Just Type Amen

If you agree just type in “go away you ignorant prick and find a life.”  Where are these Internet Ninny’s finding all this crap?  Look at this picture posted below and tell me if you see Merell Streep.

                                        Thought so.

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Grandma’s Packing – Hammer Down

“Hell, anyone that has the amount of friends I have in this town, ought to be wearing a gun!”

Here lately, y’all have been sending me so many video’s of the whacko’s at WalMart, that it has effected my shopping habits.  Now when I am at WalMart, instead of looking for products, I find myself checking the store for freaks!  So it was kind of refreshing this week to have someone send me a picture of a WalMart shopper that is dressed appropriately for the day and age we live in.

Finally a picture of a WalMart shopper that knows how to dress for success.

This one is of a Texas Tan Line, it was sent to us this week and I also found it amusing.

While we are at it?  There was a guy in Kansas that was running for the office of sheriff and he lost the election by an overwhelming number of votes, in other words, they beat the pants off the guy.

The next day he was spotted walking down main-street with a sidearm clearly visible on his side.  His friend saw this and inquired of him, “Say Frank, you lost the election for sheriff, why are you wearing a gun?”  Frank looked him straight in the eye and then said, “Hell, anyone that has the amount of friends I have in this town, ought to be wearing a gun!”

Recently we reported that Texas was building a new toll road and the speed limit was proposed at 85MPH.  After some short reading yesterday it appears that this could be insufficient to meet the needs of the American driving public.

Authorities say a 28-year-old man in upstate New York has been charged with driving his motorcycle at nearly 200 mph on a highway in the rain.  I have never been able to figure out that one, almost every journalist or reporter will say “driving a motorcycle” when in reality, you RIDE a motorcycle, you do not drive it.

Anywho …. State police say a trooper clocked Anthony Anderson of Poughkeepsie driving at 193 mph around 8 p.m. Wednesday in the southbound lanes of Interstate 87 just south of Albany — the same stretch of road where another motorcyclist was spotted doing 166 mph earlier this month.

The trooper was able to get a description of the high-performance bike and alerted nearby patrols. (It just went by me, I think it was some fool driving a motorcycle!)  Troopers eventually stopped Anderson in the town of Rosendale. He told them he was headed to a hospital to visit a patient.

Anderson was issued 14 traffic tickets, including one for speeding.  It couldn’t be immediately determined if he had a lawyer (smart money says he will be needing one).

So Anderson visited his sick friend and got enough safe driving awards to wallpaper his bedroom and he did all of it at a speed considerably higher than 85mph.

Wait!  It gets better.

In Montana where a high percentage of the roads are posted with “drive at a speed that you consider safe and reasonable” (I am not making this up people, I have been there) they clocked a drunk driving … get this …134 mph!  They finally caught up with him in town (sitting there sipping a Bloody Mary at the stoplight I assume) and took him into custody.

He had no license, no insurance and this was or is going to be his third D.U.I..

Amazing how the country or society is changing, we routinely accept the insane as the norm now and we make no bones about it.  We had D.W.I. = Driving While Intoxicated, and then we moved to D.U.I. = Driving Under the Influence, and now we have D.W.Y. = Driving While Yaking (talking or texting on a cellphone).

Hark, the weekend quickly approaches … I am ready.  Here is something to help you form a mental image of what I will be doing this weekend.

You do your best to do the same.

If you happen to be out and about, motoring in our great country, get over in the slow lane and be sure to check your rear-view mirror … Often.

See you all on Monday.

OOO

What folks have been reading this week at Creative Endeavors:

Home page / Archives
Bikinis (The reason men are pigs)
Really Ungood Man
Clear Blue Sky
Eagle Bus Project Files
Lawn Mowing Sucks
Flu Ride (Audio)
Bus Life
The Worry Tree
One More Mountain To Cross

Guess Who Is Coming To Dinner

Relatives can bring new meaning to the nations capitol and the papers are abuzz with rumors that Mr. Obama’s mother-in-law is going to move into the White House to take over the chore of raising the girls.  Sounds kind of strange “the first girls” but we have a pair of them now, don’t we?  Some idiots are even raising stink about putting the girls in “private schools” when Mr. Obama didn’t support vouchers for education.

