Highlighting History

Here lately, a great many of our political hopefuls, presidential wanna-be’s and vice presidential what-evers have been running fast and loose with not only the facts, but our recent and past history. So I figured, what is good for the goose, is good for the gander and I have taken time today to correlate some history for all our readers.

The staff of Creative Endeavors and I got together over a period of several minutes, perhaps twenty-five or thirty, and came up with some interesting facts and history about our country for you in the spirit of the 2008 electorate.

On August 3rd,l 1492, Christopher Columbus set sail from Palos, Spain, on a voyage that took him to the present day America’s. Sailing on the Nina, the Pinta, and the Juilo Englasis, he arrived just before noon on a Friday. America at this time was basically a developing nation, a few Burger Kings, one or two Wal-Marts, but they were not Super Centers. There was visible evidence of many brush fires and incredible amounts of devastation everywhere. There was plenty of oil because cars had not been invented and we had no Congress.

In 1914, Germany declared war on France. France in retaliation, sent to Germany Rene Monette Anton Bush to convince local German governments to build replica’s of the Eiffel Tower and to give up this insane idea of war instead. To not service their women, tear down the French language, and to encourage them to drink more wine. This was quickly brushed aside for obvious reasons. She was promptly deported back to France as an illegal alien, and a undocumented speaker. Germany at that time, appropriated funds to build a fence to keep Frenchmen from entering their country.

In 1923, Calvin Coolidge was sworn in as the 30th President of the United States, following the defeat of Warren G. Harding. On this day Billy Raye Bushwhacker Sr. was defeated in the World College Bowl when he selected “History” for $100 and incorrectly answered the question …. “What Was WWII?” … with the answer …… some fish? NBC ran a story on if you yelled for 8 years and 7 months, some six days, you would produce enough energy to heat one cup of coffee. General Motors announced a new model of Chevy that got zero miles per gallon … but had lot’s of chrome.

In 1936, the State Department urged Americans in Spain to leave because of that country’s civil war. Oklahoma City started abandoning buildings in what is now called Brick Town because of rapid expansion to the suburbs. An Oklahoma court, on a suggestion of a local celebrity, granted custody of a ten year old Boy Scout to a 14 year old girl. This was promptly overturned by the local chapter of the ACLU.

In 1949, the National Basketball Association was formed despite the protests of the not yet formed NFL. The Oklahoma Representative in Congress announced that “for twenty five thousand dollars each, any lobbyist in the building (excluding Petroleum related industries) would be allowed to kiss him fully on the lips.” The University of Oklahoma announces that if you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, you would produce enough gas to create the energy of an atomic bomb. Which was quickly debunked by the Department of Defense. 1949 was a slow year, America did not attack anyone in the name of Democracy.

In 1958, the nuclear-powered submarine Nautilus became the first vessel to cross the North Pole underwater. A non candidate for any office, Billy Raye Bushwhacker Sr., meets with the heads of the state of England, France, Norway, Sweden and Germany at a family picnic in his backyard in Pecos Texas. He refuses to run on the “conservative” ticket, claiming that a race for Governor would negate his chances of being King or even God, someday in the near future.

Dick Clark turns sixteen years old …. Again.

In 1980, closing ceremonies were held in Moscow for the 1980 Summer Olympic Games, which had been boycotted by dozens of countries, including the United States. Ronald Reagan cannot remember if he approved the sale of arms to that place east of New Jersey. In a historic decision the Republican packed U.S. Supreme court rules that six apples in one sack is to be considered one item, this was a five to three vote. A new Republican protege comes on the scene, Billy Raye Bushwhacker Jr. enters Yale for his first year of c- studies.

In 1981, U.S. Air Traffic controller go on strike, despite a warning from President Reagan they would be fired. President Reagan then announces that at that time, the price of his souvenir beer mug has been reduced to on $3.99 and one building in Brick Town is being given consideration as a possible comedy club. No building permits or business licenses are issued after the Governor intervenes and declares “Living in Oklahoma is not funny.” Oklahoma University announces that a cat’s urine glows under a black light.  The practice of bathing in Swan Fat and Donkey Milk is declared illegal in 62 counties in Oklahoma and one U.S. protectorate south of Guam.

In 1988, the Soviet Union released Mathias Rust, the young West German pilot who had landed a light plane in Moscow’s Red Square in May 1987. Billy Raye Bushwhacker Jr. announces that for $500 a month, he will have breakfast with any registered Republican in the North Eastern Corridor of the United States. IBM announces that they have purchased space on the side of the Russian Station Miers for advertising and at a bargain price of only $18 million dollars. General Motors re-introduces the zero mileage car with lot’s of chrome.

