You Can’t Call Me Bruce Anymore ….

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Don’t know why anyone would want to switch gender so late in life.  I am talking about Bruce Jenner’s decision to “come out” and announce he is now going to be a woman. (Hey Kim … Guess What?)   Continue reading

Above all that

Alaska, somewhere north of the fortieth parallel …. Guilty as charged.

Alaskan Senator, Ted Stevens recently convicted on all seven counts by a jury in Alaska, vowed to “fight this with every ounce of energy I have.”  Which is kind of ironic, as it was his close personal relationship with an ENERGY CEO that got him in all this hot water to begin with.  Why is it that politicians seem to think that they are bound over by a different set of rules and guidelines than the rest of us.  What is it that makes them believe they are above the law?

Kind of like all these people who sit at stoplights at busy intersections, and pick their nose while waiting for the light, do they really believe they are invisible and the rest of us cannot see them?

Kailua-Kona Hawaii

The best bargain at the Salvation Army thrift store was a Richard Simmons videotape. But Mikela Mercier, 11, passed on buying it for a few coins after she found $1,000 in $100 bills inside. Mikela immediately told her mother they needed to turn the tape in. Store manager Jimmy Thennes praised Mikela for her honesty.  No word from Richard Simmons at this time.

DeWitt Nebraska

The Vise-Grips plant there will close permanently after Friday, ending about 70 years of operations and costing 330 jobs. Irwin Industrial Tools, which operates the plant, is moving operations to China to lower costs. William Petersen, a Danish immigrant, invented the tool nearly 90 years ago in DeWitt.  They ought to take a pair of ’em, and slap them on the crotch of the guy who thought up the idea of shipping American jobs overseas ….. and then sqeeeeeeeeeeze.

In other related Nebraska news, the state is now saying it is going to re-work its safe haven law.  People have been driving across state lines to drop off unwanted children, two dozen of them recently, one as old as 17 years of age.  The law, which took effect in July, prohibits guardians from being prosecuted for leaving a child at a hospital.

When Snow White dropped by last Tuesday and left five of the dwarfs, the governor declared that he had enough.  This law must be re-written to protect the original intent he declared.

Final Spin Cycle

Whirlpool is laying off 5,000 workers and DreamWorks isn’t making any movies …. We seem to be still hemorrhaging around the edges, has anyone noticed.  When will Washington figure out we cannot all deliver pizza’s to each other, some of us need jobs.

Here is the new official – unofficial policy …. We got the money ….. Now screw you.

There seems to be this “new attitude” by lenders and lending associations around the country.  Even though your credit is perfect, it certainly could be better, and now they are demanding just that.  Home loans are no longer a sure thing.  This is the new, dynamic landscape of mortgage lending today a new world in which even those with good credit are having trouble getting mortgages or the loan terms that they want.

All this at a time when politicians and economists are wanting to reduce bloated inventories in most cities, that are prone to fail.  Compliments of our good friends, the bankers, the only people in the world who can understand the concept of eleven windows …. And three tellers.

Chicken to go

Paris Kentucky — When a Chicken Ranch restaurant employee found her boss lying in an apparent pool of blood, she ran out screaming and called police. But the scenario was a Halloween prank by Joe Watkins, police said. The worker may have the last laugh; police charged Watkins with making a false report to lure her to the scene.

Chillin In Cheyenne

Cheyenne Wyoming — Natural gas prices were so high this summer that regulators warned heating prices in January 2009 could be as much as 79% higher than in January 2008.  But Darrell Zlomke, assistant state Public Service Commission administrator, says now that falling natural-gas wholesale prices suggest the increase is more likely to be about 33%.  That is the bad news, now here is the good.  The used furniture for firewood program seems to be holding on low prices in the area.

Now will everyone who got a 33% raise in wages this year, please raise your hand ….  Thought so.

The warming effects of Global Warming are affecting flowers, animals in Yellowstone and they are starting to disappear.  Studies are now showing that the warming of the Earth’s atmosphere over the past few decades has caused a loss of many the flower that Henry David Thoreau reordered in his book Walden and also has contributed to a decline in several species’ of native animals once common in Yellowstone.

Two headed fish in the Frazier River in Canada, frogs disappearing in the United States and around the world, species that have been actively protected for most of our lives, are going into severe decline.

