Doing The Nocturnal Take Aways …

I am having a dream, not one of those “Happy Dreams” when you were seventeen or something like that.  In my dream I see a sign.  The sign says “Apple Turnovers Ahead.”  Pull into the gravel lot, set the brake and walk up to the small tent, set up just off the roadside. 

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Had To Happen

Bought my fuel yesterday and it came to $79.02 which of course “shocked me somewhat.”  I have to admit, I was not ready for that, later on during the trip to town I amused myself by imagining that “I am only steps away from a one-hundred dollar tankful.”  Who in their wildest dreams would have ever imagined such a thing.  Certainly … not me.

smiling ladies

Some things and I suppose, people, age well.  Some things I suppose, like people, just get old.  Get cantankerous, out of sorts, and hard to deal with.  I often fall into that second category.  I didn’t fare all that well last week in the smile department, but this week, I am going to do better.  I am going to make a “concentrated effort to smile more, amuse myself, cheer up even if it kills me.”

This past week I have been suffering thru irritable male syndrome.  My testosterone levels have been lower than a New Orleans levy at flood stage and my brain, the part of my brain that is in charge of basic’s such as functioning, emotions, behavior, have been strangely out to lunch for most of the week.

The mere thought of me smiling about anything here lately, is as foreign to me as Obama speaking in Farsi when he begs for more oil.  I desperately want to smile, just isn’t all that much of a humorous nature here lately.  But I am gonna do better.

I have made up my mind that I AM GOING TO GO FOR IT!

Perhaps I need to get more sleep, that might be the problem.  I am finding out as I age, I need at least 8 hours of sleep a day, and 10 hours at night.  Sleep is the best thing, and the cheapest thing available to me these days.  I love to sleep, the best of two worlds, you get to be alive and unconscious at the same time.  And on some days, you can actually work in a nap.

That makes me smile.

It is not easy to say exactly what makes one box of odds and ends a valuable antique, and what makes another box a piece of junk.   But the thought of tossing one (out of our garage, which is full of the trash of man) into a dumpster …. That makes me smile.  It might be that throwing stuff away that is cluttering up your home is a cathartic experience that just feels good.  That too, makes me smile.

The mere thought of it upsetting the little woman’s applecart, that is just an added bonus … Hey, we are on a roll.

Not being able to yell out “Oh boy!” in Jonesboro, Georgia, or finding out that unrestrained giggling on the street is illegal in Helena, Montana; those insane laws make me smile.  It is illegal in the state of Oklahoma to tie your ass up within 50 ft of a courthouse, ass meaning donkey.  Which would be appropriate term for anyone drafting such legislation or allowing it to remain on the books.  Purchasing a new car for thousands of dollars in order to save hundreds on gas … that makes me smile.

When they announce on the news that they have busted some hooker and she has a black book that is full of politicians names …… that makes me smile.

Reading in the paper that the longest earthworm ever found in the world measured 22 ft. from head to toe, that makes me smile, I mean, where would one ever use stupid useless information like that?  Did you know that the word Mascara, a cosmetic applied to darken eyelashes comes from the Spanish word ma’scara, which in terms come from the Italian maschera, both of which mean, appropriately, “mask.”  The root of the words however come for Arabic maskharah, which means buffoon or clown.

Which is what I would be if I lived in San Francisco and used the stuff, that makes me smile.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have all the answers, and ninety percent of the time, I completely forget the questions.  My family physician told me that I have something he called Attention Deficit Disorder.  He said, “A.D.D. is a complex disorder, blah, blah, blah.”  I didn’t pay much attention to the rest of it.

This friend of mine, who happens to be from California, is back here to visit with the family.  We went out to eat yesterday and he said during lunch, “If you were to go camping out in the woods, and someone, late at night, snuck into your tent and molested you would you tell anyone about it?” And I thought about it a minute, and replied, “No way.  I don’t want no one to know something that terrible happened to me!” He smiled and then said ……… “You wanna go fishin’ this weekend?” ….

That … Makes me smile.

So as you can see, I am just about clueless.  Happy and stupid this morning, pour me another cup of that coffee and don’t worry about my road rage, I will take care of it. I don’t have any idea what makes some people smile and others to frown.  I don’t know why some people consistently have a “nice day” and others never seem to see it materialize.

This morning, at this very moment, I am smiling a great deal, because the computers’ ISP is down, the stoooopid computer doesn’t know this, and it keeps trying to update me, download me, and is getting frustrated as all get-out (Okie Expression) because it is not being allowed to function in a rational manner.  It has sent me numerous dialogue boxes and/or messages asking  that I re-establish the link.

Mid week, I get this letter from my “friendly State Farm Agent” and it says, rather tersely, “our records indicate that your present telephone number is no longer 405- **** and that number is no longer your number.  Please inform us of your new number immediately and any other cell phone numbers that you have.”

Yeah right, I don’t “immediately” do anything for anyone, yet alone a stinking insurance company.  Tossing that into the trash bin … that makes me smile.

And last but not least.  I think about all of my Amigo’s from down south.  The mere thought of knowing I have all these wonderful people coming to this country each and everyday and they are depending on me …. Now that … Believe it or not …  That makes me smile!


Vision and Hope

Some days are better than others, sometimes I am rock steady and at other times, shaky and not so confident.

Take yesterday for instance, I was at WalMart getting some salad stuff and I see her, heading my way, down the main aisle.

