Last night my sweet Muse came to me in a dream and she said: “It would be great if you were closer to me, I could come over and lay my head on your shoulder and have a good cry … But then again, the smell of Ben Gaye really burns my eyes.”
- Don’t waste a Christmas Wish on a puppy
- You can obtain a puppy just about all year long
- save the wish for something REALLY GOOD
- you can always get a puppy later
- Old age is coming at a really bad time!
- When I was a child I thought Nap Time was a punishment
- now, as a grown up, it just feels like a small vacation.
- I don’t have gray hair I have “wisdom highlights”
- I’m just very wise
I like my middle finger best because it always sticks up for me!
I’m going to retire and live off of my savings
Not sure what I’ll do that second week
- No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.
- If the Roman Empire is long gone,
- then why do we still have Roman Numerals?
- Funyuns are now being offered in an Onion flavor
- which is kind of redundant
- because Funyuns already taste like Onions to begin with
- Kind of like Crayon announcing they have a new color
- MORE Bluer
- Have one lousy heart attack and you can kiss sex goodbye
- each and every sexual episode afterwords
- will be brief, short and not all that strenuous.
- life doesn’t end after one physical setback
- But in a cold woman’s heart,
- sex does.
- I have a new cellphone, it is eight days old
- yesterday Google told me it has 973 malware viruses
- was it delivered with them,
- because I have been nowhere
- on that phone to pick up anything such as this
- Click on the virus checker AP and receive
- your first virus for free
- They assume we are stupid I guess.
I cannot catch a break here lately.