Jus Sayin 1220

images-1A man decides to check out of the Rat Race and boards a plane to India.  Arriving there, he immediately finds a guide to take him to a Tibetan Monastery high in the Himalayas.  (Man, talk about a spelling challenged post?)

He arrives at the monastery and the Monk tells him in order to seek the knowledge and enlightenment of life he must fast and can only speak two words per year, nothing more.

At the end of the first year he looked at the head monk and said … “Bed Hard.”

At the end of the second year he looked at the head monk and said … “Food Bad.”

At the end of the third year he looked at the head monk and said … “I Quit!”

The monk slowly raised his head up, looked him square in the eye, and then said …. “Well, it’s no wonder, all you have done since you got here was complain.”

No good?  Well whadya expect for free anyway.

Jus Sayin

Let Me Down Easy


Wind is blowing across the prairie this day like a banshee and it is cold and bites at my neck.  I know that it is that time of the year, and this is a precursor to better things to come, but it tugs at my sanity this day and I secretly wish to be somewhere else.

Anywhere else.

Oh well, things could be worse, I could live in Moscow which I understand has a real dog problem.  Tens of thousands of strays roam the streets, and a lot of them I suppose bite.  25,000 people a year seek medical help there  after being bitten by stray dogs.  I heard of a lawyer once, who got bit by a dog.  He went to the doctor and after receiving the news that he had rabies, he pulled out a notepad and pen and started writing furiously.

The doctor inquired of him, “What is that you are writing, your Last Will and Testament?” and the layer replied, “Naw, it is a list of people I want to bite!”

There is a program to relocate the dogs, to neuter them and release them into a different area, but really, is that going to work?  Never does here.  People just seem to use them up, and then toss them away.  I know, I live in the country, and they dump dogs here all the time.

Speaking of relocating?

No I am not moving onto Ferrel cats (last count in America, an estimated 157 million!) I am talking about Japan.  Japan’s 9.0 magnitude earthquake released so much energy that it shifted the position of the Earth’ axis by about 6.5 inches, according to estimates by the Jet Propulsion Laboratory in California.  The massive quake caused the sudden slipping of one giant tectonic plate under another, moved Japan 12 feet closer to North America.

If that amazes you, then this will really scare the crap out of you.  Due to soaring energy demands in India and China, the world’s current stock of 443 nuclear reactors is expected to double over the next 15 years.  India hopes to supply a quarter of its electricity through nuclear power.

I sure wish someone would come out with some new music video’s.  I am tiring of the same old stuff, day in and day out.  I liked this new commercial I saw on the Land Rover this morning.  It can help you hitch the trailer.  It can tow the boat with ease.  It can seat 7 adults and their gear …. but can it make the fish bite?  Ah Madison Avenue (the ad people) close but no cigar.

Soon it will be time for that great American get-away, the Highway Road trip.  As the weather improves, I suspect, no matter what the cost of fuel, American’s will get out and hit the road.  Here are some tips for all you parents traveling with little guys:

Plan the route together.

Little travelers “feel more invested if they share some of the control over the itinerary.”

(Whoever suggested this tidbit of info, never traveled with a kid)

Keep the car cozy.

Make room for creature comforts and familiar play things.

Keep them organized in backpacks and make sure each kid is responsible for their own stuff.

(Uh huh sure)

Put them to work.

Tasks make kids feel important.  Divvy out assignments along the way, teach them how to read a map or road signs.

How to program the GPS and other interesting “jobs” of traveling.

Most importantly … Hit the brakes.

According to the article, frequent stops will make the trip more enjoyable and bearable for the little guys.

This will also bring them into range so you can reach out and slap them upside the head to get their attention.

(Don’t send me me no letters)

Have a great week.

OOO

Something Stinks

Smells badSomething Is Rotten In San Jose.  A California office building was evacuated when someone tried to clear out the rotten food from the office refrigerator.  In the end, a total of 18 emergency vehicles’, 50 fireman, and numerous hazmat teams responded to the AT & T Call Center in San Jose.

All this a direct result of someone trying to clean out the office refrigerator.

The stench from the refrigerator was overwhelming and it cleared the building of some 325 employees into the parking lot, seven persons  sought medical attention at a local hospital.  Veteran firefighter Capt suspects the putrid, liquefied item was originally some kind of meat.  He also added that “sometimes meat, a dog or a human, when the all start to rot, it is a horrible thing.”