Now tell me about “Clean Coal” again … I am confused.

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Juggling Reality

Excuse me, would it be alright if we ….

Dover Delaware – A lawyer representing a condemned ax murderer told the state Supreme Court that prison officials violated state law by adopting a new lethal-injection protocol without allowing for public review or comment. An attorney for the Department of Correction argued that its policies and procedures are confidential and not routinely subject to disclosure. This is a new wrinkle in the fabric of society, getting pre-authorized permission and approval in order to execute an “AX Killer?”  Give me a break.

Could not happen to a nicer guy.

OJ Simpson is suffering through agonizing drug withdrawal behind bars says the National Enquirer. Simpson, recently convicted of armed robbery for trying to steal some of his old sports memorabilia suffers from severe arthritis because of old football injuries and was taking large doses of painkillers. Prison doctors have cut back on those medications, leavening Simpson hobbling and angry. “Sometimes he screams at his jailers, demanding pills,” a source tells the newspaper, “but his cries are being ignored.”  Welcome to your own personal hell OJ, enjoy your stay.

Trouble in Paradise.

There is now valid proof as to why Hawaii is the most expensive place in the U.S. to live. Honolulu – More Hawaii homeowners than ever are falling behind on mortgage payments; 594 home foreclosures were logged in September. The figure from Realty-Trac is more than three times the number for September 2007. A spokesman said the increase pushes Hawaii from 34th in the nation for foreclosures to 20th.

Gettin Tight In Suburbia

Coeur d’Alene, Idaho – Sales of booze are up at state-run stores in northern Idaho. State Liquor Dispensary Superintendent Dyke Nally said people are avoiding costlier bar and restaurant tabs and doing more parties at home to save money. Personally, I am all for people staying home to imbibe and make a fool of themselves. And please remember, “Friends do not let friends drive drunk.” If they insist, then you should shave their eyebrows and put them on a bus to Chicago. It is a public service, and actually quite entertaining at the same time.  Speaking of buses? (Nice blend huh) Check this out.

Someone needs to remove her head from her you know what or head back home … We don’t need MORE twisted science.

Just when you thought it could not get any worse. In an election that has been fought on an astoundingly low cultural and intellectual level, with both candidates pretending that tax cuts can go like peaches and cream with the staggering new levels of federal deficit, and paltry charges being traded in petty ways, and with Joe the Plumber becoming the emblematic stupidity of the campaign, it didn’t seem possible that things could go any lower or get any dumber. But they did last Friday, when, at a speech in Pittsburgh, Gov. Sarah Palin denounced wasteful expenditure on fruit-fly research, adding for good xenophobic and anti-elitist measure that some of this research took place “in Paris, France” and winding up with a folksy “I kid you not.” […] More >>>

LOOKS LIKE THE SAME OLD CIRCUS TO ME

Turning Off The Juice

Concord New Hampshire . The state plans to turn off more than half of the 621 highway lights along Interstate 95 in the Portsmouth area and along Interstate 93 in Hooksett and Manchester. It said flipping the switches will save energy and about $250,000 a year. We did that last year, we turned the heat down, shut off the lights, we sat in the dark, my cup cake and I, froze our hinny’s off, and we saved twelve bucks.

Check The Garage

Fayetteville Arkansas – Police have arrested an armored car driver who had reported that the truck he drove was stolen by men who took him hostage. Police recovered nearly $500,000 from the residence of Brandon Whitehouse, 21, after he told investigators he acted alone. Whitehouse is charged with theft and filing a false police report. Kind of like the guy who got caught with fifteen pounds of smoke and claimed the C.I.A. planted it on him … that one didn’t fly either.

Better Living Thru Chemistry

San Francisco – An organic chemistry student at the University of California, Santa Cruz, pleaded no contest to heroin possession after police found drug-laced beer in his garage. Chaz Renzelman, 28, said he created the concoction by adding a handful of poppy pods to his homemade beer to improve the flavor. Renzelman was sentenced to a drug diversion program.

