Cry Me A River

Middle of the week, kind of snuck up on me again.  Already the sixth of the month, and this one appears to be another “barn burner” and well on its way.  Hold on, grab something, the ride is now underway.

It is now time to talk about everything that is fit to print, or causes fits in print, or whatever.  If you come across something that disturbs you, just hit the button and your problems are solved.

An Indiana woman is suing Carnival Cruise Lines because she got seasick on her vacation.  She alleges that due to the speed of the ship she became very sick.  She insists the sea-sickness was not her fault, saying “the ship was moving so fast that everyone on board became sick, even the workers.”

Uh huh, sure.  That dawg aint gonna hunt as they say in Atlanta.

Have to go to the store and purchase groceries today, don’t look forward to it any more.  The cost of everything has risen so quickly and money doesn’t even slow down when it gets to me.  We always have more month than we have money around here.  This month however, we had an unexpected upturn in funds in the mailbox we are a little flush in the chips, could be time to splurge and treat myself to something nice.

Might swing by Target and get me a cup of caffeine enhanced Starbucks go-go juice.  I sure don’t know what it is that they put in their coffee, but it sure “jump-starts my day” every now and then.  Santa Fe Springs, California, enjoys the world’s highest concentration of Starbucks outlets.  There are 560 Starbucks stores within 25 miles of town.

Just follow the wide-eyed, well tanned, big bosom girls, they can lead you to where the coffee pit stops might be.

Also have to pick up the Lottery Tickets, Wednesday is the day all of us suckers plunk down our hard earned cash to buy into the option (or dream ) of being rich in this country.  I don’t want to be stinkin’ rich … but I wouldn’t mind smelling bad. Only four in ten American millionaires do not feel wealthy, according to a survey of more than 1,000 millionaire households by Fidelity Investments.

To feel wealthy in America, the survey found, millionaires require $7.5 million in invest-able assets.  That is up from $5.6 million a few years back.  The median U.S. household income in 2009, in case anyone is wondering, was $49,777 which is a far cry from $7.5 million.

A craft brewery is suing Michigan’s state liquor board for denying a license to it Raging Bitch beer.  Flying Dog Brewery points out that the board previously approved its Doggie Style and In-Heat Wheat beers, and claims a free speech right for the bitch label.

The commission, however ruled that the name and depiction of an angry female dog on the bottle’s label were detrimental to the “welfare of the general public.”  All of it is kind of silly, I drink Sweet Bitch, which is a wine out of South America, all of the time.  But then again, I don’t live in Michigan (thank gawd for that).

Then again, if you are in trouble or detrimental to the “welfare of the general public.” There is hope on the horizon, all you have to be is “be famous.”  Texas prosecutors offered to let Willie Nelson pay a small fine to settle marijuana possession charges if he agreed to sing   “Blue Eyes Crying in the Rain” in court.  “I am not gonna be mean to Willie Nelson,” said prosecutor Kit Bramblett.

I could sing “Cry Me A River” but I would still have to pay my fine to the bailiff on the way out the door.

You can now start your own Navy, after U.K. Ministry of Defense announced it would take bids on a decommissioned aircraft carrier, the HMS Ark Royal.  Bidders have to outline their “intention regarding the vessel,” which would never fly in America.  We just build ‘em and then turn them loose on the rest of the world.   “Intentions” I guess could be defined as “Foreign Policy” and it quite apparent to anyone around here … We don’t have one.

It has been awhile, anyone remember the now “infamous Weapons Of Mass Destruction” (WMD’s) from the Bush Administration years?  Well, they say if you preach about something long enough, it will eventually come home to haunt you.  This past week, one of Mr. Bush’s chickens came home to roost.

A terror suspect pleaded not guilty to a charge of attempting to build a bomb, which he allegedly considered deploying at the Dallas residence of Former President George W. Bush.  He came to Lubbock Texas on a student visa in 2008 and was arrested in Feb after ordering a suspiciously large shipment of a chemical used to make explosives.  He should have known, this only works for the coyote in Road Runner cartoons, and he always orders from Acme.

By the way, this guy was one of “our friends from Saudi Arabia.”

They do advertise on television “Come to Texas, it is like a whole other country, Y’all.” They appear to be ahead of the rest of us, terror in the Lone Star State is alive and well in Lubbock of all places.  So much for jihad in Texas.

