Cognoscible Musings

Discourse must be in words, and it is possible to give a name to that which is not understood nor cognoscible by human reason. Man, if that doesn’t sound impotent, nothing does.

Nice day today, little rain on the driveway and I have decided the subject should be language.

From time to time I get a kick out of Authors’ site (A Curious State Of Affairs) she has a good read, and the difference in the language is interesting. She has a vivid style and certainly a flare for the unusual and interesting.

Trying to keep up what is going on (not just here, but everywhere) I read on the BBC and a few English or European blogs, a few in Asia, I surf around quite a bit and I sometimes find words such as: Calignosity, niddering, fusby and olid, which are among two dozen archaic words that can be found in some circles.

In case you are wondering, the above words mean, darkness, cowardly, squat, and foul smelling, respectively. And of course … They just gave my spelling checker the electronic equivalent of a stroke as I typed them.

Strange expressions to the average American.  I understand they are even listed in some British dictionaries. I suppose in the future, if they don’t get more use, they will remove them.  Off-hand, I can think of about a half-dozen words in our dictionaries that should not be there, Joe Biden uses them all the time. (He patiently explains them to Bush)

We need to update our language dictionaries also.

Now Cup Cake (my wife) is Asian, and she speaks five languages. She says that English is the easiest to learn or use, as she puts it, “It is easy, you just make it up” as you go along. It tickles me to listen to her and her sister talk to each other, as they talk, they mix Chinese and English together, as some words in Chinese do not translate into English and visa-versa.

Recently someone in Madrid, Spain, linked to this site and I ventured over there to check it out, the entire site was in Spanish!  Not a word of English and it made me wonder about all the other sites this stuff goes to, is anyone translating it?  We are currently being read in over 80 countries worldwide now.

Language is a funny thing.

For instance I could type: fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too. Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can. i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno’t mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! If you can raed tihs forwrad it.

I would hazard a guess, that most of you got that. (There! Take that you nasty ol’ spellin checker!) Man what a bummer it would be if everyone conversed in that manner. It’s a safe bet that no one wants to receive a card or letter that is written like the above ….

[ If you could not read it?  It is:  If you can read this, you have a strange mind too.  Can you read this?  Only 55 people out of 100 can.  I cannot believe that I could actually understand what I was reading.  The phenomenal power of the human mind, according to a research at Cambridge University, it doesn’t matter in what order the letters in a word are, the only important thing is that the first and last letter be in the right place.  The rest can be a total miss, and you can still read it without a problem.  This is because the human mind does not read every letter by itself, but the word as a whole.  Amazing huh?  Yeah, and I always thought that spelling was important.  If you can read this forward it. ]

Dave Barry, one of my favorite humorists used to do items occasionally on “Mr. Language Person” and I always enjoyed them immensely. Because language is important in our day to day lives. Communication is essential in this day and age, an integral part of society.

For instance: A doctor was at the mall, and he happened to notice one of his elderly patients walking arm and arm with this good looking blond woman. As the patient approached the doctor he smiled real big and said to him, “Hello Doc, I am out taking advantage of your advice you gave me.” And the doctor inquired, “What advice are you referring to?” And the old man said, “You said to find me a Hot Mama and be cheerful. And that is what I am doing.”

The doctor smiled and said, “No you have it wrong. I said, you have a heart murmur, be careful.”

Communication as I said, is very important.  Not long ago, I too found myself at the mall, and this shapely wonderful looking girl came towards me and she had a tight fitting T-Shirt on and on the front of it lettered in big bold type was the word … “Guess.”

So I said implants?  And she slapped me.

Language as you can see, is important. Or as my neighbor would say ….. “Why cain’t everybody speak American, like the rest of us?”

If none of this works for you, then you can go to, the internet slang dictionary and translator, which will help all of you parents out there to stay hip.  The site’s translator interprets “geek speek” (there you go Brother John!  There is hope for me yet) and common Internet acronyms, such as TSWC (tell someone who cares), WWCND (What would Chuck Norris Do?).  It also features the top 25 slang words “parents should know” and a quiz to find if you’re “CLT” (Cool Like That). 

