Between The Lines

Look now for glad and golden hours come swiftly on the wing … O rest beside the weary toad and hear the angels sing …  Old buses always seem to run faster on the way home, and most of the time, the road always seems to stay the same.

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Kiss Me I Am Thirsty

Learning all kinds of new words this year, playcation, staycation, Obamma Amerikuh, and now this.  Poly-Amorous (Bi-Sexual) leave it to a shrink to come up with something as ludicrous as this.

Here I have one for you:  Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly. (Also known as the O’Reilly effect)

And now we have Poly-Amorous, give me a break.

Listen to this summer’s monster hit song, “I Kissed a Girl” by Katy Perry. It’s an international phenomenon — topping the charts all summer in America, Canada, Australia and Great Britain. I kissed a girl and I liked it, The taste of her cherry chapstick, I kissed a girl just to try it, I hope my boyfriend don’t mind it. It felt so wrong, it felt so right. Now imagine that you hear that your 18-year-old daughter was kissing another girl at a party last weekend. What races through your mind?

“O my gosh, she’s exploring same-sex attractions.

She must be a lesbian.”

You remember the “Love Generation?”  We were that generation, the Baby Boomers who like to believe that we established and formed the definitions on the sexual revolution.  I always found that amusing, sexual revolution, I mean at the time, “I wasn’t fighting anyone on it.”

Now days we have the media and other groups telling us that being gay is pre-programmed from birth.  But girls kissing girls isn’t necessary a lesbian attitude.  Salon.com recently ran a survey on it and most of the girls said that “they just kissed each other to get a free beer at a party or on a dare from the guys.”

Taking it one step further, I suppose it is a way to signal to males that they are “sexually open and adventurous. It was like, look, I’m the center of attention!” recalled one 16-year-old.

When I was sixteen the only advice my parents gave me was to “never go drinking with a guy named Chug-A-Lug” I would not have been prepared for this at all.

Stoopid crooks:  During an escape attempt, an inmate at the county jail in St. Charles, Missouri, ran into the prison’s parking garage and headed for an open door marked “fire exit.”  Sensing that freedom was about to be his, he turned around and gave the approaching deputies a one-finger salute, and dashed thru the door … running smack into the brick wall behind it.  Deputies took the unconscious man to a nearby hospital.

Home-made Exxon … Brew your own  … Impress your neighbors!

Fumes from chemicals used to make bio-diesel fuel reacted with cleaning fluid, caused an explosion early Sunday morning at an Arizona home. The homeowner told investigators he was making the alternative fuel in his garage as a way to save money, an up-and-coming trend that may lead to future catastrophes if not done correctly.

The most likely cause for the fire was spontaneous combustion that had resulted after heat was exchanged between a used rag and a cleaning solvent inside a plastic bucket.  That was aggravated when vapors from a drum of ethanol met with the rag, causing an explosion.  And of course, the brewing of chemicals by some guy who never had his science project done on time. We have basically the same problem here in Oklahoma every winter, when Okies try and lite up their gas heaters with kitchen matches.

One more and then I am outta here.  It has to be true … I mean … “I read it on the Internet!”

If you are the person who flushed a grenade down the ol’ poop-shooter in Xenia, Ohio, the people that work at the sewage plant and I suppose, the local cops, want to talk to you.  Workers found what they believe was a vintage WWII grenade there recently.

A disposal unit from Wright-Patterson Air Force Base came to the plant to examine the grenade.  “They came over and looked at it, X-rayed it. It was probably World War II vintage,” City spokesperson, Leaming said.  He said the X-ray revealed what looked like dirt inside, but they couldn’t be sure there was no black powder left, so the crew detonated it on site, using explosives they had brought.

Xenia City Manager Jim Percival said the grenade came out of a machine used to vacuum the sewers.  “You get a little bit of everything there,” Percival said. “Nothing that comes through the sewers would surprise me.”  Read the entire Grenade Article by Staff Writer Jeremy P Kelly here.

Now when I was in the tenth grade we flushed some cherry bombs down the commode at the local high school, but this takes it to a whole new level. “If you are in the Dayton, Xenia area of Ohio, I would check the stool before I sit down.”

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