And you thought it was going to be just another Wednesday …..

OOO

D.W.A.B.I.

D.W.A.B.I.

(Don’t Worry About It)

The first three blogs I read this morning were depressing dirge’s of self pity and loathing.  It made me think, “Where is the joy in all of this?  Why can’t you find something to be happy about?” but it was not to be found.  Seems like such a waste of time and energy to sit down and write down each and every single thing in life that pisses you off.  And then to throw even more salt into an already open wound, you feel compelled to share it with complete strangers!  (Thank you facebook, twitter, Oprah & Dr. Phil)

Maybe it is just me.  A hopeless romantic, who is constantly searching for the rainbow in life.

I started off the morning with a good hot shower, you know a lot of people in this world, do not have hot water.  A great many of them don’t have potable water to drink, carrying it four or five miles in a contaminated bucket.  No hot shower for them this day.

Even during hard times, we still have it better than a lot of folks.  I flip on a switch and the lites come on, and they STAY ON not like some countries where it is only there a few hours per day.  In those countries their garbage sits on the front stoop waiting on someone to pick it up, someone incidentally, that never seems to come.

As a lot of you already know, and my Dr. has made it painfully aware, I have food issues.  But regardless, I can walk into the kitchen and make a sandwich and I have not gone hungry since my divorce way back in the seventies.  I no longer have to look at my dog as a “food source” but find him a friend and/or companion in life.

So despite all the prognosticators and their less than rosy predictions, all bad vibes from random bloggers’, life is good, things are looking up (Gawd Bless CBS-NBC-ABC … every now and then Fox)  I no longer pine for the “good old days” and my slice of the American Dream is in the government kitchen.  I am told they are bringing it right out.  These political chef’s promise me this, about 500 times a night, with their incessant commercials.

Only thing that has changed is I have a different cook now, new crew in the kitchen, but it is the same old gruel.  One of the constants in my life is the fact that I can always trust the government to disappoint me consistently.  So there it is … for what it is worth.  A new month and I still have enough money left over for a half a tank of fuel for my 12 year old car.

What do I have to complain about.  I mean …. Think about it …. What could be better than that?

So dear friends, don’t fall for this “Love is a warm puppy stuff” coming out of Washington DC these days, it is not true.  Love is watching television at your girlfriends house during a power failure, don’t be fooled.  All the worrying and lamenting about the rotten deal you have is not going to change one thing … What is coming will still roll over you like a steam-roller, so why worry about it?

OOO


Cartoon courtesy of American Progress

Dooo-Wabi

D.U.W.A.B.I.

(Don’t Worry About It)

The first three blogs I read this morning were depressing dirge’s of self pity and loathing.  It made me think, “Where is the joy in all of this?  Why can’t you find something to be happy about?” but it was not to be found.  Seems like such a waste of time and energy to sit down and write down each and every single thing in life that pisses you off.  And then to throw even more salt into an already open wound, you feel compelled to share it with complete strangers!  (Thank you facebook, twitter, Oprah & Dr. Phil)

Maybe it is just me.  A hopeless romantic, who is constantly searching for the rainbow in life.

I started off the morning with a good hot shower, you know a lot of people in this world, do not have hot water.  A great many of them don’t have potable water to drink, carrying it four or five miles in a contaminated bucket.  No hot shower for them this day.

Even during hard times, we still have it better than a lot of folks.  I flip on a switch and the lites come on, and they STAY ON not like some countries where it is only there a few hours per day.  In those countries their garbage sits on the front stoop waiting on someone to pick it up, someone incidentally, that never seems to come.

As a lot of you already know, and my Dr. has made it painfully aware, I have food issues.  But regardless, I can walk into the kitchen and make a sandwich and I have not gone hungry since my divorce way back in the seventies.  I no longer have to look at my dog as a “food source” but find him a friend and/or companion in life.

So despite all the prognosticators and their less than rosy predictions, all bad vibes from random bloggers’, life is good, things are looking up (Gawd Bless CBS-NBC-ABC … every now and then Fox)  I no longer pine for the “good old days” and my slice of the American Dream is in the government kitchen.  I am told they are bringing it right out.  These political chef’s promise me this, about 500 times a night, with their incessant commercials.

