Bits And Pieces

Six year old Lucy Magnum emerged from a terrible shark attack with a message of grace.  The little girl was boogie-boarding in shallow water off the North Carolina coast when a shark sank its teeth in her leg.  Her parents quickly applied pressure to the wound until emergency workers arrived, saving her leg.

After the incident she said “I hate sharks.  I like dolphins way better.”

But once her parents explained to her that the shark didn’t know that she was a human and had made a mistake, she changed her mind.  “I don’t care that the shark bit me” Lucy said to her mother, “I forgive him.”  We can always learn something new from a kid.

Ah the joys of youth.  I remember when I used to swim before wet suits, across frozen water, I had to wrap or cover myself with bacon grease, which was really scary, because I never knew if when I did reach the other shore, if there would be wolves waiting there for me.

By the way, “Do you know why a shark will not bite a Lawyer or Politician?”

Professional courtesy.

A new gold standard, after a Taiwanese city offered dog owners who clean up after their pets a new incentive … a ticket to a lottery drawing for every bag of dog poop they turned in.  The top three prizes are gold ingots worth up to $2,100.

Which got me to thinking.  How about a National Debt Free Lottery?

Here is the deal, you purchase a ticket for say, $5 with the “chance of living in America for one year TAX FREE.”  If you win (monthly drawing, 12 winners per year or 24, 36, the possibilities are endless) you receive the right to NOT pay any type of tax” for one year.  A game such as this would hold huge appeal to just about every other American and could retire the national debt in short order (perhaps in just a few short years providing we do not wish to enter the Where Is The Next War Sweepstakes our elected leader’s choose to join every now and then).

The return of the American Dream, remember you read it here first.  This is do-able a distinct possibility.

Not like recent comments of our President who said, “”Soon the sun will break through the cloud of uncertainty that hangs over our economy.”  This guy is so far out of it, they need to pump sunshine into him wherever it is that he is currently residing.

I just love these …. Bad Cop … No do-nut.

British police smashed the windows of a car to save a baby left alone inside.  The baby was actually an extremely realistic doll.  First time I ever heard about this sort of thing was at a family reunion in the mid sixties, when I was a small lad.  My uncle Harvey had one of those, but I don’t think it is was baby model?  Anyway my mother said to “not talk about it” that aunt Bernice would take care of it and not to hang around uncle Harvey … Period.

No good huh.

How about this?  A fugitive Victor Burgos taunted police on his Facebook page, posting “catch me if you can.  I’m in Brooklyn.”  Cops quickly tracked down Burgos to an apartment in Brooklyn, where he was sitting a computer with his Facebook page wide open.

Might want to adjust your privacy settings first next time.

Now here is the other end of the gene-pool not so smart file.  While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom, when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach used their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

We routinely report on folk working two jobs just to get by in these hard times.  Recently in Rockaway N.J. A Dunkin’ Donuts sex sting was launched by local authorities.  One “working girl” (nice tag huh) was arrested after she was caught selling sex along with Munchkins and coffee.  The cops were tuned into it by an anon tip where a person said they could find her offering off the menu items on the night shift.

The cops even gave it a super secret code name operation, they called it “extra sugar.”  No wait!  Don’t give up, it gets even worse.

During the six week operation (taking their time to bust the offender eh?) police sat and watched “extra sugar” proposition customers via the drive thru feature, and then later on, meet the johns in the parking lot for some curb service.  She was finally busted when she provided an undercover cop a with a list of discounted sexual services.”

No report on how many car jacking, robberies, home invasions, assaults, burglaries, or bank robberies in the SIX WEEKS it took to arrest the obviously dangerous felon.

I am going back to the plain do-nut or the Crueler, maybe a few sprinkles, but no more of the creme filled delights for me.

If you are in Germany, it might pay you to watch the words you use to insult someone.  If you for instance call someone in traffic a dumb cow, you could face a fine of up to 300 Euros.   A stupid pig will cost you up to 500 Euros.  Now there are rules for this type of misbehavior.

You stupid pig … is for instance, not allowed when conversing with law enforcement.

