Out Of Scrilla

2196254-crybabywithsadfaceThis morning I feel like I need to come up with a way to generate some cash.  You see when I was young, I partied a lot, I spent foolishly, I made and spent huge sums of money with complete abandon.  Fur lined house slippers, electric dog polishers, cars, trucks, motorcycles … Oh well, you get the picture right?  

Now in what they call “The Golden Years” I need even more scrilla or cash.

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Take It To The Bank

Not long ago, my bank deposited into my account, $546.00 cash money.  

This was not my money, it was not my lucky day.  At the very beginning I noted this mistake, but I sat back and did nothing about it.  I just thought of “all those wonderful moments that I shared inside their lobby, and the friendly folks who provided them” and decided to let the _____ find it for themselves.

It took them roughly ten working days to find the error and they have since written me five times explaining why they retrieved the errant deposit to my account. For all the readers who have been frustrated with Bank of America recently, here’s something that will make you laugh: The banking giant just accidentally gave a Detroit man $1.5 million. It doesn’t look like the bank will be recovering the funds anytime soon, either.  Not like myself (who just let it sit there) he took out just about all of it and then went to the local casino.  You can read more here.

One more banking comment.

Now this one would really hack you off, have you seen the Ally Bank Commercial?

So here I am, lying in my favorite position, in my favorite spot in the entire universe, under my Made In China fan, watching my Made In China television, and my Made in China wife (Taiwan R.O.C.) says to me …. “Are you going to lay there all summer and do nothing?” to which I replied, “Leave me alone, I am practicing for the elections in November.”

Holy Cow! Humble Texas, go get ’em Laura.

Can you live without it?

Have you ever considered just shutting down the computer and walking away from it for awhile, say a year?  I have often thought about it, but to this day, cannot seem to pull myself away from it for more than a couple of days.  Now here is a guy who is vowing to stay off the Internet for an entire year. He hasn’t clicked a link, sent an email, checked Twitter, sent a text message, Googled, or used a web browser since May 1, 2012. At 12:01 a.m. on that day he unplugged the cord from his desktop. And he doesn’t plan to plug it back in or go back online until May 1, 2013.

Good luck on that.

If I was to unplug and walk away like that, May 1st, 2013 would be the day they would release me from the State Mental Hospital with a brand new prescription.

See you at the water cooler.


Winner and Losers

This morning I am watching the news (I seldom do this) because I was curious as to how this Black Friday Thing went down.  It was kind of disheartening, almost to the point of downright revolting. 

Seeing all of these people pushing and shoving to get inside a store to buy the latest, the newest, the best of the rest, well it was just was a sorry spectacle of events.  Fistfights, people pushing and shoving like animals, arrests and pepper spray … Attention WalMart shoppers evacuate the building!

It is my understanding that the retailers are going to have a beneficial reward from all of this, increased sales and more money in the till.  But to me, a casual observer it made me ashamed I was an American, almost to the point of wishing I was not a member of the human race, a proud species with opposing thumbs. 

If this is the best we have to offer, then maybe it is time to stop the bus and let me off.

It is getting hard, dog-gone hard to find a winner any more.  I set out on my daily trek across CyberLand and found this one from Blogging:  Why I Don’t Worry About People Subscribing To My Blog 11-26-2011

“Subscribing to even one blog, that updates frequently, is like signing up to get spam. It’s spam you presumably want, thus it’s not technically considered spam. But in terms of quantity and value, it winds up having the same (lack of) appeal. And since I don’t care to use feeds, changing my subscriptions to that option is pointless.”

What this author doesn’t seem to understand is this.  You have four basic types of readers on the Internet.  Those who love your stuff, those who pay no attention to your stuff, and those who detest your stuff, and those who send you surly emails to prove it.  Couldn’t be farther from the point, subscribing keeps you on top of what other people are doing and that is what we are all about.  A man wrapped up in himself (his own blog) makes for a pretty small package on most days.

