Pull The Trigger

I stopped by the Chevrolet Dealership yesterday, for a look at the new Government Motors Silverado 2012, 1500 pickup. Just for fun, I took it out for a test drive. I wanted to sense that new “feel” before they become extinct …

As we took a test drive the salesman (a well dressed black man wearing an Obama “change” lapel pin) sat in the passenger seat describing the truck and all its “wonderful” options.

The seats were of particular interest. He explained that the seats directed warm air to your butt in the winter and directed cool air to your butt in the summer heat.

Feeling like messing with him, I mentioned that this must be a Republican truck.  Looking a bit angry, he asked why I thought it was a Republican truck.

I explained that if it were a Democrat truck, the seats would blow smoke up your a** year-round. 

I had to walk back to the dealership …. Guess this guy just had no sense of humor.

Suppose we will just dig a hole and bury this sucker (make a storm cellar out of it) funeral details will be published in the near future.  Please bring your own shovel.



Cartoon courtesy of Center For American Progress


Media Fatigue

Well there it is again. “Oil is cheaper than other liquids. How the price of a barrel of oil, $124.31 compares with a similar amount of other liquids.” I don’t know about you, but did you ever notice they always choose a liquid standard that is mostly useless.

Milk $147.00 per gallon — Tropicana Orange Juice $226.00 per gallon — Bud Lite $302.00 — Louisiana brand hot sauce $520.00 — Jack Daniels Whiskey $3,568.00 — Chanel #5 perfume $102,144.00

Realistically speaking about the only thing up there that you actually “need” would be milk. And that is it.

So it is basically useless information, drinking a gallon a day of beer, you are a hopeless alcoholic and you should not be driving anywhere, anytime. One gallon of Orange Juice has enough sugar, acid, vitamin C in it to put enough hives on you to make you look like the face of the moon.

All of this is misdirection. It is by design, going to make you think of something “other than the high price of fuel” and nothing more.

No one in their right mind, not even a gator wrestlin’ country bumpkin from the deep south, would drink a gallon of hot sauce, Jack Daniels the same (but on the other hand if you are inclined to wrestle gators on the weekend, a little Jack Daniels might be a good idea), and anyone that uses a gallon of perfume, should not even be out in public. If she does, she is probably a “Workin’ Gal” and that is another post altogether.

The point being, this is ludicrous, unrealistic, and just plain dumb.

Might as well be a gallon of Bat Guano from Carlsbad, New Mexico, a gallon of goats milk from Afghanistan, hot peppers from Central America, moonshine from the piney-woods outside Ft. Smith Arkansas, or Foo-Foo water from Cannes, France.

It would make about as much sense as that does.

Driving by the 7-11 today I notice the price of the stuff (gas) is UP again (big surprise there, no?) and although the numbers show a definite decrease and a positive change in the driving habits of American’s nationwide, we continue to be raped by Big Oil.

General Motors must have sold a bunch of Hummers this week, that is the only thing I could see that would be driving it up in price. Americans are not expecting any relief at the gas pump. Indeed, 86% say they expect it to exceed $4 a gallon and to eventually top out at over $5 that is up too, only 26% of them thought that last year. Americans are paying $1.6 billion a day for gasoline, that is three times what they paid for it 2002.

As I am in a generous mood this day, have not been attacked or mauled lately, my mailbox is no longer smoking. I will pass on to you, two things you can do to beat this.

First, you can make your own fuel at home, start up capital is a little steep, about $10 grand, but you can make your own ethanol.

Or solution #2 … You can buy a fuel efficient automobile made by the Japanese. Honda unveiled its latest big MPG product this week in Los Angeles. A hybrid that gets an estimated 74 mpg and runs on Hydrogen. Only one drawback … in all of California there are just a handful of hydrogen fuel stations, they have been slow to catch on in the Golden State.

No small wonder … Hydrogen is a byproduct of “water” and we all know there isn’t any PROFIT in that, don’t we.

Iceland, a small country at the top of the world, runs all of their cars, trucks and buses on hydrogen. The only oil that they import or use is for lubrication purposes (grease etc) and that is it. But I don’t suppose anyone in Washington, DC every noted this fact. You can write Mr. Bush about it, but I understand he isn’t all that big on reading, might put it inside a copy of the latest video game, better chance of him finding it there, something like Grand Theft Auto II or something like that.

Might as well run this one up the flagpole and see if I can find someone to salute it. And then I am outta here.

One thing I have noticed here of late is the word “Jihad” casually being tossed around by our elected morons. Correct me if I am wrong, but we are “supposed to be at war with Al Qaeda and other Islamic fanatics,” and we are constantly showering them with compliments?

When you refer to an Islamist extremist as a jihadi” or “Jihadist.” You are commenting on them in a positive fashion, you are portraying them in a positive light, not the terrorists thugs, bloody cowards that they are.

As I understand this, in Arabic, the word jihad has only positive connotations; it refers to either a quest to find one’s fate or an external fight for justice. So when we refer to Islamic suicide bombers as jihads, we essentially are calling our enemies “holy warriors.”

Someone needs to fix this or at least point it out to our resident MBA C average dudes.

The people who seem devoted to using this phrase in the wrong fashion are the very same people who told us that “mushroom clouds” over American Cities were a reality, that certain knowledge was indicative to this nuke-uleer holocaust on our shores. That was just before some 4,000 Americans were sent overseas to die, along with some 85,000 Iraqis, not to be confused as resident Jihads or political candidates.

I guess the bumper stickers were right after all.

Language is a funny thing, for example, “The president of Mexico, refers to “illegals” as National Hero’s. Certainly wrong, but that is the way it goes ….. First your money and then your clothes … Or … as Bo Diddley used to say, “Don’t trust anyone but your mama, and look at her real good.”