Thank you Capt. for passing that information on.

Sort of reminds me of an old joke.  A lady, selling cosmetic’s is riding up in an elevator and she has to pass gas, so she lets it fly!  She then reaches into her bag of items, and pulls out some pine scented room deodorizer and sprays it generously around the confines of the elevator. A few floors later, the doors open, and a drunk gets on. He immediately starts to sniff …. Sniff, sniff and then he turns and looks at the lady.

She says to him, “Is there anything wrong?” and the drunk replies, “Uh, I dunno.  Does it kind of smell like a pine tree farted in here to you?”

As for San Jose?  Mama always kept a open box of Arm &  Hammer in the refrig, and it seemed to do the job.  That must have been some powerful smell. It could be much worse, you could be living in India for instance.  India has 41 cities that are now currently over 1 million in population.  The rapid growth of these mega-cities is overwhelming municipal services, leaving many with mounds of rotting trash, sewage flowing directly into polluted rivers and middle class neighborhoods that are now encircled by slums.  Count your blessings.

Here is something else that stinks.

The way America is doing business is pathetic.  Now let me set the stage for you.  If you are late on a bill, you pay a penalty, if you are late on a credit card, thirty-nine bucks, late on your house, penalty and possible forfeiture.  Now I have routinely ordered stuff here lately and it was promised by a certain time, but isn’t delivered.  I ordered some plastic, promised by Friday on the third Friday I complain and they give it to me the next day.  I have some upholstery work being done, promised in two weeks, it is now in the FIFTH WEEK and I don’t know when I am going to receive it.

Now here is the rub, they take our business, and our money, but they do not deliver on time, or anything resembling close to the promised date, and they still charge us FULL PRICE for the item, when we pick it up, sometimes literally weeks later. That sucks.  It is no wonder we are considered a debt ridden cheap third world country.

Check this one out, this will scare the **** out of you.  The co-pilot of the regional air carrier Coligan Air that crashed in Buffalo in February was making about $16,000 per year.  Now consider this, the average truck driver in the USA makes about $40,000 per year and a city bus driver, $31,720.00.  I don’t know about you, but I want “well paid happy people up there in the cockpit” not someone who is worried about how he is going to pay his VISA Card or Cable TV bill.

Not being a big fan of airports and all that, I don’t believe I have all that much to worry about. You however might have reason for concern.  But for me, I know I am not flying any more, my flying days are over.  Another thing, all of this airport security, the questions, intrusion, screenings, searches is just one more way of reducing your liberty in this country.

Thank John Ashcroft and the Patriot Act, Bush and company, for that.

They are just reminding you that they can still **** with you any time they want.  American’s are like that, they will trade off what little of their freedom they have left, in exchange for the feeling … the illusion … of security. That is the way we are, in our minds, we create absolute, point-to-point cause–and-effect assumptions about things when, in fact, there’s really nothing holding those assumption in place other than our own thinking.  We are no safer now than the day when the twin towers came tumbling down, we just like to “think we are.”

Think about it.

Lot of Internet chat rooms and sites talking about the MJ (Michael Jackson) thing.  Asking people “for their opinion on it.”  Which always strikes me funny, they ask for the opinion, and when someone gives it, they flame them for it because they do not agree with it.

Let’s see …. Let’s all pool our ignorance and form an opinion.

Someone said it much better than I could.  They said:  “The rhetoric of the rant is the dominant form of public comment on the Internet, where the pithy, personal, scatological attack has become a minor art form, rather like sculpting excrement.”

That should about sum it up.

Next?

I have been invited to submit articles for a Bus Conversion Magazine in Florida.  It is nice to be recognized for your talents, and it makes one feel somewhat special.  I have often written bus related items on the side and have not posted them here.

We are soon to move to the country, and we will have no cable service or Internet.  I am not sure I want to pursue sat. Internet service or Dish TV at this time, it is kind of up in the air, I may in fact, shut it all down and retire from posting and writing altogether.

As I have a lot of things going on right now, I have not made a conscious decision as to whether or not I will do this new thing, but it is nice to be invited.

Everyone wants to be chosen or invited, it is nice to be recognized for your efforts.

