Holiday Memories

A great deal of traffic this week on folks reflecting what the Christmas Season means to them.  Heavy emphasis on “memories of past holidays” and how it all seems to stick with them, over the years, and never goes away.  This is just that type of story, and at Christmas time in the Heartland.  

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Flu Ride (Audio)

 Flu Ride

(Parody of Seigh Ride)

Just hear those noses snifflin’
Sore throats ticklin’ too
Come on it’s lousy weather
To be sufferin’ inside with the flu
Outside the snow is fallin’
Your fever’s at 102
Let’s take some Alka-Seltzer
And a box of antihistamines too

We’ll bring some Kleenex with us
And sing a chorus or two
Let’s let my red nose lead us
In a sleigh ride in spite of the flu
Hack it up hack it up fling it up let’s go
Phlegm chunks in the snow
We’re coughing up a yellow and green rainbow
Cough it up cough it up cough it up
oh man
There’s some on my hand
My glands are puffed and swollen
And every hour I pee
My throat’s as rough as leather
And raspy as it can be
Let’s take some Kleenex with us
And sing a carol or two
We’ll make our noses redder
On the sleigh ride
To go with the flu

My kid came home from preschool with a cough today
He’ll infect the whole darn neighborhood in about a day
Well be calling in sick to work until the diarrhea stops
At the pharmacy we’ll get lots more pills to pop
Pop pop pop

I took every medication I can legally buy
For coughing sneezing sniffling and the watery eyes
I’ll be gettin’ real drunk on NyQuil
I’ll take Contac ‘till I’m high
This wonderful buzz is great
But I’m glad I don’t have to drive

Just hear those noses snifflin’
Sore throats ticklin’ too
Come on it’s lousy weather
To be sufferin’ inside with the flu

Outside the snow is fallin’
Your fever’s at 102
Come on it’s lousy weather
For a flu ride together with you

Man I just love this Christmas Stuff!  Falla-llal-lah.

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Thanks to KZOK 102.5 FM

Jus Sayin 1214

images-1What do you want for Christmas?
(Oregon blueberry pie doesn’t count Paul)

It really aint what you think it is
Two guys in a bus shop are talking,
and he says:
“We can press hard on her rear-end and that should button her up good.”
That one ….  And an empty box from Northern Tools
will stop the wife in her tracks for sure.

Two old ladies sitting on a park bench and one says:
“She is Patti’s daughter, she really isn’t all that C-U-T-E.”
Little girl turns around and says:
“Yes. But she is S-M-A-R-T.

Never thought I would say this, but NBC finally got one right.

Tonight they reported that “American’s took to the streets in protest over racial unrest in Ferguson Mo. and around the country.
They didn’t say “Afro-Americans” they said “Americans
because if you are from Ferguson or KC you aint Afro anything … You are homegrown bro.

Half of the hill behind your house is now in your living room
your Toyota Prius is buried under 6 ft of rocks and mud
there is nowhere on the street to put the trash can out on Friday
and the man looks straight into the camera and says,

“Don’t worry. This is our fourth time, we will rebuild.”

You just gotta love a Californian.

Jus Sayin

No post tomorrow, going to the doctor.

I WANT TO ROAM

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Third day of persistent fog, you would think we are in London or something.  Anywho, I am tired of it.

Lack of sunshine has a tendency to change my outlook on life.  Always has and I suppose it always will.  I could use a little sunshine, a little less Christmas Muzak, and a stiff belt of something.

Another thing is I am not getting outside much, getting so fat, this spring I will be able to sell shade at our annual garage sale.

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Came out here to check on the space heaters, do not want to have to buy a water pump like I had to do a couple of years ago.  I am looking at the old hoopie and it has my juices flowing, I want to get out on the road and fly!

To roam at will … I want to be westbound and down, six on the floor, the other foot out the door, in the smart aleck lane, styling down the boulevard.

Aint gonna happen.

Before gainful employment corrupted my life, I used to delight in long solo drives back to the Midwest to check up on the Rust Belt of America. Now I find that I am relegated to writing letters to the editor, to have them edited for content, brevity and perhaps, temporary insanity.

Reading E-mails from AT&T that state: “Your telephone bill is ready; please check online at” ……. as if I was anxiously expecting that and/or waiting in great anticipation for it.

Or …. “In order to register your new domain name, it will be necessary for YOU to provide US with this, and that, yadda-yadda, blah-blah.  Soon the kids will be here to collect their Christmas lucre and that one kid will say something like:  I love what you’ve done with your hair. How do you get it to come out of the nostrils like that?”  The little prince of scratch n sniff, he is my favorite one of the bunch.

Guess I will slink back in there and watch a little TV. 

When I see ads on TV with smiling, happy housewives using a new cleaning product, the only thing I want to buy are the meds they must be on.  One last thing, “The key to every relationship is honesty. Honesty. Honesty. Honesty. Honesty. … Gonna keep typing this until she stops looking over my shoulder.”

C’mon Sunshine!

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Raspberry Award

walterHas anyone seen this video floating around where the kids are purchasing groceries for complete strangers?  This has been going around for a week or two.  It is so refreshing to see young people doing good works, soothes my soul, gives me a warm fuzzy.

Evidently WalMart has updated its policies on charity giving and such.  Not long ago a friend told me that a guy had went into a ChinaMart and bought some pre-paid gift cards and was standing in the doorway of the store handing them out to people and wishing them a “Merry Christmas.”

Which it was, until security showed up and demanded that he stop the practice.  Now this is kind of lousy, he did after all purchase THEIR CARDS in order to fulfill his holiday destiny.  But ChinaMart was having none of it … they stopped him dead in the water.

So the Holiday-Do-Gooder went to Target as the story goes, told them of his problem, asked them if they would replace the ChinaMart gift cards with theirs, and allow him to do this good work in their store. 

They readily agreed, took all of the left over ChinaMart cards and redeemed them for full face value, and then issued the guy new TARGET GIFT CARDS and made available for him a space to do his thing.  God Bless Target … A lump of coal and a steady supply of raspberries for ChinaMart if this anti-holiday policy is still in effect.

Here is one more we will throw out on the porch and see if the cat will lick it up.

You want to greet me with Merry Christmas, that is just fine.  I am not going to be all touchy about it.  If you are hassling your employees about this practice, then you should be ashamed of yourself.

As for me, I don’t do the gift card thing.

Americans already have too much stuff, they don’t need any more cheap trash from you know where.  We will find an older couple (most likely several of them) in an eatery and we will pick up their tickets and buy them lunch/breakfast.

At this point you are tiring of the diatribe, so I will close with this:  “I don’t need a Brown Thursday, Black Friday or Super Saver Saturday” to make it thru the week, and neither do you.

That is all I got, see you, tah-tah tootle-loo.

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