Say Something Funny …

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There are times when I miss Robin Williams.  There also moments, that I can personally relate to the guy, even to some point feel his pain.  Robin and I are kindred spirits in one sense. 

The pressure to be “on all the time” to say or do something amusing.  The uncontrollable desire to make someone laugh, being able to relate to the dark world of depression.  The simple fact that it is not easy being a comedian or the class clown in life.  Continue reading

My Favorite Animal

Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, “Fried chicken.” She said I wasn’t funny – but she couldn’t have been right, because everyone else laughed.

My parents told me to always tell the truth.

I did.

Fried chicken is my favorite animal. Continue reading

The Short Course …

Recently it has been suggested to me that some of my posts are too lengthy and should be a lot less wordy.  (Is that a real word? Fairly sure that it is.)  I will make an honest attempt to correct this obvious mistake.  Short, concise and to the point … I got it. Today’s post is entitled  “Time.

Dear Clifford

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Dear Clifford,

I am confused, lonely and slowly going out of my mind. Perhaps you can allay my fears and provide me some relief from my anxiety?

Today I actually got access to THE BUS CLUB and noticed someone in the chat room so I sent a message …. “What’s up?” And he came right back to me, and we started to chat.

After a few moments he said to me. “Can I just say what a relief to find somebody that genuinely understands what they are talking about on the web. You certainly realize how to bring a problem to light and make it important. More and more people have to look at this and understand this side of your story. I was surprised you’re not more popular given that you surely possess the gift.”

Pleasantly surprised I said to him, “Really? Those in charge threw me off this board months ago.”

And then he said, “This isn’t Clifford?” and I said, “Oh hell no, this is BoxcarOkie.”

At that point my computer coughed, growled somewhat, hissed and acted like it was trying to cough up this huge hairball from Denny’s or something and my screen went dead.  Shot me down faster than a Mau-Mau Fighter Pilot.

What do you think all that was about?

Jus Sayin

Martian Chronicles II

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Last Friday NASA successfully launched a rocket into space some 36,000 miles and then deployed an unmanned capsule back to earth and retrieved it.  Quite a accomplishment indeed.  We are not known for the “stability of our rockets” and have been using Soviet equipment for several years. Last Friday was the first time this has been (successfully) accomplished in some four decades. 

Now once again the hot topic is Mars, we as a nation have set our sights on the Red Planet.

For as long as I can remember, we have been shooting these rockets off, using acre’s and acre’s of radio transmission antenna’s in New Mexico, beaming contact information to the deep reaches of space. 

We have even sent satellites to distant planets playing the Rollin Stones and enclosed all kinds of information in a effort to reach other universe societies and their inhabitants.

This could be a very dangerous thing for mankind (as we know it). 

First, any signal that we send out, could in fact attract an alien civilization that is far superior to our own.  It could invite colonization of our planet and worse, extinction and utter destruction of our species.

Bad news for people who are geared to the bible too.  It would wreak havoc with that.  In layman’s terms, it would upset man’s central core belief in creation, whether these aliens are creature like (similar to man) or primitive life forms.   Just finding a fossil or a DNA strand from these people/creatures would be mind boggling to say the least.

For a number of years, I worked graveyard shifts on the Railroad.

On some nights we saw things in the night sky, that were unexplainable (UFO’s call ’em what you want) which were quite mysterious in nature.  It is my genuine concern that if one of them does decide to “stop by and visit.”

I am really hoping they are friendly.

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Buyin A Bus

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Torture time, another indictment of the public education system a lame attempt to increase my total word count for December.  Ahhhhhh Christmas, Good Will Towards Men, Peace On Earth … The Happy Time for most Americans.  Sadly I have go report … The boys and girls over at BCM are fighting again.  One thing about the Internet, swing a dead cat in any direction and you will find some nimrod who is unhappy.  Hot button topics are being slung left and right.

Free Speech, The Constitution, moderator conspiracy theories on an Internet board, actually referring to people as “Nazi’s” man-man, that is a hoot.  Buy an Iggle I know a place where you will fit right in.  My Grandpa was right, “an empty barrel does make the most noise.”