By the way, this blog had “3 subscriptions” so I don’t think they will have to worry about it with content like this.

Sitting in my old trusty comfortable leather chair, the television barks out, “Man wins the lottery seven times!  Tune in after the break to find out his secret.”  I just love it when they “dumb us down like that.”  Turns out that he did NOT win the lottery seven times, he has in the past won large sums of money playing LOTTERY GAMES but he never won the lottery.  You see, the biggest payout he had was $824,000 and as we all know, the lottery (if you are the winner) pays out in the “millions of dollars” so it is safe to say, he never won the lottery.

His winning strategy?

Set a budget to play the lottery (yes, he actually said this) and do not use the grocery money.  Play ONE GAME only (Scratch off tickets) and stick with that game (note:  scratch off tickets, are usually huge losers most of the time) and NEVER use quick picks (note: the largest percentage of lottery winners, are from quick picks).  He also went on to say “I drive a big fancy car, live in a huge wonderful house, have plenty of money and we take a lot of cruises.”  So what do you think he is going to want to talk about, when he plops down next to you on the promenade deck, and unfolds his deck chair?

Nope, it is not working here, dear old late breaking, live on five … I am not taking this advice to the bank.

Speaking of banks?  (Nice blend eh?  Yeah I know, on some days I just cannot help it, just a natural flow to it)  Speaking of banks?  A hooded robber burst into a Texas bank and forced the tellers to load a sack full of cash.

On his way out the door, a brave Texas customer grabbed the hood and pulled it off revealing the robbers face.

The robber shot the customer without a moment’s hesitation. He then looked around the bank and noticed one of the tellers looking straight at him. The robber instantly shot him also.  Everyone in the bank, by now very scared, looked intently down at the floor in silence.

The robber yelled, “Well did anyone else see my face?”

There are a few moments of utter silence in which everyone was plainly too afraid to speak. Then one old cowboy named Bill from Oklahoma slowly raised hand and said, “I think my wife got a pretty good look at ya.”

Winners and Losers, Black Friday, life such as it is this day. 

I am going to keep putting out my Spam and hope that some find it interesting enough to cop a subscription because that is what the wordpress community is all about … sharing. 

I am going to keep playing the Lottery, I don’t want to be stinkin rich, but I would not mind smelling bad. 

Best Buy has NOTHING I am willing to spend the night sleeping on concrete for. 

Money-Money-Money … It’s the new American Dream

Not real sure which category that puts me in, but rest assured, whatever it is, I can live with it. I am fairly confident at this point in the game, that I know which side of the bread the butter is on. 


Inviolable Reasoning

Some days are going to be good days and then some days are painful and not all that good.  Like it is when you have that small pimple on the bottom of your nostril, and you know you have to squeeze it, and at the same time, you absolutely KNOW that it is going to hurt really bad.

Yesterday was one of those kind of days.

I am in line at the bank, there are eight windows, and ONE TELLER so the conversation is strained at best, you can cut the tension in the air with a knife.  So rather than being somewhere pleasant and nice, I find that I am over at the bank and this lady in the line is all hopped up about what she calls “Obama Money.”  It is some kind of stipend that is currently being distributed to retiree’s and people on Social Security, the amount I believe is $250.

She wants to know if I have mine yet?

Not overly concerned about $250 in mad money from the government, I ponder this one very disturbing thought …”How does this complete stranger know that I am retired?”  …. It is a sad state of affairs when people recognize you as a retired person without really knowing you, I must have that “rode hard and put up wet” look about me again.

lobster hatThis always happens when I venture out without my hat.

When you notice that no one bothers to ask you if you are a “senior citizen” for the 10% discount, then I would say you have officially arrived.

Here is a little ditty about two retiree’s.

Recently in New York retired rogue cops Stephen Caracappa and Louis Eppolito, who were convicted in 2006 of assisting the Mafia for many years were sentenced to life in prison.  However, because the men retired from the force before they had been charged with crimes, they are entitled by law to their lifetime pensions of $5,313 a month and $3,896 a month respectively.