A Rude Awakening

A Pennsylvania woman was asleep in her bed last week when a large chunk of ice exploded thru the ceiling and hit her on the forehead. Mary Ann Foster, 66, was left with a large lump, and said that she could easily have been killed if the projectile hadn’t broken into pieces as it passed through the roof of her house. Authorities say the ice, which Foster saved most likely fell from a passing plane, but Foster isn’t so sure. “There is a little fish smell to it,” she says. “Which is weird.” And now this Tuesday, I have a totally new definition of the word “weird.”

Hard Times In Texas

Things are so bad of the seven gift shops in Crawford, Texas, that once sold George W. Bush souvenirs, three have gone broke and only one still maintains regular hours. Meanwhile the White House press corps released a national policy statement on the economy just yesterday. It read: “Save a little money each month and the end of the year, you will be surprised at how little you have.”

If you are not all that crazy about this (pardon the pun) then check out what this guy in LA says the “New America” is going to be like, little eye opener here for sure. Seven more days until the Obammer Rapture.

And finally … Melt Down In The Heart Land

Psychiatric hospitals nationwide are reporting that admissions have more than doubled due to people suffering extreme stress about home foreclosures, job losses, and plunging stock prices. It appears that the appropriate response to our current reality in America, is to simply just go insane.

Have to go!  I am late for group …

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“The cartoon courtesy of Center for American Progress” (online), Sarah Palin article Slate Online.

Weekend Mixer …

Honolulu, Hawaii …  The state library system is looking for a way to save money.  They like the rest of America, have a budget deficit, so they are trying to cut expenses and are not going to purchase $400,000 books, save an additional $180K by not filling vacancies and cut $600K from power bills and utility usage in a power saving measure.  Now lets see, a library without new books, cutting the power, as long as you are able to read in the dark, I don’t see a problem with that.

Temper -Temper. Benjamin Pontiatowski, 21, was charged two parking tickets on his two vehicles he owned, he in turn got so mad, that when he found the tickets, he ripped them up (in front of the trooper who had just issued them, not a smart move) and deposited them on the ground.  The trooper then wrote him another ticket for littering and he was allowed to drive off.

But wait it gets even worse. A woman in Fort Walton Beach, Florida while walking with her two children was nearly run over by another woman in an automobile.  So she gently approached the driver to let her know that her and her two children were alright and unhurt.  Inexplicably, the driver of the car erupted, and when the woman tried to calm her by offering her a church brochure, the furious driver took it, grabbed her pants and jerked them down, and proceeded to wipe a part of her body with it, while the other woman shielded the eyes of her two children.

And worser … A judge in Grants Pass, Oregon sentenced a 26 year old woman to 20 days in jail and ordered her to pay a fine of $104,000 for setting up her grandparents for a burglary that eventually left their RV and a Jaguar dumped in the Rogue River.  She blamed her actions on a methamphetamine habit.  Now where in the world is a tweaker going to come up with $104K … They can kiss that one goodbye.

Is it me, or is everyone starting to act like they are wound a little too tight here lately?

Don’t do that … It’ll Make You Go Blind. You ever get caught doing something you were not supposed to be doing by your mother and she would say, “Don’t do that, it will make you go blind.” My mother caught me and said that to me.  We (a buddy and myself) were lying on our backs in the backyard staring at an eclipse of the sun, and we did not have enough photo negatives to block out the intense light from the star.  My mother went into the house, got us some more negatives (too make the home-made event observer considerably darker) and then we were allowed to continue.  More ….

Often when I am reading the latest media news and I come across something that Bush said, it makes me wonder what color the sky is, in his little world.  Now Bush Claims He Worked ‘Closely’ With Vets Organizations On GI Bill.  But the VFW said It ‘Didn’t Have Much Input.  Once again, he steps up to the plate to try and steal someone else’s thunder and it backfires in his face.  More …

Peeping Tom – (Not for Kids) Email of the week … This girl I know lives on the 4th floor of an apartment, and even though it is a fairly good neighborhood, she has been having trouble with a Peeping Tom that lives next door.  Every time she goes out on her balcony to catch a bit of sun while wearing her bikini, this Peeping Tom looks over from his balcony as soon as she removes her top, and stares at her.  She has complained to the superintendent about this Peeping Tom, but he says she must have positive proof before he can do a thing.

