End Of The Month

Stick a fork in this one … It is done!

End of another month, time is on the run.  Tonight is trick or treat night here in the Heartland.  Still reeling from last years Halloween.  Last year, when we invested all our money in a pumpkin farm, then the govt. called off Halloween! Right now, I kind of figure, it is more prudent to just stayed holed up.

So here you are, all of you senior Trick or Treaters in the spirit of David Letterman:

“How you know you are too old to Trick or Treat.”

10. You get winded from knocking on the door.
9.  You have to have another kid chew the candy for you.
8.  You ask for high fiber candy only.
7.  When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over.
6.  People say: ‘Great Boris Karloff Mask. And you’re not wearing a mask.
5.  When the door opens you yell, ‘Trick or… And can’t remember the rest.
4.  By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders.
3.  You have to carefully choose a costume that won’t dislodge your hairpiece.
2.  You’re the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker.

And the number one reason Seniors should not go Trick Or Treating…

1.  You keep having to go home to pee.

(Better luck next year.)

OOO

SOMEWHAT RELATED:  All Saints Hollow

Unwed And Unloved

Who says “women are the frustrated sex?”  A Taiwanese woman who was unable to find a husband is marrying herself so she can have a wedding.  An office worker from Taipei, has photographs taken of herself in a wedding dress and will marry herself next month in a lavish ceremony before whisking herself off for a honeymoon in Australia.  “Age 30 is a prime period for me” she said.  “your work and experience are in good shape, but I haven’t found a partner, so what can I do”

Uh, pack some batteries for the honeymoon?

Oklahoma for all of you who are blissfully unaware, is one of those “fly-over states” a stronghold of good Republican politics’.  Yesterday while consuming a Western Omelet at the local beanery I had one of them there epiphany things.  (Okie Talk)  We just had a landslide victory (not only here but nationwide) of Republican’s elected back into the system, and effectively changed the balance of power in their favor.

So here it is in a nutshell …. Where the rubber meets the road as they say around here … “Who are they going to blame now, when things do not improve or God forbid, get worse?”

Send The Bums Home

Halfway thru my hash-browns it also occurred to me that Mr. Obama has kept his promise of more jobs …. Freshman Congressman.  Government that works.

One of the recent causalities in the election process was the California Pot Initiative.  It seems that it went up in smoke … Nice play on words eh?  Voters wholeheartedly rejected the proposal.  Proposition 19, which would have allowed adults over 21 to grow their own smoke or purchase up to an ounce of marijuana for personal use, lost by 54%.  Every region of the state voted it down, except for San Francisco of course.  Legal marijuana at this point in California is already a $1 billion business.  It is also believed that people who invest in medical marijuana at this stage of the game, 9 out of 10 will most likely go under within a year.

If you want to make some money, try Gold.

James one of our favorite number crunchers will appreciate this one.   If you were to purchase all the gold that has ever been mined it would give you control of a pretty big block of the precious metal.  But at today’s prices you could instead purchase all the farmland in America and 10 ExxonMobils, and still have about $1 trillion in walking around money.

So you make the call, pot or gold, which one is the smart buy.

Speaka-Da-English?

Oklahoma voted on initiatives to insure that English was the common and unifying language and now all the signs will have to be changed at the entrance to the state.  Instead of reading Oklahoma Welcomes You, it will now read Red People Welcomes You.

Isn’t progress cool boys & girls?

Boo!  I bet I scared you Ha-Ha.  I have a parrot that says that, just cracks me up.  That friends, is about the scariest thing in my house.  I am so glad that all this Ghoulish October Halloween garbage is finally over.  Did you know that 37% of Americans say they believe in ghosts.  23% say a ghost has visited them, and 20% say they’ve seen or heard a ghost.  No Elvis sightings at Walmart this week, but Michael did release a new CD.

One more sad, but newsworthy thing to report.

This is not going to make someones‘ day.  Everyone who bought one of those 2012 books, loosely based on the Mayan Calendar and the end of the world, are going to be somewhat let down.  This is because new research has found an error in the conversion of Mayan to modern calendars, and that the “end of days” predicted by the Mayan calendar is not December 21st, 2012, but may actually be some 50 to 100 years later. Good news for everyone who owns a Time Share, bad news for all those people who print Mayan Calendars.

Never, ever underestimate the power of people to get it wrong.