PONY UP SOME COIN WE HAVE A COACH/TRUCK FOR YOU    

Buses and trucks in today’s market are like flea’s on a dog, but somehow, nothing is working, page after page of nothing is working?  It is real simple, find one, do the deal, give the rest of us a break.

Here is a free clue on how to do it.

Banker:  Well, I see by your paperwork that you have started to think about your purchasing a bus in the near future. I’ve reviewed your credit score, gone over your account balances, and I have spoken with some of our loan officers. Frankly, I seem to be running into a bit of a problem and I was wondering if you could perhaps help me out?

You: What exactly is the problem?

Banker: Mechanically speaking it appears that you are qualified to do nothing and of course irretrievably stupid, you could very well be possibly out of your mind.

You: That seems kind of harsh.  I put together a swing set from Sears once.  Its just a fifty-year old bus for cryin’ out loud.  I mean, “how hard could any of this be?”

Banker: I’m sorry. I suppose your entire life, your parents have told you that you’re smart and capable?  Your friends admire you for your ability to take on monumental impossible tasks and still somehow survive.  It says here that at the age of ten, you wrapped a towel around your neck and jumped off the roof of your fathers’ house emulating Superman?

You: Of course they have.  Yeah I did that, wanted you to know that I am not afraid to try new things or adventure in my life.  For instance, buying a bus is a new thing and certainly it could qualify as an adventure, don’t you think so?

Banker: Well they’re full of it. I have never encountered anyone so ill-equipped to enter the bus community in all my years of being a banker and a recently released part-time RV Salesman.  Have you been staying in an area that might have lead in the drinking water.  Even Superman would not be this d-u-m-b.

You: You’re exaggerating, I can’t be that hopeless.

Banker: Am I? When I asked you why it was that you wanted a bus, you never came up with a correct answer one time, you answered correctly only 25% of the time.  A few of them, you just sat there with that deer in the headlight look and shrugged your shoulders.

You: One out three isn’t that bad.

Banker:  Exactly my point. You also seem to have exaggerated the “appearance factor” over the maint. issues two to one, in your description of the used coach you hope to purchase.

You: No I didn’t.

Banker: Let’s see what it was that you wrote? Here it is: “Really nice looking stainless and the wheels are really, really shiny, and my wife would be a looker in that smoking hot Big Bad Mama with painted swirls on the side.”

You: I don’t remember writing that.

Banker: You have terrible memory skills.

You: That’s not fair.

Banker:  And a delusional perception of worthiness.

You:  But …

Banker: You also have trouble completing a thought. Moving on to maint. issues, you could not find a brake caliper if you had a map.

You: That can’t be that uncommon.

Banker: It was a map of the entire underbelly of the bus.

You: I thought it was something else.  A schematic for the plumbing system or possibly a link to the back bedroom carousel clothing thingy that I can hang my ball-caps on.

Banker: You seem to have absolutely no grasp of economics or what it really costs to operate one of these things.

You: I know a little about it.  They are cheaper to operate than say, a houseboat on the Columbia River system, yeah, that is right.

Banker:  You listed the three different mileage factors for the bus.  One for on the road, one while parked, and one while running the inverter.

You: Those numbers are good numbers, the seller gave them to me.

Banker:  You took a course on motorcycle repair in school?

You: Yes I did.  How did you know that, did I write that in there, let me see ….

Banker: Yes you did and you think this will help you understand the intricacies and nuances of a 45 ft — 65,000 lb. bus?  You listed that in your application, can you tell me how this will relate to this dream of bus ownership you seem to be reluctant to let go of?

You:  Can you end a sentence like that?

Banker: No. 

You:  Really?

Banker: NO YOU MORON, but this is not an English lesson, this is buying a bus 101 … This next one is especially perplexing: under make and model you wrote in Bigfoot. I find that disturbing for at least several different reasons. 

You:  Well I had to write something and I could not spell “Iggle.”

Banker:  We will go over the paper work again, and our loan committee will let you know.  You should be getting a call from him soon …   

Gonna be a long winter Clifford, long winter indeed.

(Uh oh yeah, I didn’t get the loan.)

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