Only thing that has changed is I have a different cook now, new crew in the kitchen, but it is the same old gruel.  One of the constants in my life is the fact that I can always trust the government to disappoint me consistently.  So there it is … for what it is worth.  A new month and I still have enough money left over for a half a tank of fuel for my 12 year old car.

What do I have to complain about.  I mean …. Think about it …. What could be better than that?

So dear friends, don’t fall for this “Love is a warm puppy stuff” coming out of Washington DC these days, it is not true.  Love is watching television at your girlfriends house during a power failure, don’t be fooled.  All the worrying and lamenting about the rotten deal you have is not going to change one thing … What is coming will still roll over you like a steam-roller, so why worry about it?

OOO


Mugg Shots

Man, what is this world coming to?  I just read that McDonald’s Hamburgers has been banned from selling Happy Meals in San Francisco, California.  Once again, the elected Nim-Com-Poops have rallied together to “protect us from ourselves.”  Never underestimate the stupidity of people in large groups.

They banned the meals because of their fear that it “might entice children to eat food that was loaded with fats, salt, sugar.”  From here on out, they can only offer a toy with the meal, if the meal is low-fat, low-salt, low-sugar.

I hate to throw a wet towel on all this boys, but the mechanism to keep all this in check was already in place … It is called “Parenting.”

But there is good news, across the bay, in Oakland (The murder capital of California) the “Happy To Be Alive Meal” is still being sold.  The toy this week as I understand it, is a zip gun.

Now on the other side of the country, the Nanny Patrol finds it necessary to cancel school dances.


Hide the adults! Teens are dirty dancing

It’s interesting to note that the dance wasn’t canceled out of concern for the kids — the usual defense — but because teachers refused to subject themselves to another night of watching teenagers dry hump to music. It really makes you wonder whose innocence they’re trying to protect — the kids’ or their own. Posted on November 13, 2010 by Bill on Cracker Boy or you can read the full story on Salon here.


45% of American adults say daylight saving time is “not worth the hassle. While 40% say it is.”  27% say they’ve arrived somewhere early or late because they forgot to change their clocks. And 98.5% say they cannot explain to their family cat at 4:16 A.M. why it is NOT time to go outside each morning.

A Legend In His Own Mind

George Bush released a new book last week, after two years of self imposed exile in the Lone Star State, he is appearing here and there to talk about his book “Decision Points.”  Which I understand is a major yawner available for about $25 nationwide.  Kind of ironic, the book comes out AFTER THE ELECTIONS guess it wouldn’t look too cool, throwing all of your Republican buddies under the bus, a week or two BEFORE the vote is counted.

Anyway, I am going to take a pass, Bush has lied to me before.

Speaking of buses? (He did it again! He did it again!)  Last spring, , an unemployed hotel concierge in St Paul Minn bought an old junkyard bus for $2,000.  He fixed it up, and now drives around the Twin Cities giving free rides to people at bus stops.  He even passes out free coffee and encourages sing-a-longs.  The good news is we need more people like Freddy Jackson, willing to step up to the plate and help out.

The bad news is some jerk will most likely sue him for everything that he has if he has an accident.  That is unless the City Fathers hear of the competition to city run bus lines, and just shut him down completely.

It is not easy being a Freddy Jackson in today’s America.

Another Jackson is in the news again.  Michael Jackson who was named the world’s top-earning dead celebrity this year by Forbes magazine, with $275 million in music and movie revenue.  He is beating out Lady Gaga, Madonna, and Jay Z all of them combined.  This week he released a new single (now that is a trick, releasing a single from the grave) and they swear it is HIS voice on the CD.

 

As Usual I Save The Best For Last

In the Mile High City (Denver Colorado) they are intent in reducing the size of government.  Now that is refreshing.  I understand that they will soon vote on an initiative to establishing a seven member “Extraterrestrial Affairs Commission” to handle “potential encounters or interrelations with extraterrestrial intelligent beings or their vehicles.”

Which is great, I would hate to think of government wasting money on frivolous endeavors.