No word if they are to receive Obama money.

You ever stop to think about this $100 million President Obama has ordered cut from his $3.5 trillion budget.  This represents a reduction of 0.0029 percent not exactly worth crowing about or writing home to Mama.  If a family with an income of $100,000 cut a comparable amount from its budget, it would spend just $3 less over the course of a year.

Might be why the average Joe is rigidly locked down and staying in place these days.  With the decline of housing prices and the economic uncertainty the populace is not moving.  Some 35.2 million Americans changed residences this year, the lowest number since 1962, when the nation had 120 million fewer people.

Have finished what I consider a good read, “Brothers” which is a compilation of 26 stories of love and rivalry.  The complete issue was originally published in the March issue of Playboy.  One story that was extremely interesting was the segment of what it was like to be the Uni-Bomber’s little brother.  Weather has turned off rather nice, stopped raining, you can slink out onto the porch sit in the chair and read a page or two before the dogs wake up to greet the meter readers in the backyards.

Life in the suburbs.

I read where a 17 year old Eagle Scout is doing fine after being stranded for almost three days on New Hampshire’s Mount Washington.  Having sprained his ankle during a routine day hike, he spent numerous days on the mountain.  He decided to take a short cut down the 6,288 ft peak which proved not to be the right move.  Snowpack and running rivers blocked his path, and also his retreat from the normal route of trails.

He said that he slept beneath pine trees and in large crevasses and started fires with hand sanitizer gel.  He was finally spotted by rescuers after he decided to head up the mountain, towards a weather observatory.  “I would never do it again during snow conditions” he was quoted as saying.

Now on the other hand, I got lost when I was twelve years old, in a national forest for about 26 hours.  Not all that scary, but it was an “eye opener” for sure.

Not having a clue as to where I was or where I was going, I eventually sat down beside a fallen giant and started a campfire with my zippo lighter and was sitting there smoking a Marlboro when a national forest search agent walked up to me and said, “You must be Don Smith, and this must be Fritz (our family weenie dog).” And I replied, “Yes, I am.”

He then instructed me to put out the fire, led me back to my parents who were overjoyed to have their wayward child back.  My dad asked the guy, “How did you find him?” and the ranger said, “I saw his campfire smoke and walked up on him, he was sitting there smoking a cigarette and staying warm.”

At that point my mother promptly grabbed me and hugged me for all it was worth, later on my dad, whipped my butt for smoking again.

Proof again, that all stories do NOT have a nice ending.  To this day I remember it as not being lost, but rather, just powerfully confused.

Some days are diamonds and some days are stone (from the song with the same title and/or lyrics).  Now I return to my Clark Kent atmosphere, my duty in life that compels me to walk this uncertain, often turbulent path, to faithfully do what meets the needs of the day or pays the bill, and not what it is that I truly want to do.

What is your Clark Kent job this Wednesday, are you lost or just powerfully confused.

Our operators are standing by ………..


Hard Wired For Change


“I don’t believe I understand everything that I think that I supposedly heard about what I thought he said, that concerned me, or my spousal unit.”  But I did watch.

President Obama was speaking for forty minutes last night, and then afterwards, some dummy tells me what it was he said, for thirty more.  I never will understand that, it is as if we don’t not have the capacity as citizens to understand what is being spoken?

We seem to be hung up on this banking thing and the rest of it is awash, makes me wonder what happened to T.Boone Pickens, that guy sure disappeared fast didn’t he?  What about the mess in Afghanistan, the shortage of resources, energy problems, distribution problems, did they get the puppy yet?

Today the Internet will be alive with all the armchair critic’s who have it all figured out, who have all the answers, who know not only what day it is, but what page we seem to be on.  Must be nice.  I know that I saw it on television, it might have even been on FOX, come to think of it.  FOX is television, right?  But I do not assume to know the answers, not by any stretch of the imagination.