She FINALLY got a picture of him while he was staring at her

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Stoopid Is As Stoopid Does

As Forrest Gump would say … Mama Sez … Stupid Is As Stupid Does.

I could not believe my eyes, but there it was just sort of leaping from the front page of the paper. A new study in June said that tighter border controls have turned the two-way migration path into one heading only north. Traditionally, when the economy slumped, Mexicans would return home to Mexico.

But fortunately, the United States has a profound tendency to give away everything for free, to make available to almost anyone tantalizing lifestyles, far better than poverty, even at reduced levels.  This has enticed illegals to stay. And with housing going begging in this country, more and more are becoming property owners.

They used to go home … But not now.

They are staying longer, putting down roots, were here, get used to it. Why not? You sign up for welfare and the government gives you $1,200 to buy your kids clothing, our schools require us, to provide your kids with all the tools they need to work with (pencils, paper, etc, etc) and every _______ whim that you have is addressed with certainty. You come to Oklahoma to work in a pig factory, and they give you $2,800 to buy a house in the panhandle, and if you stay five years, they forgive the note.

You don’t buy car insurance, pay taxes, bother to get a drivers lic. and avail yourself of every free service you can locate, life here is good to you. We print up everything in your native language and because you are desperate and ignorant, and you will work for slave wages doing about just any kind menial non-skilled type of job that is available. You are employable, even tho you are basically unskilled and mostly illiterate.  Why wouldn’t you want to live here?

But wait, it gets ever better … Now for the really stupid part.

In some ways, we are making it harder for illegals, Mexicans, Latino’s, whatever they are calling them this week to leave the country. California’s border patrol has been pulling immigrants off buses HEADED FOR MEXICO and arresting others attempting TO DRIVE OUT OF THE COUNTRY.

True, they were caught on U.S. soil but if we want them to leave, this surely seems the wrong way to address the problem.

This weekend I learned that in Garden City, Kansas immigration arrested 48 hapless souls in a meat processing plant during a five day sweep. They were from El Salvador, Mexico, Guatemala, Honduras and Viet Nam.

33 of these “fine citizens that only come here to work” had previous criminal convictions.

Now let me see. 48 arrested in 5 days, that would be 48/5=10 per day (approx) and there are an estimated 22,000,000 in the country. Hmmm, that is pretty impressive, at these figures; we will be rid of all of them in a little under …. uh …. never!

Will the last person to leave “America” please turn off the lites.

USA Todays’ Headline for 6-30-08 BIRTHS FUELING HISPANIC GROWTH …. Man that is a no brainer there. There is another thing I suppose is new. Well maybe they can all go live at Baracks House.Throw another can of beans in the pot Obammer, company is a comin!

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Bite Sized

BITE SIZE:  McDonalds is offering $1 double Cheese-Burgers, ummmmmmm, yummy.  Taco Bell is hyping a 79 cent menu and now Hardee’s is unveiling a Prime Rib Thick burger, which is a 1/3 lb. Black Angus beef patty toped with thinly sliced prime rib, horseradish sauce, Swiss cheese and grilled onions.  All this will set you back about $4.50 and I suppose around $7.00 if you get a “Diet Coke” and fries.

In Tokyo the entire thing is going for $25 or more, and if you eat it in Hawaii, well, get ready.  Hawaii is the most expensive state in the nation, costs per day for two people, averaging about $738 per day.  Las Vegas is about half of that, at $316.

This is a qualified belt buster.  Each burger weighs in at 780 calories and 48 grams of fat.  Now you can eat like a horse, and look like one a little farther down the road in the future. 

Is this a Great Country or what?

OLYMPIC MENU:  If you are going to the Olympics in China, you might want to consider taking along a stash of Ding Dongs/Twinkies to tide you over.  I wonder if they will go thru the screening process at the airport.

Some of the wonderful delights on the menu in China are:

  • Starfish in shark oil
  • Sea Urchins, star fish, baby sharks
  • Turkey vultures schnitzels (try spelling that one!)
  • Sea snakes, silk worms, sea horses
  • Dog liver with vegetables
  • Goat lungs with red peppers
  • Corn in ginger sauce
  • Mixed cow and horse stew
  • Black scorpions, dung beetles, cicadas
  • Lizard legs, assorted beetles, crickets
  • Dog brain soup
  • Oysters, squids, iguana tails

Bon Appetite … If it walks, crawls, swims on the face of the earth, the Chinese will cook it, everything but the tail it seems.  