Why not?  It is a parents “moral responsibility” to do the VERY BEST they can for their children, nothing wrong with it.  It is a natural reaction and parental right of passage.  So Mama is moving in with the clan?  Big deal.

Jay Leno said that “Joe Biden was right:  Hostile forces will test him (Obama) in the first few months.” And Letterman also jumped on the bandwagon this week with:  “A mother-in-law in the White House?  Honestly”  I thought this was the administration that was against terror?” Why not?  Marriage is just nature’s way of keeping people fighting (together) that are not total strangers.

I have it made, my mother-in-law lives in Taiwan, 18,000 miles away, she doesn’t speak English and we have never met.  Not like my neighbor Bill, who gets a call from his every other day and she always says …. “Guess who died?”  Who needs that?

My mother lives in California on the other side of the country, and she has called me consistently over the years, almost 50 of them, and she always says, “What time is it there?” and I always reply … “It is two hours different mom, it is always gonna be two hours different.”

Mothers.  I have always kind of secretly wished that I was born a girl, so I could be out on a drive with my mother, and pull into a Strip Joint for men and then say, “I will be right back, I just got to dash in and pick up my paycheck.”  But I am a sick puppy, everyone knows that.

Stupid crook time, I love stooooopid crooks!

Anchorage Alaska.   A robber here chose the wrong victims: a commercial fisherman and an amateur hockey player. The fight outside a hotel here included biting and scratching and ended with a knockout punch, and police said suspect Terry Butler woke up in a closet with a security guard standing over him. He was charged with assault and two counts of robbery.  The next time he asks someone “who had the steak and who had the fish?  Gimme your wallet!  He will be a little bit more considerate, I’ll bet.”

Grounded And Stuck On The Tarmac

Corporate jets are hitting the auction block, owners of private jets are rushing to put them up for sale.  Like rats leaving a sinking ship, it is not “fashionable” to have your own private jet these days.  In November 16% of all the jets in the private sector were up for sale, about 2,541 of them.

Channel Check

Dancin’ With The Stars wrapped up this week, the blond and the kid won it.  20.6 million viewers.  There was other good news … Rosie tanked on NBC which proves without a shadow of a doubt that American’s are tired of her rant. I kept thinking of that lipstick and farm animal line, what was that?  Oh never mind.

Britney is making a comeback, and I guess it is me, but somehow this time, I just kind of hope the kid can pull it off.  I am like that; secretly I yearned for years to have Charlie Brown kick that dog-gone football one time, before Lucy snatched it away!  Call me romantic or whatever, I always seem to be in the corner of the under-dog.  B’sides, she’s got nice ta-ta’s and Charlie Brown didn’t.

Bad Parenting 101

Cape Coral  Florida, kind of funny and at the same time, pretty sad.  An intoxicated man had his 9-year-old son take him on a beer run, authorities said. Joshua Fagan, 24, was arrested after police spotted a pickup truck drive onto a median. Fagan told officers he was teaching the boy to drive, but police said the man’s speech was slurred, his breath smelled of alcohol and he could not stand without swaying. An open case of beer was in the back seat, police said.

The highly inebriated passenger was sitting there with a Budweiser Label affixed to his forehead and told the officers, “It could not have been him, he was on the patch.” But I understand he went to jail anyway.  Did you notice?  He was “24” and his kid was “9” what does that tell you about the south?

Keep It Local

Some folks did not appreciate me picking on West “By Gawd” Virginia as they put it in their emails this week.  Said that I should look at my own home state, Oklahoma.  And they are right.  We aren’t so great. Here you go!  A quick snap-shot of the Sooner Nation (as they call it), the Home of The Grapes Of Wrath, OU Football and Mattress Bros. Furniture where you always get the best deal on a bedroom workbench (you figure it out, it’ll come to ya).

