Incoming! Exploding Desert.

Just when you think you have seen and read it all, something new comes along to shake up that theory.  Yesterday I got an email about exploding watermelons in China.  Some bozo decides to induce growth, so he puts it or injects it (I am not really sure) into his melons.  They in turn start growing.  Evidently at a “explosive rate” and actually do explode.  A couple of years ago, we ran an article about kids and potato cannons on the southside of town, but this one, well, this one is something new.

Chines consumers here lately have been frightened by new revelations of tainted food.  Just this year alone inspectors have found “salted duck eggs containing cancer-causing dyes, artificial honey, fake wine, donkey-hide gelatin, waste oil, sulfur steamed ginseng, plaster tofu, dyed bread” and other tainted food products.  I don’t think that even Paula Deen from the food channel would be able to make any of the above editable or attractive for that matter.

I was thinking about Chinese Food for lunch today, but after reading this, I may have to re-think my position on that one.

The American economy continues to slide downward and things are not looking up.  One thing that really hacks me off is this practice of all the “wise men” in Congress who are blaming the voters for the fiscal crisis.  Recently they have taken it upon themselves to claim that selfish shortsighted voters have caused the U.S. budget deficit and economic meltdown by clamoring for goodies they couldn’t pay for.  When the simple truth is that our current woes were caused by foolish policies promoted by the policy elite, not ordinary voters.

It is still the economy, stupid.

Here is something else, I don’t understand.  This new business practice of asking what you are going to do with something when you go to purchase it?  I mean, “Why do I have to tell some salesperson what it is that I am going to do with the product, when you are purchasing it for your own use?”  You go in, you politely ask, “Do you have a 3/8” giggy-gabber?” and the clerk looks at you and says, “What are you putting it on?”

Like it is his some of his business or something.  Just give me what I ask for, and forget the third degree.

Almost half of all the adults in Detroit (something like 47%) are now considered functionally illiterate, a new study released this week says.  Now this brings up an interesting dilemma, if you live there and you have car trouble for instance, who is going to fix it for you?  What about medical issues, technical items in your home, who repairs these?  And the other thing I find disturbing about this, is the study went on to say that only 40% of the people interviewed and are unable to read, have made attempts to learn how.

In a small way, I find some comfort in all of this.  I have said for years, “there is no incentive in this country to learn to read and write English, as we coddle to every race of people who come to this country, by printing up everything in their language and not ours.”  Take California for instance, they print the ballot up in 13 languages besides English.  Now we have all these people who cannot read nor write.

It appears that our chickens have come home to roost.

Found out this week that John Travolta does his shopping at WalMart and is a regular customer there.  Arnold “the gover-nator” has a love child and told the house maid, “I will be back.”  Maria moved out, that is a new one, it is usually the guy who moves out.  And a Florida woman was bombarded with telephone calls after a another woman with a similar name won $2 million on the lottery in that state.  Reach out, reach out and bug somebody!

Now that would be a new one, someone calling you and begging you for money, simply because you have some.

Remember the good old days when you stood around and listened to all of this Yackty-Yack on the cellphones.  It was everywhere, in the lines at the bank, the post office, in the dark spaces of the movie theaters.  People talking on cellphones, sharing every rancid lurid detail of their feckless lives in public.  Now that has been replaced, it is the din of texting, the talking has been replaced by the clicking sound, people pecking away at their little tiny back-lit screens text messaging each other.  Gone are the herd mentality days.

We have turned into a nation of hive dwellers, humming along, in our inane insect manner, typing away with all this impotent information.  Perhaps it is true when they say:  “People can live longer without food than without information.”  Arthur C. Clark.

CNN reported this week that 61% of most Americans say they believe Osama Bin Forgotten is in Hell.  10% say he is not in Hell, 24% are unsure, and 5% say they don’t believe in Hell.  Which brings me to the end of todays post and wondering …. “Why would anyone in Hell even care where he is?”

Now take me for instance, I don’t waste my time wondering where some scum-bag is spending eternity, I devote myself to important matters like, “Where did she hide those donuts?”  Now if you will excuse me, I am going into the kitchen and get me a bowl of donkey-hide gelatin.

So much for Wednesday …..


Litin’ Up

My website grader says I have too many pictures on my site, it will slow down the process of loading, and therefore, it is not a good idea.  I say “be patient” it is worth the wait, besides, I like the pictures.

It’s that time of year once again: The summer sun has slipped away, brittle leaves waltz, and winter waits to cloak us in its dark, cold hood.  The wind across the American Prairie has picked up and is tearing at the corner of your eye, parts of Amarillo blow into town every other day, and you just know, winter cannot be far away.

The easy days of light and freedom are behind us, and now we gather ’round for a season of more serious celebrations — our yearly time to burrow in, reconnect, contemplate. and of course, lite the heater, man I just love the smell of burnt rust filling the home.

Nothing says change of season better than the smell of burnt rust, and of course, the sound of Christmas Music playing in the local stores.