OOO

Possibly Related: UFO Music

 

Something Stinks

Smells badSomething Is Rotten In San Jose.  A California office building was evacuated when someone tried to clear out the rotten food from the office refrigerator.  In the end, a total of 18 emergency vehicles’, 50 fireman, and numerous hazmat teams responded to the AT & T Call Center in San Jose.

All this a direct result of someone trying to clean out the office refrigerator.

The stench from the refrigerator was overwhelming and it cleared the building of some 325 employees into the parking lot, seven persons  sought medical attention at a local hospital.  Veteran firefighter Capt suspects the putrid, liquefied item was originally some kind of meat.  He also added that “sometimes meat, a dog or a human, when the all start to rot, it is a horrible thing.”

Thank you Capt. for passing that information on.

Sort of reminds me of an old joke.  A lady, selling cosmetic’s is riding up in an elevator and she has to pass gas, so she lets it fly!  She then reaches into her bag of items, and pulls out some pine scented room deodorizer and sprays it generously around the confines of the elevator. A few floors later, the doors open, and a drunk gets on. He immediately starts to sniff …. Sniff, sniff and then he turns and looks at the lady.

She says to him, “Is there anything wrong?” and the drunk replies, “Uh, I dunno.  Does it kind of smell like a pine tree farted in here to you?”

As for San Jose?  Mama always kept a open box of Arm &  Hammer in the refrig, and it seemed to do the job.  That must have been some powerful smell. It could be much worse, you could be living in India for instance.  India has 41 cities that are now currently over 1 million in population.  The rapid growth of these mega-cities is overwhelming municipal services, leaving many with mounds of rotting trash, sewage flowing directly into polluted rivers and middle class neighborhoods that are now encircled by slums.  Count your blessings.

Here is something else that stinks.

The way America is doing business is pathetic.  Now let me set the stage for you.  If you are late on a bill, you pay a penalty, if you are late on a credit card, thirty-nine bucks, late on your house, penalty and possible forfeiture.  Now I have routinely ordered stuff here lately and it was promised by a certain time, but isn’t delivered.  I ordered some plastic, promised by Friday on the third Friday I complain and they give it to me the next day.  I have some upholstery work being done, promised in two weeks, it is now in the FIFTH WEEK and I don’t know when I am going to receive it.

Now here is the rub, they take our business, and our money, but they do not deliver on time, or anything resembling close to the promised date, and they still charge us FULL PRICE for the item, when we pick it up, sometimes literally weeks later. That sucks.  It is no wonder we are considered a debt ridden cheap third world country.

Check this one out, this will scare the **** out of you.  The co-pilot of the regional air carrier Coligan Air that crashed in Buffalo in February was making about $16,000 per year.  Now consider this, the average truck driver in the USA makes about $40,000 per year and a city bus driver, $31,720.00.  I don’t know about you, but I want “well paid happy people up there in the cockpit” not someone who is worried about how he is going to pay his VISA Card or Cable TV bill.

Not being a big fan of airports and all that, I don’t believe I have all that much to worry about. You however might have reason for concern.  But for me, I know I am not flying any more, my flying days are over.  Another thing, all of this airport security, the questions, intrusion, screenings, searches is just one more way of reducing your liberty in this country.

Thank John Ashcroft and the Patriot Act, Bush and company, for that.

They are just reminding you that they can still **** with you any time they want.  American’s are like that, they will trade off what little of their freedom they have left, in exchange for the feeling … the illusion … of security. That is the way we are, in our minds, we create absolute, point-to-point cause–and-effect assumptions about things when, in fact, there’s really nothing holding those assumption in place other than our own thinking.  We are no safer now than the day when the twin towers came tumbling down, we just like to “think we are.”

Think about it.

Lot of Internet chat rooms and sites talking about the MJ (Michael Jackson) thing.  Asking people “for their opinion on it.”  Which always strikes me funny, they ask for the opinion, and when someone gives it, they flame them for it because they do not agree with it.

Let’s see …. Let’s all pool our ignorance and form an opinion.

Someone said it much better than I could.  They said:  “The rhetoric of the rant is the dominant form of public comment on the Internet, where the pithy, personal, scatological attack has become a minor art form, rather like sculpting excrement.”

That should about sum it up.

Next?

I have been invited to submit articles for a Bus Conversion Magazine in Florida.  It is nice to be recognized for your talents, and it makes one feel somewhat special.  I have often written bus related items on the side and have not posted them here.

