Another Day In Mt Trashmore America
Man, I woke up this morning in a cold sweat. I had two crazy dreams last night. The first one was that everyone who had an RSS Feed on this blog wrote in and had a comment, and I had to answer each and every one of them!
Man that is scary huh?
The other dream was more in line with my current lifestyle. I dreamed that I had a huge dumpster placed on my driveway and that I was busy chunking “stuff” into it and cleaning up some of the trash of man that I have collected over the years. That I was actually in control and was being allowed to throw something around here into the trash and, God Forbid, actually getting rid of it.
Like most Americans … We have far too much stuff.
We have over the years collected all of this garbage, some of it is nice, and some of it cheap and tacky, the absolute best that China Mart has to offer. When I came home from Viet Nam I had a sea bag and that was it, now it would take four Semi’s to move me, and that is a fact. Now all these years later, we are choking on it and I need to figure out a way to get rid of it.
You see, “I am the designated heaver and she is the stuffer.” That is the pecking order here in Mt. Trashmore America.
One year, we had three, count ‘em, I said … Three … garage sales! I asked her, “Why are we hanging onto this. Baby clothes from her first born male child who is now 41 years old!” and her reply was …. “We might need it someday.”
Take me out into a field like an old dog, put my head down
and pump one into my head.
Now I know that you are seriously doubting most or all of this, but I swear it is true. She went home to her mothers on a five week vacation and while she was away, I made three trips to the dump and we almost separated over that. One of the worst fights we ever had was because of something I said.
My uncle built this huge pole barn in Logan County.
This thing held three tractors, a combine, five ton wheat truck, motorhome, ski boat and all manner of tools. It was BIG and he said, “You ever see a pole barn this big Donnie?” and I said, “Nah, this aint all that big, my wife could fill something like this in less than three weeks!”
And I ate Tuna Fish sandwiches for a month.
Not long ago I watched a segment of Dr. Phil on compulsive hoarders and another similar show on Oprah that was basically covering the same problem. It was sad to see how people get so attached to their things, and that their things actually “ruled them” instead of the other way around. Sadly in America our things own us, and we are just the caretaker of items that will eventually be passed on to the next person.
So, that is what I dreamed about last night. Just between me and the fencepost, I liked the first dream the best. More than likely I could actually have done something about that.
Parting shot: “God Bless America — A thirty-something woman is never slender enough, a credit limit is never fat enough.”