OOO

The Morning After

Is it possible for one to experience or suffer “election deprivation or withdrawal symptoms?”  Do we have any learned or medical experts who read this blog that could take some time today to weigh in on this important lofty subject?  Here is an idea, I could give it to Margaret & Helen, and they could simply ask the question, “Does anyone think it is okay to eat flowers?” and they would get 657 answers in thirty minutes.

It surely doesn’t work that way over here.

It is nice that all this political stuff is winding down, good to be back in the “real world.”  Where you can strip off all of your clothes, walk down the street waiving a machete and firing an Uzi into the air, and terrified citizens will phone the police and report:  “There’s a naked person outside!” Of course you smile and say to yourself, “This Okie is nuts” but gun sales and ammo are on the rise in America as we speak.

While we are on the subject of weapons.

The Bush Administration announced today that they have a new secret weapon in the war on Terror.  It destroys people but it leaves all the real estate in place, it is called “The Stock Market.”  No good huh?

Okay how about … What is the latest dope on Wall Street?

Allan Greenspan.

I just finished reading a new survey and it was kind of surprising (mildly depressing) and it implies that “Baby Boomers” are more prone to commit suicide.  But I don’t want this to be a downer sort of piece, so I am saving it for Thanksgiving.  But as I am a Baby Boomer a war baby, it did interest me.  There have been times in my life where I actually considered suicide, but I procrastinate a lot, and never followed thru on it.

Say what you want about it, but it saved my life.

But when you stop and look at your prospects after fifty, why wouldn’t you think about it.  Who wants to look forward to being an old geezer in America, someone like myself, old people that are forced to wear comfortable, loose fitting, armpit revealing sleeveless undershirts, Bermuda shorts.  The black socks and brown shoes, with the little baggy thing around the mid-section to carry your cellphone, Bi-focals, car keys, medicine.  That is enough to make any normal male depressed enough to stick his head in the oven on just about any day of the week.

So there is another thing that I am going to have to learn how to cope with ….

Uh ….  Wait, its right on the tip of my tongue, I just had it.

Talked to Cup Cake (The bride) and she didn’t see any concern, which is surprising as we are both the same age, and half-the time when we are leaving the house for a trip to the buffet, I have to tell her that she has her bra on backwards.  I guess men and women are just different.

I will say “Where did you get this cake?” and she will say, “What is wrong with it?” Then I say something like, “How did you get that bruise on your toe?” and she will reply, “I kicked a chair.”

Ask a man the very same question and he will say “Some idiot left a chair in the middle of the room.”

What other important issues of the 21st century do we need to discuss in this brief moment this day?  As we plow thru another Creative Endeavors fact-less post.  I am apprehensive about the future, I don’t cotton to change much in my old age, which is a nice way of saying; change makes me anxious, apprehensive, and nervous as all get out.

Mr. Obama may like it but I don’t like change and I don’t rush to embrace it.

As I mature…I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in. I’ve learned that you shouldn’t compare yourself to others – they are more screwed up than you think. I’ve learned we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities or politicians.  As much as I hate to admit it, things are different in my life now.

My grandson just yesterday asked me, “When you die what happens to you?” So I gave him the Okie scientific version I said, “Son, when you die they put you in the ground, cover you with a whole bunch of red Okie dirt, and the worms eat your body.” Now I know that sounds awful cruel and insensitive, but it is better than the current observations that surround us.  That we all die, and we go to hell and burn eternally, so I didn’t tell him that, ’cause I didn’t want to upset him.

Let’s be realistic, not everyone is going to heaven.  Speaking of heaven?  When I go to heaven, I want to see my grandpa again.  But he better have lost all that nose hair and that old-man smell.

Honesty is important in this day and age.  Just ask any Savings & Loan officer, new car specialist or Oil Man. You should be honest and frank with your children, grandchildren, and it also pays to remember, they are the people who pick out your nursing home in the end.

As my doctor would say, “Go with that … Let’s expand on this one Don, find your happy place!”

Life is good in America!  I believe you should live each and every day as if it is your last, which is why I don’t have any clean laundry, because come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life?

You know this is the first day without the irritating e-mail alert, I have it turned off, also I have the stereo headphones on, cranked up to about 9.5 (who wants to talk to grand-daughters anyway) and I have already “almost relaxed.”  845 words and I am still cranking on the keys, all is at peace in my world.