We are soon to move to the country, and we will have no cable service or Internet.  I am not sure I want to pursue sat. Internet service or Dish TV at this time, it is kind of up in the air, I may in fact, shut it all down and retire from posting and writing altogether.

As I have a lot of things going on right now, I have not made a conscious decision as to whether or not I will do this new thing, but it is nice to be invited.

Everyone wants to be chosen or invited, it is nice to be recognized for your efforts.

OOO

Another Canicular Summer Day

Going to get hot today, might be time to find a shady spot and get in it.  Oklahoma is that way in the summertime, hot and muggy.  El Ex-Presendente Mr. Bush came and gave his speech in the Oklahoma Panhandle this weekend, he is currently stumping all the Dairy Queens and 7-11 stores across the nation, watch your local paper for another appearance by him soon.

I suppose he said something brilliant like:  “I’ve reminded the prime minister … the American people, Mr. Prime Minister …. Over the past months, that it was not always a given that the United States and America would have a close relationship.”

Spoken like a true national spokesperson if I ever heard one.

Grandbabies have packed up and headed south, they live in Houston, Texas.  It is always interesting when they are here, listening to them talk, what they say, the questions they ask.  All part of the growing up process.  I am so happy that they do not live in Florida.

Florida prison officials are apologizing for using 50,000 volt stun guns on children on Take Your Sons and Daughters to Work Day.  State corrections officers report that 43 children were stunned at three separate prisons, most with their parent permission.  Never the less, I cannot imagine what these people were thinking to administer this device to children.

The thing that got to me was the article said, “most” of them with parental permission, does this mean that “some” didn’t want it, but got it anyway?

Pretty sick, no matter how you color it.

New word for the day boys N girls, are you ready?  HETEROPATERNAL SUPERFECUNDATION.  Now that is a mouth full.  This is a totally new word that was put into the dictionaries here lately in Texas after a woman gave birth to two twins that had DIFFERENT DNA and she admitted to have been sleeping with two men when they were conceived.

Learn something new every day ……

A small Spokane, Washington, distillery developed a small army of volunteers to bottle and package its vodka and gin for NO pay, as long as they get free shots of the products and the end of their shift.  It has grown quickly by word-of-mouth (the best advertising in the world) and has become very popular.  I worked for an outfit for over twenty-four years, and all they ever gave me was a paycheck and a hard time.

The current debacle over the Michael Jackson death continues, all the tabloids have jumped on it, and every stupid commentator in America has an opinion on what actually or really went down.  I just cannot fathom America’s obsession with celebrities and the fact that they almost canonize a drug addict and do their best to elevate him to sainthood.

Meanwhile, down in Texas (again), a couple reported finding a Cheetos cheese snack that bears a strange resemblance to Jesus.  They are currently trying to sell it on Ebay and claim that “if it only brings .25 cents, we’re going to eat it.” Now if that don’t bring a tear to your eye, nothing will.

I see where Congress has passed legislation on the credit card companies and they cannot raise interest rates unless you are 60 days in arrears, and have to put the rate back down, if you make your payments for six months on time.  No more penalties on borrowers who exceed their limits on their cards.  And they have to give your children back to you when you pay up.

Of course the credit card people countered with “they would be FORCED to issue fewer cards, and credit would be harder to come by, and the economy would suffer because of this.”  Which in essence means, no more mail solicited cards to dogs and cats, 4 year old children and whatever.

It is awfully hard for me to feel sorry for these bozo’s, who charge 37% on their money, but pay you less than 1% on YOUR MONEY in savings accounts in their institutions.

Here you go …. It must be true, I mean, I read it in the tabloids.

I am standing at the checkout counter at the local China-Mart and there it is.  An ingenious North Carolina teenager allegedly brandished a banana rather than a gun while holding up a store then he tried to eat the evidence.  The 17 year-old tried to rob an Internet Café with the fruit held beneath his shirt, but the staff overcame him, said the police.  He did manage to eat the banana, but failed to eat the peel, which the police duly photographed and took into evidence.

It has to be Monday … It just has to be.

OOO

Refilling the coffers.