You cannot say this or any other unorthodox non-polite thing to a cop, if you do, it could cost you up to 2,000 Euros.  Unless you use the the more polite, formal form of “you,” in which case you only pay 200 Euros.  There are more, “bull, the stink finger (middle finger, either hand this is still optional), and the use of standard curse words also apply.”

I know that sounds ridiculous, but it true.

Now here in America, we are more civilized and everyone knows we are broke, so things are a little different, well, they are a LOT different.  You take my case for instance.  I was siting in this little mom and pop joint deep in the heart of Texas and these two guys were talking about Washington D.C. and George Bush, in  a most unfavorable way and even tho I have a Constitutional Right to remain silent I felt I had to say something… So I offered up …. “Bush is a horse’s ass!”

About that time, the more larger of the two cowboys got up, and slapped the crap out of me.  I quickly apologized and said, “I am sorry.  From the gist of the conversation I thought you were not too fond of Bush.”

He then looked at me and said, “Ah shucks.  It isn’t that, but this here is horse country pard.”

Now … that … Is priceless.



Whacked Out World


Now I have to admit, I saw something yesterday I never thought I would see.  I saw an ambidextrous cellphone user.  She was driving down the Interstate, weaving in and out, almost drove right over the top of her.  And when I did find a suitable amount of space to pass her, I swung out and came on around, and she gave me a look that would kill a bear and then with the cellphone still in her hand, flipped me off!

That has to be a first for me.

Ah, another wonderful trip about town in the Big City.  We are driving home yesterday from lunch at the beanery, nice lazy day, and I notice this sign located close to the road, out in front by the fence.

It reads:  Clean Dirt Wanted 525-****.

Now I think to myself, this cannot be right, dirt is by its very nature, “dirty” and how can you specifically ask for “clean” dirt?

Which in turn got me to thinking about all the stoopid stuff we are forced to endure on a daily basis in this country and of course, the people who write and publish it (like this site right here.).  I have been for sometime lifting these little nuggets of truth and as I come across items of absurdity, I file them in the file named “Absurd things and Alimony reciepts” and save them for a rainy day.

You never know when this stuff will come up on the Cocktail Circuit it pays to be ready.

All those little quirky thoughts and messages of modern day living.  Such as “legally drunk” now there is one for you.  If you are “legally” drunk, how come they are arresting you?  Just doesn’t wash.

So here for your enjoyment are just a few:

AUDITIONS:  Seeking a young man who is at least 28 but not over 28 years old. A little too specific if you ask me.
Get 50% off … or half price … whichever is less.
Tiger Woods plays with own balls, says Nike
Statistics show that teen pregnancy drops off significantly after age 25
What constitutes a millionaire?  A millionaire is someone who has $1 million, according to Jerry Beto, branch manager and senior vice president of investments at Ag Edwards and Sons. Now there is some bailout bonus material if I ever saw one.
A deputy responded to an report of a vehicle stopping at mail boxes.
It was the mailman.
Army vehicle disappears.  An Australian Army vehicle worth $74,000 has gone missing after being painted camouflage.
Police were called to Market Square for a report about a “suspicious coin.”  Investigating officer reported it was a quarter.
A woman in the 1900 block of 129th lane northeast reported that someone must have stolen her mail, because she did not receive any birthday cards from some of her friends.
Fish need water.  Feds say.
Alton attorney accidentally sues himself
County to pay $250,000 to advertise lack of funds.
Correction:  Due to incorrect information from the clerk at courts, Michelle Merchant, 38 was incorrectly listed as being arrested for prostitution on Wednesday.  The charge should have been failing to stop at a RR Crossing.  She will be the talk of Sunday School this weekend for sure.
Caskets found as workers demolish church.  “We had no idea people were buried there.”
Utah poison control center reminds everyone not to take poison.
Federal Agents raid gun shop, find weapons.
Body found wrapped in chains hanging from tree … Police suspect foul play.
Crack found in Man’s buttocks.  Police searching a downtown home found a man hiding 15 plastic bags of crack cocaine in his buttocks.  He was charged with possession with the intent to distribute crack cocaine, possession of drug paraphernalia, obstructing and hindering and making a false statement to police.
Caller reports hitting an intruder in the head with an axe.
Notes that intruder was the mirror in her bedroom.
WalMart:  Police receive a report of a newborn infant found in a trashcan.  Upon investigation, officers discover it was only a burrito.
1:33PM  A person calls the police station to inquire on “how to legally kill” a person who is harassing him.
A caller reports that someone was on a porch yelling “help!”
Officers responded and learned that person was calling a cat that is named “help.”
Man in diapers directs traffic.  Wearing only tennis shoes and a diaper, a man was arrested while directing traffic and performing martial arts in the intersection.  He was charged with public drunkenness and disorderly conduct (he was more than likely legally drunk at the time).
12:22PM a cellular caller reports a large snapping turtle on the roadway at Elm and Crescent road.  The turtle subsequently fled the area.
Airport officials report that a new silent plane will cut down on airport noise.

