It would be easy to fill up a courtroom with people who know of my sarcasm and cynical views, it would not take much to render a conviction and sentence in my case. Very few would testify to my Goodness, kindness, generosity and love. I am still working on that.
Every day in this world of ours, there is pain and suffering, there are enough natural occurring disasters. Why the news media in this country wants to feed us a steady diet of biased, hate filled news, is beyond me. Continue reading
Close but no cigar
A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He steps into the taxi and the cabbie says, “Perfect timing. You’re just like Frank.” Passenger: “Who?” Cabbie: “Frank Feldman. He’s a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time.” Passenger: “There are always a few clouds over everybody.” Cabbie: “Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.
Passenger: “Sounds like he was something really special.” Cabbie: “There’s more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody’s birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order, and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out, but Frank Feldman, did everything right.”
Passenger: “Wow, some guy then.” Cabbie: “He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid the traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good.
He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman.”
Passenger: “An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?” Cabbie: “Oh, well, I never actually met Frank. But he died, and I married his —-‘ widow.”
Yeahsus! That is sooooooooooooooooo good.
Huh? No good you say?
Well, okay, try this … The Preacher was a preaching, he was magnifying, testifying, he was glorifying! And then he announced to the congregation, “Do you know anyone in your life that is perfect?” and one single hand went up in the back of the church.
The fired up preacher quickly seized upon the moment and inquired of the man, “You! You know someone who was perfect,” is that right? And the man slowly nodded his head up and down in accordance with the preacher’s intense stare. At that point, the Preacher then demanded of the meek little man … “Who was this person, this person who was perfect?” and the little man looked down, pointed at his wife, and said, “Her ex-husband!”
Big gun show at the fairgrounds this weekend I am going out to invest in some brass. Just as soon as I finish some unexpected paper work. My tax return. Yesterday I received my tax return for 2011 which was sent back from the IRS.
It puzzles me.
They are questioning how many dependents I claimed. I guess it was because of my response to the question: “List all dependents?” There seems to be some confusion. They question the section where I replied: “12 million illegal immigrants; 3 million crack heads; 42 million unemployed people on food stamps, 2 million people in over 243 prisons; Half of Mexico; and 535 persons in the U.S. House and Senate.” Evidently, this was NOT an acceptable answer. Next year I am again asking them to take me off their mailing list, and then there is the nagging question:
I KEEP ASKING MYSELF, WHO THE **** DID I MISS?
Please pay your taxes you have people depending on you.
Here is the Email of the week: This is by a daughter of a murdered couple in Raytown , MO , who had a Bible and Bookstore on 63rd street .. She says: When I had to testify at the murder trial of my parents a week ago, I was asked to raise my right hand… The bailiff started out “Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?”
I stood there and waited but she said nothing.
She said “Do you?”
I was so stunned I blurted out “What happened to so help me God’?”
She came back with “Do you?”
I replied yes, but I was perplexed.
Then the judge said “You can say that if you want to.”
I stopped, raised my right hand, and finished with “So help me God!”
I told my son and daughter that when it came time for them to testify, they should do the same. I don’t know what can be done about it, but it’s time for us to step up and DO something. NBC this morning had a poll on this question.. They had the highest number of responses that they have ever had for one of their polls, and the percentage was the same as this: 86% to keep the words, 14% against… That is a pretty ‘commanding’ public response. I was asked to send this on if I agreed… Or delete if I didn’t.
Now it has been stated that 86% of Americans believe in God.
Therefore, I have a very hard time understanding why there is such a mess about having “In God We Trust” on our money and having God in the Pledge of Allegiance.
The final question: Why is America — Our nation — Catering to this 14%?
You don’t like it here … Get out.
Have a great weekend.
What the teeming masses have been reading this week at Creative Endeavors:
|Home page / Archives|
|Bikinis (The reason men are pigs)|
|Tweaking Your Reality|
|Goin With The Flow|
|Clear Blue Sky|
|Eagle Bus Project Files|
|Wood Ice Chest|
|Pink Hat Ladies|
|A Moment In Time|
|You Don’t Smell Like Flowers (audio)|
|Skinny Dipping With Grandpa|
A special thanks to Boateral, Diane, Joey our west coast correspondent for contributing. American Progress Online.
The Internet is a powerful tool, recent events in Eygpt certainly have shown us that. A civil uprising was started and completed, mainly using the Internet and not a shot was fired. You can get the world’s news instantly at the drop of a hat off the Internet, it is all there, plain as day, and available 24-7. One thing I have always liked about the Internet, was the fact, that “I could pick and choose which news I wanted to see and what news that I wanted to avoid.” Kind of tailor made for me, it allowed me the luxury of avoiding those things that I find so repulsive in life, that feed my anxieties, my worries and fears.
