It Must Be Monday


The wind blows hard this morning, it comes roaring across the plains with a vengeance, carrying it with bitter cold.  I don’t know where it is has been, but it has been blowing across snow, it tears at the corner of my eye, and it chills me to the marrow of my bone.  I secretly long to be somewhere else.

This time of the year, it is hard to find that ideal spot in life, that pleasing place, where everything is right.  Back east my friends are still covered in snow, locked down and the first stages of Cabin Fever seem to be rearing its ugly head.  I stop to think about it all, things could be a lot worse for myself.

I count my blessings.

A bad week to be a football fan, at least in Washington state that is.  A Washington state middle schooler was sent home for wearing the wrong NFL jersey.  His school which has an official uniform last week, allowed students to wear Seattle Seahawks jerseys for a team-appreciation day.  Grendon Bailie, who is 13 years old, wore the jersey of his beloved Pittsburg Steelers and was told to change or be suspended.  His only comment was:  “Not everyone is a Seahawks fan.”

It is not easy being a thirteen year old these days.

A Houston Texas couple was told to stop feeding the homeless because they do not have a permit.  The couple had been feeding up to 120 people per night, using donated food prepared by volunteers.  But City officials, in their infinite wisdom, decided to shut down the program because the kitchen isn’t inspected and certified.  Their collective reasoning was that “poor people are the most vulnerable to food-borne illness.”   Which is kind of like saying “Homeless people are lucky, they get to camp out every night.”   Let’s form a committee and pool our ignorance, Houston you have a problem.

I guess it is best to just let them starve too death.

Good news!  Do you desire to have healthy skin?  British researchers found that eating five more portions of fruit and vegetables a day raises carotid levels and gives skin a golden tone, making people look healthier and more attractive.  My skin, is not all that pretty, I don’t normally think in terms of “skin care.”  Does the word “well preserved” readily come to mind here?

At my age I figure I would have to eat a dump-truck load of carrots, just to be considered “good looking.”

It also appears I may have to go back to dressing for success in order to look good.  Believe it or not, it pays off.  Lady Gaga and her ridiculous getups, are projected to make $100 million this year.  In my minds eye, I can still remember my mother standing there and saying to me, “I am NOT going to pay $4.05 for a pair of Levi’s!”

Life moves on.

Former Kalifornia Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger calculated that he lost roughly $200 million in box-office receipts by serving in government instead of making movies.  “It was more than worth it,” Arnold said.  Yeah?  Try taking that to Cracker Barrel for a cup of coffee and an order of Chicken N Dumplings.

Things are warming up down under.  This week it was announced that a group of Austrian undertakers said that they planned to funnel the excess heat generated by the crematorium next door into their new headquarters, so as to not waste energy.

I have saved the boring but important stuff for last.

This past week, President Obama ordered a regulatory review of all Federal departments.  He issued an executive order directing federal departments “to root out those agencies that have rules that conflict, are not worth the cost, or are just plain dumb.”

The main snag or hangup here, would be where do you start?

Our president went on to say (now this one is a hoot), government rules strengthen our country without unduly interfering with the economy.  And he went on further to say that although there are obvious gaps in the regulatory framework, it all seems to be working just peachy, and everything is going just swell.


Filled up lately Mr. President?


A Massachusetts cat has been summoned for jury duty, after it was listed by its owner on the census form.  The cat received his summons, the cats owner said she contacted the jury commission to request disqualification on the grounds that Sal’s language skills  are limited.  And I suppose that he could be considered racist, as it was rumored that he definitely did not like dogs.  It has to be true, I mean, I read it on the Internet.

Sit back, take a deep breath, and relax … Spring is just around the corner, it will be here before you know it.


Cartoons courtesy of Center for American Progress

Gobble-Gobble Y’all

turkeyGobble-Gobble, Y’all

That is Okie Talk for “pass me one of them drumsticks.”  If you haven’t noticed, they have started.  All the major stores and malls have put up their “Christmas Stuff.”

