Out To Lunch

Yesterday me and the Mrs. we drove to Oklahoma City and went out to eat.  Hate to do it this far away from payday, but we had not been there in quite sometime.  The drive into town is not so bad any more, we have a new interstate connection, six full lanes, each one homesteaded by a driving impaired lane change dummy. Continue reading

Jus Sayin 1218

recent-shots-006I am desperately trying to stop drinking coffee and it aint easy

The first cup of coffee in the morning is supposed to be the best
But with old age, that is something that goes away too
The first cup of coffee in the morning now has two scoops of Poop-Fairy-Dust (Laxative) which makes it kind of bitter and unpleasant.

Doesn’t help the withdrawl headaches either.

You ever wonder what your dog is thinking when you follow him around with a pooper-scooper and then promptly reach down while it is still warm
and retrieve his business and put it in a bag.

Do the people who shop at WalMart have mirrors in their homes
Why is it a barrel of oil drops two dollars on the open market
but a gallon of gasoline only nine cents, anyone notice that
NASA is reporting that the planet Mars has methane gas
which cannot be blamed on me,
I live 252 miles due east of Amarillo.

Don’t believe these people that are spreading the rumor that says I molested sheep outside Bozeman Montana in 1978 while on vacation … It’s a lie.
And yes …  I still want my Father’s Day Card.

Speaking of Fathers (Nice blend huh?)  

Do you think that Cliff’s wife on the Cosby Show was a lawyer because of a deep seated emotional stirring that the need for a good attorney in the future might be an imperative in his life.
Isn’t life ironic. 

Does anyone have the contact number for Dr. Phil
the voices in my head are screaming for answers and we don’t have a clue
They want to ask him who has the best cellular service and plan for us
and of course, where they find the seeds to plant seedless watermelons
Dr. Phil is always saying he is a “mandated reporter” so I figure that means
he has to answer my question by law …  (and yes, I know there is no such thing as a “good” attorney).

Jus Sayin

Lock N Load

pailin-gun-toterGuns – Guns – Guns

The mainstream press is alive with the subject of guns.  Guns and their owners are at the forefront of most of the news media in this country and I suppose in Europe too.

In a way I think it is kind of ironic, you see I would be willing to lay you eight to five, that hammers, pick-axes, and other hand held blunt instruments, injure, maim and kill more people in this country on a yearly basis than do guns.

I know some of you own guns, but this is something to think about … rational thinking seldom applies on a hot button subject like this.  Recently in Mississippi they took a bus load of kids to the police station for throwing smores at each other, and then charged them with assault.

Handcuffed a kid to a railing for not wearing a belt to school and believe it or not, suspended a kindergartner for “just talking about a TOY gun.”

Overkill, pure and simple. When will the “sane people” come onboard and register in with some pure rational thinking on this matter?  Public opinion seems at best a little bit off and media attention is at the point of just give them up, the world will be a better place.

And “if frogs had wings … well you know the rest.”

Even my wife, has breached the subject and was wanting a gun (not a good idea) and now is dead set on a stun gun or a taser.  Which I find lacking, first it allows the predator in close and I don’t like that at all.  Then there is the somewhat remote outside chance I could really irritate her … but we won’t go there, as I am determined that this is going to be a “serious piece.”

If you don’t have a gun, here’s a more humane way to wreck someone’s evil plans for you. Wasp Spray, available just about anywhere, added bonus, no permit required, open carry if you wish.  Did you know this? I didn’t.  I never really thought of it before. I guess I can get rid of the Louisville Slugger (baseball bat).

photo

Give some serious consideration to … Wasp Spray

We heard of a lady who is a receptionist in a church in a high risk area was concerned about someone coming into the office on Monday to rob them when they were counting the collection. She asked the local police department about using pepper spray and they recommended to her that she get a can of wasp spray instead.

The wasp spray, they told her, can shoot up to twenty feet away and is a lot more accurate, while with the pepper spray, they have to get too close to you and could overpower you. The wasp spray temporarily blinds an attacker until they get to the hospital for an antidote. She keeps a can on her desk in the office and it doesn’t attract attention from people like a can of pepper spray would. She also keeps one nearby at home for home protection. Thought this was interesting and might be of use.