And the absolute best for last ….

The learning Center on Hanson Street reports a man across the way stands at his window and stares at the center for hours and is making parents nervous.  Police ID the subject as a cardboard cutout of Arnold Schwarzenegger.

And you thought it was going to be a boring Tuesday.


Sorry Charlie

charlieReady for the latest email rumor?  Here it is, hot of the press, just came in yesterday afternoon.

Like Tuna? Here you go, follow the yellow brick road (federal gold).  Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi’s home district includes San Francisco.  Star-Kist Tuna’s headquarters are in San Francisco, Pelosi’s home district.

Star-Kist is owned by Del Monte Foods and is a major contributor to Pelosi. Star-Kist is the major employer in American Samoa employing 75% of the Samoan work force. Paul Pelosi, Nancy ‘s husband, owns $17 million dollars of Star-Kist stock.

Not going to fast for you am I?

In January, 2007 when the minimum wage was increased from $5.15 to $7.25, Pelosi had American Samoa exempted from the increase so Del Monte would not have to pay the higher wage. This would make Del Monte products less expensive than their competition’s.

Last week when the huge bailout bill was passed, Pelosi added an earmark to the final bill adding $33 million dollars for an ‘economic development credit in American Samoa’.

The email then goes on to say that backs it all up.  Sorry Charlie but SNOPES.COM does not validate this, it says it is a rumor.  And Truth or says there is no record of it at all.  So don’t believe everything that you read in email, no better yet, don’t believe “anything” you read in email, and certainly nothing here.

The email ends with “Why don’t we get media coverage of stories like this?” and of course the old stand-by …. Pass This On To All Of Your Friends … The sure dead give away.

We don’t get stories like this because they seem to be bogus and untrue.

(Gawd, I hate email)


Boring and unimportant

A man who wrongly spent 19 years in prison for rape is set to receive a $1.4 million settlement of a federal lawsuit.  DNA evidence cleared him and the city which had him prosecuted has cut him a check for $300,000 and owes him $1.1 million more.  This figures out to close to $58,000 per year, so now we all know what twenty-years of your life is worth in Louisiana.

Not much.

More prison news, this is a doozy. Faced with a $1.7 million budget deficit, Des Monies County, Iowa is considering charging prison inmates for toilet paper!  They say that the county hopes to raise $2,300 by charging inmates $1 for toilet paper.  I guess the next question might be, “What about the guy who doesn’t have the buck for the paper?” what does he use.


Here you go!

Tax Troubles Take Five opened at the White house this week with revelations that another of President Obama’s Cabinet-level nominees has problems with unpaid taxes.  This used to be somewhat amusing, but it is appearing far too much here lately, and has kind of gotten old.

Ron Kirk the cabinet appointee owes more than $10,000 in taxes.  The thing that really makes all this so repugnant is the attitude of the Obama administration itself.  Who called Kirk’s tax troubles “minor” and expressed confidence that the Senate will confirm him.  This liaise faire attitude toward these tax cheats should not be tolerated.

Oil Crisis is evidently over.

Gasoline prices are on the rise and the oil industry is sowing seeds for a sharp run-up at the pump, best be ready, because it is on the way.  Americans battered by the recession have found modest consolation or comfort in low oil prices and gasoline price at the pump.  This is a condition that is more than likely going to last as long as business remains dismal and the recession stays in place.

