Primary Digits

cheep-gas

The rig count in America again drops this week, we don’t have to go looking for it anymore, the price is down.  Our fuel problem has been solved, all it took was a major recession to do it. As it inches upward again, I am wondering why no one is drilling anything other than the consumer or the U.S. Taxpayer.

The Numbers Are Not Good — Sorry.

693,000 jobs were cut in December and more to come.  The U.S. Economy is now stepping into one of the worst downturns since World War II.  Lenovo, China’s biggest personal-computer maker is laying off some 2,500 people because of no demand for their product.  Unemployment here in the United States is predicted now to exceed 9.2% by 2010.  Things are so bad now, that the government announced that the “end of the world” has been postponed by at least two years, so that they can try and collect some of the $1.2 trillion that they owe on the National Debt.

Fueling the Poor

Citgo, the Venezuelan government’s U.S.-based oil subsidiary, reversed course Wednesday and said it will continue shipments of heating oil to poor families in the United States.  How sad is that, we have a foreign country, who’s dictator calls our President disparaging names and insults him in public (United Nations) supplying the fuel to heat the homes of our nation’s poor.  Chavez an outspoken critic of the U.S. has often been quoted as calling Bush “El Diablo” (the devil)

Teen Birth Rates are up

Atlanta Disease Control released a new report today that found that Mississippi “now has the nation’s highest teen pregnancy rate, displacing Texas and New Mexico for that lamentable title.” The report found that in 2006, the Mississippi teen pregnancy rate was over 60 percent higher than the national average and increased 13 percent since the year before.

Oxygen Starvation?

I understand that when you experience a heart attack, that often there is a lack of blood to the brain, and that in some cases, afterwards there is a memory loss.  Maybe this is what is the matter with the Vice President.  Dick Cheney is now claiming that he never exceeded his powers and that it is all “an urban legend.

I herby submit at this time, that the drive to select Puerto Rico as the fifty-first state be suspended.  I also propose that either the state of Texas or the State of Wyoming, be split down the middle, and then be renamed “the State Of Denial” to give all these nut jobs in Washington who seem to be out of touch with reality, a place to live and rule.  Sorry Puerto Rico.

Little Johnny is flunking out

Pittsburgh – Administrators at Pittsburgh Public Schools are defending a policy making 50% the lowest score students can receive. Since an “A” is 90% or above, a “B” is 80% to 89% and so on, administrators said allowing scores as low as zero gives an “F” too much weight. But teachers said some students won’t hand in assignments if guaranteed 50%.  When I was a kid, and I brought home an “F” it surely did carry too much weight, it was connected to the back of my dad’s hand.

The new curriculum in 2009 is as follows:

The Colonial Period – Basic thirteen colonies, first states, the common wealth.  The Civil War Period – Brother against Brother and the abolishment of Slavery.  The New Deal Period – FDR a chicken in every pot, Hoover Dam, let’s build a National Park.  The Deficit Period – The Bush years and the hallucination period of the Republican Party.

They can all activate and operate an X-box, send a text message, figure out a cellphone and its operating procedures in minutes, but they cannot read.  What is wrong with this picture?

What are you going to drink when you are thirsty?

Denver Colorado – Shell Oil filed for the first major water right on Yampa River in hopes of securing enough water for its oil shale development plans. Shell’s application seeks about 8% of the river’s peak spring flow. Shell said the water would be shipped to a reservoir for later use. Critics say extracting oil from shale uses too much water, which is in short supply.  Kind of makes you wonder what we will all be drinking when these companies get done polluting the last of the potable water.  If you don’t believe me, goggle oil sands or Frazier River Basin and look what they have done in Canada, and we are next.

Sorry … No Give Backs, they are not allowed.

Boise Idaho – The state attorney general said Gov. Otter, a Republican, cannot turn down a 3% pay raise. That means his salary bumps up to $111,989 for 2009. Otter announced last month he would reject the raise to show solidarity after ordering statewide budget cuts. Imagine that, a politician with some class.  Now he says he will donate the money to a scholarship fund.

Hard to believe isn’t it, here is a guy trying to do the right thing, and he is NOT allowed to do it.  I remember reading about people in Florida trying to give back Federal Money and they would not take it.  We have reached a point where we no longer suffer from our insanity, we are beginning to enjoy every minute of it every day.

It aint Starbucks, but it is a good close second.