Our recently looted basketball team from the Northwest that we paid “millions for” is currently losing, rather steady like, and is now ranked what?  79th in the nation.  But they are still picking up our trash it just costs more now.  All the Republican bloggers have grown strangely quiet and reserved since the election and have settled down into a sort of quiet before the storm mode. Their collective yawp has diminished some. If you are an Okie on an airliner and it starts a rapid decent, and you are destined to crash, you do not know if you are going to heaven or hell …. All you know is you will be going thru Dallas first.  That is still the same.

The rising tide of the Obama win didn’t lift our boats all that much, we have our share of homeless, churches struggling to feed people, we are now first in highest percentage of uninsured families in the country (health care), first in locking women up in our prisons, and believe it or not, we are first in grandparents raising school age children in the nation.  We used to be first in teenage pregnancy and/or divorces, but I have not heard anything on those items lately, will let you know.

Most of the big name stores at the Mall have moved out, loaded to the gills with shoe stores now.  In bad times, about the only constant is shoes, people can still afford a pair of shoes.  Not much more than that.  Don’t seem to find any pennies in the parking lots anymore.  People are stopping to pick them up and put them in their pockets now, months ago, they laid there ripe for the picking, now they are scarce.

New Chevy Dealer opened north of town, but GM won’t floorplan him any inventory.  How do you run a car dealership without cars, this a new wrinkle in our expanding, recovering, bailed out half-sunk economy?  The news still comes on at five.  It is as always, live, local, late breaking, and boring as well you know, why bother?

We lead or are now finding ourselves in the top 47th or 48th spot for heart attacks and obesity, ranked as one of the “most unhealthiest states in the USA” to live (thank God for Mississippi and Alabama and yes, West “By Gawd” Virginia, or we would be number one in that too), and we have more Indian Casino’s than anywhere in the country.

Yea Oklahoma … we are number one … Go Sooners.

(Now do you feel better?)

Sending our very best is the very least we can do.

000

All Saints Hollow

This one is going down a day late and a dollar short, but I have been busy, and I did not get it finished on time.

Here is your Halloween Joke for 2008.

An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset. To say that he had “irritated bowel symptom” would be an understatement to say the least.

Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another and stayed put.  He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational! In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.

A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him.  He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get the unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.

As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard, barely containing his laughter, and who had watched the whole incident, walked up and asked “What the heck is going on here?”

The drunk, still staring down at the pile of rumpled soiled sheets said, “I dunno, I think I just beat the crap outta a ghost!”

Last night the ghosts and goblins were out and about, the dogs were barking and the neighborhood was somewhat spooky, for a little while anyway. Darker than a coal miners lunch box too. The next full moon on Halloween as I understand it will not occur until 2020. (Hey you never know when you are going to need some of this stuff, best take notes)

All night long  … The doorbell rang unmercifully and Mama quickly tired of going back and forth to the door to deliver treats to all the hob-goblins and little princess’s of the neighborhood. So she stood up and announced to no one in particular, “The next kid that rings that door bell, is going to get the ENTIRE BOWL OF CANDY and then I am shutting off the lights and being done with it!”

So the doorbell rang, and she opened up the door and there stood this little guy dressed up like a Hobo and she said, almost barked at him to tell you the truth, she said, “Open your sack.” So he dutifully opened up the sack as wide as it would open and she dumped the ENTIRE CONTENTS OF THE BOWL into his sack. He looked at the contents of his bag and then exclaimed, “Gee lady, when I came here I was really poor. Now I is rich!”

Any bets on what happened to the doorbell after that? When he went out into the dark and told ALL of his little buddies?

Happy Halloween

000

“The cartoon courtesy of Center for American Progress” (online)