Evidently we no longer have a petroleum problem in the nation, that is good news, isn’t it.

The oil industry is quietly brewing another consumer toxic stew in gas prices once demand recovers and the economy adjusts and starts moving again.  They are slashing new investment and production far more sharply than analysts projected just a couple of months ago.  This of course could lead to shortages later on, and when something becomes short in supply, well you know what happens dont’cha?

It goes up in price.  Get ready boys and girls, it is on the way. Where is T Boone Pickens when we really need him.

What was it the great poets used to say, Life is a tragedy, or a sad play or something like that?

Jerry Seinfeld is tackling martial woes as the behind the scenes producer of the Marriage Ref. a six-episode reality series due on NBC next season.  Squabbling couples will air their differences to a panel of comedians, sports stars and celebrities (only thing this is missing seems to be OJ, but I hear he is tied up at the present time). Just what we need, a recession and unhappy married couples harping at each other in prime time.

Head games on channel twenty-five.

In order to maintain martial harmony in my home, I am often forced to watch insidious mind-numbing shows like Dancin’ With The Stars or American Idol.  Now here is the deal, all these so-called contestants are NOT supposed to know they are being cut or chosen to move on, right?  So last night when they called this little teenage-chickie down to tell her she is moving on in the competition how come they already had her miked?

The other contestants were not wearing mikes … I smell a rat.

supermanAction Comics #1 the book that introduced Superman is going on the auction block.  This is considered a highly collectible item, or considered the Holy Grail of comic books.

Previous to this, another marvel comic book fetched over $350,000 at an auction in 2002.  I used to have a stack of comic books in my closet that was around 4 ft high, when I came home from the service I discovered that my mother had tossed all of them.

So much for my chance at being a millionaire before age twenty-five.

It may be news to foreign policy Pundits in Islamabad as well as to the majority of readers that Superman, the highly coveted American film hero, is an expression and a creation of fascist minds rooted in a political culture that epitomizes power and the use of force.  Muslims do not like Superman and they are not too fond of us.

While we are at it.  The big news on the news today is the local Muslim’s do not want their picture on the drivers lic. and are suing the state.  Here is a novel idea.  YOU DON’T LIKE IT HERE AND DO NOT WANT TO ABIDE BY THE RULES … FORFEIT YOUR CITIZENSHIP AND MOVE TO AN ISLAMIC COUNTRY OR COMMUNITY. Most of us are tired of your act by this time.

Been a somewhat interesting week, I read where a guy tried to rob a finger-licking-chicken joint in Dallas with a stick!  Yes, I said a stick.  Now this is a guy who is going to need Denny Crane or Allan Shore for representation for sure.

Another guy in Oregon was in the process of robbing a car wash when his gun disintegrated and fell to the floor in several pieces.  The employee of the car wash grabbed the first thing handy, a 2,000 ft/lb per square inch hose and let the guy have it!

And in Washington DC this dude came home to find a van parked in his driveway, walking to the windows, he spies three people inside his house, unhooking his flat screen television.  So noticing the van is idling and the keys are in it, he gets inside and drives off with their van to call the cops.

So far, this has to be the absolute winner of them all.  It is short and sweet.

There you go, all you need to know about everything that matters.

Thanks for stopping by, come back soon (and of course, please bring your own paper).


Heavy Viewer


Good morning!  Here is Tuesday mornings rebarbative commentary on the state of America.  Fresh off the back-burner of the stove to you.

The Oklahoma Blogging Awards are in and Creative Endeavors did not win an award for anything other than being nominated.  We are so happy for the winners and wish them a hearty congratulations for a job well done.  It also appears that the book deal has fallen through also.

Two weeks ago I sent off a manuscript to my publisher, and put a note in with it, that said to the editor, “I have other irons in the fire, so get back to me as soon as possible on this.”  Yesterday I got his reply, he said to:  “Remove irons from fire, and insert manuscript.”

Having been nominated was a real surprise and a genuine kick in the whatever for us, and we once again, thank you for it. You can see all the winners here.