Vassalboro Maine – This town’s planning board approved an application for a coffee shop with topless waitresses, despite opposition from some residents. More than 50 people showed up for the board’s meeting, and most of them voiced disapproval. Planners said Vassalboro has no ordinance to regulate businesses’ uniforms – or lack of them.  I am going out on limb here folks, but I believe I speak for true, loyal, dedicated coffee drinkers everywhere when I say “Leave Them Girls Alone.”

Something is not right with Freshwater.

Mount Vernon – An outside consultant testified that when a science teacher here was told to remove a Bible from his public school classroom, he checked out another Bible from the school library to make a statement. The consultant found that John Freshwater was insubordinate and had used a device to burn the image of a cross on a student’s arm. Freshwater is appealing his firing.

I want to believe

Greer South Carolina – More than 350 people attended a rally at a church to protest a federal judge’s order banning South Carolina from producing a religious license plate with the words “I Believe.” The Rev. Arnold Hiette said Christians have lost the right to public prayer. The plate includes a stained glass window with a cross.

Boxcars’ T-Shirt Philosophy for Life

  • So many toys …so little time.
  • Wish for peace, work for justice.
  • Never wash whites with colors, unless you are into pink underwear and T-shirts..
  • Who am I? — Why am I here? — What is my fate? — Where are the cookies?
  • I am fat, you are stupid, I can diet.

Never tell someone wearing underwear on his head, to leave the bus driver alone.

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“The cartoon courtesy of Center for American Progress” (online)

Hump Day Fodder

baby1

Let’s get busy boys!

WASHINGTON – House and Senate leaders marked the first day of the 111th Congress by preaching bipartisanship Tuesday and promising to start work quickly on President-elect Barack Obama’s economic proposals and issues ranging from climate change to health care.

Oaths of office were administered, anti-war protesters staged demonstrations and lobbyists cruised through a series of receptions to celebrate the day. More than a few new members said they were eager to get started.

Cheney administered the oath of office to several people and swore in Joe Biden.  Let us hope that he doesn’t turn old Joe into a Cat’s-paw like he did with Bush.

Oxymoron — National Intelligence.

Mr. Obama has picked the leaders of his intelligence team, taping former White House chief of staff Leon Panetta as CIA Director, and retired admiral Dennis Blair as head of National Intelligence.  Which is what we didn’t seem to have a lot of under this last regime of bozo’s.

During the 9-11 crisis I understand that Bush sent Connie to Ireland to pick up some sensitive information from an agent named Murphy.  Her instructions were to walk around the town using a code phrase until she met this fellow agent.  She found herself on a desolate country road and finally ran into an Irish farmer.

Hello” she said, “I am looking for a man named Murphy.”

Well you are in luck little lady” the farmer replied, “As it happens there’s a village right over the hill where the butcher is named Murphy, the baker is named Murphy, and three widows are named Murphy, matter of fact, my name is Murphy.”

Aha, Connie thought to herself, here’s my man.  So she whispered the secret code to the farmer:  “The sun is shining — the grass is growing — the cows are ready for milking.

Oh” said the farmer, “you are looking for Murphy the spy — he’s in the village over in the other direction.

Sin Tax — I told you Atlanta was a fun place

Atlanta – A legislator favors imposing a fee on strip club patrons. State Sen. Jack Murphy of Cumming said he’d like to see Georgia charge between $3 and $5 per person. The Republican said the money could go to child abuse programs and services for young people caught up in child prostitution or other sexual exploitation.

Taxing a lap dance, man, that is rich.  Wonder how much they will collect for a … oh never mind.

Now as an illustration of how impossibly wrong ALL OF THIS IS and how fast it can get out of control, the “Porn Industry” is asking for $5 billion in aid from the government.  Do you realize how stupid we must appear to be to the rest of the “sane people” inhabiting this planet.  You can read all about it here.

Letting it all hang out

VAIL, Colo.  – A guy who dangled upside down from a ski lift with his bare bottom exposed probably doesn’t want to hear any “ski bum” jokes.  Officials at Vail Resorts in Colorado say the 48-year-old man was trying to get on the Blue Ski basin lift on New Year’s Day. They haven’t said what went wrong, but he got hung up, and his pants came down.  Workers stopped the lift, backed it up 10 or 12 feet and rescued the man after about seven minutes. His name hasn’t been released.

Bystanders snapped photos and posted them on the Internet, showing a man who looks to be hanging by one ski boot, his ski pants and underwear apparently snagged in the chair and reaching no farther than his knees.  Now the resort wants to fire the employee who took the pictures on his day off and posted them to the net, claiming it was not in good taste.