Being as I am one of those werewolf loonies that becomes somewhat moody and unruly this time of the year, I will ask the basic question:

“Got all your Christmas shopping done?”

Already my annual inferiority complex is moving in.  Every year it seems to start just a tad bit earlier than the year before.  It is caused by all these people who insist on making fun of those of us who have not yet completed their Christmas shopping.  Here it is, November, and the list of things I have NOT done is staggering.

  • No … I have not completed my Christmas shopping.
  • No … I have not picked out my Christmas cards.
  • No … I don’t know what everyone wants this year.
  • No … I have not talked to the wife about where she wants the tree.
  • No … I have not the little fake people on the front lawn.
  • No … I do not remember where we put the tree lights from last year.
  • No … I probably will not spend the weekend shopping.

It is getting harder to remember, but I believe there was actually a time in my life, when Thanksgiving Day came literally weeks ahead of Christmas.  It still does on the calendar, but in our minds it’s become sort of a target date for seeing how everybody is doing preparing for Christmas.

I don’t know exactly when this merging of Christmas and Thanksgiving began, but it was not an idea thought up by the Pilgrims, this much I know.  At least I don’t think so?  I think it was Sears, Lowe’s, Home Depot or China-Mart if you want to know the truth.  Last I heard, the Pilgrims took their Holidays, one day at a time.

Back in those days, the days of the Pilgrims.  The Pilgrims got together for a big dinner and then, while the women Pilgrims were cleaning up the kitchen, the men Pilgrims went into the den and watched the Cowboys lose to the forty-niners or something like that?  Nowadays, attitudes are different, much, much different.  We are in such a hurry to get it all over with.

A woman answered a knock on her back door and saw a beggar standing there.  “Lady” he said, “I am hungry.  I have not eaten in two days.  Could you give me something to eat?” The lady replied, “Well, I don’t have anything but these drumsticks left over from Thanksgiving dinner yesterday.” The beggar said, “That would be fine.” So the lady said, “Okay, drop by tomorrow, right now we are working on our Christmas Card List.”

It used to be that Christmas didn’t begin moving into the spotlight until around the 10th of December.  By that time of the month, it was permissible for children to start asking about getting the tree and later on it was considered all right to begin the job of purchasing gifts for the rest of the family.  And the other important people in your life, immediate family, friends, associates at work, the Cable TV guy.

Funny, I hardly see anybody anymore who admits shopping as late as the middle of December.  But it is common to know people who have all of their buying done by the weekend of Thanksgiving and many already have completed that annual task of revising the Christmas Card List, based on who dropped them the previous December by the 29th of November.

I sort of think that the very best way to observe Thanksgiving Day is not to discuss Christmas.  It takes some of the fun out of Thanksgiving Day when the whole family sits at the table and makes all the Christmas plans, before the pumpkin pie is served.

Thanksgiving is a time for homecomings, love and good tidings should abound.  Play with the Grand-baby in the pile of leaves in the backyard, pet the dog, sit down and really talk to the child who is home from college and with you on the Holiday.

This Thanksgiving, gather with the family and bask in the glow of all the wonderful things that God has provided for you.  Take a quick mental inventory of all the riches he has given you that you should be thankful for.  God’s word says, 2 Cor 4:15 … For all things are for your sakes, that the abundant grace might through the thanksgiving of many rebound to the glory of God.

One last thing:  This year I have made up my mind, I will not do one thing about Christmas on Thanksgiving Day.  Not one thing!  Christmas will come soon enough.

God Bless.

Fifty Plates To Feed My Brother

If you are still here?  If you want to take a Turkey Test you can find one here … I got half of them.  Gobble-Gobble Y’all.


Say It Isn’t So Joe

A record 90 percent of voters say country is seriously off track. According to a new ABC poll, 90 percent of registered voters say the country is going in the wrong direction. Only 23 percent approve of President Bush. After the recent presidential debate someone on McSame’s bus was heard to say … “It’s 10pm, does anyone know what time it is?”