In 1993, the Senate voted 96-3 to confirm Supreme Court nominee Ruth Bader Ginsburg. The national basketball association announces a new team in Florida to be known as the Incredibly Huge Bloodsucking Insects and will be home courted in Orlando. Bill Gates buys Guatemala and most of Honduras in a sweeping takeover bid. Judge Bork receives the “worst looking beard in the world award” by cast members of The View in 4 to 4 decision. He is subsequently is rejected from the court for oblivious reasons and in a related decision it is announced that it is no longer illegal to pray at Cock Fights, but you can still “make a wish, as long as you do not offend anyone else.”

In 1994, one day after Iraq invaded Kuwait, thousands of Iraqi soldiers pushed to within a few miles of the border with Saudi Arabia, heightening world concerns that the invasion could spread. A place called Chad dukes it out with some place called Libya and the arms race in America escalates. Stock in gunpowder and small arms increases exponentially and business is good on the NASDAC. People living north of the United States in Canada, tiring of their tree’s humming and glowing in the dark, demand that we do something about our acid rain. 1,200 dead people were discovered at a Neil Diamond concert in Michigan over the weekend.

Five years ago: OJ Simpson is hot on the trail of his wife killers, searching out every golf course in America. A 19 year old kid flies a Cessna airplane into Red Square and the Soviets are livid, Dick Cheney orders 6,000 Cessna airplanes for the U.S. Air Force. The Senate Transportation Committee recommends that all speed limits be increased nationwide to 80 MPH to help out the Saudi’s and it is increased, everywhere, except Oklahoma where all the roads are in disrepair or being patched. Judge Judy makes a definitive socially defining historic ruling on wrinkle creams being sold across the counter, that do not go deep enough to control crows feet in middle aged women.

One year ago: Congressional Republicans, shrugging off a presidential veto threat, nailed down the details of an agreement for a 10-year, $792 billion tax cut. Arbitrators ruled the government had to pay the heirs of Dallas dress maker Abraham Zapruder $16 million for his movie film that captured the assassination of President Kennedy. The first issue of Talk Magazine hit the newsstands and to celebrate this Congress passed a whopping pay raise (unanimously) in both houses.

Dick Clark turns …. Sixteen …. Again.

Which brings us to today: The Republican National Committee announces that so far, things have been pretty dull, so the handlers of Sara Palin have decided to allow her to speak. DVD sales in the United States reach record numbers. Joe the Plumber announces that he is depressed and constipated in Cleveland. Dick Cheney was to speak, but at his last public appearance he was interrupted 32 times by applause and two times by mild heart attacks. The Democrats have been declared legally brain dead in all but the swing states where the majority of the voters are still “not sure” and Joe Biden is strangely quiet.  Our second term soon to be gone President comes on television to announce that “the sap of a tree is a good conductor of rain and that is how you get electrocuted” while giving a press conference in the rose-garden in the rain.

And finally …. In an effort to clarify the new bailout proposal to the American people the political hopefuls came on PBS last night and laid out the proposal in a manner that was understandable by most of the population. In the spirit of Hillary and Good Time Bill it was patiently explained:

Once upon a time a man appeared in a village and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each. The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them. The man bought thousands at $10 and, as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He next announced that he would now buy monkeys at $20 each. The villagers renewed their efforts and started catching monkeys again.

Soon the supply diminished even further and people went back to their farms. The offer increased to $25 each and the supply of monkeys became so scarce it was an effort to even find a monkey, let alone catch it! The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50 each! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would buy on his behalf.

During the man’s absence, the assistant told the villagers “Look at all the monkeys in this big cage that the man has already collected. I will sell them to you at $35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell them to him for $50 each.”

The villagers rounded up all their savings and bought all the monkeys for 850 billion dollars. They never saw the man or his assistant again, only lots and lots of monkeys. Now you have a better understanding of how the WALL STREET BAILOUT PLAN WILL WORK!

History in a nutshell ……When Columbus started out for the New World, he didn’t know where he was going; when he would get there, when he got there, he didn’t know where it was he was; and when got back he didn’t know where had been.

Kind of points out what we all knew to begin with ….. History has an awful bad habit of repeating itself.

000

Thanx Jim in WA.


Change in the air

Stepping outside you can almost feel the change in the air, fall is just around the corner.  There seems to be an “air about it” if you will pardon the pun.  My old bones are starting to creak in the wind, they do that every fall season, nothing much you can do about it.  Still have not seen the southerly parade of Dragon Flies and the Cicada’s have not started singing in the trees, but there definitely is change in the air.

The cool down is nice, even if it is a bit premature and is at best, hurricane residue from Ike, our latest storm.

Now I don’t want to sound callous, cruel or un-carrying about this, but I find hurricane victims kind of hard to understand.  (1)  A hurricane is coming, they are warned in advance to evacuate, get out, while you have time.  (2)  They stay, against all sane advice and warnings, they virtually ignore all up-to-date information, choose to stay put and weather out the storm.  (3)  They do not leave and after wards when they are in terrible shape, call out for public assistance.