So that is it in a nutshell. The air in America isn’t the only thing that seems to be polluted these days, lot of television broadcasting is the same.

Now if you excuse me, I have a number three washtub of Craw Daddies and a gallon of Louisiana Hot Sauce to work thru … Should take me most of the weekend.


Pretty Women

Chinese food for lunch today, I am looking forward to it.  Asian women seem to catch my eye, I am into them.  When you eat Chinese food, one of the benefits of this, is of course, a high concentration of Asian women.  You know Chinese wait staff girls are certainly attractive, I noticed that recently.

Asian women are beautiful. Asian guys, well, they are relegated to “tech support.”

Over at the Super-Center the other day and saw this girl, all decked out to the nines, clearly a professional woman.  She was looking so good, and she had two small boys with her, dressed in Soccer Attire.  I thought to myself, “here is a girl who has put in a long day at work, now she is shopping’ for the family, taking it home, cooking it up and taking care of the brood.”

My hat is off to her.  Women work too hard, for too little in this day and age, and they surely have their hands full.  They clearly deserve more credit for what they do in the home …

We went to the Mall yesterday and I started it again.  The younger generation, whatever they are calling them this week, they tend to really bug me.  “I just want to grab ‘em, every one of ‘em, and say ….. Listen, the bill of the cap goes on the front of your face, tie your damn shoes, and pull up them baggy pants, yo’ underwear is showing!’ But Cup Cake reined me in and told me to cool it.

T-Shirt at the Mall:  “I graduated, where is my car?” Yup, that sounds like the American Way to me.

Paper says that I am going to get my economic stimulus check in the first week of June.  Gee whiz, isn’t’ that just peachy cool.  Things must be getting tight, I notice that my neighbor across the street is taking his own lunch to the Indian Casino’s now, must be rough.

Aren’t Y’all (Okie Talk) proud of me, I made it all the way to the bottom of the page, and haven’t mentioned gasoline one time.  It is part of my new attitude adjustment thing I am working on.  I find that nothing can destroy my mood quicker than a trip to the 7-11 for a fill up on one of our trucks.  I can be in a great mood, up and until I pull up to the pump and I look at the price of the fuel.

This is when I discovered a kinky little quirk in my personality.  If you’re normal, you periodically feel little surges of anger that you don’t express.  Which can of course be risky in today’s PC society.

Suppressing your feelings over a period of time, can be dangerous not only to yourself but to bystanders, other people in the area at the time.  I believe the teen-agers call it going “postal.”  So I have found something that seems to work for me.

Before heading down to the root n scoot for fuel.  I go into the garage, close the door and then I throw about a five-minute snot-nosed fit-ritual about twice a week.  My new self induced therapy procedure with no witnesses except the cat, and even he is not sticking around for any of it here lately, I notice he is avoiding me like I have rabies.

For four minutes, you fume, seethe, curse and yell.  You huff, puff, the vein on your neck sticks out!

For the final sixty seconds, you compel yourself to laugh, as hard as you can, uncontrollably if this is possible.  This free’s up all them End-o-morphine things that reside in your body next to your fat cells and hormones.  Immediately afterwards, you load up in the car/truck, rush down and pay for your motor fuel, this is when you enter into the hysterical crying phaseof the process.

We will cover that tomorrow along with locking gas caps, and proper air pressure.

I am now going to devote the rest of this day to some kind of timewaster or cheap thrill.  Such as giving my bologna a middle name, or some other important issue.  I am not, under any circumstances going to mow, sack, cut, trim, sweep, take to the curb or re-arrange anything other than the head pillows on my easy boy recliner.

It’s a tough job … but someone has to do it.


Related:  Refining The Problem

Final Frontier

NASA today announced that they are sending a man to the near vicinity of Mar’s in the future.  Why?  Glad you asked that question, ‘Because it seems recent discoveries by space launched vehicles have noted the possibility of large pools of hydrocarbons on the surface of this planet.  Thus giving even more credence to the canals of Mars theory.  The new findings suggest that we will be actually be able to retrieve huge amounts of petroleum from this planet.  Under Secretary of State Biggy Rat and his Itchy Brother we are now formulating plans to rocket up enough troops to this to be announced later undisclosed location, to effectively safeguard and occupy the planet for the next 100 years”. 


At the same time today the Government unveiled their new plan on getting Americans off their dependence of foreign oil.  As long as you are not immune to Methane fumes or Hay-fever you should fare well.


Contact your local elected representative for money-saving, government issued coupons (Giggly-Gabblers, no Green Backs accepted) for the National Discounted price.  


Currently there are two models shown, a Democrat and The Republican, the Independent model is still undecided at this time.


 Good Television fare on PBS tonight, America’s Experience:  George H.W. Bush … “No New Taxes, sowing the seeds of his undoing. Kinnnebunkport is my home, but I pay my taxes in Texas.   Dismantling the Reagan Administration and unraveling the Republican Party single-handedly, Condoleza is gonna be there for all yo’ matcho men to slaver over.”  I always wondered “after being shot down twice, with a plane named the same name, why didn’t he re-name the plane the same name?”  (Do-dah – Do-dah)


Seems to me that would have been an indicator or a precursor to bad news.  But then I sit back and study his son and it all comes together for me …….. “Okay, so I was wrong about the WMD thing, missed the mark in Iraq, lost Ossama Been Forgotten over there somewhere close to Packeeestan, didn’t quite hit the mark with Katrina, moral leadership, the environment, the whole durn economy thang, but I am gonna give this here Pallerstinian thing and the Syrian nuculeeer fuels plant serious attention”…..


Texas!  It’s like a whole nuther world.

(It’s an attitude thang Ya’ll)


Check your local listings.