Not the sharpest knife in the drawer

ST. PAUL, Minn — A scorned 21-year-old told her ex-boyfriend that he couldn’t prove she was the one who vandalized his apartment on three occasions – but then, police said, she posted a picture of the damage on MySpace. The woman was charged with two felonies for the vandalism.

According to a criminal complaint she doused the inside of his house with paint – splashing it on the walls, toilet, washing machine, computer and other furniture. She also allegedly filled the house with trash, impaled a teddy bear on a pole with a knife through its head, and caused other damage. The woman was still on the lam Tuesday.  Yeah, it sounds like she was set-up to me … Not!

Thinning of the herd

A German billionaire caught up in the world Banking/Wall Street Mess, has evidently stepped in front of a train thus ending his life and stopping his failed business empire that was sinking rapidly.  He is now the third known suicide worldwide to be caught up in this mess.  His death was listed as a railway accident, if he had jumped out of a window for instance, that would have been massive deceleration.

It’s official now – You are screwed.

Earlier in the week we reported that the fund for the television converters was going under, the government officially announced that it is now tapped out.  $1.34 billion in money ran out on Sunday, and now anyone who wants a converter box coupon will be placed on a waiting list.

Amazing, when you want it from them, you are on a list, when they want it, they just waltz in there and take it.

Now for the good news, only 103,000 people are on the list ahead of you.  18 million coupons have already been redeemed and now you will just have to wonder about it all.  Why women on TV always have skimpy low-cut blouses, are trim neat, appear fantastic, are always on top when they have sex with the guy next door.  And of course, “will I ever get a box and be able to watch television again?” $40-$70 for a box and no luck, trillions to a banker and you know the rest dont’cha?

Dancin’ with Jose — Cha-Cha-cha.

With dropout rates soaring among Hispanic students, mariachi music programs, long popular in parts of Texas and California, are spreading to schools across the country to help keep the nations largest and fastest-growing ethnic group academically engaged.  We can’t teach them English, nor civics, or manners but we are going to teach them all to dance?

The Best for Last — Laura Bush to publish a memoir

First Lady Laura Bush has just signed with Scribner Books to write her memoir.  A 2010 release date is expected, no word on how much she is being paid.  I would more than likely venture that her book will be vastly better than Sarah Palin’s or Joe the Plumber.  I can just see it there in my minds eye —

Chapter Two, it is late at night, the White House is eerily quiet, I look at George asleep in the bed, his head is on the pillow, he looks so at peace with the world.  The fruit jar full of gasoline is in my left hand, and the BIC lighter in my right, I tell myself over and over … trying to convince myself … It is for the good of the country, it is for the good of the country.”

I can’t wait.

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Saturday Wowser

I am sitting at the bank, and the banker says to me, “Do you have our new VISA with the photo ID yet?” and I say “No.” So then he says to me, “Why not?” And I reply, “You charge for your VISA and have all these fee’s, I am not into that.”

So then he inquires, “Where is yours located, which was kind of stupid, I mean I am a guy after all?  What kind of question is that?” But we were talking about banking and I missed the point.

So I said, “It is out of Boston or maybe Delaware, I believe, I am not sure, back east.” So he says, “You ought to be doing business in YOUR COMMUNITY and showing some loyalty to the folks who live with you.” So I say, “Okay, they gave me 15.9% annual PCR and no annual fee.” You want 25.5% and $25 per year fee, so why should I do business with you?  You give me the same deal, and I will switch it over.”

Then he smiles and says, “What else can I do for you today Mr. Smith?” and I smile and think “Well for a start you can pucker up and kiss …… Oh well, you know the rest dont’cha?”

By the way, “these folks are on the bail out train too.  My bank is on the list.”

Cover Me I Am Reloading

Awhile back we reported that the Interior Department was fixing to overturn regulation concerning guns in National Parks.  It appears that they have done just that.  Yesterday, the Department of Interior overturned a Reagan-era regulation, permitting loaded firearms at 388 of 391 national park sites. The decision allows guns in parks in “any states with concealed carry laws, not just those that allow guns in their state parks as originally proposed.” While the Department cited safety concerns as a factor, the National Park Conservation Association notes:

According to the FBI’s Uniform Crime Report, there were 1.65 violent crimes per 100,000 national park visitors in 2006-making national parks some of the safest places in the United States. The new regulation could increase the risk for impulse shootings of wildlife, and risk the safety of visitors and rangers.

Despite the potential affect on national park wildlife and resources, the Administration did not conduct an environmental review as required by law. One more just for the fun of it.  The text of the rule notes that earlier, Gov. Sarah Palin (R-AK) wrote to the Interior Dept. supporting the rule change. If you want more, check out ThinkProgress’s updated report on Bush’s 11th hour regulations and rule changes.