OOO

I hate Tooooesday!

I make no secret of it, I am not all that in love with Tuesdays, as a matter of cold unadulterated fact, I believe, sincerely, that Tuesdays are unnecessary and the vast majority of us could live without them altogether.  Thank you for allowing me to elucidate my feelings on the subject, those of you who are regular readers will readily understand, and those of you who are not, well, welcome aboard.

288 visitors yesterday, for some reason, there was a rush to heed the message on Monday, and I for one, do not have a clue as to why this happened.  Yesterday someone sent me an email accusing me of being a bigot because I used the word “black American” in a post instead of “Afro American” instead.  Which I promptly wrote them back and pointed out of course that their line of thinking was ludicrous.

If you are born in Atlanta, then you are Afro nothing, you are a black American.  I also politely suggested that they start writing their own webpage and they could make it their mission in life to straighten out this country, one day at a time.

In my way of thinking, I have only one problem, and that is my profound tendency to follow the advice of other people, especially other men.  That is where the problem usually starts with me, some guy will tell me something, and I like the dummy I be, I will follow that particular line of thought.

A long time ago, men gave away all their power in life.

They gave it to kings, princes, wizards, generals and high priests, like say, Dick Cheney.  They gave it away, because they believed what these other men told them.  They bought into the “Okey-doke” of life, the BS, men always buy into the BS especially when it comes to other men.

(In case you are the least bit curious, BS stands for bad situations … Uh huh sure.)

In most cases, I would most likely be better off listening to my wife, who appears to be smarter than me on most occasions.  She is always claiming “that I do NOT listen to her” or something like that?  But I do, I just find myself slow to give her credit.

It’s a male thing.

Like I said, a bad day for email, a bad day for news.  Yesterday someone also sent me a video of some poor sap on top of a train in India, and this guy gets up after several moments of basically non activity and starts walking the top of the train, loses his balance, so he grabs the overhead wire above his head and is instantly electrocuted.  Now that in itself is traumatic enough for the average viewer, but it goes on some more and actually gets worse.

Another thing that disturbs me is this.  I wonder, “who are the people who send this kind of stuff” and why did they choose me to send it to, do they really believe I would enjoy something this ugly in my life?

I noticed this weekend that the newspaper had a article in there about a “woman’s pole vault.”  This made me wonder, with all the options available to women in this age, how does a woman get interested in pole-vaulting?  It seems at the very least a little bizarre for a lifestyle choice.  Also, I hope you noticed that I completely ignored the obvious opportunity for a cheap phallic joke there, shows I still have a modicum of class left, not much, but a little.

Middle of the month, June is almost over, the farmers are bringing in the crop of wheat, that is always woefully short and not all that profitable.  Graduation time in other parts of the country, where everyone gets dressed up and walks across the stage to accept their piece of the pie (diploma) and “gradumacate.”  Having successfully completed their respective years of “edumaycayshun” with passing grades, capped off by attending “gradumaycayshun.”

Isn’t higher education wonderful?

So having reached my apparent word count for the day, I must head out, I have another full plate in front of me.  Yesterday was strenuous, tiring, anxiety filled and irritating, I had to do banking chores and that is never any fun.

They did however credit my account with a considerable amount of money that is NOT mine and I am going to sit back, shut up, and collect the interest on that.

Late in life I am learning it is better to “mellow out and not let it get you down.”  So that is what I am doing, knowing what it is that tends to push my buttons allows me to take a step back from time to time, and make any necessary allowances so that I am not bothered by it all, that much.

We are all, like it or not, a work in progress.

As we get older, our metabolisms shift and our hips take a different shape.  I for one, find myself scratching parts of my body that I have virtually not seen in over five years!  We can do our best to defy some of these changes, but at some point, we must accept our body’s changes as a fact of life and see the beauty in all its various stages.

Take me for instance.

5:00 a.m. Tuesday, here in my underwear sitting in my chair, wearing my best Virginia City Nevada T-shirt that has four holes in it, which I bought way back when, gasoline was only .59 cents a gallon.  Make a mental picture of that, ratty old T-shirt a cup of day old lukewarm micro-waved coffee, no shoes, no socks, no service …. isn’t that life and beauty in all its various stages?

Which is simply what Tuesday’s are all about.

