Another Ordinary Day

Goober died over the weekend.  Every time I think of him and his impassioned Cary Grant impersonation (Judy-Judy-Judy-Judy-Judy), or the time Opie put a transmitter under the collar of a dog, and he thought the animal could talk.  The crazy Hillbilly-Yahoo Army Officer on Mash.

I have to smile.

As a baby boomer, I am quickly reaching that point in my life, where I am attending more funerals than I am weddings.  Death is the only thing in this world that never takes a holiday … George will certainly be missed.

Al Qaida rejects … Now this one is a hoot.  Five suspected in Ohio bombing attempt plead not guilty, even as their van explodes in the parking lot! The FBI recently ran a sting operation in Cleveland, Ohio and has arrested five nimrods who were plotting to blow up a bridge on the Interstate Highway System.  They are affectionately known as the “Cleveland Five.”  Here is the information on it, they were also said to be part of the “occupy Cleveland rally.”  Now here is my question, how stupid do you have to be in order to buy $900 worth of inert explosives from the FBI?

And now for question number two:

Ready?

We used to MARCH on these places and then protest, now we OCCUPY THEM which to me, a person who is his perfect weight if he were seven feet tall, tends to suggest we are as overweight and obese as Federal Standards imply.  When complete strangers rub your belly for luck at the Mongolian Palace … well it might be time to go on a diet. 

Whadya think?

Mexican Beauty clear cut winner in Presidential Debate …  Who won Mexico’s first presidential debate? According to the media and Twitter frenzy, at least, the victor wasn’t any candidate but a curvaceous model in a tight gown who puzzled millions by appearing on stage for less than 30 seconds during the showdown.  All we get is Newt and the other Bozo’s.

Now if you don’t think that is bad … well the news is good and then it is bad.  Women’s breasts are now bigger and better, such a important part of life we give them off color names and descriptions.  But breast cancer is on the rise, and you can read about it here.

What is not to like? … Simon Cowell of American Idol fame has a new book out, “I can’t stand Jay-Lo.”  Man-Man, hold the presses, until I can get to Borders or Amazon.com for a copy of that!  Maybe he has a secret crush for Ryan Seacrest, anywho it is out in print now, should be a major yawner for sure.  Personally I like Jay-Lo that baby got back!

EEEEEEEEeeeeewew  …. Over the weekend, Chinese Infant Flesh Capsules were seized.  Now that is just plumb nasty sounding … Do you know what the name of the first Chinese Test Tube baby was?

It was a boy. 

“No Fun Son.”

In the spirit of the gang at Mayberry …  Nip it in the bud!  This is so bad, I am not going to comment, just going to give you the link and you be the judge.

See you at the water cooler …

OOO

[#1246]

IT’S A MUMMY THING

No, this is not another post about Sarah Palin, The Moose-Goosing-two-gun-tooting Yummy Mummy from Northern Exposure. This is a somewhat different thing altogether.

This morning I was going to write about “bottled water” but my friend down in Florida beat me to it (I guess I should get up earlier) and I have to hone my writing skills in another direction this day.

So I have decided to share with you all something that happened recently in my life. Just the other day, I had such a remarkable experience, and I feel somewhat compelled to share it with you. As Joan Rivers would say … Can we talk?  Which is a nice way of saying, “don’t make me come down there or I will thump your skull or something, if you do not pay attention.”

So anywho … Suddenly I found myself craving a fresh bowl of gravy and a hairball, so I went over to the local beanery (the local beanery is American Slang, for our European and Asian visitors, it means a restaurant .. In some circles it is also known as a Choke & Puke, but we are not about being gross this day, so we will call it a beanery). Hunger my driving concern forced me out of the house, and into the public arena.

Before I knew it, I was talking to this gal at the counter at Denny’s, and this girl she was confiding in me how it was that she was channeling the Egyptian King or Emperor Cheops for the distraught victim of botched liposuction.

Which is kind of amazing when you stop and think about it.

I mean, who knows a doctor that makes house calls anymore?

During the channeling she said that some truly amazing things were revealed to her in the process. Incredible as it may seem I could not pull myself away. My coffee or waitress for that matter was nowhere to be seen, so I intently listened to this girls story. Not that I am into channeling or anything, I just felt this urge to find out another mystery of life.

The day had started out innocently enough, but was slowly starting to race downhill at an alarming pace. Too many questions being answered (un-asked questions I might add) with a frankness and honesty, refreshing in these sniggering times. Unbeknown to me, I had chanced upon a beacon of today’s fast paced, turned on, money grubbing, anything for kicks generation and I was trapped in a caffeine-breakfast deprivation situation of my own making.

Torn between leaving and yet still, curiously compelled to stay.

Somehow, during the process, which I am not really sure of just how it occurs or happens, the Egyptian King told her that he had an ancient gripe to share with her. He said that he was “incredibly disappointed in the After Life.” He was sort of whiny from what she said, and was disappointed as there was absolutely nothing to do, and he was really hacked off about his “send off presents” which were nothing like he had expected.

Hmmmmmmmmm, this is going nowhere, they will NEVER go for this.

I sure did want to do that piece on the bottled water, dog-gone it.

“He pulled her mouth to his and kissed her so hard she moaned.” Yeah! This is much better. She had the mystery of Garbo or Monroe, the allure of Lauren Bacall, the torso of Bridgett Bardo (which is really dating me, I should be using Jay Lo or Britney Speers someone like that) and she looked at him and smiled. “I like what you have done with the floors.”

(The perfect entrance to a man’s heart …

Sweat Equity and Power Tools … A very intelligent smart girl).

He looked at her lost in his passion, with awe and ecstasy (It has been a long time, no?). A grim smile played across his lips (almost a sneer) then they made passionate love on the thick shag carpet in his office (yeah I am sure, in your dreams lover boy). Her trim, brown skinned body was bare, save for a wet bikini. He ran his hand along her back to the string that fastened her bikini top … Tan lines traced her beautiful torso all the way to her triangle of ….. And then the plate hit the counter with a resounding ring!

“You the Grand Slam, the side of ham and the onion rings?”

Back to reality.

(Hey. This isn’t your breakfast and/or fantasy relax)

Too many questions and not enough time. If man evolved from apes, then how come we still have apes? If The Barbie Doll is so dog-gone popular, then why do we have to buy her friends? The man who said, “A cluttered desk is the mark of a genius” never saw my office. How deep would the world’s oceans really be if all the sponges were gone?

Reality, what a concept.

Sex is like air. It is not all that important unless you aren’t getting any. We are all born naked, wet and hungry, then things gradually get worse. No one is really listening until you make a mistake. Always remember, you are unique, just like everyone else.

And no one … I repeat … No one.

Is channeling anyone named Cheops.

Trust me.

I just read where scientists are now saying 1 out of every 4 people in this country are clinically crazy to a certain extent. Check three of your closest friends at the water cooler today at work, if they are ok, you’re it.

Next time I am going to the IHOP (International House Of Pancakes) too many weirdo’s hanging out at Denny’s these days.

000

The weekend is here … Go get it! King Tut