U.S. Supreme court rules that six apples in one sack is to be considered one item, this was a five to three vote. A new Republican protege comes on the scene, Billy Raye Bushwhacker Jr. enters Yale for his first year of c- studies.

In 1981, U.S. Air Traffic controller go on strike, despite a warning from President Reagan they would be fired. President Reagan then announces that at that time, the price of his souvenir beer mug has been reduced to on $3.99 and one building in Brick Town is being given consideration as a possible comedy club. No building permits or business licenses are issued after the Governor intervenes and declares “Living in Oklahoma is not funny.” Oklahoma University announces that a cat’s urine glows under a black light.  The practice of bathing in Swan Fat and Donkey Milk is declared illegal in 62 counties in Oklahoma and one U.S. protectorate south of Guam.

In 1988, the Soviet Union released Mathias Rust, the young West German pilot who had landed a light plane in Moscow’s Red Square in May 1987. Billy Raye Bushwhacker Jr. announces that for $500 a month, he will have breakfast with any registered Republican in the North Eastern Corridor of the United States. IBM announces that they have purchased space on the side of the Russian Station Miers for advertising and at a bargain price of only $18 million dollars. General Motors re-introduces the zero mileage car with lot’s of chrome.

In 1993, the Senate voted 96-3 to confirm Supreme Court nominee Ruth Bader Ginsburg. The national basketball association announces a new team in Florida to be known as the Incredibly Huge Bloodsucking Insects and will be home courted in Orlando. Bill Gates buys Guatemala and most of Honduras in a sweeping takeover bid. Judge Bork receives the “worst looking beard in the world award” by cast members of The View in 4 to 4 decision. He is subsequently is rejected from the court for oblivious reasons and in a related decision it is announced that it is no longer illegal to pray at Cock Fights, but you can still “make a wish, as long as you do not offend anyone else.”

In 1994, one day after Iraq invaded Kuwait, thousands of Iraqi soldiers pushed to within a few miles of the border with Saudi Arabia, heightening world concerns that the invasion could spread. A place called Chad dukes it out with some place called Libya and the arms race in America escalates. Stock in gunpowder and small arms increases exponentially and business is good on the NASDAC. People living north of the United States in Canada, tiring of their tree’s humming and glowing in the dark, demand that we do something about our acid rain. 1,200 dead people were discovered at a Neil Diamond concert in Michigan over the weekend.

Five years ago: OJ Simpson is hot on the trail of his wife killers, searching out every golf course in America. A 19 year old kid flies a Cessna airplane into Red Square and the Soviets are livid, Dick Cheney orders 6,000 Cessna airplanes for the U.S. Air Force. The Senate Transportation Committee recommends that all speed limits be increased nationwide to 80 MPH to help out the Saudi’s and it is increased, everywhere, except Oklahoma where all the roads are in disrepair or being patched. Judge Judy makes a definitive socially defining historic ruling on wrinkle creams being sold across the counter, that do not go deep enough to control crows feet in middle aged women.

One year ago: Congressional Republicans, shrugging off a presidential veto threat, nailed down the details of an agreement for a 10-year, $792 billion tax cut. Arbitrators ruled the government had to pay the heirs of Dallas dress maker Abraham Zapruder $16 million for his movie film that captured the assassination of President Kennedy. The first issue of Talk Magazine hit the newsstands and to celebrate this Congress passed a whopping pay raise (unanimously) in both houses.

Dick Clark turns …. Sixteen …. Again.

Which brings us to today: The Republican National Committee announces that so far, things have been pretty dull, so the handlers of Sara Palin have decided to allow her to speak. DVD sales in the United States reach record numbers. Joe the Plumber announces that he is depressed and constipated in Cleveland. Dick Cheney was to speak, but at his last public appearance he was interrupted 32 times by applause and two times by mild heart attacks. The Democrats have been declared legally brain dead in all but the swing states where the majority of the voters are still “not sure” and Joe Biden is strangely quiet.  Our second term soon to be gone President comes on television to announce that “the sap of a tree is a good conductor of rain and that is how you get electrocuted” while giving a press conference in the rose-garden in the rain.

And finally …. In an effort to clarify the new bailout proposal to the American people the political hopefuls came on PBS last night and laid out the proposal in a manner that was understandable by most of the population. In the spirit of Hillary and Good Time Bill it was patiently explained:

Once upon a time a man appeared in a village and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each. The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them. The man bought thousands at $10 and, as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He next announced that he would now buy monkeys at $20 each. The villagers renewed their efforts and started catching monkeys again.