Not many answers, certainly the questions remain.  We are critically short of hero’s anymore, not a fresh face on the horizon that I can see.  Okay, this is what, the third or fourth time?  I think I got it.


Yesterday I had lunch with a friend of mine.

My buddy said that “I am no longer a hunk.  That I need to get used to it.”  And I suppose, to some extent, he is right.  I am no longer the poster boy for the male or human race, I am not going to win the award for “Sexiest Man Alive” or something like that.  But on the same token, I am not all that ready to throw in the towel, and give up on it completely.

That is the problem, the body is no longer showing up for work, but the mind still thinks it is in the running and therefore, the rub.  It could be the fact that I am in love with a waitress that doesn’t even know my name, I dunno.  I know this …… I don’t like it.  Aging and growing older sucks.

I am not going gracefully into the sunset of my life, nor will I age like a fine old bottle of wine.

It has been one of those weeks, and the sad part is that the week for the most part is only half over.  Not long ago, someone tried unsuccessfully to hack into my bank account, so I dutifully notified my bank, Chase, that someone was up to no good and provided them the details.  They in turn never responded to my email nor did they contact me.  Why?  Pretty simple really, the crooks were after MY MONEY not theirs, so therefore, it wasn’t all that important.

This week, having the audacity to believe that things in the business world had improved, I decided to upgrade to a better credit card.  Simple business transaction, handled by more than a competent banker, on THEIR SYSTEM and nothing out of the ordinary.

Now I am entering into my third day of dealing with “fraud prevention” and getting this thing authorized and back into good working order, because some dork in Chicago doesn’t understand or speak ENGLISH and it is all ****ed up!

So here I sit, middle of the week, everything is so messed up I don’t know whether to wind my butt or scratch my watch.

I have laundry to run, email backed up, woman says shag over to China Mart for some vacuum cleaner bags, a computer at Dell.com that is being built and a PayPal that doesn’t recognize the NEW CARD, two inkers out of ink, one tire out of balance on the truck, and we are flat-out of pet food.

Rather than face the reality of it … I sit around and dream of having a one night stand with my best friends’ baby sister, even tho’ I understand now that I am no longer considered a hunk.

Middle of the week and there is no end in sight.  Half-eaten bag of ranch flavored corn nuts and not much on the plate for the future.  I took my old guitar down to Cash America and pawned it to buy some gasoline.  Took a swing at my best friend in the parking lot for suggesting that I was over the hill, spent and used up.  If I had a dime for everything that didn’t make sense at all, I surely would be living the good life, but I am not.

Situation normal.

On top of all this … The lunch left me with an undercurrent of pigginess (and) unexpected fantasies of convergence and inter-species metamorphoses began to flicker into my consciousness.  Was it the Soy Sauce or was it her?  It was silent in the small restaurant; silent except for the occasional cellphone ring and the pounding of the old mans’ heart in his throat.

The day had started beautifully, and was looking like it would end the same way, but now suddenly,  it wasn’t looking so good, the ship of state was starting to rock, we were going down.

He sat in his booth and slowly, almost methodically studied the waitress  She was a beautiful young Asian girl (about 42 or 44 years of age … Hey?  This is MY fantasy, you want younger women, go write your own!), a shapely young thing with a body that was just beginning to slow itself, and she knew that her customers liked to look at her.

It was then that the old familiar stirrings deep inside reminded him that he was no longer a hunk and he needed to get a life.

Another 900 word dirge from a orotund semi-spent geezer in the Heartland, Wednesday, Hump Day for a five day wage slave in Oklahoma. Pass me a couple of them egg rolls … I will take ’em to go.


Are We Having Fun Yet

balloon-economyGreetings!  Welcome to the first class on how to make two small hats out of a Brassiere, paid for and subsidized by the U.S. Government. Man, first it was the mayor of New Orleans and now it is Bobby the Gov. from Lousy-anna.  Gov. Bobby Jindal’s task the other night, to rebut President Obama’s first address to a joint session of Congress, was a thankless one.