No Confidence.

Sarah Palin’s Alaskan paper has endorsed Obammer for President, how embarrassing is that? You cannot even muster up enough support in your home state for a vote of confidence. Fact of life, in medieval times, Europeans burned witches at the stake, and the families had to pay for the firewood. Now days we take them to Neiman Marcus in Dallas, spend a couple of hundred grand on them and elect them to office.

Eight more days and then all the serf’s can go down to register their protest and vote in the next king for the kingdom. It has deteriorated so badly we are now electing people who will not furnish proof of citizenship to the highest office in the land.

Don’t Vote For Anyone.

One stronghold of “common sense” has been located over the weekend.  In Wisconsin.  Madison, the state’s largest farm lobby won’t endorse anyone for president. The 42,000-member Wisconsin Farm Bureau Federation’s lobbyist, Paul Zimmerman, said the decision was based on members’ mixed reactions to its endorsement of George W. Bush in 2004 – the first time the group made such a move. Just when you were thoroughly convinced that the voting populace had lost their collective minds, a ray of hope appears on the horizon.

Monkey See Monkey Do.

The popularity of Joe The Plumber has finally been noticed by the Barack Obamma people and now they are going to put their own spin on it with, they are going to feature their own personalities in commercials, Joe The Mobster, Jeremiah The American Hating Preacher.  Watch for it on a station near you.  Fidel Castro has endorsed Obammer for President, afterwards Obammer just shrugged it off and said “that he was just some guy who lived in the neighborhood.” So much for the “Messiah News.” … The Second Return of JC. (Second Return of Jimmy Carter)

Getting Out The Vote.

Washington state sent 24,000 ballots to felons who were not allowed to vote, and apparently sent these same felons, invitations to Obammers inauguration as well.  In a recent poll, McSame leads Obammer some 9% with people who display the American Flag.  But on the same token, Obammer does lead McSame by people who burn the American flag.  A group of lawyers has successfully blocked the release of the movie “Hanoi Hilton” until after the election.  We surely do not want Hollywood trying to influence an election not in this day and age.

What’s Your Problem.

Best Buy evidently has put out a new logo which will accurately help to improve the company’s surly image.  It is a picture of a teenager rolling his eyes and looking towards the ceiling when a customer asks him …. “Can you tell me where the DVD’s are?”

Cough it up

Panhandlers in an eastern Tennessee city (Chattanooga) pay fines and court costs at a low rate, with about 3% in the last 18 months.  Apparently the street beggars in that city are somewhat reluctant to pay their fines.  The Chattanooga Times Free Press reported Sunday Chattanooga City Court has collected only $279.75 of the $8,958.75 of the fines and court costs levied since the City Council expanded downtown’s no-panhandling zone in May 2007.  The paper reported, there’s essentially nothing the city can do to force the payments or punish non-payers more severely.

Let’s see, your employer laid you off, your 401K vaporized, you lost your home and now you are living on the street, under an overpass, in a comfortable cardboard appliance carton, and all of your belongings are in a shoppin’ cart.  How could they possibly punish you any more?

Dressed in red, white and blue, drag queen Gina Maseratti walked down Southard Street in Key West asking Fantasy Fest revelers for their support: `Vote for Maseratti, your next president.” What’s her platform? ”High heels,” she said. `It’s all about the shoes.”

On a more serious note, Maseratti explained: `I’m a member of the Drag party: Drastic Reform of American Government. I’ll save you on money because I can be president, vice president and First Lady all in one.”

Do You Want A Bong With That? Rocky Mountain High.

A Lakewood couple found a small bag of marijuana in a bag of food picked up at the drive-in of a Del Taco Restaurant.  Twenty-six-year-old Dennis Klermund, who police say waited on the husband who stopped at the restaurant Oct. 16, faces possession of marijuana and drug paraphernalia. Steve Davis on Saturday said the couple called police after discovering the bag with their food order.

An officer said Klermund initially denied any knowledge but when a search dog found the drug in a locker, admitted the baggie was meant for a friend. Restaurant Ulises Montero said Klermund no longer works there. A message left for Klermund was not immediately returned.

The best for last.

Joe Scarborough, a commentator for MSNBC, failed to check his facts when he reported that California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger had advocated destroying the moon. Scarborough quoted Schwarzenegger as saying, “If we get rid of the moon, women … those menstrual cycles are governed by the moon … will not get PMS. They will stop whining.”

Scarborough then chided Schwarzenegger for insensitivity, saying: “I don’t know how it works in Austria, but let me tell you something, friend. Jokes about such matters are not laughing subjects to women in America.”

It turned out however, that the statement was not being made by Schwarzenegger but rather by an impersonator who appeared on the Howard Stern Radio Show. Eleven days later, Scarborough apologized to viewers for “my terrible mistake. Anyone who relies on the Howard Stern show for information is an idiot; you would be better off sticking with Email.