Saw that poor Polish kid from Illinois on Larry King, he is the one who got impeached last week but he still insists “he isn’t going anywhere.”  He may be more aware than he knows, if he hasn’t a clue, tell him to call Sarah Palin.  He was on The View earlier and seems to be making all the stops in a hot market.

He is something isn’t he?  All of them, I didn’t do anything, you aint got nuthin on me, other than these fifty-seven indictments and forty-two hours of taped conversations. Kind of like the poor sap they caught coming across the border with fifty pounds of weed, “The CIA planted this on me …. Honest.”

Earlier in the week, I had briefly considered applying for work in the new Obama administration and then it suddenly occurred to me,

“Silly me.  I PAY MY TAXES what was I thinking?”

After the war in Berlin, they were holding trials for war criminals.  And this general went up to this German and he said, “What are you here for.”  And the German replied, “I am innocent, these charges are a fabrication, a total lie.”  And the general went up to the second German, again, “what are you here for.”  The reply was, “I am totally innocent, there is NO justification in these charges, I shall be vindicated.”  Same with German number four.

And he went down the line to the fifth guy and asked the same question, the guy looked up and said, “I stole a jeep.”

At that time the general yelled out for a guard.  The guard readily appeared and inquired, “General?”  The General pointed out to the guy who stole the jeep and said, “Get this guy outta here, I don’t want him infecting all of these other innocent people” and he was released.

The Iraq journalist that threw the shoe at President Bush has had a statue erected in his honor in Saddam Hussein’s home town, Takkrit.  Larry the Toe Tapper Ex-senator from Utah has finally admitted that he no longer wants or desires to change his plea in the airport bathroom sex sting incident.  He concluded that it would be a futile exercise and that the legal wrangling in the case is over.  His good buddy Ted Stevens, convicted felon from Alaska agreed, no word from the hair-piece in Illinois.

bush-legacyBush loyalists announced this week that they will try to rewrite history …. Yawn.

It will read as follows:  The Colonial Period – Basic thirteen colonies, first states, the common wealth.  The Civil War Period – Brother against Brother and the abolishment of Slavery.  The New Deal Period – FDR a chicken in every pot, Hoover Dam, let’s build a National Park.  The Deficit Period – The Bush years and the hallucination period of the Republican Party.

A great many websites are calling for impeachment proceedings and justice to be served on the Bush Wrecking Crew for crimes against the American People and the U.S. Constitution.  The lynch mob mentality seems to be thriving in Cyberspace these days.  But the public generally has a short memory when it comes to stuff like this.

For instance:  JFK ordered the assassination of a foreign leader, Vietnam’s Ngo Dinh Diem, and Ronald Reagan, the paternal father of the Republican Party sold arms illegally to the anti-communists in Nicaragua.  Our sainted FDR who has recently been resurrected from the dead sent thousands of his fellow Americans into captivity after Pearl Harbor because of their Japanese ancestry and stood by and did nothing as their property was looted and done away with and they were illegally imprisoned in hastily erected prison camps nationwide.

No one wanted to put them on trial.  But then again, we didn’t have the Internet and instant communication in those days, now a days, we are civilized.

The American Dream (that is a hoot) is now shrinking.  The average home in America is now getting smaller as home builders, trying to deal with the current recession are switching to building smaller homes. Our home is about 2200 sq ft, and believe me that is too much for just two people, but it worked really good as a family.

We bought in the seventies and at that time I figured it was the perfect home.  It was our dream home, built in the middle of the golf-community.  A famous golf course, you may have heard of it:  Putt-Putt.  It’s a beautiful place, our deck overlooks the third, fourth, seventh, twelfth, and fifteenth fairways, the windmill, and the clown’s mouth.

Me and the Miss-us, we is living the dream!

One in seven American’s are not able to read this story.  Literacy gains are offset by some losses in some states and a long awaited federal study just released finds disturbing facts about our neighbors.  Some 32 million adults in the USA about one in seven are saddled with such low literacy skills that it would be tough for them to figure out a basic story line.

Most are capable of reading a comic book or a children’s picture book and have difficulty with a medications prescription side-effects leaflet.  And that is just the statistic’s for the House of Representatives, no word on the Senate at this time.