But it still constituted an opportunity for the Louisiana Republican to show that he could handle the national spotlight, present himself as a fresh face of the Republican Party, and stand up to the current president in a proper controlled oratorical manner.

On each of these three hurdles, he came up short. Both Democrats and Republicans alike panned Jindal’s rebuttal in terms that were decidedly harsh: “amateurish,” “laughable” and, most commonly, “a missed opportunity.”  Pretty bad, and what made it worse, I stayed up past my bedtime to make sure I watched it all.  “After watching Jindal,” one Democratic strategist emailed, “I’d pay a lot of money to be back watching a Palin speech.”

Repeat to yourself, “life isn’t an emergency, life isn’t an emergency, life isn’t … oh well, you get the picture, don’tcha?”

Been mostly a slow week here in the last vast bastion of good community living … No one is commenting, and this thing is drier than a cold water spring in Furnace Creek, Death Valley California here lately.

I don’t know where everyone has got off too.  So as it is slow, I have been musing it over in my mind what my options are here of late.  Y’know, scrubbing my Federal Window of opportunity to see if the view has changed for me personally.

I haven’t made up my mind if I am willing to take some of this bailout money that the other states do not want, you know that great big ol piece of the American Pie everyone seems fixated on here lately.

Meanwhile I pick up the paper and no rainbow there.  Things are so bad, that the Treasury Department issued a press release that they are considering a new five dollar bill and Lincoln will be wearing a T-Shirt.  And of course there is this barn burner of a news item that I cannot for the life of me figure out.


I also hear the lottery isn’t doing well now, will it never end?  The first number is twenty-seven, second number is thirty-three, here’s another one that you do not have …. Trenton New Jersey lottery officials are moaning the blues – The state Lottery said fewer people appeared to be buying tickets. Lottery ticket revenue for the first six months of the current fiscal year is down, and the state Treasury Department said New Jersey received nearly $4 million, or about 1%, less than anticipated.

Also in New Jersey, Newark – A former employee in the city’s health department was sentenced to eight years in prison for a $1 million scam. Charles Brown said his drug addiction led him to print bogus vouchers for the Women, Infants and Children program and sell them to a store, which sold them to other stores and pocketed the proceeds.  Now let’s do our math, shall we?  Eight years in the slamma, that figures out to about $125,000 per year, 3 hots and a cot, and six figures.

Hmmmmmm? (Well, it doesn’t mention anything about him having to make retribution for the stolen funds does it?)

Yesterday I was over browsing in my favorite business supply store.  Saw something neat.  Staples has that “That Was Easy” expression on a button for your desk, $4.98 drop by and pick up one today.  I like it.  I think of this banking fiasco and how easy it was for them to just drop in and pick up their collective bag of money and then run.  It was so easy that American Xpress changed itself (seemingly overnight) into a bank instead of a credit card company, and so easy, they are now offering people $300 to close out their credit card accounts.  What a concept, wonder who thought of that, especially after I CLOSED MY ACCOUNT in a responsible manner and moved on.

Mo betta bankin’ news …. SunTrust board of directors in their infinite wisdom have given their CEO a nice little raise.  Even tho’ the profits of the bank tanked under his leadership, down some 50% which is a pretty lousy indicator of good leadership.  The stock price was cut in half but the company’s board of directors saw fit to give or approve a 75% increase in the 2008 total compensation of the head man.  He is now making just under $8.1 million according to their most recent proxy statement filed this week.

Now That Was Easy

Here comes the next wave, are you ready for this Sparky?  I have been right more than I have been wrong, so here it is.  According to the Federal Reserve, the total outstanding credit card debt carried by Americans reached a record $951 billion in 2008 — a number that will only climb higher as more people reach for the plastic to make ends meet.