Here is some more “bad government for you” we in America don’t have the market cornered on bad politics (although it often seems as if we are the leaders in bad policy) in Britain they have it too.

In Worcester, England, they ordered a man to take down a 3 ft high barbed-wire fence that he had installed to deter the thieves who had broken into his storage building at least three times in the past four months.  According to the Daily Mail, the council said it was feared would be sued by a wounded trespasser.

Which brings up the age old question, “when was it that they changed it where the CRIMINAL has more rights than the VICTIM?”  Please enlighten me if you will?

The terror attacks in India this week certainly were horrible, I sure hope this is not some kind of prophetic new system of religious fanatical attacks and a new wave of terror for the future in our world.  I thought it was especially comforting how the United Nations promptly took charge and blamed Israel for it all.

Count Your Blessings

I know that Thanksgiving is over and all that stuff is behind us now, but if you want a fresh outlook on life, and something to be thankful for, trot over here and read this, it is an eye opener, a good piece of work.

Sign Of The Times

What is this “Office of the President Elect” signage going on?  I sure wish we could get all of this “locked down and in place” it sure looks like someone has a bad case of premature-inauguration to me.”  Barbara Wa-Wa was on last night, and had her top ten people in the entire world you should know show last night on ABC.  Does anyone know if Sarah Palin made the cut?  I was overhauling a ceiling fan and I missed it.

People Unlike Us

OJ got sentenced yesterday, looks like he will be an old codger when he gets out of the slammer, which is okay with most of us.  We tired of him and his act, a long time ago.  Bush is now scheduled on ABC and around the dial to give even more “farewell speeches” in which he denies any culpable knowledge of ever been elected or even visiting Washington DC in the past ten years.

Bush, Cheney and Rumsfield all meet up in Hell.  Cheney looks around and then snarls out of the side of his mouth, “I should have shot two lawyers, this isn’t right.”  Rumsfield said, “I missed the memo on this, I should have paid more attention.”  Bush sulks over in the corner, curled up in a fetal position mumbling …. “It’s not that hot and I am not here, it’s not that hot and I am not here.”

Self Inflicted Wounds

Rosie O’Donnell effectively murdered her career this week on NBC but it was okay, and I understand it “there were NO witnesses to the crime.”  I also understand that Paris Hilton and Paul Rubens are all set to star in a new movie to be released in 2009.

What are they going to call this.

Pee Wee gets an infection?

I read in USA Today that “unhappy people watch more television than happy people.”  Which figures, all the Happy People are over here on the Internet reading Creative Endeavors.

Bad Cop … No Donut.

A Beaumont, Texas police officer has been suspended from the force for crossing the line during an undercover prostitution sting (that is, he actually had sex) and defended himself in an August hearing.  He sated, “It was a job, sir.  I did not have any pleasure in doing it.  It was something that I was doing for the City.”

Yeah, like that dog is gonna hunt, I wouldn’t look for any back pay on this one Sparky.

One more and then “I am outta here!” (there you go Bill)  Police in Covington, Kentucky arrested a 19 year old kid during a suspected drug deal at a local market.  Although several people were booked that night, he was the one wearing the T-Shirt that read, “It’s Not Illegal Unless You Get Caught.”

Have A Good Weekend, see you all on Monday.  Don’t miss Monday for sure, “Ladies Underwear” a real under 500 word eye popper …

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Obama – Change Is A Coming

Obama Wins It!

Congratulations are in order for a long, hard, protracted nasty fight.  How do you spell relief?  O-B-A-M-A- WINS.  Good Morning America!  Here is another “Brain Freeze” from the middle of the country.  I found this amusing, came across this yesterday.

Willie King made a bad mistake.  He decided to snatch a wallet from the coat of an elderly woman in Greenwich Village, New York City.  The woman turned out to be a 94-year old Yolanda Gigante, mother of Vincent “The Chin” Gigante, reputed head of the Genovese crime family.

King was caught a short time later and as soon as he learned who he’d mugged he agreed to plead guilty to grand larceny.  His sentence was determined to be one to three up river in prison.  At his sentencing hearing his lawyer commented, “My client your honor admitted his guilt at the earliest opportunity, because he wants to put this incident behind him, and he hopes the Gigante family will, too.”

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Have you been reading all this hoopla on people with tattoo’s?  Municipalities and city governments, even some universities are now demanding that people cover up their tattoo’s when at work.  But there is a way around that, you can now get FAKE TATTOO SLEEVES if nothing more than to rankle your boss.

