Inside The Cage Looking Out

Nice to wake up to a good cup of piping hot coffee, little sunshine in the window, and the much anticipated storm did not materialize.  Life is good.  It has been a long week, I am hoping that this one on tap is better than the last.  Putting a video here for you first off, you can click on it and Grandma will play you the blues … As you read the latest news.

This morning I am reading a post by a lady who has been Fresh Pressed five times, that in itself, amazes me.  But wait, it gets better.  Just below that in the comments section someone is asking her “how is it I get Fresh Pressed?” which is something akin to asking “How many grains of sand are there on the beaches of the world?” One poster was actually lamenting how difficult it was to post three times per week, I found that quite amusing.  Here is the clear cut winner … One poster was going “to learn ONE NEW WORD a year.”  Wow, knock yourself out there sister!  It has to be true Maw, I read it on the Internet.

A great deal of interesting material in the news.  This one here, I really liked it.  A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving  revolvers.  The first one shouted, “Nobody move!”  When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.  This guy doesn’t even deserve a seat at Stoooopid Criminal School.

Anyone seen this new tattoo show on CMT where they have competitions with each other on certain designs (snake, devil, flower) and they go to the closest morgue and put their handiwork on a cadaver.  Now I ask you, “how sick is that?” Your poor Uncle Ed who has been living under an overpass for the past five years dies when his alcohol diseased sick liver finally gets tired and stops.  You go down to the morgue to pick him up and they hand him back to you looking like one of your Grandmother’s best hand-knitted quilts.

This is almost as disgusting as the game I play with myself when I fly to Asia.  Leaving Seattle, Washington, you usually swing over a huge portion of the world that is covered with ice and snow (might all be gone now, I dunno?).  I will look out the window of the aircraft and then back into the cabin and my mind will start to race … “Which one of these people am I going to eat first?” in order to survive. gas7 Gasoline continues to do a downward spiral, and yesterday my bride asked me if it would ever go under $2 again.  I gave her the standard “when pigs fly” answer but that was not enough.  So I calmly put it in technical terms for her. Honey, it’s true, oil prices have reached an all time low this year. But before consumers do something drastic, like purchase a hybrid—or as I call them, a mutant—consider the fixed costs that go into producing your typical $104 barrel of oil.

Right up front, $5 goes to new development of new oil resources. $10 goes to new technology research. $15 a barrel goes to making those commercials where oil companies try to convince you they’re not raping the environment and $25 goes toward blackening the oil.  BP is your friend, Exxon is the company of choice, this fuel only contains ____ % of cane products grown in Brazil. Then my wife said to me …  If I may, just very quickly, right there stop you, I was under the impression that oil comes out black.

That’s what Hollywood would have you believe, dear.

No, oil actually comes out of the ground looking like this (holding up a fruit jar with a honey looking substance inside). A pretty rainbow! And it burns clean. Cruding it up ain’t cheap.  She then says “so that adds, I guess, $55 a barrel to the oil, what about the rest of the cost?”  (We are on a roll now, she bought it)  Well Honey, it fluctuates, depending on how chaotic the political situation is in places like North and South Dakota.


That’s why the Middle East loves our stagnant economy and all those empty roads that are now devoid of traffic, tourists, and commercial business. Without these modifiers, we often see our oil prices plummet. Gas will never go below the $2 benchmark set for it recently by my wife, I am sure of that.  Unless of course, we all buy a gas sucking SUV from Government Motors and Middle Eastern revenue streams dry up and the terrorist are having to work second jobs at Bennigans … or … the Middle Eastern equivalent … Jhad-Applebee’s.

Parting is such sweet sorrow, but I have to run now, our three year old decided to tune my guitar for me over the weekend, and I have to work on that. One last thing:  As the middle of the month rapidly approaches remember a couple of important dates.  #1  Martin Luther King Day is on the 21st.  Also, January is Stalker Awareness Month. So, leave a gift by your bedroom window for your special someone.


Let Me Down Easy

Wind is blowing across the prairie this day like a banshee and it is cold and bites at my neck.  I know that it is that time of the year, and this is a precursor to better things to come, but it tugs at my sanity this day and I secretly wish to be somewhere else.

Anywhere else.

Oh well, things could be worse, I could live in Moscow which I understand has a real dog problem.  Tens of thousands of strays roam the streets, and a lot of them I suppose bite.  25,000 people a year seek medical help there  after being bitten by stray dogs.  I heard of a lawyer once, who got bit by a dog.  He went to the doctor and after receiving the news that he had rabies, he pulled out a notepad and pen and started writing furiously.

The doctor inquired of him, “What is that you are writing, your Last Will and Testament?” and the layer replied, “Naw, it is a list of people I want to bite!”

There is a program to relocate the dogs, to neuter them and release them into a different area, but really, is that going to work?  Never does here.  People just seem to use them up, and then toss them away.  I know, I live in the country, and they dump dogs here all the time.

Speaking of relocating?

No I am not moving onto Ferrel cats (last count in America, an estimated 157 million!) I am talking about Japan.  Japan’s 9.0 magnitude earthquake released so much energy that it shifted the position of the Earth’ axis by about 6.5 inches, according to estimates by the Jet Propulsion Laboratory in California.  The massive quake caused the sudden slipping of one giant tectonic plate under another, moved Japan 12 feet closer to North America.

If that amazes you, then this will really scare the crap out of you.  Due to soaring energy demands in India and China, the world’s current stock of 443 nuclear reactors is expected to double over the next 15 years.  India hopes to supply a quarter of its electricity through nuclear power.

I sure wish someone would come out with some new music video’s.  I am tiring of the same old stuff, day in and day out.  I liked this new commercial I saw on the Land Rover this morning.  It can help you hitch the trailer.  It can tow the boat with ease.  It can seat 7 adults and their gear …. but can it make the fish bite?  Ah Madison Avenue (the ad people) close but no cigar.

Soon it will be time for that great American get-away, the Highway Road trip.  As the weather improves, I suspect, no matter what the cost of fuel, American’s will get out and hit the road.  Here are some tips for all you parents traveling with little guys:

Plan the route together.

Little travelers “feel more invested if they share some of the control over the itinerary.”

(Whoever suggested this tidbit of info, never traveled with a kid)

Keep the car cozy.

Make room for creature comforts and familiar play things.

Keep them organized in backpacks and make sure each kid is responsible for their own stuff.

(Uh huh sure)

Put them to work.

Tasks make kids feel important.  Divvy out assignments along the way, teach them how to read a map or road signs.

How to program the GPS and other interesting “jobs” of traveling.

Most importantly … Hit the brakes.

According to the article, frequent stops will make the trip more enjoyable and bearable for the little guys.

This will also bring them into range so you can reach out and slap them upside the head to get their attention.

(Don’t send me me no letters)

Have a great week.