Back In The Saddle

I am back, don’t know if I will post on a regular daily basis as before, or just shoot it from the hip for awhile.  I have been sick and I have been healed, and let me tell you, “healed is much, much better.”  I caught some kind of nasty particularly gnarly kind of thing, that really sucked.

My doctor told me that he had some good news and of course, some bad news,” so I asked him, “What is the good news?” and he replied, “You don’t have stripped throat.”  So then I said, “What is the bad news, and he shook his head and said, “Hell, I don’t know what it is that you have, but you seem to have a lot of it.”  So I have been chewing on Anti-biotics and sliding cough syrup down my neck for about eight days now, this is on top of what I normally do.

A sixty day supply of Medicine

The next time some Nimrod smiles and tells you “that life begins at Forty” look ’em right back in the eye and say, “Yeah?  Maintenance begins at Forty.”

Having been down and out for awhile also means that I have not been spending a lot of time on the computer or the net for obvious reasons.  Here is about the best thing I found in the mailbox when I returned.

“First off, I would like to thanks within the outstanding as well as informative access. I will have to admit which often, I have not noticed relating to this information. We now have noticed quite a few brand new information for reason. Many thanks a lot with regard to providing this efficient and interesting information. We’re waiting regarding additional exciting posts due to you against the nearest long run.”

Thanks WordPress.com so very much for effective spam filters.

Here is another one, this will make you smile from the Nice Try But No Soap File:

My name is Mr. Jonah Jang, I work with the Hang Seng Bank. There is a sum of $24,500,000.00 in my bank Hang Seng Bank”, Hong Kong. There were no beneficiaries stated concerning these funds which means no one would ever come to claim it.

That is why I ask that we work together.  I do solicit for your assistance in effecting this transaction.  I intend to give 30% of the total funds as compensation for your assistance. I will notify you on the full transaction on receipt of your response if interested, and I shall send you the details and necessary procedures with which to make the transfer.
E-mail:(deleted in the name of public decency)

Should you be interested? Please send me your:
1. Full names
2. Private phone number
3. Current residential address
Kind Regards,
Mr. Andrew W

Yeah?  All my full names?  And … if … and … or but … were candy and nuts, boy wouldn’t we all have a swell Christmas?

On the same vein?  My bank recently credited my account with a deposit of $550.00 which I could see from the very onset, was clearly not mine and an obvious mistake.  But being as I just love bankers and they have always been so nice to me in the past, I sat on it and did not say anything.

It took them ten full working days to find it and then remove it, and they have also sent me three letters confirming the transaction.  And you know what?  I don’t feel the least bit concerned about their apparent misfortune.

Half Staff and All Wrong:

Whitney Houston is buried in New Jersey and all the flags fly at half-staff.  I thought this honor was reserved for hero’s or persons of tremendous courage under fire or for untold years of public service.

I am going to reserve my respect and honor for the G.I. that does not make it home in one piece from some hard scrabble of piece of land that cannot grow anything but a rock or the fireman that did not make it out of the burning building but still managed to save the child.

Not for suicide victims … Diva Queens … and used up drug addicts.

A homeless woman robbed a bank in Reno, Nevada and then calmly walked across the street to sit down on a bus bench and await the arresting officers.  She had done this before, she was previously convicted of the same crime, as a matter of fact, this is her fourth bank robbery since 1989.  The judge not wanting “to reward this lady for the crime” said that she had to be punished.  Beside’s the prison time, he fined her $2,000.00  She told the arresting officers that “she was just tired of living on the streets.  And then she handed them the $12K.”

Three hots and a cot, can’t beat that.

I find it curious that a judge would convict and then fine a homeless person $2K, now that is justice.  We have investment bankers bailed out for stealing over $800 trillion dollars and the government re-hires them all, and on top of that, they collect a bonus.  But we send a desperate old lady to the slammer.  Is this a great country or what?

It's All Just Around The Corner ... Trust Me.

Let us end today with a beautiful story …

One afternoon a rich man was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the road-side eating grass.  Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate.  He asked one man, “Why are you eating grass?”