Now you can get “inked” by night and still keep your day job with our “tattoo sleeves”. The tattoo is printed directly on the stretchable fabric sleeves fabric which is a machine washable nylon. They come in pairs; wear one or both.  Wonder if they have the naked babe like on the Semi-truck mud-flaps?  Please have your credit card and expiration date handy … Every offensive thing you can think of, all at your fingertips, is this a great country or what?

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Cedar Rapids Iowa – A jury awarded more than $55,000 total to two former teachers who said they were illegally strip searched after they protested against President Bush in 2004. It was the second trial for Alice McCabe and Christine Nelson, who were initially awarded a total of $750,000. A judge lowered it to $75,000 and told the women they could accept it or have a second trial.  They agreed on the later, and I hope every dime of it comes out of Bush or Cheney’s paycheck.

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Not long after the wind turbines began to spin in March near Gerry Meyer’s home, his son Robert, 13, and wife, Cheryl, complained of headaches.  They have trouble sleeping, and Cheryl Meyer, 55, sometimes feels a fluttering in her chest. Gerry is sometimes nauseated and hears crackling.

The culprit, they say, is the whooshing sound from the five industrial wind turbines near the 6-acre spread where they have lived for 37 years. “I don’t think anyone should have to put up with this,” says Gerry Meyer, who compares the sound to a helicopter or a jet taking off.

As more turbines are built, the noise they create is stirring debate. Industry groups such as the American Wind Energy Association say there’s no proof they make people sick, but complaints of nausea, insomnia and other problems have surfaced near wind farms across the USA.  If my memory serves me correctly, I remember the same problems with people who lived too close to high intensity power transmission towers in the sixties and seventies.

So now we have a new ailment Wind Turbine Syndrome (WTS) an industrial plague with a new scientific name.   It is man-made and easily fixed.  Proper Propeller setbacks are the best cure.  There are at last count, almost 15,000 wind turbines in the USA, and most people live near them without incident.

Isn’t it amazing how we can come up with a scientific reason almost immediately for just about anything?  I always like it when we can readily come up with some kind of logical explanation for that which is not easily explained.  WTS, PMS, ADDD, we are so quick to find the appropriate politically correct abbreviation.

Like PMS … I asked my doctor, how come we call it PMS?

And he said “Mad Cow Disease” was already taken.

(Yeah I know, don’t write me any letters)

Wash your hands, folks, especially you ladies.  A new study found that women have a greater variety of bacteria on their hands than men do.  That is the good news, now here is the bad.  Everybody has more types of bacteria than the researchers expected to find.  So the Politicians aren’t the only folks in town with dirty hands these days, contrary to popular opinion.

“The sheer number of bacteria species detected on the hands of the study participants was a big surprise, and so was the greater diversity of bacteria we found on the hands of women,”   The researchers aren’t sure why women harbored a greater variety of bacteria than men, but have suggested it may have to so with the acidity of the skin. Men it was noted, generally have more acidic skin than women.

So, all you big, burly NFL-types, remember this the next time you decide to make a lunch outta your fingernails.  Bottom of the page rolling up, need to wrap this up and get on to other things.

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Yesterday at the café, the waitress looked at me and asked, “Have you voted yet?” and I replied, “No, later on this afternoon, you?” She smiled a big smile and said, “Yes!” So out of idle curiosity, I asked her, “Who did you vote for?”

Her smile quickly disappeared and she got very reserved, unwilling to tell me her choice, so sensing her apprehension I said, “It’s okay, who did you vote for?” She smiled and said, “McCain.”

Then I said, “Good for you girl, everyone should vote and I am glad that you did.”

Perhaps this special moment in time will be the vehicle that will change America I don’t know.  But a person should never have to be apprehensive or fearful of telling another person in this country who it was they voted for.  I cannot remember an election in my lifetime that has been so tense, so mean spirited, so disruptive for the country as a whole.  It is my profound hope that somehow, someway, something good comes out of this for our country.

As I have in the past made it perfectly clear, “I don’t give a damn about politics or politicians” but I do love America.  And I will fully support anyone or any thing, that will preserve the American way of life, for not only me, but my grandchildren, my friends and neighbors.  This particular mindset has a name, it is called patriotism, a phrase that has become old hat, passé’, relegated to the back burner of the stove here lately.