Yesterday, against my better judgment I watched the national news, and as usual, the fare was pretty grim. Earthquakes, politics run amuck, baby dolphins dying in the Gulf of Mexico and “no one knows why.” And then people wonder why it is that I do not watch the news. One of the things that we have always strived for here at Creative Endeavors was the pure abscence of “real news” we find it too depressing and often a downer. So we search out the little light-hearted items, the good news, and we put that up instead. It could be the reason for our apparent popularity, no one wants a constant diet of bad news.
It is frankly … bad for the soul.
So even after a self imposed prolonged abscence from the news I find that not much good news going around, was hoping for an improvement, but it appears to be the same old same old. You know, people are going to get addicted to this sooner or later, so when things do improve and it all gets better, there will still be a market for “bad news.”
Which will be good news for people like me.
Most likely people will miss it, that is where I come in, I will publish a newspaper that is filled entirely with bad news, figuring folks will still need their daily fix, I will provide it for them.
Should be a money making proposition for me, Whadya think? We will then print a bad news paper, no good news in it, I figure when all the news is good … people are going to miss the bad news … thus I will create my own market.
Here is some bad news, especially if your first name is “the defendant.” A state judge in North Carolina has been reprimanded for discussing a pending child custody case on Facebook of all places. He is accused of discussing the case with a lawyer after they became Facebook “friends” and soon found themselves discussing the case in a public forum. Which surely a judge should know, is a violation of judicial ethics. The judge has since disqualified himself from the case, and a new trial has been ordered.
Remember, when you are standing before that judge, “he used to be a lawyer at one time.” I always like the story they told of a Mafia Godfather who finds out that his bookkeeper has cheated him out of ten million dollars. His bookeeper is deaf, that was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not hear anything that he might have to testify about in court. When the Godfather goes to confront the bookkeeper about his missing $10 million he brings along his attorney, who knows sign language.
The Godfather tells the lawyer, “Ask him where the 10 million dollars is that he embezzled from me?” The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the money might be? The bookkeeper signs back; “I don’t know where the money is.?” The attorney tells the Godfather “He says he doesn’t know what you are talking about.”
The Godfather quickly produces a pistol, puts it to the temple of the bookkeeper and says …. “Ask him again.”
The lawyer signs to the bookkeeper, “He will kill you if you do not tell him where the money is.” The bookkeeper says, “Okay, You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried in my brotherinlaws back yard in Queens!” The Godfather then asks the lawyer, “What did he say?” and the lawyer replies, “He says, he doesn’t believe you have the guts to pull the trigger!” …. You just gotta love a lawyer.
News this weekend said that some guy was arrested for murder in Las Vegas, and he had “a history of questionable actions.” Can you imagine if we were all held to that standard? Not long ago, our local paper ran an article on some kids finding a body, completely wrapped in chains, hanging from a tree, and the headline said that “police suspect foul play.”
Uh huh? Where do they get this stuff?
You read the headline and it says, “Convicted Rapist arrested …” Now here is the part I don’t understand, if he is convicted, then what is he doing out? And then there is always the guy who will say something like, “I don’t understand how a convicted rapist can be out walking the streets.” How do we know? How do we know that this guy is out walking the streets? Not everyone who gets out of prison is likely to be just walkin’ the streets.
How about this? I understand that a lot of them jack people up and steal their cars for instance. We ought to be glad, “Thank God he stole a car, at least he’s not out walkin’ the streets!”
Another thing Internet people do is under estimate the power of this tool to reach people. We sit here in our abodes, drink our coffee, type away at the keyboard and when it is shaped, molded and formed to our satisfaction, we hit “post” and don’t give it another thought. Often we do not think of the people that will eventually read it, or the lives we might impact when we publish our works.
Believe it or not, you don’t have to be “Freshly Pressed” to get exposure. I will give you a for instance.
On most days I have four or five different Internet boards that I haunt, looking around, reading and sometimes, posting on. This past weekend I wrote a little fluff piece entitled “How Much Did It Cost” an article on our bus, and published it on a bus board. In two days over 1,300 people read that piece, and 65 offered up comments. That was intriguing to me, as that is some first class heavy-traffic for a little bbs.