Given the global economic crisis, a record number of registered voters say the country is seriously off on the wrong track, the most since this question first was asked in 1973. At 23 percent, Bush’s job approval rating has fallen below Nixon’s lowest; it’s a point away from the lowest in 70 years of polling, set by Harry Truman in early 1952.

Bush’s disapproval, meanwhile, is at an all-time record — 73 percent. … Reflecting these economic worries, just 44 percent of Americans are confident they’ll have enough money to carry them through retirement. The other 56% are seriously worried about just making it to payday on next Tuesday.

This sure is getting tired and old at this point in the game, I mean, just elect “somebody” and get it over with.

John McSame and Obammer both promised and vowed a different kind of campaign. Yet this one has devolved into the tried and true: Destroy the enemy truth and fairness be damned.

Is this the way to lift up America during these most trying times.

Joe the Plumber = twenty references. Middle Class = True to form, zero.

McSame looked like McCranky this last go around, and unfortunately, not much was new.

One more disturbing item and then I will move on.  Doubt has been cast over the story of “Joe the plumber”, the man who unexpectedly became the star of this week’s US presidential debate. Joe Wurzelbacher, of Ohio, was thrown into the spotlight after he was used by John McCain as an example of who might suffer under Barack Obama’s tax plans.

But it now emerges he is not a licensed plumber and owes $1,200 in back taxes.

The complete article is here, including a short video interview with “our man Joe” at the end of article.  Groan. I am going to write a totally new version of history just like these bozo’s routinely offer us. I will call it Highlights in History, watch for it, coming to a webpage near you soon.

The folks from Somalia are back in the news. Requests by Muslims to pray at work in Grand Island, Nebraska and Colorado, have led to clashes with employers who say they cannot accommodate the strictly scheduled prayers.

Requests by Muslims to pray at work, have led to clashes with employers who say they cannot apease the meat cutting religious zealots.

The conflicts raise questions about religious rights on the job. Muslims say they are being discriminated against and are taking their complaints to the courts and the federal government.

Employers say the time out for prayer can burden other workers and disrupt operations.  The conflicts raise questions about religious rights on the job. Muslims are the most vocal complainers of all the religions in the united states.  This is the best part of the article, “As he voiced his complaints through a translator.”

Here is a novel idea, “if you don’t like it here, why not pack up your sorry butt and go back to the Middle East and you can pray there all you want. That is, when you are not ducking and looking for cover.”

East Brunswick, N.J., football coach Marcus Borden has filed a petition with the U.S. Supreme Court for a review of a federal appeals court ruling that prohibits him from participating in team prayer. Borden’s case began, when in 2005, he was told by school administrators not to lead his players in a team prayer.

Borden is asking the court to review an April ruling from the U.S. 3rd Circuit Court of Appeals. The appeals panel had reversed a 2006 ruling that said Borden and other public school coaches could silently bow their heads and “take a knee” with players as their teams prayed.

Down here, in the states of Texas, Oklahoma, Louisiana, we pray before Friday Night Football and we don’t think anything about it, but then again, we live in America, not where the rest of these folks apparently live.

Des Moines, Iowa. Operating room nurse Pauline Taylor knows her refusal to get a flu shot is based on faulty logic. But ever since she got sick after getting a shot a few years ago, she’s sworn off the vaccine. “I rarely get sick. The only thing I could narrow it down to is that I had gotten this shot,” said Taylor, who works at University Hospitals and Clinics in Iowa City.

“I know that it’s not a live virus. It just seemed pretty coincidental. Such stories frustrate me, the poor sap, who has to be handled by these so-called “health workers” who do not bother to get a shot. A surprising statistic — nearly 60% of health care workers fail to get a flu shot.

Now don’t get me wrong, nurses have worked hard to advance their profession and dispite some sexist myths do a great job. Portraying nurses as empty-headed bimbos demeans their important work and the education and skills it demands.