Our friends overseas in Europe should be happy, perhaps now their collective newspapers and media outlets will give them some news of what is happening in their respective countries, instead of shoving American politics down their throat each and every day.  So as you can see, some good has come out of this already, there is no telling where it will lead us to in the future.

Like Yogi Berra, retired Coach of the New York Yankee’s,  was quoted as saying, “When you come to the fork in the road, you can go both ways*.”

Congratulations Mr. Obama on your victory, now roll up your sleeves, WE have a lot of work to do.

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RELATED: Baracks House (audio)

*  Yogi lived on a Cul-de-Sac and the fork in the road led to his house, by going either left or right.

Highlighting History

Here lately, a great many of our political hopefuls, presidential wanna-be’s and vice presidential what-evers have been running fast and loose with not only the facts, but our recent and past history. So I figured, what is good for the goose, is good for the gander and I have taken time today to correlate some history for all our readers.

The staff of Creative Endeavors and I got together over a period of several minutes, perhaps twenty-five or thirty, and came up with some interesting facts and history about our country for you in the spirit of the 2008 electorate.

On August 3rd,l 1492, Christopher Columbus set sail from Palos, Spain, on a voyage that took him to the present day America’s. Sailing on the Nina, the Pinta, and the Juilo Englasis, he arrived just before noon on a Friday. America at this time was basically a developing nation, a few Burger Kings, one or two Wal-Marts, but they were not Super Centers. There was visible evidence of many brush fires and incredible amounts of devastation everywhere. There was plenty of oil because cars had not been invented and we had no Congress.

In 1914, Germany declared war on France. France in retaliation, sent to Germany Rene Monette Anton Bush to convince local German governments to build replica’s of the Eiffel Tower and to give up this insane idea of war instead. To not service their women, tear down the French language, and to encourage them to drink more wine. This was quickly brushed aside for obvious reasons. She was promptly deported back to France as an illegal alien, and a undocumented speaker. Germany at that time, appropriated funds to build a fence to keep Frenchmen from entering their country.

In 1923, Calvin Coolidge was sworn in as the 30th President of the United States, following the defeat of Warren G. Harding. On this day Billy Raye Bushwhacker Sr. was defeated in the World College Bowl when he selected “History” for $100 and incorrectly answered the question …. “What Was WWII?” … with the answer …… some fish? NBC ran a story on if you yelled for 8 years and 7 months, some six days, you would produce enough energy to heat one cup of coffee. General Motors announced a new model of Chevy that got zero miles per gallon … but had lot’s of chrome.

In 1936, the State Department urged Americans in Spain to leave because of that country’s civil war. Oklahoma City started abandoning buildings in what is now called Brick Town because of rapid expansion to the suburbs. An Oklahoma court, on a suggestion of a local celebrity, granted custody of a ten year old Boy Scout to a 14 year old girl. This was promptly overturned by the local chapter of the ACLU.

In 1949, the National Basketball Association was formed despite the protests of the not yet formed NFL. The Oklahoma Representative in Congress announced that “for twenty five thousand dollars each, any lobbyist in the building (excluding Petroleum related industries) would be allowed to kiss him fully on the lips.” The University of Oklahoma announces that if you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, you would produce enough gas to create the energy of an atomic bomb. Which was quickly debunked by the Department of Defense. 1949 was a slow year, America did not attack anyone in the name of Democracy.

In 1958, the nuclear-powered submarine Nautilus became the first vessel to cross the North Pole underwater. A non candidate for any office, Billy Raye Bushwhacker Sr., meets with the heads of the state of England, France, Norway, Sweden and Germany at a family picnic in his backyard in Pecos Texas. He refuses to run on the “conservative” ticket, claiming that a race for Governor would negate his chances of being King or even God, someday in the near future.

Dick Clark turns sixteen years old …. Again.

In 1980, closing ceremonies were held in Moscow for the 1980 Summer Olympic Games, which had been boycotted by dozens of countries, including the United States. Ronald Reagan cannot remember if he approved the sale of arms to that place east of New Jersey. In a historic decision the Republican packed U.S. Supreme court rules that six apples in one sack is to be considered one item, this was a five to three vote. A new Republican protege comes on the scene, Billy Raye Bushwhacker Jr. enters Yale for his first year of c- studies.

In 1981, U.S. Air Traffic controller go on strike, despite a warning from President Reagan they would be fired. President Reagan then announces that at that time, the price of his souvenir beer mug has been reduced to on $3.99 and one building in Brick Town is being given consideration as a possible comedy club. No building permits or business licenses are issued after the Governor intervenes and declares “Living in Oklahoma is not funny.” Oklahoma University announces that a cat’s urine glows under a black light.  The practice of bathing in Swan Fat and Donkey Milk is declared illegal in 62 counties in Oklahoma and one U.S. protectorate south of Guam.

