Musak Munday … K.T. Oslin – Come Next Monday

Musak Munday … KT Oslin … How To Be Happy in Under 425 words.

Let’s face facts folks, “I am just too good looking for my height.”  There I said it … I feel much, much better.  That rumor has been floating around for quite sometime, and the fact is, “it is true.” 

The reason I know it is true, I am the one who is spreading it. 

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Time In A Bottle

Yoko

As the day of celebration inches closer, I am thinking of love, Valentine’s, issues of spring and memories of times long past.  At one time or another, I was considered a pretty romantic devil and knew the words, the moves, the good decisions in life came freely to me. Now I am old gray dog, that just wants to sleep on the front porch and bark at the mailman once a day.

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Once Upon A Time There Was A Father

An 80-year-old rancher from Montana goes to the Mayo clinic in Rochester for a check-up.

The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in and asks, ‘How do you stay in such great physical condition?’

‘I’m from Montana and in my spare time I like to hunt and fish’ says the old guy, ‘and that’s why I’m in such good shape. I’m up well before daylight riding herd and mending fences and when I’m not doing that, I’m out hunting or fishing. In the evening, I have a beer, a shot of whiskey and all is well.’

‘Well’ says the doctor, ‘I’m sure that helps, but there’s got to be more to it. How old was your father when he died?’

‘Who said my Father’s dead?’

The doctor is amazed. ‘You mean you’re 80 years old and your father’s still alive? How old is he?’

‘He’s 100 years old,’ says the old cowboy. ‘In fact he worked and hunted with me this morning, and then we went to the topless bar for a while and had a little beer and that’s why he’s still alive. He’s a Montana rancher and he hunts and fishes too!’

‘Well,’ the doctor says, ‘that’s great, but I’m sure there’s more to it than that. How about your father’s father? How old was he when he died?’

‘Who said my Grandpa’s dead?’

Stunned, the doctor asks, ‘you mean you’re 80 years old and your grandfather’s still alive?’

‘He’s 118 years old,’ says the man.

The doctor is getting frustrated at this point, ‘So, I guess he went hunting with you this morning too?’

‘No, Grandpa couldn’t go this morning because he’s getting married today.’

At this point the doctor is close to losing it. ‘Getting Married??? Why would a 118 year-old guy want to get married?’

‘Who said he wanted to?’

OOO

Hit Me Again

Mama is not happy, she cannot access the food channel and she cannot download her treasured recipes.

And we all know the drill …. If mama aint happy … then no one is happy.  Me?  I want her happy, happy wife, happy life!  I want to be a happy, happy man when I die.

The problem (or this one) is the internet router got spiked over the weekend and it is now toast and will not allow her to go to her beloved haunt for her fix.  It of course is now “MY PROBLEM” and I have been delegated to fix it.

The monkey never learns, you see the monkey, he loves brown rice.  And the monkey knows that if he sticks his hand in the tray to retrieve the brown rice, he is going to get shocked by electricity.  But still, he sticks his hand in and he gets shocked, because you see, “he loves the rice” and unfortunately for the little furry critter, “he never learns.”

And of course …. “The monkey is always surprised when this happens to him, over and over again.”

Said all that, to say this …. I did it again.

Have a calendar on the wall, a date minder book thing, even a tear off on the desk, but no, I have to click on my computer calendar, it is right there, a mouse click away.  I need a date, and a day, instead of getting up off my porky butt, and walking over to the wall, lifting up the page of the calendar and looking for the date, I click on my internal computer calendar.

I mean … gee whiz, this is supposed to be the “information age” right?

But the monkey, he never, ever, learns.  I go for the obvious easy solution, not the practical one.  I don’t use the any of the items available to me on the desk ….. Noooooooooooooooooooooooo .. I click on the one in the computer!

So here I sit, locked down on June 2nd, 2011 and everything is just peachy, and then the power spikes and everything goes down!  Pow!  It all goes south, oh yeah, I forgot.  I was sitting here making a note for June 2nd, 2011 when the power went down, ka-Pow! 

Unfortunately I discover to my chagrin, when the computer went down it also remembered the new day and date, and locked me into June instead of April. 

So now my virus checker doesn’t work, and it will not re-set.

Why?  Mr. Computer says that “Someone has tried to manipulate my clock/date setting” and therefore I have to contact support.  Now that is a hoot.  I contact support and they say, user name, password, I check my list.  I type it in.  They say no such user name, password in the known free world or the central part of the United States.

I re-type it, type it, type it … And you know the rest of it dont’cha? Support my ……..

Well, time to move on.  I am getting cranky again.

Yeah I know, how can anyone be this stupid you are asking yourself.  Well, it is rather easy to tell you the truth, regrettably it happens to me all the time.  I am descended from a long line of men with opposing thumbs who were prone to do something stupid from time to time, like the time my grandfather told me about getting his tongue stuck in the roller of a typewriter.

Stuff like that.

Here is one more and then I am outta here.  Don’t under any circumstances; squeeze a lemon for your Ice Tea when you have a cut on your finger, handy-dandy internet tip of the day.  I found out this weekend that this can be extremely uncomfortable. 

Gonna be an interesting week, I can just feel it in my bones.  Just imagine what it is gonna look like when the smoke finally clears and you see your barn burned completely to the ground!  Which is not all that bad a thing, at least tonight you will be able to see the moon more clearly, there is always a rainbow.

OOO