Bloggers Unite!  You too can write like this!  I will share my secrets of the web with you …. Snack on Halloween Candy at 6AM in the morning and the words just flow!

Here is something to consider.  I bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.  Now I can put “nudist colony” in my tags and attract fifty new readers!  Hah!  For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese.  Then the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock.  Which coincidentally if you think about it, is what cheese turns to if you let it set out on the counter.

India is going or trying to go to the moon.  Wouldn’t it be neat if they actually went up there and found all the hubcaps missing off the lunar Lander we left up there.  That would be a gas!  Even better would be the press conference where Bush tries to explain it to everyone … the uh, Looonar Lunder has all the uh … the … uh, uh … I have funded a new committee to pool their ignorance and we will get back to you on this soon.

Ahhhhhh, Sunshine in my world.  Not writing about death, gloom, economic meltdown, scumbag politicians, dirty egg sucking dog bankers is good for your spirit early in the morning!

Almost as good as being immersed in a good book, reading all of those pages, getting inspired.  I reach out and hit speed dial on my phone to call my old teacher and thank her.  That is, I used to, until she got an unlisted number. Reading is good for you, much better than television …..

  • It’s nice to be important, but it is also important to be nice
  • (Tony Dow from the Leave It To Beaver Show)
  • Book ’em Dano, Murder One
  • (Steve McGarret Hawaii Five O)
  • Why are these women running?
  • (David Hasslehoff … who cares?  Let them girls run!)
  • Where in the world is the remote?

As I have more than likely bored all of you too the point of crying, I guess it is time to shut this puppy down and move on to other pressing concerns.  I am working on a new piece, “Farming for the Government or How I got my position as Serf.” But don’t have most of the details worked out at this time.

Uh … I will get back to you on this soon.

So here I sit, quietly humming “Dunka-shane, dunka-shane, o’baby dunka-shane” and wondering how come Wayne Newton isn’t as popular a singer as some people think he should be.  Then, I remembered, it is because he sucks.  Now that wasn’t nice … apologize … Okay, he isn’t all that great.

One more day and the weekend is approaching, I am ready.

A new administration is being formed as we speak, and soon, we can all close our eyes and visualize world peace for an hour or so over our morning coffee.  Imagine how serene and peaceful that will be until the looting starts.

I have to run (I will be here two and one-half days just typing in all the tags!)

This concludes this report from your uncouth Creative Endeavor reporter in the Heartland (which is a nice way of saying strange, clumsy, lacking polish and grace, awkward and uncultivated in manner or behavior or just downright rude) …  But gee whiz guys …. No one is perfect.

“Dunka -shane, dunka-shane, o’baby dunka-shane”

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All Saints Hollow

This one is going down a day late and a dollar short, but I have been busy, and I did not get it finished on time.

Here is your Halloween Joke for 2008.

An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset. To say that he had “irritated bowel symptom” would be an understatement to say the least.

Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another and stayed put.  He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational! In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.

A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him.  He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get the unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.

As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard, barely containing his laughter, and who had watched the whole incident, walked up and asked “What the heck is going on here?”

The drunk, still staring down at the pile of rumpled soiled sheets said, “I dunno, I think I just beat the crap outta a ghost!”

Last night the ghosts and goblins were out and about, the dogs were barking and the neighborhood was somewhat spooky, for a little while anyway. Darker than a coal miners lunch box too. The next full moon on Halloween as I understand it will not occur until 2020. (Hey you never know when you are going to need some of this stuff, best take notes)

All night long  … The doorbell rang unmercifully and Mama quickly tired of going back and forth to the door to deliver treats to all the hob-goblins and little princess’s of the neighborhood. So she stood up and announced to no one in particular, “The next kid that rings that door bell, is going to get the ENTIRE BOWL OF CANDY and then I am shutting off the lights and being done with it!”

So the doorbell rang, and she opened up the door and there stood this little guy dressed up like a Hobo and she said, almost barked at him to tell you the truth, she said, “Open your sack.” So he dutifully opened up the sack as wide as it would open and she dumped the ENTIRE CONTENTS OF THE BOWL into his sack. He looked at the contents of his bag and then exclaimed, “Gee lady, when I came here I was really poor. Now I is rich!”

Any bets on what happened to the doorbell after that? When he went out into the dark and told ALL of his little buddies?