Soon the supply diminished even further and people went back to their farms. The offer increased to $25 each and the supply of monkeys became so scarce it was an effort to even find a monkey, let alone catch it! The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50 each! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would buy on his behalf.

During the man’s absence, the assistant told the villagers “Look at all the monkeys in this big cage that the man has already collected. I will sell them to you at $35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell them to him for $50 each.”

The villagers rounded up all their savings and bought all the monkeys for 850 billion dollars. They never saw the man or his assistant again, only lots and lots of monkeys. Now you have a better understanding of how the WALL STREET BAILOUT PLAN WILL WORK!

History in a nutshell ……When Columbus started out for the New World, he didn’t know where he was going; when he would get there, when he got there, he didn’t know where it was he was; and when got back he didn’t know where had been.

Kind of points out what we all knew to begin with ….. History has an awful bad habit of repeating itself.

000

Thanx Jim in WA.


Say It Isn’t So Joe

A record 90 percent of voters say country is seriously off track. According to a new ABC poll, 90 percent of registered voters say the country is going in the wrong direction. Only 23 percent approve of President Bush. After the recent presidential debate someone on McSame’s bus was heard to say … “It’s 10pm, does anyone know what time it is?”

Given the global economic crisis, a record number of registered voters say the country is seriously off on the wrong track, the most since this question first was asked in 1973. At 23 percent, Bush’s job approval rating has fallen below Nixon’s lowest; it’s a point away from the lowest in 70 years of polling, set by Harry Truman in early 1952.

Bush’s disapproval, meanwhile, is at an all-time record — 73 percent. … Reflecting these economic worries, just 44 percent of Americans are confident they’ll have enough money to carry them through retirement. The other 56% are seriously worried about just making it to payday on next Tuesday.

This sure is getting tired and old at this point in the game, I mean, just elect “somebody” and get it over with.

John McSame and Obammer both promised and vowed a different kind of campaign. Yet this one has devolved into the tried and true: Destroy the enemy truth and fairness be damned.

Is this the way to lift up America during these most trying times.

Joe the Plumber = twenty references. Middle Class = True to form, zero.

McSame looked like McCranky this last go around, and unfortunately, not much was new.

One more disturbing item and then I will move on.  Doubt has been cast over the story of “Joe the plumber”, the man who unexpectedly became the star of this week’s US presidential debate. Joe Wurzelbacher, of Ohio, was thrown into the spotlight after he was used by John McCain as an example of who might suffer under Barack Obama’s tax plans.

But it now emerges he is not a licensed plumber and owes $1,200 in back taxes.

The complete article is here, including a short video interview with “our man Joe” at the end of article.  Groan. I am going to write a totally new version of history just like these bozo’s routinely offer us. I will call it Highlights in History, watch for it, coming to a webpage near you soon.

The folks from Somalia are back in the news. Requests by Muslims to pray at work in Grand Island, Nebraska and Colorado, have led to clashes with employers who say they cannot accommodate the strictly scheduled prayers.

Requests by Muslims to pray at work, have led to clashes with employers who say they cannot apease the meat cutting religious zealots.

The conflicts raise questions about religious rights on the job. Muslims say they are being discriminated against and are taking their complaints to the courts and the federal government.

Employers say the time out for prayer can burden other workers and disrupt operations.  The conflicts raise questions about religious rights on the job. Muslims are the most vocal complainers of all the religions in the united states.  This is the best part of the article, “As he voiced his complaints through a translator.”

Here is a novel idea, “if you don’t like it here, why not pack up your sorry butt and go back to the Middle East and you can pray there all you want. That is, when you are not ducking and looking for cover.”

East Brunswick, N.J., football coach Marcus Borden has filed a petition with the U.S. Supreme Court for a review of a federal appeals court ruling that prohibits him from participating in team prayer. Borden’s case began, when in 2005, he was told by school administrators not to lead his players in a team prayer.

Borden is asking the court to review an April ruling from the U.S. 3rd Circuit Court of Appeals. The appeals panel had reversed a 2006 ruling that said Borden and other public school coaches could silently bow their heads and “take a knee” with players as their teams prayed.