And she is TEXT MESSAGING while pushing a shopping cart, I am not making this up people, she is pushing towards me and at the same time, looking down, she is texting.

So I stop, I brace myself and I think … Now this is going to be interesting.

The woman, clearly not paying attention to her surroundings and oblivious to other shoppers in the store, continues to text and push forward with her cart.

And then wham!  Head-on collision in the pickle jar section.

This somewhat abrupt stop shifts most of her weight over the handle-bars of the shopping cart, and clearly does not help her keep her composure at the moment.

She is now very flustered, she is embarrassed, and at the same time, a bit peeved.  “Why didn’t you warn me?” she demands, and I just smile.  “You could have at least said something!”  Again … I just smile.  Another quick thought comes to my mind, “somewhere, there is someone that is MARRIED to this” and one last time, I smile.

Each and every day life presents me with new challenges.  There is D.U.I. = Driving Under The Influence, D.W.I.= Driving While Intoxicated, D.W.Y.= Driving While Yaking and now this … T.W.C.= Tex-ting Without A Clue.  As my grandmother was so fond of saying … “I believe I have seen it all Lord.”

Man, if I did not have my sense of humor, I would go bonkers, I am sure of it.

Here is today’s’ impossible life lesson #101, or something like that.  Today we will talk about or discuss: Joy, peace, patience, vision and hope. How to find something that rows your boat, and then hang onto it.  It has been said that with age comes wisdom, and perhaps this could apply here, I don’t know.  But I am finding that I am experiencing some of these tendencies much more frequently now, and that it is paying off. I seem to have more joy than before, not at levels that I would consider “infectious” but still, I am operating at a level that is more enjoyable here lately.

What used to wear me down and break my spirit, no longer is of importance. I also seem to have more patience than before. I still do not share a vision for my life, I am not sure, exactly sure, what it is that God wants of me. But I believe I have a slight inkling of what that might be.  He doesn’t want me tearing his children down, or kicking his creations. No percentage points in being rude, nasty or hateful, so I just don’t do it.

I simply cannot remain super-serious all the time and fill my mind with only the harsh and painful realities of life.  I leave that for the Bill O’Reilly types on the Fox Network.

Virtually every day I can find at least one thing to laugh about.
• I often need something to make the serious side of life, more palatable.
• It distracts my attention.
• Reduces tension and allows me to breathe.
• It changes my expectations and soothes the edges of my ragged soul.
• Laughing provides endorphins in the body, natural pain killers, and I often need them, believe it or not.
• When the world gets so ugly and serious, I need these diversions to make all the difference in my ability to cope with life’s crushing demands.
• I do my best to do this one thing. Find treasure and peace in the quiet moments of the day, smile and laugh often.

So here I sit, six-fifteen A.M. in the morning, sippin’ on a cup of coffee, putting down all my “wisdom nuggets” on the page for no one in particular, except myself.  And you know what?

Today isn’t going to be all that great when you step back and take a look at it; it is more than likely going to be ordinary and plain. It is winter time in Oklahoma, it is going to be bitter cold and ugly.  Too often, a lot of my days are like that, simply because my goals at this time of the morning are mostly non-existent.

But I like you, have a choice in the matter. I can sit back and lament the fact that things are possibly not to go just “exactly” the way I would want them to go this day. Or I can choose to trust in the Lord, and see what he brings on the scene.

Laughter doth good medicine.  Trust me, “I am self medicating myself on a daily basis. Anesthesiology for the soul.”  And the absolute best thing about it all … You don’t need a prescription.

It’s free.


Sunny Side UP

I am a little tardy posting today, with the holiday’s and all, life has become somewhat hectic here lately.  Weather moved in and it got much colder, my old bones are a creaking in the night wind, and I am slow in the mornings.  Have a little hitch in my giddy-up and I am finding parts of my body are waking up at different times.

A lot of discussion this week about the lunar event, where the moon got in the way of the sun, or it entered into the earth’s shadow, or something like that happened.  I did not see it, it was not for lack of clear sky, we had an open sky that night as I remember, it was just that I missed it.  I used to say I got stoned and I  missed it, but the truth of the matter is, “I just didn’t give it a lot of attention.”  They tell me that briefly the moon turned red as it eclipsed.  I have heard the expression “once in a blue moon” but sadly never heard anything about a red one.

So my thoughts this morning, as scattered and fragmented as they might be, are on the heaven’s, celestial bodies.

Space the final frontier … Uh very funny Scotty … Now beam down our clothes!

A Spanish woman has  filed papers staking an official legal claim to the sun.  Angeles Duran, 49 years old, states in notarized documents she is now the official “owner of the sun, a star of spectral type G2, located in the center of the solar system, at an average distance from Earth of about 149,600,000 kilometers.

Duran now wants to impose a reasonable fee for usage of the sun’s rays, with proceeds split between the Spanish governfment, the worlds’ poor, and herself.  “Anyone else could have done it,” says Duran.  “It simply occurred to me first.”

At first I thought this is ridiculous, then I got to thinking about all those people in Washington DC our elected hodge-podge of nimrods, who are so far in the dark, they need sunlight pumped into them each day.  If they had thought of this first, instead of Ms. Duran we would all be paying some kind of new sunlight tax.

She has for most intents and purposes saved our bacon here in the United States.

God Bless Angeles Duran.