Happy Halloween

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“The cartoon courtesy of Center for American Progress” (online)

It’s Simple

Okay, I think I have it down now. BANKER to TAXPAYER: “It’s simple … You are loaning me money.” TAXPAYER: “Uh huh.” BANKER: “So I can lend YOU money.” TAXPAYER: “Uh huh?” BANKER: “This way, I can stimulate the economy.” TAXPAYER” “Huh?” BANKER: “And when it gets back on its feet and is robust and times are good, I can pay YOU back.”

Yeah … I got it … I think we ALL got it.

Every now and then I seem to touch a nerve or as I like to put it … “Hit A Home Run.” Earlier in the week I wrote this piece on Halloween (Sign of the Times) and in it was a paragraph that read: “A time period costume would work, all you have to do is rummage thru your closet and find something from the 70’s,80’s or pre Ronald Reagan, that should do it. How about cross dresser, nice, but kind of dangerous in Oklahoma, some people here do not encourage or respect your new found perspective. I understand that in California the Gover-nator calls them “Girly Boys.” Which for some reason found disfavor with some of my readers and they have sent me emails implying among other things that I am insensitive and that my parents were not married. This is not true.

My parents were married.

So in effort to be “fair and impartial” about this, I have provided a link to address the issue. You can find it here.

Did you know that U.S. Senators are eligible for a pension if they aren’t re-elected and serve just one six-year term? As incredible as it may seem, it is true. Senators need just five years to be eligible at age 62 for pension rights. Currently the pension would be less than 8.5% of their 2008 salary, $169,300.00. Still, that is almost $15K a year, and remember, this is a first term member.

Think what some eighty-year old convicted felon moss-back will receive.

Iran’s attempt to build the world’s largest sandwich has ended in chaos, after spectators stared eating it. A thousand volunteers worked for a day to build the nearly mile-long ostrich meat sandwich in a Tehran park, but before officials from Guinness World Records could certify the feat, the impatient crowd swarmed the sandwich and devoured it in a matter of minutes. They still believe they will be able to get the sandwich in the books however, because of media footage that they plan on sending to the judges.

A mile long ostrich sandwich ……. Mmmmmmmmmmm doesn’t that sound yummy, it has my mouth watering just sitting here thinking about it.

Britain has resorted to bribing students to go to school. Truancy has risen abominably ever since the Labor Party came into power some 11 years ago. They have over 200,000 pupils cutting class in any given week. Labor tried the “Big Stick” approach to the problem by fining the parents of the errant children, but that did not work.

Now it is trying the carrot.

Children can win flat-screen TV’s, games, consoles, IPods, laptops, and even trips abroad for the onerous duty of turning up for lessons and applying themselves diligently. This bribery is insulting to students and teachers alike.

Here ins America we have a similar approach in place for our juveniles … It is called “National Elections.”

Joe “the plumber” Wurzelbacher of Toledo, was mentioned 26 times during the past week. By contrast, I only heard the word “Iraq” six times, “economy” 22 times and the word “shoot” coming from our kitchen seven. Shoot is really that other word, you just spell it differently, “shoot” has two O’s in it … the other one doesn’t and sounds pretty bad, but basically means the same thing.

Sarah Palin most likely used the other word when she saw this shot of her child flippin’ off her brother the other day.

Which ought to make for interesting around the dinner table discussion at the Moose Refuge …. “Well honey, maybe if we paid more attention to what the kids are doing and all we would be better informed” ……… “Informed! You want informed, well, if you’d stop reading Al Frankin and listening to O’Riely and paid more attention to Jesse Jackson and Rush, or James Dobson you’d be more informed enough to know that I AM God’s anointed champion of the people, not Obammer. I will show you informed” …

Now before you get all riled up and claim that I am picking on the Yummy-Mummy-our much adored and revered Moose Gooser, here is a picture of our beloved President doing the same thing.  It must be a welcoming salute generic to the party, taught at an early age.

So much for my weak attempt at pleonasm for Thursday. End of today’s English lesson.  Tune in tomorrow when we will be discussing why it is that Bonobo apes, one of the most peaceful and loving primates on the planet prefer to eat their cousins.

I guess they are the Republican’s of the species ………..

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Litin’ Up

My website grader says I have too many pictures on my site, it will slow down the process of loading, and therefore, it is not a good idea.  I say “be patient” it is worth the wait, besides, I like the pictures.