A New York Reporter admitted this week that he is a Socialist, but then again, when he went to work for the New York Times, I kind of already figured that one out myself.  Dancing With The Stars is gearing up for another season of celebrity ballroom hoofer competition, March 9th.  Get your reservations in early and don’t miss out.  American Idol continues with its 8th season and the catter-walling continues, isn’t it amazing how time flies when you are singing off key.

Or you can do like this guy in Stockholm Sweden who desired to be in the Guinness Book Of Records.

How fitting is that a drama in which a super-spy has to race the clock that he would help a fan break the record for non-stop TV watching?  Suresh Joachim has broken his own Guinness Record, clocking 72 hours in Stockholm of straight, consistent television watching.  He watched three seasons of Fox’s 24 and allegedly drank 25-30 cups of coffee.  His “previous record was 69 hours 48 minutes.”

Did you catch that?  “His previous record was …. ” — he had done this before.  Not only is this stupid, but he subjected himself to a new record watching “re-runs!”  Now that has to be dumb.

Get a life.

Okay, one more and then I am outta here!  California, where else?  A California man has been ordered not to tidy up the highway near his home.  Mario Mendz volunteered two months ago to collect litter along Route 54 near San Diego, California.  However, as the state’s adopt-A-Highway program requires a permit and that program is currently under review, he has been threatened with a citation if he picks up trash without the required permit.  Now tell me again, I forget, “why is it we need good government in this country?”

Life goes on …


“The cartoon courtesy of Center for American Progress” (online)

Chilled Out


Here is one that I evidently forgot to post, so in the Spirit of Christmas ………

Freezing cold here, if you are somewhere with “bone chilling cold” stare deep into the above picture, click your heels together three times …. Oh, hahahahaha.  What a sick puppy I seem to be early in the morn.

This morning I once again awoke to “pressing serious issues.”  Such as:  Is Paula Abdul going to be back for another year of American Idol?  And the answer is yes!   Which should relieve the fears and anxiety of about five Americans all total.

The rumors of her leaving are not true, they say she will be with the show until it’s eventual end which should be in 2012 when the Mayan Calendar runs out.  Kelly Clarkson another Idol graduate, has a new CD coming out, the title cut, “My life sucks without you.”

Now isn’t that special?  If she will cut one for George Bush that says, “How Can I Miss You If You Won’t Go Away?” I will be down there today, cash in hand to purchase it.

Here is a good read for a cold day.

The Urban Hermit (St. Martin’s Press, $24.95), Sam MacDonald, 36, reveals how he paid off $15,000 in debt, stopped boozing and lost 160 pounds.   How about a life of only consuming 800 calories a day – not exactly overdoing it in the snack department.  It’s not something people should do. They could get hurt. I believe that was the quote.  And I could have lost just as much weight on 1,600 calories a day. I had to cut everything out because give me an inch and I’ll take a case of beers.

Explaining what drove him to become an “urban hermit”?  Bills. They were driving him insane.  Don’t think you have the Lone Ranger Syndrome on that one Sam.

So how does a guy who had great parents and a wonderful education. (He graduated from Yale in 1995.) find himself living on the ragged edge of life.  When your life goes screwy, I guess there is a tendency to want to explain it.

Which brings me to this, how come I am not selling something at $24.95 at Barnes & Nobles or jumping on Oprah’s couch.  Now here is one that is really sad, “you take an extended holiday, so you ask a friend to write your blog while you are gone.  No problem, except one, “the blog actually gets better with the guest host while you are away.”  Now “that” is sad eh?

Oh well, drink a Coke and have a smile.  Anyone seen the new Coke bottles they introduced over the holidays?  Pretty cool. I can no longer drink Coke, as I am diabetic, but I bought a couple of bottles to photograph just for you … because you are sooooooo special.

dsc00183Did you know that 63% of all shopping mall Santa’s have a college degree and 29% of them are fluent in sign language.  Yeppers, it is true.  It has to be, I read it on the internet.

Here is something else that is Christmas related.  The #1 googled item on Google Christmas morning …. IHOP … International House Of Pancakes, seems no one was cooking breakfast on Christmas morning, everyone was going to IHOP, I have forgotten how many millions of hits they got, but it was considerable.