OOO

Yummy – Yummy

022709

Police in Washington state said they’ve captured three people who bought Girl Scout Cookies with fake money.  Man, what is this world coming to?  When the scout leader took the receipts to the bank to deposit them she was told that she had two fake twenties.

Then, later on she found an additional $60 worth of fake bills in the cookie receipts of the girls for a total of about $100.  All of this occurred at a store west of Seattle.  Bad enough we are all screwin’ the pooch on this lousy economy but now they are down to the kids … what kind of statement is that on the condition of things in America these days.

An old man and his son are sitting at the table when the old man says to him, “Show me and your Ma some of thet college edumaycayshun we has been paying for.” So the boy thinks for a moment and then looks at his daddy and says, “Pie are square.”

There is a long drawn out hesitation in the room, it gets noticeably quiet, and then the old man looks at the woman who is across the room at a hot stove, fixin’ supper and replies, “See, I told you it was a waste a time to send him off to school.  Pie is round … cornbread is square.”

What you do not know, certainly will not kill you, is what my daddy used to say.  And I suppose to a certain point, he is right on that.  So if you are pregnant [Psychedelikat in Chicago] and with child, nursing or have a queasy easily upset stomach, you might want to hit forward and move onto something else .

This post concerns the consumption of unsavory items on a daily basis in America.  (sounds impotent doesn’t it?)

You are what you eat, that is what I hear, have heard it all my life.  You are what you eat.

Which brings me to this interesting article I just read that flatly states …. “the average adult in this country, will eat six spiders in his/her lifetime.”  Incredible huh?  According to this article this is a voluntarily act on your part also, you see, you are asleep in your bed and the spiders they crawl up onto your face, cross your lips and into your open mouth, and as a “voluntarily reflex” you start to chew.

Walla, no more spider.  (Now that I have sufficiently creeped some of you out to a point that is just beyond belief, I will continue)

pn-butter

Look at this peanut butter thing, man is that bad or what, first the plant in Georgia was located and identified and now they have an additional plant in Texas that has been shut down.  Whew, and we are supposed to live in an advanced and progressive, ahead of the rest of the world country.

Have you eaten any maggots, insects, or excreta today?

Of course you sit there in your breakfast nook with your fresh cup of Folgers and shake your head … “no … Oh, no …. no, no, no.” And you declare out loud to no one in particular except the family dog or Mr. Puffy the ruling cat of the home …  “of course not!”  I would NEVER eat any of those things.

But you do.

The FDA those wonderful people in Washington DC brought to you by the leaders of the economic stimulus and the new administration of empire builders call these repulsive items “natural contaminants.”  Just stopping short of “they are good for you!”

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm …  They’re Great!  As Tony, The Kellog’s Tiger would say.

Tomato Juice for example may “legally contain” up to but not to exceed “10 or more fly eggs per 100 grams” per can.  Which is somewhat equal to a small glass or to put it another way, 5 or more fly eggs per 100 grams and one or more maggots.”

Um, yummy – yummy.

An 18 ounce glass of peanut butter, which is what got the ball rollin’ on this post to begin with, can legally contain 145 bug parts or five or more rodent hairs.  Now that was the good news, here is the bad.

In a normal year, using these supplied statistics, we find that you are eating six spiders, and probably ingesting 1 to 2 pounds of flies, maggots, and various mice parts each 12 month period “without your knowing it.”

But remember the FDA admonishes us to not worry about it, these are mere aesthetic issues.  What you don’t know, won’t make you sick most of the time.

If you live in India you have another added bonus, I almost forgot.

A Hindu nationalist group in that country is developing a soft drink made from cow urine.  They believe that the cow is a sacred animal, and that anything that comes from the cow, is good for you.  It will be marketed as much for its health benefits as for its taste (I can only imagine!).  They believe that it has been established that this nourishing drink of the Gods from a cow can cure even cancer.

Gotta run ….. Lunch Time!

OOO

Cartoons courtesy of Center for American Progress” (online)

Brad & Jolie Phone Home

President-elect Barack Obama this week announced plans to launch the largest public works program in a half-century.  In the hope of creating millions of jobs and stimulating the sinking U.S. economy.