As I am old and somewhat bent out of shape ninety-two-point five percent of the time, I desire clean and healthy hands on my body at all times …. Aw what the hey, who am I kidding ….. I’ll take clean hands on my body at any time.

Be Nice – Play Fair – Share.

Civility lessons for the commuter. The Boston-area transit system has placed posters on 600 subway cars and 400 buses, reminding riders to pick up trash, tone it down on the phone, offer seats to those who need them, and let people off trains before getting on themselves. Officials said complaints about poor manners have increased along with rider-ship on MBTA buses and trolleys lately. It is a pretty sad state of affairs when children do not have any social mores, and the parents of the same kids, do not know how to ride politely with other commuters. Is it no small wonder when other nation’s observe us and feel that we are crude, rude and obnoxious.

Great Falls – Montana. The first turbines at a wind farm in north-central Montana are online, supplying power to customers in California. The $500 million Glacier Wind Farm is being developed by Spain-based NaturEner.

The first phase of 71 towers will be producing 106.5 megawatts of power within two weeks, a company spokesman said. Most of the wind farms in our state are owned by outside interests (foreign investment) and it appears that around the country, the trend seems to be the same, people other than the U.S. building public works/private interest for us.

Might be why they are living in robust economies, have rewarding careers and good jobs, and we are headed for the dumpster.

CLEARFIELD, Pa. A chef at a western Pennsylvania Italian restaurant ate a 15-pound burger with 5.2 pounds of toppings in 4 hours and 39 minutes. Brad Sciullo, of Uniontown, is the first person to successfully eat the huge burger at Denny’s Beer Barrel Pub, said pub owner Dennis Liegey.

The burger — called the Beer Barrel Belly Bruiser — includes a bun, lettuce, tomatoes, cheese, onions, mild banana peppers and a cup each of mayonnaise, ketchup, mustard and relish. When asked what possessed him to eat a burger that big, the 5-foot-11, 180-pound Sciullo said: “I wanted to see if I could.”

“I’ve always had a heck of a capacity and I can down about two gallons of water and I can do a gallon of milk in 20-some seconds,” said Sciullo, a chef at Pasta Lorenzo’s in Uniontown. He was later spotted on the house telephone calling Joe The Plumber.

NASA has commissioned a specialist to recreate the smell of outer space – which has been described as being similar to fried steak and hot metal. The research is being conducted so astronauts can get an idea of the kinds of conditions they will experience. Once again, the prudent spending of your tax dollar for the benefit of a greater society.

Steven Pearce, a chemist and managing director of fragrance manufacturing company Omega Ingredients, has been working since August to recreate the smell – he hopes to be finished by the end of the year.

“We have a few clues as to what space smells like. First of all, there were interviews with astronauts that we were given, when they had been outside and then returned to the space station and were de-suiting and taking off their helmets, they all reported quite particular odors.”.

“For them, what comes across is a smell of fried steak, hot metal and even welding a motorcycle. NASA said he has successfully produced the smell of fried steak, but recreating the smell of hot metal has proven to be quite difficult. Perhaps a sniff of the end of the barrel of Cheney’s shotgun would do it?

Hey, feed me two Taco’s and one super-sized all bean Burrito and I will give you all the smell and space you need!

Yeah, I know gross. Don’t write me any letters, the box is full.

Have A Great Weekend.


The cartoon was published by the Center for American Progress” (online)

First and Ten

Late at night, the quiet time of the morning, most of you are still asleep. I am sitting here in my underwear thinking about milkshakes, did you know the average fast food milkshake contains over fifty chemicals? I am somewhat partial to Strawberry myself.

(Now if that doesn’t create a vivid mindset, I don’t know what would?)

As it is no big secret around here that I am not all that big a fan of football, where millions of Americans tune in each week to see some guy lay on the ground with a bone protruding from his body while they perform the wave, I have to find other avenues to amuse myself, such as this. Late night rambling and luke warm, micro waved coffee.