Where are the chocolate flavored ants?

Decadent New York burger costs a cool $175:  Its creators admit it is the ultimate in decadence: a $175 (89 pounds) hamburger. The Wall Street Burger Shoppe just raised its price from $150 to assure its designation as the costliest burger in the city as determined by Pocket Change, an online newsletter about the most expensive things in New York.

“Wall Street has good days and bad days. We wanted to have the everyday burger (for $4) … and then something special if you really have a good day on Wall Street,” said co-owner Heather Tierney.

The burger, created by chef and co-owner Kevin O’Connell, seeks to justify its price with a Kobe beef patty, lots of black truffles, seared foie gras, aged Gruyere cheese, wild mushrooms and flecks of gold leaf on a brioche bun.  The eatery sells 20 or 25 per month in the fine dining room upstairs versus hundreds of $4 burgers each day at the diner counter downstairs.

Pocket Change previously designated the double truffle burger at Daniel Boulud’s DB Bistro Moderne as the most expensive at $120, and the Burger Shoppe set out to top that.  Boulud’s creation — available only during black truffle season from December to March — rose to $150 this past season, so the Burger Shoppe raised its price on Monday to $175.  “Our burger is not about the price,” said Georgette Farkas, a Boulud spokeswoman. “If you are making something concerned only about the price, you are off in the wrong direction.”  The day I chose to spend close to $200 on a burger I will be off, off my rocker!

WE JUST COME HERE TO WORK:  A familiar chord that is being heard repeatedly these days is that illegals “just come to work and build a better life.”  Not in Oregon, they don’t.  This week a drug trafficking probe led to the arrest of 20 people linked to Mexico.  They are accused of conspiring to sell large amounts of methamphetamine, heroin and cocaine along the Interstate corridor from Portland south to Woodburn, Oregon.

Recent demonstrations in LA were joined by the “Better Business Bureau” in support of the protestors.  Why not?  These are the same people who cannot afford to lose a good source of cheap sweat-shop labor.  They have a vested interest.

BANANA SLING PROBLEM:  61 year-old Bob Hezzelwood is suing the Lee County sheriff’s department in Florida. He says they violated his civil rights when they ticketed him for wearing a Speedo on the beach. Well, actually, the police claimed he had hiked his suit from the bottom up to reveal, um, a non-family-friendly body part.

Then tell Me: Do you think Speedo bathing suits (think banana hammock) are beach friendly? 

Personally I am restricted from going to the beach.  Used to go all the time, and enjoyed it immensely.  But the last time, the little kids kept running up to me, grabbing me by my ankles and screaming ….. “Get it in the water before it dies! … Rather embarrassing to tell you the truth.

MUPPETS IN THE MORNING:  Radio Gal always makes me smile … Kokomo.

ANOTHER THUD FROM OUR FAVORITE DUD:  Our illustrious President is back from his whirlwind tour of the Middle East.  He went over, hat in hand, to beg for more oil.  No soap.  I found this interesting, while in Egypt he gave a lecture on liberty.  Addressing the World Economic Forum our President says he is “deeply concerned about … dissidents whose voices are stifled.” Isn’t that pathetic? 

This is the same guy under the cover of the “Patriot Act” routinely restricts free speech assembly of protestors in a five square mile area of his speeches or appearances, in the name of “National Security.”  What a hypocrite.

I suppose they took him on a tour of the pyramids and showed him around the town.  “Did you know Mr. President, that if you divide the Great Pyramid’s perimeter by two times its height, you get pi to the fifteenth digit?” 

“Aw, that is nothing, down in the black jacks of Texas, you get a good Homelite with 7.5 horse, chain oilier, you can cut two ricks in forty-five minutes.”

We are always presented with these civic-minded wanting our votes folks, these tech-savvy cohorts who’ve spent their lives being told they’re gifted, unique and destined for greatness wanting to be our President …. And then there is “Dubya.”

Meanwhile the current crop of candidates are back at campaign headquarters checking the map.  “What states are next?” …

Depression and Denial come readily to mind.

Check please.

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