Trisha’s Bar & Grill

OPEN ROUND

I saw this thing yesterday on the news where this flight attendant does a “rap boarding” announcement on the plane, and everyone seems to think this is soooooo cool.  Just what I need, shell out $400 for a plane ticket and have to sit through some Jethro singing rap emergency rules to me on the pre-flight.  Here is another thing, they always say “we will now begin the boarding process.”  Not necessary.  Boarding is sufficient.  “We will now begin the boarding.”

Simple.  Tells the story.

People are always adding extra words when they want things to sound more important than they really are.  Like the people who write Creative Endeavors, that would be a good example of it right there.  “Boarding process” sounds important, but it isn’t.  It is just a bunch of knot-heads getting on an airplane.

How about an article on Dick Cheney?

Boo!

Bet I scared you ha-ha.

No Cheney today, new playlist in the machine, have the earphones on, and we will see … we will see.  Read an article on this Pulitzer Winning Author in Florida, who every day, would put on the noise canceling earphones and then go into his Florida Room and write.  Must be nice, to look out the window, see nothing but a windswept panorama of sea and sky, no noise, no distractions.

Must be nice.

In my case I have the headphones and insulation, that always helps, as it blocks out a lot of the noise.  Then there is this tiny minute microphone deep inside the earphones that actually hears the noise that is un-blockable and conveys its frequency and amplitude to the electronics.  They in turn generate a “reverse sound wave” (180 degrees out of phase with the noise) and feed it into the headphone speakers.  This subtracts from the noisy sound wave which is actually a phenomenon called destructive interference.  Which is not to be confused with constructive interference which would be a matching sound wave, which would make it in fact, louder.

So much to today’s science lesson huh?

Great writers have to be motivated I suspect.  Florida it seems, any time of the year, would be a great motivator.  I on the other hand, trapped amongst the trash of man have barking dogs, fire trucks, dirt bikes on the weekends and the ever present police helicopter (Ghetto Bird) overhead most of the time.  Ambiance has a lot to do with it I would assume.

The serenity of the moment adds to the mix.

So we write, those of us with no real lives.  And we convey the idea and thoughts of the day, to the page, and print the page, and share the nugget of truth, as we see it with you.  We show you that life is rarely exactly as we would like it to be, but instead, life is exactly as it is.  We write when we are happy and when we are sad, we write when we are motivated and not so engaged.  We write when we are depressed and when we are twitterpated with utter glee.

Which would be complete and immediate infatuation with someone or something that occurs during the week or the onset of spring (whichever comes first) or another viewing of Pure Country or Walt Disney’s Bambi as you may be inclined or disposed to do on the weekend.

And we stroke you in our ingenuous way, as my friend on the left-coast of America (Kalli-forn-yuh) puts it, give you “the set up.”  We use the set-up to amuse and confuse, and we shape it in a way where if done correctly, you never see it coming.

For instance: The financial crisis explained in simple terms…

Trisha is the proprietor of a bar in Goteebo, Oklahoma. In order to increase sales, she decides to allow her loyal customers – most of whom are unemployed alcoholics – to drink now but pay later. She keeps track of the drinks consumed on a ledger (thereby granting the customers loans).

Word gets around and as a result increasing numbers of customers flood into Trisha’s bar.  Taking advantage of her customers’ freedom from immediate payment constraints, Trisha increases her prices for wine and beer, the most-consumed beverages. Her sales volume increases massively.

A young and dynamic customer service consultant at the local bank recognizes these customer debts as valuable future assets and increases Trisha’s borrowing limit.  He sees no reason for undue concern since he has the debts of the alcoholics as collateral.

At the bank’s corporate headquarters, expert bankers transform these customer assets into DRINKBONDS, ALKBONDS and PUKEBONDS. These securities are then traded on markets worldwide. No one really understands what these abbreviations mean and how the securities are guaranteed. Nevertheless, as their prices continuously climb, the securities become top-selling items.

One day, although the prices are still climbing, a risk manager (subsequently of course fired due his negativity) of the bank decides that slowly the time has come to demand payment of the debts incurred by the drinkers at Trisha’s bar.