Down here, in the states of Texas, Oklahoma, Louisiana, we pray before Friday Night Football and we don’t think anything about it, but then again, we live in America, not where the rest of these folks apparently live.

Des Moines, Iowa. Operating room nurse Pauline Taylor knows her refusal to get a flu shot is based on faulty logic. But ever since she got sick after getting a shot a few years ago, she’s sworn off the vaccine. “I rarely get sick. The only thing I could narrow it down to is that I had gotten this shot,” said Taylor, who works at University Hospitals and Clinics in Iowa City.

“I know that it’s not a live virus. It just seemed pretty coincidental. Such stories frustrate me, the poor sap, who has to be handled by these so-called “health workers” who do not bother to get a shot. A surprising statistic — nearly 60% of health care workers fail to get a flu shot.

Now don’t get me wrong, nurses have worked hard to advance their profession and dispite some sexist myths do a great job. Portraying nurses as empty-headed bimbos demeans their important work and the education and skills it demands.

As I am old and somewhat bent out of shape ninety-two-point five percent of the time, I desire clean and healthy hands on my body at all times …. Aw what the hey, who am I kidding ….. I’ll take clean hands on my body at any time.

Be Nice – Play Fair – Share.

Civility lessons for the commuter. The Boston-area transit system has placed posters on 600 subway cars and 400 buses, reminding riders to pick up trash, tone it down on the phone, offer seats to those who need them, and let people off trains before getting on themselves. Officials said complaints about poor manners have increased along with rider-ship on MBTA buses and trolleys lately. It is a pretty sad state of affairs when children do not have any social mores, and the parents of the same kids, do not know how to ride politely with other commuters. Is it no small wonder when other nation’s observe us and feel that we are crude, rude and obnoxious.

Great Falls – Montana. The first turbines at a wind farm in north-central Montana are online, supplying power to customers in California. The $500 million Glacier Wind Farm is being developed by Spain-based NaturEner.

The first phase of 71 towers will be producing 106.5 megawatts of power within two weeks, a company spokesman said. Most of the wind farms in our state are owned by outside interests (foreign investment) and it appears that around the country, the trend seems to be the same, people other than the U.S. building public works/private interest for us.

Might be why they are living in robust economies, have rewarding careers and good jobs, and we are headed for the dumpster.

CLEARFIELD, Pa. A chef at a western Pennsylvania Italian restaurant ate a 15-pound burger with 5.2 pounds of toppings in 4 hours and 39 minutes. Brad Sciullo, of Uniontown, is the first person to successfully eat the huge burger at Denny’s Beer Barrel Pub, said pub owner Dennis Liegey.

The burger — called the Beer Barrel Belly Bruiser — includes a bun, lettuce, tomatoes, cheese, onions, mild banana peppers and a cup each of mayonnaise, ketchup, mustard and relish. When asked what possessed him to eat a burger that big, the 5-foot-11, 180-pound Sciullo said: “I wanted to see if I could.”

“I’ve always had a heck of a capacity and I can down about two gallons of water and I can do a gallon of milk in 20-some seconds,” said Sciullo, a chef at Pasta Lorenzo’s in Uniontown. He was later spotted on the house telephone calling Joe The Plumber.

NASA has commissioned a specialist to recreate the smell of outer space – which has been described as being similar to fried steak and hot metal. The research is being conducted so astronauts can get an idea of the kinds of conditions they will experience. Once again, the prudent spending of your tax dollar for the benefit of a greater society.

Steven Pearce, a chemist and managing director of fragrance manufacturing company Omega Ingredients, has been working since August to recreate the smell – he hopes to be finished by the end of the year.

“We have a few clues as to what space smells like. First of all, there were interviews with astronauts that we were given, when they had been outside and then returned to the space station and were de-suiting and taking off their helmets, they all reported quite particular odors.”.

“For them, what comes across is a smell of fried steak, hot metal and even welding a motorcycle. NASA said he has successfully produced the smell of fried steak, but recreating the smell of hot metal has proven to be quite difficult. Perhaps a sniff of the end of the barrel of Cheney’s shotgun would do it?

Hey, feed me two Taco’s and one super-sized all bean Burrito and I will give you all the smell and space you need!

Yeah, I know gross. Don’t write me any letters, the box is full.

Have A Great Weekend.

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The cartoon was published by the Center for American Progress” (online)