On the heels of a break in and beating that left an elderly woman in Toledo dead, self defense experts have a tip that could save your life.  Val Glinka teaches self-defense to students at Sylvania Southview High School. For decades, he’s suggested putting a can of wasp and hornet spray near your door or bed.

Glinka says, “This is better than anything I can teach them.”

Glinka considers it inexpensive, easy to find, and more effective than mace or pepper spray. The cans typically shoot 20 to 30 feet; so if someone tries to break into your home, Glinka says “spray the culprit in the eyes”. It’s a tip he’s given to students for decades. It’s also one he wants everyone to hear. If you’re looking for protection, Glinka says look to the spray. “That’s going to give you a chance to call the police; maybe get out.” Maybe even save a life.  Please share this with all the people who are precious to your life.

Did you also know that wasp spray will kill a snake? And a mouse! It will!  Good to know, huh?  If someone comes at you and you fear for your safety let them have it right in the face.  They can work it out with the cops at the hospital later.

Now here is the other shoe hitting the floor.  If you own a gun, put two or three rounds in ‘em, stick a hammer in their hand, and then call 911.  Like Dr. Phil sez … That works for me.

Have a good weekend, you worked hard for it, enjoy.

OOO

Most popular reads at Creative Endeavors this week:

Home page / Archives  
Bikinis (The reason men are pigs)  
Lock N Load  
Clear Blue Sky  
Things Are Lousy In Jurupa Valley, CA  
Dinosaurs and Progressive Liberal Democrats  
Goin With The Flow  
Sneak Into America (audio)  
The Worry Tree  
Flu Ride (Audio)

Pavlov’s Dog

computer-duck
Not long ago, I had text messaging removed from my telephone, along with internet browsing features, and a host of other unnecessary items.  I only have a telephone now, basic features include a ring tone and that is about it.  It had reached the point in my life, where it was consuming my every waking moment.  And then the government in their infinite wisdom gave telemarketers my number and that just about cinched it for me.

Most of my friends and acquaintances complain about my not paying attention to my telephone and always getting voice mail when they call.  But I feel it is time to just be me, and leave all the other external stuff to those who not only feel they need it, but at the same time, demand it in their lives.  This year, I am going to be one of the few that is slowly trying to pull away from the internet and its trappings that rob me of my time and provide me very little satisfaction.

With smart phones, tablets, and other digital devices reshaping how people work, communicate, and spend their free time, it is time to start to question whether or not our reliance on these items are affecting the way we think.  Next year, for the first time “Internet Use Disorder” will be listed in the appendix of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Health Disorders.

Our dependence on these electronic devices has grown to almost epidemic proportions.  Some of it can be explained by employers demanding more access to their employee’s 24/7 today.  But let’s face it, there are a few who have a addiction to the information, data, and/or devices plain and simple.  

I cannot remember a time in a cafe, where I have not been bothered by a cellphone conversation.  I was at a funeral and the thing went off.  The movies, the mall, you name it.  We see people texting at stop lights, while driving, entire families sitting around with their nose’s in the devices and not talking to one or another.

I am on the computer daily, and actually feel some guilt or a twinge of anxiety when I am away from it.  It is an addiction sure, but in some strange way, we are reforming our thought processes and the devices are slowly changing the way we think, and that is kind of scary.

Consider this.  

When it comes to electronic devices some of us are exhibiting the same behavior of a cocaine addict, alcoholics, and other social misfits.  We can actually feel depression and in some case, acute psychosis.  The internet and these devices are slowly driving us completely mad.

Every time your phone, tablet, or computer pings with new text, tweet, or email, it triggers a sense of expectation, and the reward centers in your brain receive a pleasurable “squirt of dopamine.”  

Instant gratification.

I am often totally clueless when it comes to the Information age, but I do know this, I can leave the cellphone on the cabinet in the kitchen for a week, and it doesn’t bother me one iota.  I can unplug the computer for only about 72 hours, and I am working on that.  The best thing is to just lay ‘em down, walk outside in the clean air and take deep breaths, it will all be waiting for you when you return.

