Long Black Train

2196254-crybabywithsadfaceI believe that inherently in all of us, is a embedded DNA code, the God-given right to the pursuit of happiness, and at the same time, there is equally the God-given right to the pursuit of unhappiness. 13th of the month, another week of Mondays.  Don’t go riding on that Long Black Train.

 

First of the week, drove over to the package store and bought me a bottle of Russian Vodka (figuring 225 million Soviets could not possibly be wrong) paid the lady eight bucks and brought it home.  Thought I might try an channel up a Dead Aztec Princess to spend the night with, but all I got was an answering machine of my buddy in Mojave Valley, Az.

“Oh well, You buy your ticket and you take your chances.” 

My old man used to be fond of that expression, don’t know where it originated or anything like that. Random thoughts in the night, as the old house creaks in the winter wind, and I am at it again. 

The guy in front of me orders, and then when finished looks at me, and flatly states to the girl, his name is

Wondering why none of it seems to fit in place any longer, where all the pieces seem to just be a little off, and life is kicking my butt.  Earlier this month, my PTSD returned with a vengeance and for the life of me, I do not know why. 

Plenty of uncertainties in this world, but this day, I just know that living life on life’s terms, sometimes can be a real bitch.

The days although noticeably shorter in scope, seem much longer, when you are under the strangling grip of bad news.  It seems as if I can not find a smile in a sea of people these days, and I need one pretty badly. 

bad day - 24 hrs

Uh huh sure.

Let’s pretend for a second here, that we all could be anything we wanted to be.  That we could radically change our present circumstance to anything we desire, to be able to almost magically rearrange our life to something totally new and different. 

If given the chance, I would assume, a vast majority of us, would do it in a heartbeat.

This might be why a huge segment of the population in this country relate so well to Hollywood and movie personalities.  It gives us a little chance to live vicariously thru other people (actors and characters) for a short while and escape the rigors that modern day life has to offer. 

Let’s face it, most of us live lives of quiet desperation.

Kirk Douglas just turned 100 years old this weekend, that is quite an accomplishment right there.  Now supposing I am living vicariously thru Mr. Douglas (I am not) that would mean I am looking at another thirty plus years of this?

So ends but one more missive written in the quiet hours of the night.  That special secret time, when one considers the many missteps that one has taken over the course of a lifetime.  For instance; ”blowing off a college education in order to be a second-rate guitarist in third-rate Ramada Inn bar bands that play unfortunate renditions of “Bad, Bad Leroy Brown.”

“Living the sixties badly or throwing away almost an entire decade trapped inside a religious cult that promises to turn one into a happy, super-duper spirit ala Casper the Friendly Ghost.” 

All the while one is dying of ulcerative colitis, or blowing up a perfectly good marriage because one is just stupid, or creating a rolling Taj Mahal out of old shot thrown away bus, well then, it’s easy to see how one might come to believe that “what doesn’t kill us, makes us bitter.”

I believe that inherently in all of us, is a embedded DNA code, the God-given right to the pursuit of happiness, and at the same time, there is equally the God-given right to the pursuit of unhappiness. 13th of the month, another week of Mondays.  Don’t go riding on that Long Black Train.

Man, I need to catch a break.

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4 thoughts on “Long Black Train

  1. “another thirty plus years of this?” I think that thought a lot (though it would be forty plus years).

    Hello Paul, welcome aboard. You have a nice cabin, would be great to have something like that to slink away to. I envy you. I read a little of your stuff also. You have a nice site.

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  2. Every day is a new one. Some days are diamonds, some days are stones. Just take each one as it comes and remember that nothing is ever quite as good, or quite as bad as it seems.

    It is often a task, just getting out of bed, but I suit up for the game.

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  3. I am thinking that Russian vodka needed a few cherries in it !!!

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  4. After re-reading this missive you’ve posted, my memories hearken back to what my Grandmother on my Dad’s side used to preach: One has to live one day at a time.
    Along with myself and other readers of BCO, have to believe that one has to deal with whatever life has to deal to him/her. We all know that there’s good days, bad days, somewhere in the middle days. Some we enjoy, some not, and yet others we do the best we can. I came to that brilliant conclusion when I retired in 2007. No matter what kind of day it is, I have to deal with my type 2 diabetes, and other health issues, daily. After putting that away each morning, I tackle whatever comes my way and do the best I can, this with the sometimes help of my bride of 50+ years. It’s not easy at our ages now, but short of giving up and pulling the plug like some people do, got to look ahead down that road of un-certainty and “keep on chooglin” as the old Creedence tune goes.

    Thank you for your well written comment Joey. I try. That is about all I can say, it is not easy some days, and on others, virtually impossible.

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