It’s that time of year once again: The summer sun has slipped away, brittle leaves waltz, and winter waits to cloak us in its dark, cold hood.  The wind across the American Prairie has picked up and is tearing at the corner of your eye, parts of Amarillo blow into town every other day, and you just know, winter cannot be far away.

The easy days of light and freedom are behind us, and now we gather ’round for a season of more serious celebrations — our yearly time to burrow in, reconnect, contemplate. and of course, lite the heater, man I just love the smell of burnt rust filling the home.

Nothing says change of season better than the smell of burnt rust, and of course, the sound of Christmas Music playing in the local stores.

No Confidence.

Sarah Palin’s Alaskan paper has endorsed Obammer for President, how embarrassing is that? You cannot even muster up enough support in your home state for a vote of confidence. Fact of life, in medieval times, Europeans burned witches at the stake, and the families had to pay for the firewood. Now days we take them to Neiman Marcus in Dallas, spend a couple of hundred grand on them and elect them to office.

Eight more days and then all the serf’s can go down to register their protest and vote in the next king for the kingdom. It has deteriorated so badly we are now electing people who will not furnish proof of citizenship to the highest office in the land.

Don’t Vote For Anyone.

One stronghold of “common sense” has been located over the weekend.  In Wisconsin.  Madison, the state’s largest farm lobby won’t endorse anyone for president. The 42,000-member Wisconsin Farm Bureau Federation’s lobbyist, Paul Zimmerman, said the decision was based on members’ mixed reactions to its endorsement of George W. Bush in 2004 – the first time the group made such a move. Just when you were thoroughly convinced that the voting populace had lost their collective minds, a ray of hope appears on the horizon.

Monkey See Monkey Do.

The popularity of Joe The Plumber has finally been noticed by the Barack Obamma people and now they are going to put their own spin on it with, they are going to feature their own personalities in commercials, Joe The Mobster, Jeremiah The American Hating Preacher.  Watch for it on a station near you.  Fidel Castro has endorsed Obammer for President, afterwards Obammer just shrugged it off and said “that he was just some guy who lived in the neighborhood.” So much for the “Messiah News.” … The Second Return of JC. (Second Return of Jimmy Carter)

Getting Out The Vote.

Washington state sent 24,000 ballots to felons who were not allowed to vote, and apparently sent these same felons, invitations to Obammers inauguration as well.  In a recent poll, McSame leads Obammer some 9% with people who display the American Flag.  But on the same token, Obammer does lead McSame by people who burn the American flag.  A group of lawyers has successfully blocked the release of the movie “Hanoi Hilton” until after the election.  We surely do not want Hollywood trying to influence an election not in this day and age.

What’s Your Problem.

Best Buy evidently has put out a new logo which will accurately help to improve the company’s surly image.  It is a picture of a teenager rolling his eyes and looking towards the ceiling when a customer asks him …. “Can you tell me where the DVD’s are?”

Cough it up

Panhandlers in an eastern Tennessee city (Chattanooga) pay fines and court costs at a low rate, with about 3% in the last 18 months.  Apparently the street beggars in that city are somewhat reluctant to pay their fines.  The Chattanooga Times Free Press reported Sunday Chattanooga City Court has collected only $279.75 of the $8,958.75 of the fines and court costs levied since the City Council expanded downtown’s no-panhandling zone in May 2007.  The paper reported, there’s essentially nothing the city can do to force the payments or punish non-payers more severely.

Let’s see, your employer laid you off, your 401K vaporized, you lost your home and now you are living on the street, under an overpass, in a comfortable cardboard appliance carton, and all of your belongings are in a shoppin’ cart.  How could they possibly punish you any more?

Dressed in red, white and blue, drag queen Gina Maseratti walked down Southard Street in Key West asking Fantasy Fest revelers for their support: `Vote for Maseratti, your next president.” What’s her platform? ”High heels,” she said. `It’s all about the shoes.”

On a more serious note, Maseratti explained: `I’m a member of the Drag party: Drastic Reform of American Government. I’ll save you on money because I can be president, vice president and First Lady all in one.”

Do You Want A Bong With That? Rocky Mountain High.

A Lakewood couple found a small bag of marijuana in a bag of food picked up at the drive-in of a Del Taco Restaurant.  Twenty-six-year-old Dennis Klermund, who police say waited on the husband who stopped at the restaurant Oct. 16, faces possession of marijuana and drug paraphernalia. Steve Davis on Saturday said the couple called police after discovering the bag with their food order.