The new federal program that mirrors Franklin Roosevelt’s New Deal and Dwight Eisenhower’s massive project to create the federal highway system, will hire workers to rebuild the nations’ crumbing highways and bridges, renovate aging schools, extend high-speed Internet throughout the country.

Here comes another $500-$700 billion from the pot of gold at the end of the Washington rainbow. Well, at least he is not reading Harry Potter now, he has moved on to something more substantial.

No matter how the money is spent, this public works special isn’t going to be enough to save this floundering economy.  Consumption and business investment are for the most parts in a “free fall” and no matter how many roads you build or the people you hire, it isn’t going to change it.

What amazes me, is the very people that caused most of these massive problems, are now the people that we turn to in order to save us.  Must be that time of the year, or maybe, just perhaps it is me?  Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa Claus what they want and adults pay for it.  Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want and their kids pay for it.

Almost comical in some respects.  So tell me … Are you laughing?

Word just out of the Washington area today.  The White House press agency is stating that for the remainder of his term President Bush will only be visiting impoverished countries in Africa and certain villages in the Amazon forest.  The reason given was those people do not wear shoes.

Lousy Tree Huggers … No really …. Lousy Tree Huggers.

Environmental outrage, after a furious “green” group notified Polish authorities that a rapacious logging  company was cutting down their trees in a nature preserve.  Investigators determined that the 20 trees in question had been felled by beavers.  Save The Whales … Collect the whole set.

Staying busy in retirement

Rajo Devi of India became a mother for the first time at the age of 70.  Her doctor said she is the oldest person to give birth after invitro fertilization.  Just think, when her child graduates high school, she will only be, what 87?  So what are the benefits of having a child at this advanced age?  Well, look at it from this perspective, soon they will BOTH be in diapers at the same time.

In God’s Hands

You hear about the little boy that wandered away from his babysitter this week, he and his puppies just walked off and had to spend the night in the sub-freezing cold alone.  He was found the next day, sitting next to a tree, all of the dogs snuggled up to him, and they say that their warmth was what kept the boy from freezing too death.  Truly a Christmas miracle, eh?

Caffeine Wars

McDonalds is taking some Seattle, Java Jabs at Starbucks.  They are running billboard signs all over the Seattle area that simply state “$4 is dumb.”  Which is in essence telling folks that are paying that much for espresso, they are crazy, especially when Big Mac sells their brand for $1.99 per cup.  So both are selling “coffee” (nothing fancy, just the brewed stuff) for about the same price.

What do you want folks, the best price or the experience?

It is up to you.

Okay, they are doing it again.  We now have a new generation to track, and a totally new name for them.  This is the first time I have seen this one.  Millennial, these are people born between 1980 -1990.  Pepsi is now targeting them as an audience because survey’s show that they are optimistic about 2009, that some 95% agree that it is important to “maintain a positive outlook on life.”

Let’s see, if you were born in 1980 that would make you what?  28 years old.  Yeah, I was pretty optimistic when I was 28, little jingle in my pocket, had a new car, woke up with a woody in the morning and a smile on my face.  Correct me if I am wrong, but “millennial” means a thousand years, Pepsi is in for a little surprise.  Nothing lasts that long, not even the rocks.

Friends Don’t Send Fruitcakes To Unemployed Autoworkers.

Couple of emails on the fruitcake deal and the autoworkers.  Fruitcake just cannot get any respect.  The much mocked dessert ranked last in an online survey of snacks.  Just 11% of some 3,500 adults surveyed expect to eat any of it over the holidays, it even falls behind “trail mix” (12%) and we all know how good that is!  And then there is the obvious question …. Do you really have to ask why Fruitcake is at the bottom of the list?

As for the automobile people, if it walks like a duck and it quacks like a duck, then it is probably a Chevy.

Loooooooooooong Distance Charges May Apply

brad-pitt-angelina-jolieBrad Pitt has taken up “spirit channeling” to cope with his midlife crisis.  So being married to one of the most beautiful women in the world isn’t all it is cut out to be apparently.

The actor who recently turned 45 is not only seeking spiritual counsel from religious leaders, including the Dalai Lama, but has taken up the practice of “deep-trance channeling” in hopes of getting life advice from the dead.”

Jolie is worried that “Brad’s new mystical bent could harm his public image.  Angie is afraid that if he tries to bring it into the mainstream, people will really think he’s gone off the deep end.” Last I heard she was trying to find the current phone number for Tom Cruise.