Often I will throw some “Oldies But Goodies” from Time Life Collection (not available in stores, only thru this TV offer), crank up the CD player, make an occasional foray back to the sixties in my mind or a trip to La-La-Land as my shrink used to call it.

As Frazier Crane on Cheer’s used to say …. Find your happy place, are you there? The things I do to stay in contact with my inner self.

Tonight or rather this morning, as I ponder another insane football season, having just barely recovered from a summer of suffering thru the Olympics, my mind drifts back to the fall of some year in the sixties (does it really matter which year?) when I was a student at La Vista Junior High school (Where the leaders of tomorrow are developing the Pimples of today!) on the left coast of America (California).

With all this border-line insanity presently taking place in America what is being substituted for regular fare each day, I feel stressed and I yearn for something different.

Hopeless Romantic? Unbridled Dreamer?

Call me what you may … but life back then in my perspective … was better than it is now. In those days the absolute worst crime that I had committed in my life, was possibly riding two on a bicycle, packing my buddy on the handle bars and getting my very first traffic citation from a cop at the ripe old age of thirteen. Starting my first encounter or a long and close relationship with the law enforcement personnel around the country up and until just recently.

Life was good … Junior High School was a gas.

Not a lot of stress, show up, do the drill, smoke a butt in the bathroom at recess and eat lunch. My biggest contribution to life at that time was shop class, where one year I made an ashtray! Now don’t laugh, these days it is considered a “lost art.” The following year, I made a set of bongo drums to the delight of my mother. The sixties were good to me, perhaps why I don’t remember a lot of stuff to this very day, but that is not what this piece is about.

As a matter of fact, as usual, I don’t have a clue as to what this piece is about.

Not really sure, I believe we are talking about “fun” not my latent dependency on chemical pacifiers in my youth. What did we do for fun in those days? What was life like before computers, video games, Rock N Roll, drugs and cheap sex? Before McDonalds, The Mall, before man landed and stepped on the face of the moon? I do vaguely remember those days, but I do not remember what it is that we did for fun.

Cutting class and sneaking down to the sippy hole and going for a dip in the late afternoon without the benefit of trunks or Speedo’s. Fun was watching television at your girlfriend’s house during a power failure. Forget that soft warm puppy stuff. Pinching a watermelon from Old Man Simon’s watermelon patch on late Saturday night. Sitting around in a parked Chevy at the Dairy Queen entering into deep discussions on why French Fries gave you zits and why Clearasil really doesn’t seem to work when you are sixteen years old.

Fun, believe it or not, is a progressive thing; you learn it as you go.

Now when I was a small lad, I remember I used to pull the ears on my sister’s dog for fun. Back in those days that was okay for a latch key kid to amuse himself. Before all you dog lovers send something to my mailbox, don’t get all riled up that was just a suggestion really, I actually loved the mutt and used to slip him table scraps of liver and bacon, which more than likely lead to his early death due to obesity in or around 1965.

If I was perhaps trying to gross you out, I could have suggested that we used to go down to the creek, catch frogs, bring them back and feed them to Mama’s geese and that was considered fun. But as I am not from Alabama or someplace that has a lot of frogs, so this is not quite believable either.

Not really being all that sure, I believe it some circles it is called literary license or something like that. My mama lived in Hayward, California (in the San Francisco Bay Area) not exactly a prime area known for the raising of geese and other farm animals.

Fun was running around the yard, barefoot in the summertime, catching fireflies and then smashing them on your finger to “make a ring” in the dark. You ever get the distinct impression that most of my childhood was truly violent and was consumed with evil plots and schemes … Yeah, now you are getting the picture.

You see … Little boys are everything that is suggested …. Little Monsters that grow up to be men … Dirty Old Men. Yeahsus! Now let’s get loaded and go shoot some crows!*

That beats sitting around watching football any day.


* No actual crows were shot or harmed during the writing of this article, any resemblance to anyone alive or dead who shoots crows for sport is purely coincidental, this post has been edited and shortened to fit into the space provided, any reprint of this article is strictly prohibited by the NFL.