It was also sort of a wake up call for me, I have found myself taking advantage of this medium as has been my habit for several years, and forgotten the possibilities that were available. I had completely forgotten the power of this medium to reach out over time and space, to land in someone’s home and be read and considered. The recent events in the Middle East and this little fluff piece have shown me that. In the future, I will give it even more thought before I publish it. Because once it leaves this keyboard and hits the net, there isn’t any limit to the amount of people it will be seen by, and that friends, is an awesome responsibility.
“The cartoon courtesy of Center for American Progress” (online)
News is reporting that gasoline is “inching upwards” again. It goes up .11 cents in less than twenty-four hours and that is “inching?” Give me a break. Oh well, plenty of negative stuff in the world, and it is not my duty to report it, so here we go.
Saturday morning, I find myself at “McDonalds” and wonder if the clerk behind the counter will be able to understand me, yet alone get my order correct? Things are looking up, he is a pasty looking white kid, somewhat goofy-eyed, void of any needle marks on his arms and no open sores on his face that I can see, we might have a chance at it today?
I am standing next to this old lady, with blue hair, she is ancient, about 83 years of age I would guess, well up in her years. A pleasant sort, the kind of motherly grandmother type, at that point in life when you describe her, you would always add “bless her heart” afterwords, that kind of gal.
She looks at the kid and she says, “I would like a hamburger, fries, small coke please.”
The kid looks at her and he says back, “would you like cheese on that hamburger?” which he is trained to say I suppose. The old lady says, “No. If I wanted a hamburger with cheese, that would be a cheeseburger, I ordered a hamburger.”
The kid replies, “so that means, no cheese?”
At that point in time, the lady turns to me and shrugs her shoulders. The lady then she says to me, “am I speaking English here?” I say, “Yes Mama I believe you are.” So she looks at the kid one more time and then says, “Listen sonny, if I wanted a cheeseburger with cheese, I would have ordered a cheeseburger, just give me what it is that I ordered and nothing more.”
Maybe it is me, I don’t know, but stuff like that amuses me. I can still find a lot of stuff to amuse me, I don’t have to watch the news. I have plenty to be thankful for during these hard times.
Thank you Dubya. Thank you Bill. Thank you Hillary. Thank you Monica. Thank you Paris. Thank you Britney. Thank you Lindsay. Thank you Jacko. Thank you uptight women, thank you shallow men. Thank you for Alive At Five … late, local, live breaking news. Thank you bald guys everywhere. Thank you bad drivers. Thank you proctologists. Thank you mimes.
Thank you Bill O’Riely. Dr. Phil. Oprah and The View. Rosie O’Donnel, Donald Trump and Max Lauer. Thank you Ba-Ba-rah Walters. Thank you pro wrestling. Thank you people with mullets. Thank you for boy bands. Thank you for spandex.
Thank you right-wing conservatives. Thank you left-wing radicals. Thank you beauty American Idol contestants. Thank you Exxon you dirty egg sucking dogs. Thank you for all the bad movies and actors of the 70’s. Don’t forget Will Farrel, Paulie Shore, Carrot Top.
Thank you again for beauty pageant contestants ESPECIALLY Ms. California. Thank you overzealous gym teachers. Thank you motivational speakers. Thank you tree huggers. Thank you Burger King and Taco Mayo, without you, I would surely starve.
Thank you France (Bridget Bardot – French fries). Thank you cross-dressers. Thank you nerds, geeks, and other socially inept people, like bankers, credit card managers, DMV rate clerks. Thank you guys with big-biceps and small brains. Thank you women … with big hair. Thank you for famous people with slight speech impediments.
Thank you everyone who ever inspired a joke that made me and the entire country laugh. Lastly Thank you for Little old ladies who stand their ground and make me smile … bless their hearts.
And no … I don’t want cheese on mine either.
When I am ready to sit back, drink wine and eat cheese, I will put some money down on a Condo on the side of a mountain in Vail, Colorado, tune into CNN, kick back and smile. Right now, conditions being such as they are, I guess I will just have to settle for McDonalds.
You know I look at the headlines and they are just so dire, so outright depressing, I almost avoid them completely. They are enough to make a guy sick, if you let it. I tend to lean towards “Happy Stuff” I know that this is totally unrealistic, but what they hey, it doesn’t drag me down.
We are sitting on a mountain of personal opportunities, if you just look around. I want to make a difference in someone’s life this day, I know that out there in cyberspace there are people who are not having a good day. There are people who are getting a bad medical report, financial news, a kid who is sick, or a bill that needs paying and there just isn’t money to cover it.
They don’t need any more bad news — I don’t need any more bad news —You don’t need it either.