However they cannot pay back the debts.  Trisha cannot fulfill her loan obligations and claims bankruptcy.  DRINKBOND and ALKBOND drop in price by 95%. PUKEBOND performs better, stabilizing in price after dropping by 80%.

The suppliers of Trisha’s bar, having granted her generous payment due dates and having invested in the securities are faced with a new situation. Her wine supplier claims bankruptcy, her beer supplier is taken over by a competitor.

The bank is saved by the Government following dramatic round-the-clock consultations by leaders from the governing political parties.  The funds required for this purpose are obtained by a tax levied on the non-drinkers.

Look!  Dick Cheney!

Boo! Bet I scared you ha-ha.

Have A Great Weekend (We will now begin the boarding process).

OOO

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Still Puttin Out

It’s Okay, we are all different … Remember that.

Today is my second day of being a “Media Whore” and I seem to be fine with it.  I do note this morning that an Australian tourist board is searching for someone to blog about living on an island in the Great Barrier Reef.  Applicants must be willing to live in an oceanfront villa, swim in the pool, snorkel the reef, and lie on the beach.  How much does it pay you ask?  The six month position pays $100,000.00 u.s.  Sign me up!  It sounds like a tough job, but someone is going to do it, might as well be me.

You Have To Be Kidding Me.

So here I sit, reading USA Today, page 2B, Thursday January 23rd, and there it is.  “HOW TO MAKE MILLIONS BUYING BAD LOANS” from your kitchen table (of all places) and now here comes the really good part … without spending a penny of your own money! And I am sorry, but I had to think to myself … Isn’t that how we got into the mess to begin with? The ad goes on to tell you about some kind of financial superman who made billions “after going broke” during the financial mess, and he can show you how to do the same. Pass.

Oh that?  You found about that did you?

You might find this amusing and you might not.  Treasury Secretary designate Timothy Geithner’s confirmation hit a snag this week, when they announced he was some $34K short in paying his income taxes plus interest.  Now let’s see, “you can not operate Turbo Tax and you are going to be put in charge of the U.S. Treasury.”  What is wrong with this picture?

Friday in the Big City.

Nothing out of the ordinary coming my way that I know of, and I seem to be holding up rather well.  The government is reporting that they have found “bird parts” on the USA flight that went down in the Hudson River, and divers have located the missing engine.  I don’t know a whole lot about most of this, but I know that if I am ever on a plane that goes down, I want Chesley B. “Sully” Sullenberger to be the pilot.

Man!  What a take charge guy that pilot seemed to be.  And low and behold, I have heard it for years, and it turns out to be true.  “In case of a water landing your seat will serve as a floatation device.”  In this case, it was the entire airplane.  Homeland Security has solved the crash and has released pictures of the culprits and you can view them here.

To be or not to be … that is the question — Opps, sorry about that.

A loaded gun was accidentally used during a rehearsal of a Florida play at a Senior Citizen Center and the bullet grazed the ear of another actor.  He was reportedly doing fine after being checked at a local hospital.

Give it back!  Dog-gone it Martha, give it back!

A New York man is suing his ex-wife for a kidney.  In 2001 when she was desperate for a kidney, he donated one of his to her, and now that they are divorcing he is demanding it back or she can buy it from him for a palsy $1.5 million dollars.  Good luck on that one.

Here is another victim of the bad economy for you.  It is now being reported that “lawyers” are having a tough go of it, as more and more Americans decide to stick together and ride it out. When you are fighting a case and have the facts on your side, hammer away at the facts.  If you have the law on your side, hammer away with the law.  If you live in Oklahoma and you are representing yourself, take the Okie defense — hammer away on the table.  No good huh?

Okay, wait, wait.

What if you are a lawyer and you go to the restaurant and you don’t like what they offer — Do you ask for a change of menu?

Yeah, I know, move on.

Things are getting pretty bad, Burger King offered a free Whopper to anyone who would un-friend 10 people from their Facebook accounts.  Some 200,000 people suddenly found themselves friendless in America.  And I stood there dumbfounded wondering why the line was so long.

Spit it out Pedro.

Zapatos after Mexico City launched a campaign urging citizens to swallow their gum rather than spit it on the street.  Officials there say the average square yard of sidewalk in the city has 70 globs of discarded gum.

Slow and steady … Slow and steady.