One reason you won’t see me talking to this guy any time soon.

ATT0001010

 The solution is simple.  Hang it up and shut it down to reclaim your life.

OOO

High Cost Of Low Living

Danny is the latest member of the “Soon To Be Single Club.”  He is in the ranks of the “unloved” and he isn’t liking it one bit, no sir.  He looks at me like a kid who has just lost his last good friend in life and asks, “Why does divorce have to cost so damn much money?

Which is not an easy question to answer halfway thru your two over easy, bacon, whole wheat toast and small orange juice, but I give it a shot.  After all, I was once a rider with a paid for ticket on this social fun ride, so I give him what I consider the definitive answer on the subject.

There has been a lot of water under the bridge, but I can still remember the day I walked into the lawyers’ office and stated matter of factually, “I want a divorce.

And he said to me, “How is it that you feel about this woman?” and I replied, “If she owned the last bar in the world, I wouldn’t stop there for a drink.

He smiled, and said, “I will take the case.”

So having gone thru this traumatic life changing event in life, I feel somewhat qualified to proffer an answer to my friend.  I say …. “Danny, divorce costs so much because it is worth it.  It is worth every lousy dime and a little more.” (Some will take it one step further and say it is “the ***ing you get for the ***ing you got”  … blanks are optional, you can figure it out, no prize sorry).

Just this week I was reading about another marriage made in Heaven that went bad.

A Swedish countess has asked a judge to negate her prenuptial agreement with the wealthy executive who is divorcing her, insisting she cannot possibly live on $43 million.  Marie Douglas-David (this is what happens when you allow women to have three names by the way) wants at least twice that much from former United Technologies Corp. chief executive George David, 67, saying she has weekly expenses of $53,000.

Think about the absurdity of that last statement, “her weekly expenses are $53K per week.”  That means that she needs roughly two and three-quarters of a million per year, just to get by, and you thought shopping for groceries was rough?

Her attorney said that David had figuratively “put a gun” to her head to get her to sign a pre-nup requiring her to survive on only $43 million.  Which I have to admit, I kind of doubt.

Oklahoma has a 52% divorce rate the highest (if not the) rate in the nation.  I also checked, at one time we led the country in unwed teenage mothers and a host of other “not so famous” social misadventures.

Our youth are being eaten alive by syphilis, gonorrhea, 67 other sexually transmitted diseases (STD’s).  Yesterday on Dr. Phil they had an entire show devoted to “people who are marrying each other, and are virtual strangers, who do not know the person they married.”

Which if not downright sad, is just plain tragic.

I don’t understand the high cost of shrinking married populations in this country, I don’t understand that at all.  It seems to me, an old married guy, that marriage is the best alternative there is out there, why would anyone want to be a dues paying member of the crap listed above?

So the next time your bride looks at you in that goofy special way they have and says, “We are doing alright honey, we have a marriage made in Heaven.”

Just smile, nod your head in acknowledgment and remember … That is the very same place they make Thunder and Lightning too.

Have a great weekend, we will see all of you on Monday.

OOO

Male Enhancement

I am strolling thru the Mall, a slow day, mostly elderly people walking to stay fit are in attendance.  Kind of strange, they make lap after lap around the place and then at the conclusion of the exercise period they all gather in front of Chicken Fillet take a table and eat.

A funny bunch, this geriatric posse of exercise lap-taking aficionados’.

I am walking along, peering into the windows of the stores, and I find nothing all that exciting to tell you the truth, it is no small wonder that sales are off.  It is no small wonder that Mall’s much like the dinosaur are on the way out.

Then I spot her.

She is young, she is vibrant, she is drop-dead gorgeous.  My mind races and I try and think back to a time when I have experienced a woman such as this, and I am at a definite loss.  She is so beautiful that it secretly makes me wish that I could borrow the money from Secretary of State, Hillary Rodham Clinton, just so that I could establish my own foreign country.  There I would publish this girl’s likeness on the official postage stamp of our new country, so that I could lick the back of her head each day.