So I kind of naturally lean towards something lighter, something uplifting, something positive if I can find it, if it is possible to think along those lines. Tiring of the ambsace numbers coming out of Washington, I want another shot at it, and I want a winner. I am tired of standing on the curb and clapping when the parade moves by, I want to get out and the street if only to march and sing!
Most of us want or desire to be a good example in life, wouldn’t you agree? I remember in High School, I was never the trophy winning athlete, I was the “example.” The coach would point his finger at me, and then he would say something profound and inspiring like …. “Look at Smith, at least he finished. He wasn’t first and he wasn’t last, but he did finish.” And I would mutter a lowly “uh thanks, I think?” and move on.
Now later, much later on in life, I am still striving to achieve something, anything, as long as it is positive in nature.
Following along those same lines, I recently took on a second job sort of thing, working in the afternoons. It is something like the Wall-Mart greeter guy, only different. I am now working at Weight Watchers, they are paying me $8.40 and hour to stand in the corner, there the weight trainers and personal rep’s point at me and yell ….. “If you continue to eat Twinkies and Ding Dongs, this is what you will look like!”
Always the good example.
Winners, I want stories about winners. Rudy, Clash of the Titans, The Horse Whisper, that Will Smith movie about the homeless guy, and a host of others. I want a movie where the dog comes home, the guy gets the girl, the storyline where the hero makes a difference. I love stuff like Charice, the little Filipino girl who dreams of singing with Celina Deon and comes to America and does just that.
And she is good, knock down drag ’em out the door good, check out the video. Her talent really shines in part two at Madison Garden when she sings with Celina.
Brings a tear to my eye every time.
Like most of you, I am sick of stories of big time bankers and politicians that get convicted, pick up the bag of money and waltz off into the sunset. I don’t want to hear about the polar bears drowning or the Eskimo’s that cannot heat their homes or find any grub. I am sick of all this negative crap going around, I want some good news.
Give me something like this story that a friend of mine recently shared with me. In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10-year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him.
“How much is an ice cream sundae?” he asked. “Fifty cents,” replied the waitress. The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it.
“Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?” he inquired.
By now more people were waiting for a table and the waitress was growing impatient. “Thirty-five cents,” she brusquely replied. The little boy again counted his coins. “I’ll have the plain ice cream,” he said.
The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away.
The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left. When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies and she realized that he chose not to have a sundae, because if he had, he would not have enough left to leave her a tip.
You can make a difference in someone’s life.
Do something, anything, nice for someone today. You’ll be surprised how much better you feel when you are the example and not the cause.
Comments is open, every reader with the letters A-N can comment now, O-Z you have to wait until tomorrow, or whenever you feel like it. Have a great weekend.
You ever get tired of television or the Sunday Paper telling you that your not as beautiful as you should be, or strong enough, or fashionable enough to fit in. You ever get tired of a constant steady stream of bad news on the airwaves.
Television news broadcasters assault us with story after story of how bad things are in the world these days.
If it bleeds … Then it leads. Seems to be the most popular approach to television news. Bad news is the new mantra of the twenty-first century. Get used to it.
Yesterday my next door neighbor, Marc, said to me, “If I hear one more sound bite on gasoline, McCain or Obamma. I am going to take a gun and blow my brains out!” I have to agree, on some days I am right in there with him on that.
By the time you reach age 18 it is estimated that you have seen approximately 200,000 violent acts on television, some of that includes murders, at about 16,000. Each of us deals on a daily basis with this kind of stuff and I figure over the years, just like anything else, it has to affect us.
Taking it one step further, I will go out on a limb here and venture that a great many of us have become “addicted to all this bad news” even though we are painfully aware it is no good for us, we still seek it out.
We have to have it. It is our elixir of life for the day.
Now one of these days I figure, things are going to turn around, and all of the news is going to be good for a change. Things are going to slow down in our favor, and life is going to vastly improve for the majority of us. Money won’t be tight, she will never have a headache, cable tv will be free.
(Hey? This is MY story, ok?)
What about those poor unfortunate folks who are addicted to nothing but bad news. They are going to miss it something terribly. That is why I have decided to print a “Bad News Paper” for all those folks who cannot stand to live without their daily dose of bad news.
The Bad News Gazette will contain: Negative thought, bad memories, hard times. Because they are addicted to it. They are going to miss all this, that is where I come in, I am gonna print a bad news paper. Having found themselves cruelly missing this, I will provide it for them. That I am afraid is the down side.
But here is the upside, I should make millions.
My 911 at-large-mobile-correspondent in Nevada, (Art) has come up with some possible headlines. We feel as if these will be suitable for the first start off additions of the Bad News Gazzette, check out the new headlines here.