Man, I just love stooooopid criminals!

Los Angeles – A graffiti artist who posted incriminating videos of himself on YouTube has pleaded guilty to felony vandalism. CyrusYazdani, 25, was recorded spraying his moniker “Buket” on buses, bridges and overpasses. He pleaded guilty to 32 counts of vandalism and was sentenced to 314 days in county jail, 256 hours of graffiti removal and five years of probation.

Talk about a traumatic youthful experience.

Columbia South Carolina – Police said two robbers shoved an 8-year-old inside his home at gunpoint and stole his Christmas presents. The boy’s mother said the men grabbed her son as he walked to his bus stop, pushed him inside their home and took his PlayStation and four games. She said they also took her wallet and cellphone, her uncle’s wallet and a pair of pants.

All the news is not bad, there is a ray of hope in all of this.

Joplin Missouri – An anonymous donor dropped five cashier’s checks for $10,000 each into Salvation Army kettles at two Wal-Mart stores. It’s the fifth straight year someone has given $50,000 to the Salvation Army without taking credit. The remitter identified the giver as “Santa Claus.” Capt. Jason Poff called the contributions “tremendous” in light of the economic downturn.

Say what you want, but it appears that Arizona is truly a fun place to live.

Tempe – A group of Santa impersonators are on the naughty list of law enforcement officials. A YouTube video shows four people dressed as Kris Kringle, white beards and red hats included, covering speed and red light enforcement cameras with boxes and decorating them with Christmas wrap.

At the end of the video is the message: “Ho, ho, ho! Death to the surveillance state! Free movement for all people!”

If and when I ever decide to move from OKC, I am heading for Arizona.


Tuesday Morning Epiphany

Tapped Out In Phoenix

The state could run out of money to pay its bills as early as next month and may have to borrow in the short term for the first time since World War II. An analysis by the state treasurer’s office shows that Arizona’s fund balance could dip to negative $50 million on Feb. 23 or by mid-March under a more optimistic scenario.  Not long ago, California was reporting the same problem, no money in the till.  It is amazing, they collect all of this money, tons of money, and they never seem to have enough.

One More Fallen Flag

Griffin Georgia – Spalding County officials said a textile plant that employs about 350 people is expected to close next month and move its operations to Brazil. The plant, formerly called Dundee Mills, manufactures towels and other textiles and was once the county’s largest employer. It is operated by Fort Mill, S.C. based Springs Industries.  Will the last person to leave America, please turn off the lites.

What’s In A Name — Evidently big bucks.

When I registered it cost me $15, why?  Because no one else had it, no one else wanted it, and I thought it up.  Unfortunately for President Bush and his handlers, it didn’t work out that way.  George W. Bush’s presidential  library domain name has been retrieved after a Web developing company accidentally let it expire – and it apparently came at a high price.

Raleigh, N.C.- based Illuminati Karate paid less than $10 for the domain name and sold it back earlier this year for $35,000 to the library’s contracted Web developers, Yuma Solutions, said George Huger, lead Web developer for Illuminati Karate.

Like P.T. Barium was fond of saying, “There is a sucker born every minute.”

The George W. Bush Presidential Center – which will eventually include a library, museum and public policy institute – is being built at Southern Methodist University in Dallas.  Although it is built on the grounds of an institution of higher learning, it will be staffed with people who are not professors or scholars, but rather, government lackeys.  I suppose most of the information contained will be of the “fiction variety.”

If you are a big Bush fan, come on back at Six O’clock we are going to have a doozy for you it is entitled … “It’s On The Tip Of My Tongue.” … Come early in order to get those choice seats up front, beat the rush, Six O’clock tonight.

Class Act – Pay Attention General Motors

Hyundai is allowing consumers with problems to return their cars to the dealers.  If the purchasers have problems with their job (lose it) or undergo an adverse life occurrence such as physical disability or self employment bankruptcy.  Now here is a class act, General Motors could learn a lot from these people, but of course, after losing market share to them anyway, I suppose they already have.