“We don’t have any money for food,” the poor man replied. “We have to eat grass.”

“Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I’ll feed you,” the man said.  “But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree.”

“Bring them along,” the man replied.

Turning to the other poor man he stated, “You may come with us, also.”  The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, “But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!”

“Bring them all as well,” the man answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was.  Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to the man and said, “Sir, you are too kind.  Thank you for taking all of us with you.”

The man replied, “Glad to do it. “You’ll really love my place.   “The grass is almost a foot high.”

You wondering about the small bottle next to the Snapple?  I just love Snapple, prefer it hands down to any type of soft drink.  They cost about a buck a piece after taxes.  The small bottle on the left, that is my prescription for my cough syrup, one teaspoon per day for about 18 days …. It cost $47.77.  The reason it is so expensive they tell me is because one of the main ingredients in it is Codeine.  A powerful narcotic and for some reason, awfully expensive.

Having said all that, I will now say this.  Obama just gave Egypt $1.6 billion in foreign aid, remember the above story when you go to vote.  And pray like all get out … that you do not have the misfortune to get sick.

My wife just came into the room, and inquired of me, “Why are you up at this hour?” and I said to her, “Neighbor’s dog, barking again.’  She said, “You working on your webpage?” and I said “Yeah.”

She said “read it to me.”  So I did, she listened intently as I read it and then she smiled that all knowing smile and gave me “the” look and said, “You must be getting better … You are starting to bitch again.”

Like I have said … “They are going to just LOVE ME at the home.”

OOO

[1178]

Up And Until Now

Hump Day!  Just a couple more, and then the weekend.  Lying here in the bed this morning and I am thinking, “I don’t get out of my bed because it is uncomfortable, cold or anything like that. I get out of it because I know that some time during the day I am going to have to separate from it. It is too heavy to carry around on my back with me all day long..”

On terribly depressing days, I get up and get dressed and I do my bang the head on the upper bunk until I pass out thing, but today feels alright ….. sorta.

So, somewhat tepidly, I will continue.

Click, another minute of time, hits the dust. I am lying there, watching the minutes tick off the red clock on top of the drawers and I am thinking of what it is that needs to be done this day, other than find my shoes. 

The coffee is good this morning, the television in the corner barks out at me. THE MONEY YOU SAVE ON FUEL WILL MAKE YOUR CAR PAYMENT! Uh huh, I am sure. No one is going to knock off $10,000 off the price of a new car, I am not stooooopid. I cannot understand how deodorant can advertise “Invisible Solid Protection”

Just checked my gasoline consumption for the month, add three, carry over the six, times two … Eeeeeouch, that sure do hurt, don’t it. Wonder what “five bucks a gallon” is going to feel like?  Please don’t hate me Mr. Oil Executive but I am just feeling ripped off.

This not good.

Again the “tree house in Belize or Honduras” idea surfaces, can a man truly live on Bananas alone? Where is that National Geographic. I am not being or thinking positive now, licking two fingers and inserting them into the electric socket, often helps to bring things into proper perspective.

I know everything is okay, Obama said so. He has to be right, I mean he is in the government  …  Trust & Obey, Trust & Obey ,,, be a good lil’ Democrat.  What goes up will eventually come down I tell myself, licking my fingers one more time …

Egypt fell apart this past week, it was colder in Nowata, Oklahoma than it was on the North Pole (Where are you now Mr.
Gore and all of your earth warming friends).  Lady Gaga was almost naked on Sixty-Minutes and the latest poll says that once again, we are in the dumper.

The United States right now is simultaneously the world’s most loved, hated, feared, and admired nation on earth.

In short … We are the late Frank Sinatra. Lucky for us, God protects fools, drunks and the United States of America.  Well, this one is pretty much “middle of the road today” I took a good shellacking on the Valentines’ Day post, sure generated some emails from the girls.  Now what was it I said?  (By the way … The mailbox is currently full, don’t send me any more fan mail.)

That is the way it often goes … You are the sum total of all your choices, up and until now.

OOO