Everyday.

She is working in an ear ring store, so I stop to chat and browse the different piercings she has for sale.  I am thinking to myself, “I have always wanted an ear ring.  Knowing full well that I am of course, not going to get one.”  She bends over several times in the course of events, showing me the wares of her store, among other things.  We strike up a conversation, we laugh, we smile, things are going well.  Her perfume fills my senses; I am almost paralyzed by her scent.

I am also acutely aware of this old familiar feeling coming over me, silently thinking to myself, “this is nuts, I should be on leash or a chain, staked out in some backyard somewhere.”  It is not easy being a randy old dawg such as I am.

Perhaps it is the smell of her perfume, the light touch of her hand on my skin, it could be the elevator musak softly playing in the background.

don-smithFirst thing I know, I am sitting in the chair and I am getting my ear pierced and I have an ear ring!  Call me the helpless romantic, the middle-aged fool, whatever, but I walk out of the place sporting a brand new diamond stud in my left lobe.  I am also considerably “lighter in the wallet” because of it.

It is important that we now interject into all this that the ownership of an ear ring is not a new thing with me.  Having what most men consider a “progressive marriage” it was talked about, never granted, but it did come up from time to time over the years.  I must emphasize that this is not a spur of the moment encounter; it has been a secret goal of mine for years.

And it has been from time to time, discussed.  Men have this right, it is on page #54 of Dr. Phils’ Marriage Enrichment Series with footnotes inserted by Robin.  I also believe there was an episode of it on The View where it was discussed briefly in eighty-nine.

Now the wife has told me previous to this, “If you get an ear ring, I am NOT going anywhere with you. To the store, the movies, WalMart … Nowhere are we to be seen together if you get an ear ring.”

Then as she always does, she prefaced it with … “You understand?”

And I am thinking, “I roll it over and over in my mind, might be a little pain involved, but all in all, it sounds like a pretty good deal to me.”  It might be worth it, I could come out on top of this thing, if I play my cards right, this could be a winning hand.

So I am “all in” as they say in The World Series of Poker … I am not waiting for the River Card, it is now or never.

Today I do the deed! This also my toxic day of reckoning.  Today I will have to face the music.  My bride is not going to understand this at all.

She is standing at the sink doing dishes, softly humming to herself and I walk in to the kitchen to get me a cup of coffee.  Out of the corner of my eye, I see her peer at me and then she says, “What is that in your ear?” to which I reply, “What?” and then she again says, not to be deterred.

“What is THAT in your ear?”  This time pointing to the offending object and wiggling her finger in order to emphasis.

So I reply, “it’s an ear ring.”

“Lord, what have you went out and done now you old fool?”

Nothing like a little kindness and understanding, with your cup of lukewarm half-day old Coffee.

“What in the world possessed you to do this; why in the world did you get your ear pierced?”

“Cause I wanted to, that’s why, b’sides lots of bikers have ear rings.”  She smiles and says “Yeah, and they have something that you do not have.”  So I inquire of her what that might be, because you see, the monkey never learns, the monkey always goes back for more.

She opens up the cabinet door, places the clean plate in there with the rest, and looks at me and says … “Motorcycles, bikers have ear rings, beards, snot rag hats and MOTORCYCLES!  You gonna buy a motorcycle?”

“Maybe.” I meekly mumble, and then I grab my cup of Joe out of the Microwave and head for the TV room.  Funny how things work out, people who do not learn from their mistakes are prone to repeat them, that is the way I had it presented to me if I am remembering it right.  I sip on the coffee, it is warm, it nourishes my tired old soul and I think about it all … Silently I am thinking to myself, “A Harley Sportster, big tractor seat, a ONE SEATER that would be nice.”

The last time something like this occurred in my life was about the same, back in the seventies, except it was Sears, a well endowed brunette, deep green eyes a guy could lose himself in,  and it was a totally new vacuum cleaner …  but that was just one hundred-eighty-five dollars and some change.

Now this?  Man-Man, a new Harley Sportster, this could get really expensive.

The monkey never learns.

OOO

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