In 1988, the Soviet Union released Mathias Rust, the young West German pilot who had landed a light plane in Moscow’s Red Square in May 1987. Billy Raye Bushwhacker Jr. announces that for $500 a month, he will have breakfast with any registered Republican in the North Eastern Corridor of the United States. IBM announces that they have purchased space on the side of the Russian Station Miers for advertising and at a bargain price of only $18 million dollars. General Motors re-introduces the zero mileage car with lot’s of chrome.

In 1993, the Senate voted 96-3 to confirm Supreme Court nominee Ruth Bader Ginsburg. The national basketball association announces a new team in Florida to be known as the Incredibly Huge Bloodsucking Insects and will be home courted in Orlando. Bill Gates buys Guatemala and most of Honduras in a sweeping takeover bid. Judge Bork receives the “worst looking beard in the world award” by cast members of The View in 4 to 4 decision. He is subsequently is rejected from the court for oblivious reasons and in a related decision it is announced that it is no longer illegal to pray at Cock Fights, but you can still “make a wish, as long as you do not offend anyone else.”

In 1994, one day after Iraq invaded Kuwait, thousands of Iraqi soldiers pushed to within a few miles of the border with Saudi Arabia, heightening world concerns that the invasion could spread. A place called Chad dukes it out with some place called Libya and the arms race in America escalates. Stock in gunpowder and small arms increases exponentially and business is good on the NASDAC. People living north of the United States in Canada, tiring of their tree’s humming and glowing in the dark, demand that we do something about our acid rain. 1,200 dead people were discovered at a Neil Diamond concert in Michigan over the weekend.

Five years ago: OJ Simpson is hot on the trail of his wife killers, searching out every golf course in America. A 19 year old kid flies a Cessna airplane into Red Square and the Soviets are livid, Dick Cheney orders 6,000 Cessna airplanes for the U.S. Air Force. The Senate Transportation Committee recommends that all speed limits be increased nationwide to 80 MPH to help out the Saudi’s and it is increased, everywhere, except Oklahoma where all the roads are in disrepair or being patched. Judge Judy makes a definitive socially defining historic ruling on wrinkle creams being sold across the counter, that do not go deep enough to control crows feet in middle aged women.

One year ago: Congressional Republicans, shrugging off a presidential veto threat, nailed down the details of an agreement for a 10-year, $792 billion tax cut. Arbitrators ruled the government had to pay the heirs of Dallas dress maker Abraham Zapruder $16 million for his movie film that captured the assassination of President Kennedy. The first issue of Talk Magazine hit the newsstands and to celebrate this Congress passed a whopping pay raise (unanimously) in both houses.

Dick Clark turns …. Sixteen …. Again.

Which brings us to today: The Republican National Committee announces that so far, things have been pretty dull, so the handlers of Sara Palin have decided to allow her to speak. DVD sales in the United States reach record numbers. Joe the Plumber announces that he is depressed and constipated in Cleveland. Dick Cheney was to speak, but at his last public appearance he was interrupted 32 times by applause and two times by mild heart attacks. The Democrats have been declared legally brain dead in all but the swing states where the majority of the voters are still “not sure” and Joe Biden is strangely quiet.  Our second term soon to be gone President comes on television to announce that “the sap of a tree is a good conductor of rain and that is how you get electrocuted” while giving a press conference in the rose-garden in the rain.

And finally …. In an effort to clarify the new bailout proposal to the American people the political hopefuls came on PBS last night and laid out the proposal in a manner that was understandable by most of the population. In the spirit of Hillary and Good Time Bill it was patiently explained:

Once upon a time a man appeared in a village and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each. The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them. The man bought thousands at $10 and, as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He next announced that he would now buy monkeys at $20 each. The villagers renewed their efforts and started catching monkeys again.

Soon the supply diminished even further and people went back to their farms. The offer increased to $25 each and the supply of monkeys became so scarce it was an effort to even find a monkey, let alone catch it! The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50 each! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would buy on his behalf.

During the man’s absence, the assistant told the villagers “Look at all the monkeys in this big cage that the man has already collected. I will sell them to you at $35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell them to him for $50 each.”

The villagers rounded up all their savings and bought all the monkeys for 850 billion dollars. They never saw the man or his assistant again, only lots and lots of monkeys. Now you have a better understanding of how the WALL STREET BAILOUT PLAN WILL WORK!