PARTING SHOT: “No one says “It’s only a game when their team is winning.”

I Don’t Understand

I don’t understand why Runway Models walk the way they do.

I don’t understand how a black cow, can eat green grass, under a blue sky and produce white milk.

I don’t understand the phrase … Settle your tax debt for pennies on the dollar … Why are we not allowed to send in pennies … instead of dollars?

I don’t understand why Radio Shack wants my name and address to sell me batteries.

I don’t understand where all the overweight people are on television sitcoms … all the people in the background are always perfect, and extremely attractive, no one is overweight or obese.

I don’t understand this “New American Democracy.” Politicians equating dissent with treason.

I don’t understand why all the women on TV, not just a few, but all of them, want to have sex. And my wife doesn’t.

I don’t understand what is so glorious or patriotic about a picture of a G.I with a rifle in his hands.

I don’t understand media fiction and internet truth. The worst journalistic judgment of the year. Time Magazine’s pick of Man Of The Hour … ABC’s Person of the week.

I don’t understand … “They found the victims charred and burned body in the gutted car” and police “suspect foul play.” Why three time offenders are paroled and put back on the street.

I don’t understand how someone on television grabs his passport and goes to Tahiti and the average American has to wait for a passport six to twelve months.

I don’t understand people that call you with their number blocked (Private) and most always never leave a message, then complain when you do not call them back.

I don’t understand why we park on the driveway .. but drive on the parkway.

I don’t understand the National obsession with football, pro or otherwise.

I don’t understand why anyone in their right mind would want the name P. Diddy, and I don’t understand why anyone would want the old name … Puff Daddy.

I don’t understand … Britney Spears.

I don’t understand federal intervention and mandatory forced busing of students. This is a social study that did not work and is an utter failure. Why are so many kids bused to school in this country each day, especially when fuel supplies are in short supply.

I don’t understand why those amongst us, the Politically Correct Do-Gooders insist on hyphenating everyone when we are all Americans.

I don’t understand why the media would refer to the tragedy of 9-11 as New York’s’ best moment.

I don’t understand why the do-nut shop gives me a receipt for do-nuts, I am not bringing it back.

I don’t understand why we are selling off American infrastructure to foreign investment.

I don’t understand why more Afghanistan women are shoppers … There is a target on every corner.

I don’t understand how a turnpike built with tax payer funds and subsidized and maintained using tax dollars, can be sold by the governor of a state. Isn’t this “public property?” Who gave him the right to sell it to an Australian concern for the next 75 years.

I don’t understand:

Our home has had two garbage disposals, two dish-washers, two heating units, three hot water heaters, just as many air conditioning units …. But after all these years … the same original doorbell.

I don’t understand how a small country (Iceland) can run all of their cars, buses and trucks on Hydrogen fuel, but in the USA this technology is 20 years away.

I don’t understand how the government can track down a sick cow with mad cow disease, but cannot locate 22 million illegal aliens. Perhaps it is time to give each illegal a cow when they come across the border.

I don’t understand how any country in good conscience can spend some $10 billion a month fighting for a middle east country who’s citizens won’t even stand up and defend itself and allow little children to go to bed hungry here at home.

I don’t understand why they are allowed to pocket $80 billion in oil revenues, and we go bankrupt feeding and maintaining them on a daily basis.

I don’t understand why if the earth’s core is molten lava, hotter than the asphalt on a Texas Two-Lane in Mid July, then why aren’t we drilling into it and producing geothermal heat for our country’s energy needs.

I don’t understand how T. Boone Pickens can imagine the USA as the “Saudi Arabia of Wind Power” when we don’t have the electric lines in place to move anything generated.

I don’t understand why Germany has miles and miles of solar collectors alongside their interstate highways, producing cheap, reasonable electricity and all we have are fast-food joints and truck stops.

Show me a road, where I might go, show me the place where I might hide out for a season or two. A gentle place, where things make sense, where they are no poisoned darts, where heartaches do not abound.