Check it out here.

As usual, in any language, I have said too much.

Have a great weekend.


Whadya Think About Thet ..

The Colorado thong bandits got caught; well actually, they turned themselves in.  I like British News, I was over there tonight and checking around and they kind of “share their news” with everyone.  Everything or most everything in the USA is copyrighted and all that, makes it difficult to just lift it and put it on the page, because of “legal issues.” 

Contrary to popular opinion, some of these folks take it personally when you steal their stuff for your page.  Pays to be careful.  The Brit’s on the other hand are not all that particular:  Here is the linkif you wish to read the article.

O’bammer got the nod from the Dem’s and now we might have a shot of having a president that is fluent in at least one language.  The Republicans are considering a Bush replacement.  I hear they have found a guy in a tree outside of Austin, Texas, making guttural sounds, and they are trying to coach him down with an apple, will run him in November with Connie …. The Alternative Ticket thing I suppose.

Received some interesting stuff in the mail this past week, and the old “Watch Your Lic. Tag Spammer” is making the rounds again.  This time it has morphed into something a little bit different, it is a “State Trooper” that is advising everyone about it instead of a “State Agency” (un-named of course).  Why are people so stupid (and eager) as to pass this bogus garbage onto their friends and families, is beyond me.

Well at least I did not receive any of those moronic “Top Five Lists” this week that was a god-send.  Emails are such a wonderful source of information.  For instance, did you know that, given unlimited access to a source of mice, a cat will kill fifteen of the little suckers before it finally stops.  Sort of like the U.S. Government, given unlimited access to a country, it will kill millions of its citizens in order to obtain the natural resources.

Watching this television program and it is about prison, really interesting.  We have it seems, reached a new pinnacle in this country, we now have the proud distinction of having more people locked up than any other country in the world.  And that doesn’t count all those poor suckers down in Gitmo, Cuba, or our secret prisons that do not exist, in Europe. (The Rumsfield Ramada’s) 

So this interviewer is talking to this inmate, who killed five people in one home and received life in prison.  And he says to the guy, “Why did you do it?” and the convict takes a moment to think about it and then replies …  “They’s all home.”

 All I could think of after that was, “Thank God for prisons!”

A man in Sidney, Nebraska, accused of hitting his girlfriend on the head with a metal bucket will not be tried on a charge of using a deadly weapon.  A judge threw out the charge after concluding the bucket could not have killed or seriously injured the woman.  A charge of second-degree domestic assault against the defendant now stands.

Now I don’t know about you, but having someone slam me in the head with a METAL BUCKET would be a tad bit uncomfortable, and I would venture to say in my limited experience on the subject, it certainly could be lethal?  Having been on the receiving end of a fryin’ pan moving at breakneck speed, I can testify that “steel on numbskull” just isn’t conducive to middle age wellness. 

It also produces what is known in Oklahoma as a “pretty good goose-egg” on your head.  When you turn and see her approaching at warp speed, hit the deck, fall down, and play dead.

Taking all of this one step further, what do you suppose the ruling would be if the attorney was to take the female judge out into the parking lot, have her bend over, and then give her one or two shots with this metal bucket?  Smart money would say the ruling would be a lot different.  I ought to start a file on “Stupid Pixilated Judges” it wouldn’t take long to fill it up and it would increase my total word count immensely in the future.

You see the picture this week, where some guy outside of Denver says an “alien peeked into his bedroom window?”  It has been the talk of the town all week long.  Kind of hard to believe, journey across eons of time and space to peek into some window? 

Once in the late sixties, I was out in the desert in Southern Arizona and a UFO landed right next to my picnic table in the rest area.  Four of these little dudes, about three inches tall, got out of the spaceship.  Freaked me out, I said to them, “Wow!  Are you guys really three inches tall?” and the first one said, “Nah man, we is just far away.”

Had me going there for a little while.  But of course in those days I was “inhaling a lot.”