History in a nutshell ……When Columbus started out for the New World, he didn’t know where he was going; when he would get there, when he got there, he didn’t know where it was he was; and when got back he didn’t know where had been.

Kind of points out what we all knew to begin with ….. History has an awful bad habit of repeating itself.

000

Thanx Jim in WA.


Lost In Washington

It always amazed me how George Hubert Walker Bush, who only served one term in the Presidency of the United States could get Barbara’s picture on a dollar bill.  Now along comes George Dubya Bush and he has his picture on a dollar too.

Received a smattering of emails over the weekend from people wanting me to lay off Bush and the State of Texas in general. (Yeah, like that dog is gonna hunt?)  So if you are wondering if the “Tag Feature” of WordPress.com is working, well it is doing just fine. Also, I dutifully filed most all of them under the big “Red X” in the upper left hand quadrant of my mailbox.

As for Bush?

Now, as he spends his last months in office trying to avert a global economic collapse, Mr. Bush has been telling people privately that it’s a good thing he’s in charge. He said that if it was going to happen at all, he was glad it was happening under his presidency, because he had a good group of people in D.C. working for him. 

Perhaps those that live south of the Red River have a different meaning to this term. Surrounded by “competent good people.” Which mainly consists of educated, well paid baby killers, private company mercenaries (overseas) and a covert 24 hour a day staff of paper and document shredders.

Bush also said that whoever was going to take over in January was going to have a huge crisis on their hands the day they come into office. Which is more than likely, the biggest political gaff of the year. The only thing that I could possibly think of more absurd than this is “Read My Lips … No New Taxes.”

I believe that is a Bushism too if I am not correct?

Dubya later said when regaining consciousness that he thought by this happening now, that perhaps everyone could see signs of improvement before the next president comes into office.

That is, if the lights are still on …

Read the whole story here.

Don’t you just love it when they look into the old teleprompter with that deer in the headlight look, and explain to you how everything is just going to be swell in River City.  Now when you spin it that way, well, it just sounds a lot better doesn’t it?

Let me try it …. Bubonic Financial Plague … Yeah, that works just fine.

And I’ll lay you six to five, Ol’ Ben is rolling over in his grave.


000


Bush-Whacked Again

From time to time I hear of some outrageous stuff going on concerning America.  I had someone I know and trust, tell me that he believes, that there is actually a concentration camp type center being built in the area of Central Ohio for the possible internment of American’s and it is being built on an abandoned Army base.

Then I had a guy tell me that he saw a government boxcar (Yes our government has its own freight cars, they own their own tank cars, box cars, flat cars labeled D.O.D.X. – Department Of Defense and of course, you and I.).  Anyway he said the door had came open on it, so while in a siding he went back to close the door and inside he spied “guillotines!”  Now I know this guy and I have no reason to believe he was fabricating this, but it sure does make a fellow wonder?

And then I came across this:

U.S. Army brigade being assigned to the Homeland.

Normally this would be a cause for celebration, the shedding of a tear or two, utter and uncontrollable joy.  But it is not so … What you are about to read will possibly stand the hair on the back of your neck straight up.

Mr Bush is bringing the troops home specifically to keep you in line by means of “martial law.”  Martial law is a euphemism for military dictatorship.  When foreign democracies are overthrown and a junta establishes martial law, American’s usually recognize that a fundamental change has occurred.

Bush (and I suppose Cheney) have enabled legislation to circumvent another constitutional law and no one seemed to even notice.  It was tucked into an appropriations bill with little fanfare or debate.  Secreted neatly in a $500 billion appropriations bill, without so much as word of discussion from anyone.  More than money on the line here, your basic freedom is now in jeopardy.

In case you are wondering I ran it thru the usual source checkers and it appears to be true, it isn’t a rumor, and it isn’t an Urban Legend.

What it is …. Is scarier than hell.

This administration has been the most inept, corrupt, and illegal administration in the history of our country. It is common knowledge they are ripe with liars and have no real consideration or respect for the constitution.  They have their own agenda and priorities.

Recently I came across this information and if it doesn’t make you wake up and smell the coffee … If it doesn’t send a shiver up and down your spine … Then I guess there just isn’t any hope for you at all.

If you don’t believe that tyranny is possible in America, then you need to take five minutes out of your busy day and the article.  If any of this is true, then I would say we could be in for some serious problems in the future.  As much as I hate to admit it, “we might be already there.”

Check out theVideo here.

Let us hope and pray it isn’t this way.

000

Source File: Tyranny In America