Yet the same banks that have been bailed out with billions of taxpayer dollars, have been turning around and gouging their most vulnerable customers, ratcheting up interest rates to as much as 32 percent and charging an ever-widening array of late fees, cash-advance fees, and over-the-limit fees.


Open up the Federal Checkbook … Now it is time to feed another pig at the trough.


Click here to read more.

(If you are not already thoroughly convinced that the end is truly near, that is)

Anybody want to buy a used lottery ticket, I have some I will sell “dirt cheap.”


“Some of this material [article] was published by the Center for American Progress” and cartoons are from the same.”

Outside the box


Two-Thousand and Nine

I never thought I would live this long, yet alone, be here to see it happen. It came like a thief in the night, and because I am an old geezer, I slept right thru it. So I now have my disposal, a completely new year (which is better than last year, all I got last year was less than nine months) to devote to the ever-evolving bastardization of the written and spoken language and cultural idolization of celebrities and politicians in America.

Yes, it is a tough job, but someone has to do it.

A totally New Year … I am as always over joyed. I can now make fun of people who use expressions such as “Aw, snap, son. Check ou the fine-ass sho-tee rockin’ all dat ice.” Which translates to: “Hello, my good sir. Take a gander at the beautiful woman wearing the expensive jewels.”

I can continue to cover the political scene as it unravels the fabric of American Society with such wonderful quotes as: “It’s time to put on the brakes and move ahead.” Iowa Democratic primary gubernatorial hopeful Michael Blouin, during a debate. Dan Quayle may be gone, but the fields are still ripe and the glean is good.

Believe it or not, you are currently reading one of the “fastest growing wordpress.com blogs” there are. And by the grace of Father Time and a paid up subscription to WordPress.com/Internet providers, we have been allowed 12 more months for our particular brand of insanity. Who says there isn’t a God? Now we can continue the practice of giving you all the latest statistic’s on the not so important things in life.

Stuff like: “According to a survey, 85% of men admit they surf the Internet wearing nothing but their underwear. 63% percent state that is how they lost their last job.” Or comments such as “Thanks to the Internet, I had my identity stolen a few months back, but I didn’t notify anyone about it, as the Cyber Criminals were spending less on my Credit Cards than my wife.

12 more months of giving you an alternative to the news. “Here are ten more things that are really going to upset you and p*** you off … film at eleven!” Live, Local, Late Breaking …. And it is not going to be good. The news in 2008 was so downright bad, it made me so paranoid, I actually installed a rear-view-blind-spot- mirror on my stationary bike.

If it were not for the comments section of Margaret & Helen I would have most likely went completely bonkers.

I just finished reading another email missive on the banking crisis and once again the news is dismal, very dire, and I find myself perplexed, and anxious.

New Year or not. I just wish it would all go away, I feel as if I am being sucked into it, I did not create this mess, I am not responsible for it, and I should not have to cope with it on a daily basis. That is how I feel about it.

A New Year to talk about the current state of things in the economy which always has me deeply concerned. I used to laugh and make fun of old age, saying things such as “Be kind to your kids, they are the one’s that pick out your Rest Home” and making light of it all. But it has gotten so damn bad in this country, now it is looking like “Hey, let’s drive Grandpa down the Interstate a ways, and leave him in the rest area.”

Not very encouraging any more y’know it.

It would be much better for me, my life in general that is, if I could just come in here early in the morning, sit down with my fresh cup of coffee and my little pile of banana chips, and write about having a nice day. But the well-known “Have A Nice Day” has just died off, it has been replaced with “Hope You Have A Good One?” — “Ýou don’t like the price. Go somewhere else.” – “You owe me two more pennies.” — or something like that.

Just like finding a good Home Depot or Star Bucks that is still open — There aren’t many nice days around anymore, face it.

Happy New Years … Here we go, 1 million hits by March 12th, 2009 … Tell all your friends, I have already told mine, all three of ’em.