This morning there are some 2,000 people in Galveston, Texas that are crying for water and relief from the Red Cross and other similar relief providers.  It seems to me, that if they had heeded the advice like all the others, they would not be in this dire predicament.  What is it about the human psyche that demands that “the government take care of you” after you do something decidedly stupid, like refuse to evacuate?

As soon as the wind dies down, up from the rubble and chaos, they pop up like misplaced prairie dogs and call for water!  Ice!  Help us .. Help us!  If they had left with all the other sane people, they could be sitting down to breakfast at The International House Of Pancakes like everyone else in Texarkana, Texas, safe and sound.

Sorry but I don’t get it.

An open apology to CrackerBoy … On September 4th, I wrote a post on WordPress.com Global Dashboard Fastest Rising Blogs and what a crock of …  Well  …. you spread it on your flowers and it makes them grow better … a crock of that.

Cracker Bill at that time suggested in the comments section that it is a “Strange combination of circumstances. It’s all done by the system. No human hands.” And I summarily dismissed that.  It appears that I now know differently (You can teach an old dawg new tricks!) and that Bill is right.  Over the weekend they again posted another bogus fastest growing blog, because:

(A)  They are stupid.

(B)  They don’t know better

(C)  It was generated by a machine.

Proudly displayed in spot #6 this weekend as a “fastest growing blog” was a site who has posted “7” posts in …… get this … you will love this.  They had posted 7 times in 11 months. From October 2007 to date the entire site consisted of seven posts.  How fast growing and noteworthy is this?  Not very.

I owe you an apology Bill ….. You my friend were right.

Watching the television and they are running this commercial for one of the sagging and slowly dying American car companies.  In this commercial they are showing the latest new wrinkle a television screen built into the dash.  Now do we really need this?  Haven’t we enough problems with cell phones, pagers, DVD players, text messaging, and now a TV in the dash?

Man what a trip that would be, humming down the old boulevard watching a salute to Rock N Roll hosted by Michael Jackson and Dick Clark, doing about 75 mph in the fast lane.  Which I suppose would be like a preview of people on the first boat load headed for hell.  Thank heavens for the mute button!  As I am not all that interested in becoming a rap singer, and my driving skills are not what they used to be, I am going to pass.

B’sides, I don’t own a lot of jewelry and I am extremely uncomfortable grabbing my crotch in public.

If my memory serves me correctly (here lately it is a 50/50 deal) Jerry Lewis had a movie out about 40 years ago, where a guy believed everything that his television told him.  He dashed out to shop every time a commercial told him exactly what to buy.  Then he would sit in front of the set, dying his hair and smoking cigars, awaiting further instructions.  Which is mainly what it was that I did this past weekend, sat in front of the set and awaited my instructions but they never came.  Has anyone heard from the Mother Ship?

I think my link is down.

Sunday’s paper had an article in it where it said that a meteorite roughly the size of France missed the earth by about half the distance to the moon (in space terms that would be close, almost a near miss according to the Bush administration).  So I am reading this and I am thinking to myself, “Is this some kind of twisted math exam?”  Sure glad it missed, isn’t NORAD or someone supposed to be tracking stuff like this, so Morgan Freeman can make a statement to the American people about it?

We ought to rename this piece … Earth … Wind … Fire.

Next it will be sunspots, have not heard anything on them for awhile, there has definitely been a sunspot deficit going on here lately.  Sunspots often cause weird side effects.  For example:  In the movie “Frequency” a New York cop operating a ham radio during an aurora borealis in 1999 is mysteriously able to communicate with actor Dennis Quaid in 1969.

Bear with me … I am almost done.

Normally, this would be dangerous, since tampering with the past can disrupt the present (Doc, in Back To The Future II 1986).  But in the movie, everything ends happily.  The cop saves Quaid’s life, helps him find a serial killer and in a major break through persuades him not to make Jaws 3 in 3-D! in the early eighties.

Along the way, there are thrilling plot twists.

In one scene, the cop’s ham radio inadvertently contacts RANDY QUAID in his 1989 role as Cousin Eddie in National Lampoons Christmas Vacation.  Apparently the metal plate in Cousin Eddie’s head picks up radio messages?  This causes everyone else in the movie to incorrectly assume that Chevy Chase is the murderer.

Now it is time for me to get back to my book that is so utterly fascinating, I could hardly put it down.  Definitely one for the coffee table set, (I wonder if Oprah has heard about it?).  I found it in the specialty aisle of Barnes & Nobles this past weekend, in the Society of Toxicology section.

Compelling, interesting, spell binding reading.  Comparison of Pulmonary and Pleural responses of rats and hamsters to inhaled refractory ceramic fibers.

I suppose if you are not much of a reader, you will just have to wait for the movie to come out.

000