Show me this road and take me south … To a place, where I might understand.


Heatin Up … Tax Free.

Been an interesting week. I have experienced only two emotions and they were: “Joy and Indigestion.” Once again, my world is void of God’s and Hero’s, and in its place, I have one’s and zero’s. Such is bloggin.

Lot of flack this week about McSame’s commercials about the “Hollywood Elitist” attitude toward Obammer and all that. What a bunch of garbage. I mean who gives a rat’s patooie what Madonna, Cher, Brad Pitt or any of those Hollywood types have to say about anything. They are actors; some of them are hardly that, what they are not … are political experts on anything.

Why should the media care about what is most of the time, clearly an out of context celebrity comment. Why should this be considered news in the first place? Think about it. Acting is the most minor of all the gifts on the planet, Shirley Temple could do it when she was only four.

Personally I don’t really care if David Hasselhoff supports this candidate or the other. These people are actors, last I heard, so what is the big stink about. They have already run this presidential race into the ground anyway.

2nd of August, time for the annual local media blitz on “How Hot It Is!”

Every year at this time, the media in Oklahoma seems to concentrate on “how hot it is” and have you perhaps noticed. This is the time of the year when they send the junior reporter out to try and fry an egg on the sidewalk. Every year, as it has for possibly millions of years, summer arrives and it gets hot. Then our local media goes collectively insane, and each one picks up on it, and the first thing you know, the hottest topic in town, is how hot it is …… Outside.

This is the time of the year when I eagerly anticipate the arrival of cicadas (Katy Dids) and watch for dragon flies heading south, this tells me the suffering is almost over and it is going to cool off. But for now, the heat continues and the reporters drone on and on ………

This to be followed by the annual OU Football has their first practice session … Which player has broken his/her parole and is no longer on the squad or has lost their eligibility. Always something going down here in Oklahoma. Some go to college to get an education, unfortunately here, some of them take biology for two years in a row, just to eat the specimens and play football.

They ought to have a class in college to prepare you for the real world.

They should have a class, Humanity 101. How to stand in the express line at China Mart with MORE than 20 items. How to talk on the cellphone at the Post Office. Going comatose at the DMV. Why it is much easier in life to “highlight everything with black magic marker.” How jury duty could possibly turn your brain to oatmeal.

So even tho’ it is hot, there is an upside.

Kids are headed back to school, this is one benefit of August, school starts early in Oklahoma and the kids get back to school. Which brings with it excitement, and anxiety to a few, but most importantly, unfettered joy and relief to parents. You get to get rid of the little darlings for a few hours a day, and if you have one that is college bound, prepared for it or not, they head out this time of the year.

Parents benefit too.

They can no longer sit around and complain about being bored. Now they get to sign up for carpools, childcare, label new clothing and supplies, and try their best to get a kid to go to bed when the sun is still up, in order to be rested for school the next day.

The old school bell is about to ring, so it is once again time, to study hard, learn, textbooks, essays, and exams for a few years or flippin’ burgers for the next fifty … Choice is up to you. I heard of a guy who sent his kid to the OU Law School and after he graduated, he sued his parents for wasting seven years of his life.

So much for higher education huh?

Oklahoma also has at this time of the year, “tax free day” where school supplies and back to school items are tax free. This is where they do their level best to get Joe Taxpayer suckered into believing he is getting something for nothing. But as with all government gambits, there is also a catch 22.

You get it tax free if it is “one hundred dollars or less” so underwear, pencils, paper, cheap stuff is tax free. Big ticket items like computers, high dollar clothes, designer tennis shoes that cost as much as a good used car, you have to pay a tax on that. Sorry Charlie.

Aren’t y’all proud of me, I didn’t say one dog-gone thing about oil, gasoline, Bush, Cheney, Iraq, Iran, Condoghleezah, global warming, the economy, illegal wars, polar bears, Viagra, boobies, ED (Electoral Dysfunction), or mid life depression. The medicine might be working after all.

See ya on Monday.