Sunday being a slow day and not much going down, I turned everything off, unplugged the telephone, slunk back into my office (the master’s lair) and began to mediate.  I thought to myself “if Brad can do it, then by gosh, so can I.

Now I have to admit, at first I was a little bit skeptical and somewhat worried, “I mean the last thing I want to conjure up, or channel into my life is my Ex-Wife” so I was somewhat timid in the beginning.

But after a determined amount of time, things began to happen and then I found myself speaking to my channeled spirit.  His name was Siddartha Gautama who achieved his nirvana while meditating beneath a a Bodhi tree in India and became the Buddha, or “enlightened one.”  And he shared with me the benefit of all his years of wandering around the country of India, throughout Asia, living skimpily and sharing his wisdom.

Some of which he did give to me:  “Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense.” And then he mentioned in passing that Shirley McClaine also said hello.  In all honesty, in the long run, I don’t believe it works.

The long run after all, is a misleading guide to current affairs.  In the long run, we all end up dead, and I haven’t heard of anyone coming back from that here lately.  I will believe that when Pat Boone gets a number one selling CD.

All and all, the visit was entirely too short, before I knew it the experience was unfolding before my eyes and then it was just as sudden as it began, I found it ending.  He said to me, “Is there anything that you should desire of me concerning the after life?” and I thought long and hard, and then asked, “Will I need a change of underwear?” and he was gone … Just like that.

What we think we become.

(I think I am done?)

000

The Morning After

Is it possible for one to experience or suffer “election deprivation or withdrawal symptoms?”  Do we have any learned or medical experts who read this blog that could take some time today to weigh in on this important lofty subject?  Here is an idea, I could give it to Margaret & Helen, and they could simply ask the question, “Does anyone think it is okay to eat flowers?” and they would get 657 answers in thirty minutes.

It surely doesn’t work that way over here.

It is nice that all this political stuff is winding down, good to be back in the “real world.”  Where you can strip off all of your clothes, walk down the street waiving a machete and firing an Uzi into the air, and terrified citizens will phone the police and report:  “There’s a naked person outside!” Of course you smile and say to yourself, “This Okie is nuts” but gun sales and ammo are on the rise in America as we speak.

While we are on the subject of weapons.

The Bush Administration announced today that they have a new secret weapon in the war on Terror.  It destroys people but it leaves all the real estate in place, it is called “The Stock Market.”  No good huh?

Okay how about … What is the latest dope on Wall Street?

Allan Greenspan.

I just finished reading a new survey and it was kind of surprising (mildly depressing) and it implies that “Baby Boomers” are more prone to commit suicide.  But I don’t want this to be a downer sort of piece, so I am saving it for Thanksgiving.  But as I am a Baby Boomer a war baby, it did interest me.  There have been times in my life where I actually considered suicide, but I procrastinate a lot, and never followed thru on it.

Say what you want about it, but it saved my life.

But when you stop and look at your prospects after fifty, why wouldn’t you think about it.  Who wants to look forward to being an old geezer in America, someone like myself, old people that are forced to wear comfortable, loose fitting, armpit revealing sleeveless undershirts, Bermuda shorts.  The black socks and brown shoes, with the little baggy thing around the mid-section to carry your cellphone, Bi-focals, car keys, medicine.  That is enough to make any normal male depressed enough to stick his head in the oven on just about any day of the week.

So there is another thing that I am going to have to learn how to cope with ….

Uh ….  Wait, its right on the tip of my tongue, I just had it.

Talked to Cup Cake (The bride) and she didn’t see any concern, which is surprising as we are both the same age, and half-the time when we are leaving the house for a trip to the buffet, I have to tell her that she has her bra on backwards.  I guess men and women are just different.

I will say “Where did you get this cake?” and she will say, “What is wrong with it?” Then I say something like, “How did you get that bruise on your toe?” and she will reply, “I kicked a chair.”

Ask a man the very same question and he will say “Some idiot left a chair in the middle of the room.”

What other important issues of the 21st century do we need to discuss in this brief moment this day?  As we plow thru another Creative Endeavors fact-less post.  I am apprehensive about the future, I don’t cotton to change much in my old age, which is a nice way of saying; change makes me anxious, apprehensive, and nervous as all get out.