An officer said Klermund initially denied any knowledge but when a search dog found the drug in a locker, admitted the baggie was meant for a friend. Restaurant Ulises Montero said Klermund no longer works there. A message left for Klermund was not immediately returned.

The best for last.

Joe Scarborough, a commentator for MSNBC, failed to check his facts when he reported that California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger had advocated destroying the moon. Scarborough quoted Schwarzenegger as saying, “If we get rid of the moon, women … those menstrual cycles are governed by the moon … will not get PMS. They will stop whining.”

Scarborough then chided Schwarzenegger for insensitivity, saying: “I don’t know how it works in Austria, but let me tell you something, friend. Jokes about such matters are not laughing subjects to women in America.”

It turned out however, that the statement was not being made by Schwarzenegger but rather by an impersonator who appeared on the Howard Stern Radio Show. Eleven days later, Scarborough apologized to viewers for “my terrible mistake. Anyone who relies on the Howard Stern show for information is an idiot; you would be better off sticking with Email.

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Sign Of The Times

Yesterday I was entering a convenience store and on the door they had posted a sign that read “Remove all masks before entering store.” I had never personally seen this type of sign before, I assume it was posted there in anticipation of weekend crowds that are on the way to Halloween Parties and as an added protection against crime.

So I walked in, picked up my copy of the Sunday paper (for the television guide) and approached the counter and the lady said, “You were supposed to have removed your mask before entering the store.” And I replied, “Yeah, very funny. You ought to be on Jay Leno. Give me my change.”

I was NOT wearing any kind of mask at the time.

Maybe she was having a bad hair day, broken up because of stress, perhaps just wanted to be plain ugly for something to do. Such has been my week. But that is another post altogether.

Some call it Halloween some call it “Devil Worship.” This time of the year isn’t my time of the year, every movie on television is filled with blood & gore, too much violence and ugliness in the world anyway, I surely do not feel like dressing up and celebrating all the evil in the world.

If I wanted to do that, I would run for public office.

Never really stopping to think about it, but I do not believe we have a “National Halloween Song” in this country either, someone ought to work on that. Barry Manilow comes readily to mind, but that is just a suggestion on my part, I am sure anyone could do it. We need something catchy, like those Christmas songs, that get in your head, and stay with you for like five weeks AFTER Christmas.

Wreck the halls and fences jolly, isn’t a Halloween a folly? Ring the doorbells, slash the tires, you don’t get any candy, beat them with a wire! Falla-lalla, lah, lah-lah laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

So what do you plan on being this Devils’ Day? What is your costume or character of choice this year. A rock Star, you could dress in any fashion that you wish, enlist all your friends to be your entourage and make them serve you, that has a certain appeal, don’t you think? When you get too tight from imbibing, you could let one flop out to tease everyone and call it wardrobe malfunction. Amuse your guests shock your husband.  Perfectly acceptable in this day and age.

A time period costume would work, all you have to do is rummage thru your closet and find something from the 70’s,80’s or pre Ronald Reagan, that should do it. How about cross dresser, nice, but kind of dangerous in Oklahoma, some people here do not encourage or respect your new found perspective. I understand that in California the Governator calls them “Girly Boys.”

I always found the girls who came to the party as a “Hooker” were my cup of tea. Dolled up with a mini skirt, slinky top, fishnet stockings, pumps, tacky makeup, and you are ready for trick or treat. If you are lucky at the end of the night it is “treat.” (Insert old tired joke here for effect.)

Yeah I know kind of pathetic, what can I say. Might try something out of the news, Washington DC surely has been inspiring here lately. You could be a “Northern-Exposure-Moose-Gooser” or a … oh well, never mind.

Most likely you are like me (heaven forbid) you think you are too cool to dress up and play the fool. You’re not. So what are you trying to hide? Get out, and be somebody! You don’t have to go thru life as a boring, weak-kneed cretin with a lousy disposition; this is the one weekend of the month to shine.

Remember this is the time of the year … This is your time for you to rise from the spirit of the dead. Get off your lazy potato chip eating butt and get out there and find your inner ghoul!

If by chance, you cannot afford to rent a suitable costume because of the present economic crisis that is no problem. Just do as I do, go as your own evil twin …

Most likely no one will notice anyway.

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“The cartoon courtesy of Center for American Progress” (online)