A friend of mine handed me a Rubik’s cube one night and showed me how it worked.  He then mixed it all up and said, “See if you can figure that one out?” and left me with it.  As I am a pilgrim of very little patience, about 72 hours later, I dropped it in the trash compactor and hit the button.  One very dead Rubik’s cube, much to the dismay of my friend.

A British man has finally solved the Rubik’s Cube after 26 years of trying.

Construction worker Graham Parker, now 45, first picked up the puzzle in 1983 at the peak of its global popularity, and though it stymied him, he kept at it obsessively after the world moved on.  “I have had wrist and back problems form spending hours on it” said Parker, “but it was all worth it.  When I clicked the last bit into place and each face was a solid color, I wept.”

You think that is bad, you ought to be a Media Whore in America and cannot locate your pimp.  Now that is rough.

What am I supposed to do for the rest of the day?

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Care For Another? Loose Change.

Reality Checque

Oh what is we gonna do? We done invested all our money in a pumpkin farm and the government done called off Halloween

The Weekend is over … The government goes back to work early this morning … You have something else to worry about b’sides the quarter of a tank needle on your gas tank.

  • Your company might not be able to meet payroll and you might not get a paycheck this week.
  • If you need to buy a home, you might not be able to get a mortgage.
  • You might not be able to get a home equity loan to repair a leaking roof.
  • If you build or repair homes, you could lose your job.
  • You might not be able to buy your winter home heating oil on credit.
  • If you need to buy a car, you might not be able to get a loan.
  • If you sell or make cars, you could lose your job.
  • You might not be able to use your credit cards to pay for an unexpected auto repair or hospital bill.
  • You might not be able to get a student loan for your next year of college.
  • If you own a grocery store, you might not be able to put food on the shelves.
  • If you own a gas station, you might not be able to fill up your tanks.
  • If you own a small business, you could go out of business.
  • If you sell coffee or lunch to people who build homes and sell cars or work in a grocery store or gas station, you could lose your job too.
  • If you don’t have a job, it might be harder to find one.

California has announced that they are broke and like the rest of us, need a loan, 600 car dealerships are closing per month in America, #1 status credit buyers (perfect credit scores) do not get a loan, six out of every ten cars in America are sold on credit (loans). Sixty Minutes last night on CBS reports that this entire banking crisis thing was the direct result of incompetent greedy bankers and now YOU pick up the tab. Bank of America pulls a $125 million dollar credit line from a west coast home builder who they have been doing business with for almost two decades, has never been late on one single payment and was current at the time the credit was withheld.

By the way, last Tuesday, Mr. Bush signed off on a bill to give the automobile companies $25 billion in loans, you know about that? Now let’s review: $85 billion for A.I.G., $800 billion plus for the Wall Street Hole In The Head Gang, $25 billion for the GM boys.

First thing you know, we are gonna be talking some REAL MONEY here.

Business as usual, the jets are flying this morning in some restricted zone far from here in some distant land, and the smart bombs are falling like spring rain on some poor sap just trying to get by like you and me. The lunch counter will be abuzz with new ideas and theories on how to eliminate these Robber Barons on The Street and find new ways to pay off the lobbyists goons that are sapping the lifeblood of our treasury (currently empty right now).

America is really an amazing place. We can send an eighteen year old to a distant far away place to die, but we cannot prosecute these malfeasance bankers who sit high up in the ivory towers, immune to the problems of the rest of the world.

Modern Day Untouchables and worse, with taxpayer bonuses.

We spend billions to search the globe for the last bed a terrorist slept in, and allow our own children to go to bed at night hungry. Our old and aged, sick and ignored, rot away in rest homes for lack of medical attention.  It’s so bad even the Mexicans went home, and they were living here for free.

About the only good news I can see here is that sack of garbage O.J. Simpson was found guilty and will be sentenced in December to a possible life in prison … Which is about 13 years too late if you ask me. Just like Elvis, when he joined the Army, we will lose on revenue on this too.

I find it ironic that he is being held in “security isolation” from the general prison population for his own safety. He seems to like knife fights, let him out in the yard with the rest of his peers.

Time to get back to work, we still have to rescue some twenty border-line bankrupt airlines, we are not done yet.


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