What’s On The Tube

Early converter purchasers for the new converter boxes that will hook everyone up to the new television network next month are finding that the picture is a lot clearer.  Everything is becoming crystal clear and they are finding a nice surprise in the quality.  About 93% of the nations 1,759 stations are now broadcasting in digital.  Word has it there is hope that there might be an improvement in programming, and actually something worth watching on NBC, but reports on that are still kind of sketchy.

Turn it Off Save Some Money For Your Bail

A man in Port St. John Florida, was jailed for allegedly stealing electricity from Florida Power and Light. The house was decked out with Christmas lights on top of that. Neighbors said, at night, it was one of the brightest homes on the block and investigators said the man living there didn’t have to pay a dime for the power.

He is accused of stealing electricity for months for his home, by rewiring the inside of the meter and then closing it up and replacing a red tag to conceal the change from meter readers.

Electricity theft can cost power companies millions of dollars, passed on to other consumers, and they say re-wiring live power lines could end up costing you your life.  Now as we understand it, he is being held in the County jail on charges of grand theft of services and petty theft. Not only does he have his power bill to pay, he needs $25,000 to bond out of jail.

Pow!  Pow!  Halt — It’s the Police.

Oakland California’s BART’s (Bay Area Rapid Transit) police chief asked for patience from the public on Sunday after video footage surfaced showing one of his officers fatally shooting an unarmed man who was on the ground on a station platform on New Year’s Day.  This plea of compassion came after an attorney for the dead man’s family said he planned to sue the transit agency for $25 million.

After California police officers accidentally made the unarmed man lie face down on the floor and accidentally handcuffed him, and then one of them accidentally draws his gun and accidentally shoots the guy in the back.  Bad Cop No Donut.

Georgia Crack Down

Atlanta soon could be the latest city to outlaw sagging pants. The City Council is set to consider the issue at its weekly meeting.  Council members are proposing the new law, which would “make it illegal to expose one’s undergarments in a public setting.” The measure would be included in an ordinance already on the books which bans simulated acts of intercourse and exposing or touching one’s genitals or breasts.

Atlanta must be a fun place, eh?

If approved, anyone found in violation of the rule could be fined up to $100 and given eight hours of “work on the public streets of the city.” (most likely sweeping up old used condoms)  Proponents have called the sagging pants, crack showing, snoop dawg droopy drawers issue “an epidemic” and “a major concern” as the issue has been debated nationwide and similar laws have been passed.

Critics say the law unfairly targets youths of color.  Perhaps so, but the rest of us are sick of looking at yo nasty crack cause you are too lazy to hike up your pants.  I say go for it and make the fine $500.

It is just not worth it

One in ten young people in Britain think life is not worth living, a report published today has claimed.  Of 2,000 16- to 25-year-olds surveyed for the Prince’s Trust, 12% said their life was “meaningless”, while 14% thought “life has no purpose”.

One in five felt like crying “often” or “always” and nearly half (47%) felt regularly stressed.  Which really reminds me of my sex life right now, but that is another post altogether.

The worst affected were those not in education, employment or training (In the U.K as I understand it, this group of people are called Neets). Thirty seven per cent of Neets polled claimed to be down or depressed compared to 27% of all those surveyed by the polling body

Further reasons for unhappiness included feeling no sense of community, not feeling safe to walk around at night and not having anything to do.  Having a dead-end job was also cited as a major contributing factor. The findings revealed “an increasingly vulnerable generation.”  However, over 70% of all those surveyed and 60% of Neets said they felt happy with life.

We now have more TV channels than you can shake a digital box at, all offering total crap, thereby proving that choice and quality in broadcasting are inversely proportional to each other.  We have cell phones with cameras that have enabled juvenile thugs to go around filming each other attacking total strangers and sending the images to their equally reprobate friends via My Space, Utube.

We have removed the Pledge of Allegiance, God and Prayer from our schools.

Require that children in school speak a language other than their own; memorize instruction manuals written in Klingon by Martians who failed their high school course in intergalactic languages.

And any time they routinely bark at us, we give them every gadget, widget, and thing under the sun they desire … And we wonder why they are unhappy?

Well gotta run, time to mix my prescriptions and read Margaret & Helen.