Mr. Obama may like it but I don’t like change and I don’t rush to embrace it.

As I mature…I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in. I’ve learned that you shouldn’t compare yourself to others – they are more screwed up than you think. I’ve learned we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities or politicians.  As much as I hate to admit it, things are different in my life now.

My grandson just yesterday asked me, “When you die what happens to you?” So I gave him the Okie scientific version I said, “Son, when you die they put you in the ground, cover you with a whole bunch of red Okie dirt, and the worms eat your body.” Now I know that sounds awful cruel and insensitive, but it is better than the current observations that surround us.  That we all die, and we go to hell and burn eternally, so I didn’t tell him that, ’cause I didn’t want to upset him.

Let’s be realistic, not everyone is going to heaven.  Speaking of heaven?  When I go to heaven, I want to see my grandpa again.  But he better have lost all that nose hair and that old-man smell.

Honesty is important in this day and age.  Just ask any Savings & Loan officer, new car specialist or Oil Man. You should be honest and frank with your children, grandchildren, and it also pays to remember, they are the people who pick out your nursing home in the end.

As my doctor would say, “Go with that … Let’s expand on this one Don, find your happy place!”

Life is good in America!  I believe you should live each and every day as if it is your last, which is why I don’t have any clean laundry, because come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life?

You know this is the first day without the irritating e-mail alert, I have it turned off, also I have the stereo headphones on, cranked up to about 9.5 (who wants to talk to grand-daughters anyway) and I have already “almost relaxed.”  845 words and I am still cranking on the keys, all is at peace in my world.

Bloggers Unite!  You too can write like this!  I will share my secrets of the web with you …. Snack on Halloween Candy at 6AM in the morning and the words just flow!

Here is something to consider.  I bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.  Now I can put “nudist colony” in my tags and attract fifty new readers!  Hah!  For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese.  Then the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock.  Which coincidentally if you think about it, is what cheese turns to if you let it set out on the counter.

India is going or trying to go to the moon.  Wouldn’t it be neat if they actually went up there and found all the hubcaps missing off the lunar Lander we left up there.  That would be a gas!  Even better would be the press conference where Bush tries to explain it to everyone … the uh, Looonar Lunder has all the uh … the … uh, uh … I have funded a new committee to pool their ignorance and we will get back to you on this soon.

Ahhhhhh, Sunshine in my world.  Not writing about death, gloom, economic meltdown, scumbag politicians, dirty egg sucking dog bankers is good for your spirit early in the morning!

Almost as good as being immersed in a good book, reading all of those pages, getting inspired.  I reach out and hit speed dial on my phone to call my old teacher and thank her.  That is, I used to, until she got an unlisted number. Reading is good for you, much better than television …..

  • It’s nice to be important, but it is also important to be nice
  • (Tony Dow from the Leave It To Beaver Show)
  • Book ’em Dano, Murder One
  • (Steve McGarret Hawaii Five O)
  • Why are these women running?
  • (David Hasslehoff … who cares?  Let them girls run!)
  • Where in the world is the remote?

As I have more than likely bored all of you too the point of crying, I guess it is time to shut this puppy down and move on to other pressing concerns.  I am working on a new piece, “Farming for the Government or How I got my position as Serf.” But don’t have most of the details worked out at this time.

Uh … I will get back to you on this soon.

So here I sit, quietly humming “Dunka-shane, dunka-shane, o’baby dunka-shane” and wondering how come Wayne Newton isn’t as popular a singer as some people think he should be.  Then, I remembered, it is because he sucks.  Now that wasn’t nice … apologize … Okay, he isn’t all that great.

One more day and the weekend is approaching, I am ready.

A new administration is being formed as we speak, and soon, we can all close our eyes and visualize world peace for an hour or so over our morning coffee.  Imagine how serene and peaceful that will be until the looting starts.

I have to run (I will be here two and one-half days just typing in all the tags!)

This concludes this report from your uncouth Creative Endeavor reporter in the Heartland (which is a nice way of saying strange, clumsy, lacking polish and grace, awkward and uncultivated in manner or behavior or just downright rude) …  But gee whiz guys …. No one is perfect.

“Dunka -shane, dunka-shane, o’baby dunka-shane”

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