Recently President, or Ex-Presidente George Dubya Bush, was spotted giving the graduating seniors of a high school in Artesia, New Mexico, a commencement speech (how sad is that?).  He told them that he no longer felt the pressure and responsibility of being our president, and that in fact, it was kind of liberating.  Since leaving office Bush has given one speech in Canada, and is supposed to be busy writing his memoirs, which should be a real yawner.  Coming to a Burger King in your area, a one time visit from a ex-president of the United States on a limited speaking engagement, come early and beat the rush.

Things are not all that well for the rich here lately.

Paris Hilton and her boyfriend were recently thrown off a yacht in Cannes France at the annual film festival.  It seems that they started “hooking up” as the youngsters are prone to say, and she got a little frisky, so they decided to take it below decks and up a level or two on the excitement scale.  Another guest discovered the amorous couple in what do they call it?  Flagrante Delicto and she informed the captain of the vessel, who in turn ejected the loving couple.

The captain then insisted that they depart for the shore.  For what he called “unsociable behavior” which I do not understand, seems like they were being quite sociable at the time, which is when all the trouble started.

You would think that old geezers like myself would be the first to catch these particularly nasty diseases going around.  But a recent survey has disclosed that only 1% of people over 65 actually got swine flu, and the majority of the cases in the country were with 18-24 year olds.  Of the two-thirds of the 5,000 confirmed cases in the U.S. thus far, the CDC revealed  that many older people, blood studies show, have partial immunity to the swine variant because of a life time of exposure to other similar flu viruses.

So I guess it would be safe to say, “that over the years, all of those shots, paid off.”

The current candidate running for governor of Georgia on a platform encouraging the quaint Peach State Legal theory of “nullification (meaning the state has the right to override the U.S. Constitution) who is known as  staunch foe of abortion who once posted a “hit list”  of doctors in that state.

He is also quoted as saying during his childhood “When you grow up on a farm in Georgia your first girlfriend is a mule.”   That should just about sum it up.  Yeppers …. Now that explains it. Stick a pin in the map, another “new age Republican” has been identified.

It reminds me of the old joke, where the preacher found a dead mule on the road, so he called the sheriff.  The sheriff after listening to what the preacher had to say, suggested that he say a few words over the dead animal and go about his business, that was after all, what preachers were supposed to do.

Then he inquired of the preacher, “Why in the world are you calling me about this anyway?” and the preacher said, “It is our custom to notify the next of kin, whenever we do a service.”

Please don’t feed the lizards.

The world’s largest lizards, have been attacking humans with increasing frequency, villagers in Indonesia report attacks are up this year.  The Komodo dragons are 10 foot long reptiles and they are becoming more aggressive and out of hunger as poaching reduces the population of the deer that they survive on.  A park ranger was recently sitting in his office in Komodo National Park when a dragon appeared and chomped down on his leg.  Indonesia is the only place in the world where these huge reptiles are found.  Might want to scratch this one off your vacation list for this summer, and head to Orlando instead.

Now I like this one.  British police thought they had a standoff on their hands when they received an emergency call in which the caller could be heard whimpering and a man shouting “Come out or else!” in the background.

At that point the line apparently went dead, and the police just knew that they had a possible hostage standoff situation on their hands.  Immediately redialing the number they reached a woman who reported that her golden retriever, had stolen her cordless phone, and pursued by her angry husband, taken it to his favorite hiding place in the backyard.

Behind the garden shed, where he crawled underneath and promptly started gnawing on the key pad.

A Florida woman visibly upset because her local McDonald’s did not have Chicken McNuggets, phoned the 911 emergency service line for help.  In an unrelated incident, a Florida man took the same action when Burger King told him it had no lemonade to sell him.

Clearly these are over reactions, majoring in minor stuff.  I recommend that you not indulge in similar overreactions in the coming week.  When you feel that the drama queen or drama king archetype is threatening to posse you and you need to forcefully keep it away, take immediate action.

If you’re successful, you’ll be visited by a far more congenial archetype … the Social Butterfly …. Someone like Britney or Paris and that would prove to be amusing and who knows, maybe a little productive in the end.

Have to run, some guy named Obama sent me $250 over the weekend and I got to sock it into my “friendly” savings institution currently being run by foreign nationals recently released from Guantanamo Bay, which I think is somewhere south of Atlanta.

OOO